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Buzz Feed
an hour ago
- Health
- Buzz Feed
4 Words That Changed My Life After Diagnosis
One particularly stressful day a few years ago, while driving to an important work event, I was seized with a severe bout of tics. This was not unusual for me. I'd been ticcing nearly all my life, and stress always exacerbated my tics. On this day, my snorts and jerks were so out of control that I rear-ended a car. That's when I finally visited a neurologist. I needed to know, literally, what made me tic. What he told me — 'You have Tourette syndrome' — came as a shock. It was also a relief. For as long as I can remember, I've had the characteristic vocal and motor tics associated with the condition. Secreting them away in my mental lockbox, burying them well out of sight of others, was how I dealt with them. A diagnosis brought clarity, and it meant that I could deal with my tics in a healthier way — or so I thought. I grew up in a small western New York town in the 1980s, those heady days of ozone-depleting hairspray, goofy mullets, and syrupy synth pop. In my rural community, very few people knew what Tourette was. I certainly didn't. When I was a teenager, a television program, possibly 60 Minutes, aired an episode on the subject that I watched with my mom. It featured a young man who shouted obscenities in some large American city. By that time I'd been ticcing for years — in fact, I'd already been hiding my tics for years. But I didn't recognize myself in this program, because never, not once, did I swear or shout in public. When I was in elementary school, a teacher once stopped class to tell me to quit making noises and 'doing that thing you're doing with your head.' She actually demonstrated 'that thing' in front of my classmates because I was apparently annoying her and disrupting her lesson. Every head turned my way, and I put mine down, humiliated. I could not tell her that I couldn't help myself. In birding, there's something called a 'spark bird' — the bird that, when you first see it in the wild, truly gets you hooked on birding. But this was my spark moment, when I realized my tics were not 'normal' and that I needed to hide them if I wanted to be normal. If my mom made any connection between that kid we saw on TV and me, she didn't mention it, and my parents didn't take me to a neurologist to have me checked out. Because of that TV program, I assumed, wrongly, that having Tourette meant shouting obscenities in public. I learned that this version of Tourette is called coprolalia and, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, it 'only affects about 1 in 10 people with Tourette.' It is not as common as popular media likes to portray it. For me, ticcing has always meant a near-constant urge to do things with my body. 'Urge' may not be the right word for these head jerks, blinks, snorts, grunts, throat clearings, tongue clicks, etc., but it's the best I've got. From the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep, my body seems to have a will of its own. In any given hour, I probably tic at least 100 times. During periods of great stress, like when I rear-ended that car, my tics are like a parasitic fungus that assumes total control over my body. Nobody wants to twitch or make weird noises in public — to be the person people crane their necks to see. What's wrong with this guy? you imagine them thinking. After getting called out by my teacher, I only wanted to blend in — to become invisible — because when you're in elementary school, you don't want to be seen as a freak. You want to be like everyone else. I couldn't stop ticcing, but I discovered that I could make it less obvious. To shield myself from shame and embarrassment, I developed an arsenal of tic-hiding strategies. Instead of jerking my head, I would put my hand underneath the table and waggle my fingers or ball my fists repeatedly. Instead of snorting or chuffing — obvious and strange sounds — I'd click my tongue softly, like an irregular metronome. These tricks satisfied my near-constant urge to tic and kept me mostly hidden from view. I wasn't bullied or teased in school, as kids and adults with tics often are, but I probably would have been if I hadn't learned how to control my tics. I've been using these tricks ever since. When I'm out in public today, I'm keenly aware of my internal pressure to tic, but I've become adept at suppressing it, bottling it up and capping it tight. At home, where I'm free to be myself, it's a very different story. My tics come and go. Six months ago, I began squirting air from my mouth the way someone might blow hair off their face; a few weeks later, I started hocking as though to spit a loogie. Like uninvited guests overstaying their welcome, both tics remain with me as I write these words. Sometimes a particular tic will go away only to return a year later, like an exasperating big brother who'd gone off to college and come home with a sly grin and a shaggy beard. There is no cure for Tourette — all you can do is try to manage your tics. There are treatments available, ranging from antihypertensives like guanfacine and clonidine to alternative options like the antipsychotic drugs risperidone and Abilify. But I'd honestly rather have tics than the potential side effects these drugs can cause. When I was first diagnosed, I tried guanfacine and I'd wake up in the middle of the night so parched that it was like I'd swallowed sand; my sleeplessness felt more like a punishment, especially since the drug didn't even control my tics, so I quit taking the pill. Since then, I've chosen no other treatments, though I recently learned of a promising option I will try called 'comprehensive behavioral intervention for tics,' or CBIT. This doesn't involve any drugs. Instead, it trains you to change your behaviors and tic less. Researchers estimate that between 350,000 and 450,000 Americans have Tourette syndrome, while roughly 1 million have other persistent tic disorders. There's said to be insufficient evidence to determine the number of adults with Tourette because many people simply outgrow their tics by late adolescence. According to the Tourette Association of America, the condition 'occurs in 1 in 160 (0.6%) school-aged children, although it is estimated that 50% are going undiagnosed ' (italics mine). A 2022 survey by the group suggested that 1 in 10 children with a tic disorder 'attempted suicide at least once during the past 12 months.' That's a scary number, and it speaks to how difficult it is for many people with tics to feel comfortable in their own bodies. I'm glad that kids (and their parents) who are diagnosed with Tourette today now have resources available to them — including a supportive community — to feel less stigmatized or ostracized by this awkward thing in their lives. I did not outgrow my tics. Because it's hard to admit publicly something I've always internalized and associated with shame, few people know this part of me. Even if you're not bullied or harassed, hurt and humiliation run deep; they form scars that are easily scraped off. How many other adults fly under the radar, as I do? Who, like me, never outgrew their tics but developed strategies for concealing them? Who didn't benefit from services that the Tourette Association of America offers, or the wealth of research being done today? Who struggled to form truly lasting friendships for fear of being exposed as someone with tics? Apart from the nuisance of having tics, I live what society would likely deem a 'good' and 'regular' life. I have a wife, a child, a great job, a house, and a creative life as a writer and translator. I have Tourette, but Tourette doesn't have me — though my wife would certainly disagree with this. When we got together 25 years ago, I suppressed my tics in front of her, but you can't hide something like this from someone you live with. I no longer try. Even on those nights when my ticcing body keeps her up, she's supportive. Since I've spent a lifetime hiding my tics, I've become successful at blending in, even when I'm meeting people for work or on stage in front of an audience, giving a reading or interviewing authors. But I've also experienced moments of deep loneliness. Retreating into yourself is a good way to not be publicly embarrassed, but you pay a price. Eventually, you end up feeling like a ghost in your own life — known to no one but yourself and a few carefully curated individuals whom you trust. I don't make friends easily. Later this year, I will publish my debut novel, The Book of Losman, after translating more than a dozen novels from Danish and writing countless unsold manuscripts over the past 30 years. It's about a literary translator, like me, with Tourette, but that's where the similarities end. It's a speculative fiction about a man named Losman who lives in Copenhagen, Denmark, and gets involved in an experimental drug study to relive childhood memories in the hope of finding a cure for his Tourette. Why not? The beauty of fiction is that you can imagine anything you want, provided the world you create is believable. In real life, I can't go back in time to reassure the little kid who got called out in elementary school, but I'm old enough to understand something he couldn't: 'Normal' is a highly subjective word, one laced with many assumptions. At nearly 50 years old, my tics (and the need to control them) are ingrained in the very fabric of my being. Even after publishing this essay, I will continue to hide my tics in public. Why? The stigma is a great burden. The line between dignity and humiliation is, in the end, a thin one — at least for me. I truly admire those in the younger generation, who can go on TikTok or YouTube and put themselves out there for the world to see. That's not for me. But by sharing my story here, what I can do is help normalize Tourette and other tic disorders. People like me, we're all around you. All that we ask for is what every human being deserves: to live a judgment-free life.
Scottish Sun
8 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Scottish Sun
Fans spot subtle nod to Celtic at Lewis Capaldi Glastonbury gig as rock pal hails ‘return of the king'
Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) LEWIS CAPALDI made a surprise return to the Glastonbury stage on Friday evening, two years after breaking down at the festival. And eagle-eyed fans saw a reference to the singer's beloved Celtic on the stage. Sign up for the Celtic newsletter Sign up 3 Lewis Capaldi made a surprise return to Glastonbury on Friday evening Credit: Alamy 3 The Scots singer played an emotional half-hour set on the Pyramid Stage Credit: Alamy 3 Eagle-eyed fans spotted a nod to Capaldi's beloved Celtic on the stage Capaldi has limited his public appearances since his last set at Glastonbury in 2023. The Scot suffered from tics and struggled to finish his hit Somebody You Loved, and soon after announced a break to get his "physical and mental health in order" and "adjust to the impact" of his Tourette's diagnosis. But the 28-year-old made a return to the festival on Friday night, drawing a big crowd despite not having been on the initial lineup. He said: "Glastonbury, it's so good to be back. "I'm not going to say much up here today because if I did I might start crying." And fans watching on TV spotted a nod to the star's favourite football team Celtic, as cameras showed spare guitar plectrums featuring the four-leaf clover seen on the Hoops' badge. The crowd in attendance reacted positively to the set, singing along in moments Capaldi rested his voice and chanting his name. The West Lothian star ended the set with Somebody You Loved, the song he didn't manage to complete in his previous appearance. He said: "I couldn't sing this song two years ago. "I might struggle to finish it today for different reasons, good reasons." Moment Lewis Capaldi left speechless after diehard fan serenades him in the pub (v2) And celebrities and fans alike rushed to the singer's Instagram post to congratulate him on his comeback. Scotland national team captain Andy Robertson commented: "Class mate." Fellow musical star Sam Fender said: "Return of the king." Other football stars like Jack Grealish, Alan Shearer and Ben Chilwell, and fellow musicians Olly Murs and Jade Thirlwall also commented their congratulations. Keep up to date with ALL the latest news and transfers at the Scottish Sun football page
Express Tribune
8 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Express Tribune
Lewis Capaldi returns to Glastonbury stage after tourette's battle with emotional performance
Lewis Capaldi made an emotional return to the Glastonbury stage on Friday, performing for the first time since his 2023 set was cut short due to his struggle with Tourette's syndrome. The 28-year-old Scottish singer, who had taken a career hiatus to focus on his mental health and adjust to his condition, choked back tears as he declared, 'I'm back, baby!' to a roaring crowd at Worthy Farm. The performance marked a significant milestone for Capaldi, who had feared he might never be able to return to the stage after his previous struggles. Two years ago, Capaldi was forced to leave the stage during his set at Glastonbury after his Tourette's symptoms affected his voice, and he later announced a break from his career to focus on his well-being. His return to the Pyramid Stage was greeted with cheers from fans, who showed their support as he performed several of his hit songs, including 'Someone You Loved.' As he performed his new single, 'Survive,' Capaldi teared up, reflecting on the difficult period in his career following his previous Glastonbury appearance. During his emotional speech, Capaldi expressed his gratitude, saying, 'It's good to be back,' before admitting that the experience was overwhelming. He also joked, 'Second time's a charm,' acknowledging the challenges he faced during his last performance. Fans in the crowd joined him in singing his mega-hit 'Someone You Loved,' creating an uplifting and heartfelt moment. Leading up to Glastonbury, Capaldi surprised fans with a post on Instagram announcing his comeback, sharing a snippet of his new song and a video highlighting moments from his life and career. The new track is described as a brutally honest reflection on mental health, with lyrics that tackle self-doubt and despair. Capaldi worked with longtime collaborator Romans, who co-wrote his smash hit 'Someone You Loved.' Capaldi's return to performing follows a period of reflection and recovery, and fans have praised his decision to prioritize his mental health. An insider revealed that Capaldi is 'raring to go' after his hiatus and is confident his new music will resonate with audiences. Despite his previous struggles, Capaldi's fans have continued to support him, sending messages of love and admiration as he continues his journey back to the stage.
Scotsman
8 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Scotsman
In Pictures: Lewis Capaldi returns to main stage at Glastonbury as he releases new single
The 28-year-old singer has appeared on the Pyramid Stage, for a surprise set this evening, two years after an emotional performance at Glastonbury when festival-goers lent their vocal support as he struggled to finish his set. He took a touring break in 2023 to deal with the impact of his Tourette's diagnosis and the symptoms that were exasperated the gruelling schedule associated with his meteoric rise to global fame. Earlier today, Lewis Capaldi released new single 'Survive' - a bold new anthem that underscores a challenging period in his career that led to a tough unifying moment as the Pyramid Stage crowd helped carry an emotional Capaldi over the finish line. 'Most nights I fear that I'm not enough, I've had my share of Monday mornings when I can't get up' sings Capaldi in a brutally honest track that addresses mental health challenges of self-doubt and despair, but comes out swinging in a chorus full of defiance - 'I swear to God I'll survive, if it kills me to, I'm gonna' get up and try, if it's the last thing I'll do'. 'Survive' also sees Lewis re-united with close collaborator Romans, who co-wrote his global hit 'Someone You Loved', that extraordinarily turned 10x Platinum earlier this year. The new track arrives off the back of a run of Scottish warm up shows in May that saw Lewis return to the stage as a guest of mental health charity CALM, in celebration of Mental Health Awareness Week. With no pressure, and no level of expectation, the shows allowed Capaldi the space to gauge his comfort and emotional response before returning to the spotlight - a move which ended up proving nothing short of a triumph. Lewis' last release, the hit-stacked record Broken By Desire To Be Heavenly Sent, scored him his second UK number 1 album, creating another three heartbreaking UK number 1 singles, 'Pointless', 'Wish You The Best' and the Platinum-certified 'Forget Me', working with hitmakers including Max Martin (Taylor Swift, The Weeknd), Malay (Lorde, Frank Ocean), and longtime collaborator Phil Plested (James Bay, Bastille). April 2023 saw the global Netflix release of Lewis' compelling, raw and honest feature-length, Grammy-nominated music documentary 'Lewis Capaldi: How I'm Feeling Now' , mostly filmed in Glasgow and West Lothian. Born in Dennistoun, Capaldi grew up in Whitburn from the age of four, he now lives in the West End of Glasgow and is renovating a farmhouse in East Kilbride. 1 . Lewis Capaldi Lewis Capaldi performs on the Pyramid stage during day three of Glastonbury festival 2025 at Worthy Farm | Getty Images Photo: Getty Photo Sales 2 . Lewis Capaldi Lewis Capaldi's name appeared in giant letters on the video screen at the back of the Pyramid Stage this evening and a huge cheer rang out. | Getty Images Photo Sales 3 . Lewis Capaldi The crowd started chanting 'oh Lewis Capaldi' before he began playing the hit song Before You Go to kick-off his set | Getty Images Photo Sales 4 . Lewis Capaldi Lewis Capaldi released comeback single Survive ahead of his appearance at Glastonbury. | Charlie Sarsfield Photo Sales
Powys County Times
9 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Powys County Times
Lewis Capaldi says ‘I'm back baby' as he makes emotional return to Glastonbury
Scottish singer Lewis Capaldi told the Glastonbury crowds 'I'm back baby', as he played a surprise set, two years after a performance at the festival during which he struggled to manage his Tourette syndrome symptoms. The crowd started chanting 'Oh Lewis Capaldi' before he began playing the hit song Before You Go, to kick off his set, which had been listed as 'TBA' on the Glastonbury website. The musician, who announced a break from touring shortly after his performance at the festival in 2023, has just released a new song called Survive. He told fans: 'It's so good to be back. I'm not going to say much up here today, because if I do, I think I will probably start crying. 'But it's just amazing to be here with you all, and I can't thank you all enough for coming out and coming and seeing me. 'Second time's a charm on this one, everybody. 'It's just a short set today, but I just wanted to come and kind of finish what I couldn't finish the first time round.' He performed a 35-minute set on the Pyramid Stage with songs including Hold Me While You Wait and Grace. Introducing his new song, he became visibly emotional as he said: 'The last two years haven't been the best for me, it's been difficult at times. 'This has been my f****** goal, to get back here', he added. He ended his performance with Somebody You Loved, the track that Glastonbury crowds helped him to sing when he struggled with his Tourette symptoms in 2023. The condition causes you to make sudden, repetitive sounds or movements and while there is no cure treatment can help manage the tics, according to the NHS website. He said: 'I really missed doing this for the last two years, it's been difficult at times to like think that maybe this wouldn't ever happen again… 'I couldn't sing this song two years ago for a different reason. I think I might struggle this time for another reason, but this time it's a good reason.' He added: 'My name's Lewis Capaldi and I'm f***** back baby.' Earlier on Friday, alternative pop star Lorde surprised fans with a secret set at Worthy Farm, performing her latest album Virgin, which was released on Friday, in full. Wearing a red dress and headscarf, complete with a red and white starred guitar strap, US pop star Gracie Abrams, covered The Cure's Just Like Heaven during her Other Stage set, which prompted masses of fans on each other's shoulders. The 25-year-old was watched by her father, Star Wars director JJ Abrams, and Brat star Charli XCX, who will headline the Other Stage on Saturday night. Leaving the stage she told the crowd: 'This has blown my mind.' Other celebrities who have been spotted at the festival today include singer Harry Styles, Oscar-winning actor Eddie Redmayne, and Stranger Things star Joseph Quinn. Also performing was rising pop singer Lola Young who treated fans to her UK number one single Messy during her afternoon Woodsies set. The 24-year-old singer, who was wearing a checked dress and black bralet, brought out a blow-up doll with her face on it as she sang her latest single Not Like That Anymore. Addressing the crowd, Young, whose arrival on stage was delayed by 10 minutes, said: 'Thank you to everybody who made this happen, and thank you for being here.' Scottish indie rockers Franz Ferdinand brought out former Doctor Who actor Peter Capaldi during their Other Stage set while they were playing Take Me Out, one of their best known songs. Capaldi sang along with the band after being introduced by lead singer Alex Kapranos as 'the original Capaldi'. The celebration of performing arts and music also includes a number of panels with actor Paapa Essiedu and comedian Munya Chawawa discussing black identity in 'Black At Glasto: 'We Shouldn't Be Here''. Essiedu, who is to play Severus Snape in the upcoming Harry Potter series, said he took inspiration from Jay-Z when he performed at the festival in 2008 amid criticism about a rap artist playing at what some people saw as a rock festival. Elsewhere at the festival, British pop rock band The 1975 will be the first headliners to grace the Glastonbury's Pyramid Stage this year when they perform on Friday. Made up of four school friends, the group, known for songs including Chocolate, Someone Else and About You, comprises singer Matt Healy, bassist Ross MacDonald, guitarist Adam Hann and drummer George Daniel. The five-day celebration of music and performing arts, which opened its gates on Wednesday, will also host headline performances from veteran rocker Neil Young and his band the Chrome Hearts, and US pop star Olivia Rodrigo. The BBC confirmed on Thursday that Young's Saturday Pyramid Stage set will not be broadcast live 'at the artist's request'. Festivalgoers had a clear morning after significant rainfall overnight, with temperatures reaching the mid-20s, according to the Met Office. The Met Office's Grahame Madge said: 'Heat and humidity will be building over the weekend. We anticipate highs of 26C on Saturday, with high levels of humidity. By Monday temperatures can be anticipated to be over 30C. 'There is always the chance of a light shower, but there is nothing in the forecast that suggests anything heavier for Saturday for Somerset.' Avon and Somerset Police said there had been 38 crimes reported at the festival, and 14 arrests made. On Saturday Irish rap trio Kneecap, who have had one of their members charged with a terror offence, will perform on the West Holts Stage at 4pm. Before the festival, Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer said it would not be 'appropriate' for them to perform. Liam Og O hAnnaidh, 27, was charged with allegedly displaying a flag in support of proscribed terrorist organisation Hezbollah at a gig in London in November last year. Last week the rapper, who performs under the stage name Mo Chara, was cheered by hundreds of supporters as he arrived with bandmates Naoise O Caireallain and JJ O Dochartaigh at Westminster Magistrates' Court in Free Mo Chara T-shirts. He was released on unconditional bail until the next hearing at the same court on August 20. With a sunny few days predicted here at Worthy Farm, please take a moment to read this advice on staying safe in the heat. #Glastonbury2025 — Glastonbury Festival (@glastonbury) June 27, 2025 Performing in the coveted Sunday legends slot this year is Sir Rod Stewart, who previously said he will be joined by his former Faces band member Ronnie Wood, as well as other guests. Sir Rod's performance will come after he postponed a string of concerts in the US, due to take place this month, while he recovered from flu. The BBC is providing livestreams of the five main stages: Pyramid, Other, West Holts, Woodsies and The Park.
