5 days ago
Likeability Vs. Authority: Finding The Balance In Leadership
Somdutta Singh, founder and CEO of Assiduus Global, is a serial entrepreneur, investor and bestselling author.
When I first stepped into a leadership role, I assumed I had to pick a side. Either be the firm, decisive leader who commands authority or the warm, approachable one who's easy to talk to. It felt like a trade-off: If you leaned too hard into being likeable, people might not take you seriously. But if you asserted authority too strongly, you risked coming across as unapproachable or cold.
Over the years, I've learned that this isn't a binary choice. In fact, I've noticed the most effective leaders aren't the ones who swing entirely to one side. They're the ones who learn how to hold both. Likeability and authority aren't opposing forces. They're two different forms of influence, and the best leaders know when to lean into each.
The Power Of Being Likeable, When It's Real
Likeability isn't trying to please everyone. It's about trust. When people feel like they can talk to you openly, without fear of judgment or dismissal, they often bring you better information. They speak more honestly. They're more willing to challenge ideas or flag issues early, before those issues become real problems.
Some of the most important breakthroughs I've seen came from informal conversations, not structured reviews. People shared ideas because they felt heard. They took ownership because they felt safe. Likeability, when it's rooted in authenticity, creates the kind of psychological safety where creativity and accountability can coexist.
One of the best things a leader can do, especially early in a relationship, is to invite challenge. Ask, 'What am I not seeing here?' And then listen. That one question can unlock more honest feedback than an entire strategy session.
Authority Matters, Especially When Things Get Hard
There are moments in leadership when clarity matters more than comfort. Moments when being liked can't come at the cost of what's right for the company. I've had to make tough decisions, on hiring, on letting go of deals that didn't align with our long-term goals, on saying 'no' when 'yes' would have been easier in the short term. Those decisions weren't always popular. But they created clarity. And in leadership, I've noticed clarity builds trust faster than charm ever will.
Authority isn't about raising your voice or controlling every outcome. It's about making clear decisions and owning them, especially when they're uncomfortable. Saying 'no' isn't negative if it's well-reasoned. I've found that people don't need you to agree with them. They just need to understand where you stand and why.
Where The Two Meet: Leading With Both Clarity And Care
Likeability and authority aren't in conflict. They just operate at different layers. Likeability gets people in the room. Authority earns their respect once they're there. You can't lead well without both.
In my experience, people respond best when they know two things: that you care and that you won't hesitate to act. If either is missing, things start to slip. Communication breaks down, performance gets vague and your own credibility takes a hit.
For example, during a period of rapid hiring, I made it a point to be involved in onboarding. I wanted not just to welcome new talent, but to personally set expectations. That early connection made it easier for them to ask questions—and made it just as easy for me to hold the line later if targets weren't met. Being warm didn't dilute accountability. It made it stick.
What Helped Me Find The Balance
Looking back, here are a few things that kept me anchored when the line between likeability and authority got blurry:
Be direct early. Often people don't remember if feedback was tough. They remember if it was late. I've learned to say the hard thing while it's still small, before it turns into resentment or rework.
Say 'no' with context. Authority doesn't mean saying 'yes' to everything. Some of the best decisions I've made came from turning down opportunities that looked great on paper. The key is explaining why, so your team learns your thought process, not just the outcome.
Don't default to tone. Default to truth. You don't have to overthink how you'll come across if you're being honest and fair. Likeability follows integrity.
I've also found that consistency matters more than style. You can be a quiet leader or an outspoken one. What people usually respond to is whether your actions align with your values, especially under pressure.
For Women Leaders, The Stakes Are Different
Let's be honest. When you're a woman in leadership, people often watch how you speak, not just what you say. Be too firm, and you risk being labelled aggressive. Be too open, and you're seen as inexperienced.
I've experienced this firsthand. There were times when I toned down my opinion in meetings just to avoid being the strong voice in the room. But over time, I learned that being clear, prepared and calm under pressure was enough. I found we don't have to fight the stereotype; we just have to outlast it.
The goal isn't to be liked by everyone. It's to be respected by the right people, for the right reasons.
What It Comes Down To
Balancing likeability and authority isn't about having the perfect leadership style. It's about knowing what your team needs, when to create space and when to step in with clarity.
What's helped me is not trying to perform leadership, but to practice it. That means being okay with moments when decisions are unpopular, as long as they're principled. It means creating room for feedback, but also being ready to move forward. And it means knowing your tone matters, but your consistency matters more.
One habit I've built over the years is this: Before any meeting, I ask myself two things. What's the most honest version of what I need to say? What's the most respectful way to say it? That check-in keeps me steady. It helps me lead with clarity without losing connection.
Because in the end, leadership isn't about choosing between being liked and respected. It's about showing up in a way that earns both, slowly, consistently and on your terms.
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