Latest news with #VanEdwards
New York Post
4 days ago
- Business
- New York Post
This is the rudest thing you're doing every time you meet someone new — and it causes instant dislike
When meeting someone new, it's not unusual to enquire about what that person does for work — but a body language expert says it's a surefire way to get off on the wrong foot. Vanessa Van Edwards, the author of 'Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People' made the claim in an interview on The Diary of a CEO podcast, which has resurfaced after being recorded last year. 3 3 'Stop asking 'What do you do?'' Van Edwards declared. 'That is telling them their brain can stay on autopilot. Asking someone that question is really asking 'What are you worth?'' Because you may be subtly sizing up your new acquaintance with such a query, the expert asserted that the question is impolite. 'If someone's not defined by what they do, it's actually a rude question,' Van Edwards stated. 'You can replace it with 'Working on anything exciting these days?' or 'Working on anything exciting recently?' She explained that such questions allow people to answer in the way they feel most comfortable, possibly opening up the conversation to create more possibilities for connection. While most may choose to discuss their occupation, others will use the questions as opportunities to speak about an exciting hobby they are working on or a holiday they are planning. 'This is permission connection,' Van Edwards said. 'You ask someone that question, you are giving them permission if they want to tell you about what they do.' 3 'Ask, 'What's going on? Are you OK? What are you feeling? I want to be here for it.' Because then you're giving air to whatever that contempt is so that it can be addressed,' the communications maven told The Unplanned Podcast earlier this year.
New York Post
4 days ago
- Business
- New York Post
This is the rudest thing you're doing everytime your meet someone new — and it causes instant dislike
It's the common question that's an instant connection killer. When meeting someone new, it's not unusual to enquire about what that person does for work — but a body language expert says it's a surefire way to get off on the wrong foot. Vanessa Van Edwards, the author of 'Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People' made the claim in an interview on The Diary of a CEO podcast, which has resurfaced after being recorded last year. Vanessa Van Edwards, the author of 'Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People' made the claim in an interview on The Diary of a CEO podcast, which has resurfaced after being recorded last year. Youtube/ The Diary Of A CEO 'Stop asking 'What do you do?'' Van Edwards declared. 'That is telling them their brain can stay on autopilot. Asking someone that question is really asking 'What are you worth?'' Because you may be subtly sizing up your new acquaintance with such a query, the expert asserted that the question is impolite. 'If someone's not defined by what they do, it's actually a rude question,' Van Edwards stated. 'You can replace it with 'Working on anything exciting these days?' or 'Working on anything exciting recently?' She explained that such questions allow people to answer in the way they feel most comfortable, possibly opening up the conversation to create more possibilities for connection. While most may choose to discuss their occupation, others will use the questions as opportunities to speak about an exciting hobby they are working on or a holiday they are planning. 'This is permission connection,' Van Edwards said. 'You ask someone that question, you are giving them permission if they want to tell you about what they do.' Diary of a CEO podcast host Steven Bartlett is pictured. Youtube/ The Diary Of A CEO Van Edwards has also made headlines for revealing the questions you need to ask a spouse if you're in a struggling marriage. 'Ask, 'What's going on? Are you OK? What are you feeling? I want to be here for it.' Because then you're giving air to whatever that contempt is so that it can be addressed,' the communications maven told The Unplanned Podcast earlier this year.
News.com.au
25-04-2025
- General
- News.com.au
Marriage psychologist reveals number 1 sign you're heading for divorce
If you want to know whether your marriage is heading for divorce, don't check your partner's phone — check their face. A one-sided mouth raise — a subtle smirk of superiority — might just be the number one sign your relationship is doomed, according to renowned psychologist Dr John Gottman, founder of the Gottman Institute and mastermind behind one of the most extensive marriage studies ever conducted. His research, which was recently dissected on the Unplanned Podcast, found that four nasty little habits — criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling — are deemed the 'Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse' when it comes to dooming relationships. But it's contempt, experts warn, that is the true kiss of death, the New York Post reports. 'Dr John Gottman is a marriage and family counsellor, and he did the largest marriage experiment ever done,' body language expert Vanessa Van Edwards recently told hosts Matt and Abbey Howard. 'He brought couples into his lab, and if one member of the couple shows a one-sided mouth raise towards the other, he can tell you if they're going to get divorced — because he's looking for contempt,' she continued. And he knows his stuff. 'Gottman could predict divorce with an astonishing 93.6 per cent accuracy,' Van Edwards added. Contempt, Van Edwards explained, is the most corrosive of all the emotional saboteurs. 'Fear comes in a burst, and then you calm down. Happiness comes, and then you go back to normal. Anger comes, and then you calm down,' she said. 'But not contempt. If you feel scorn or disdain for someone else, and if it is not addressed, it festers and it grows.' She went on, noting, 'That is why at the end of a marriage you have two people who can't even look at each other.' Van Edwards suggests that if you catch a whiff of contempt — either from yourself or your partner — it's time to tackle it head-on. 'Ask, 'What's going on? Are you okay? What are you feeling? I want to be here for it.' Because then you're giving air to whatever that contempt is so that it can be addressed,' she said. 'And then you can either fix it or become the enemy against it.' She also believes many couples get stuck in endless loops of the same three arguments — they just don't realise it. 'You have to sit with your partner and figure out what are your basic root-level three arguments,' she advised. 'That way, when you're in an argument, even if you feel like you still disagree, you can say 'this is argument number 2 — we're in a stalemate on this one.'' Clinical psychologist Dr. David M. Schneer backed up Gottman's findings in a 2019 article, writing, 'Disgust and contempt are to a relationship what gasoline and matches are to a fire.' He cited telltale signs like eye-rolling, mouth crimping — even subtle fidgeting, like picking at clothes or cleaning fingers mid-convo — as silent signals of disdain. Schneer dubbed this move 'The Lint Picker,' a behaviour he says screams contempt louder than words ever could. So, how do you douse the flames before they torch your love life? Schneer recommends cracking a joke, switching the topic to something you both enjoy, or simply walking away to cool off if the situation gets too toxic. Love may be blind, but contempt? It's written all over your face.
Sky News AU
24-04-2025
- General
- Sky News AU
Marriage psychologist reveals the first sign of a future separation - with 94 per cent accuracy
If you want to know whether your marriage is heading for Splitsville, don't check your partner's phone — check their face. A one-sided mouth raise — that subtle smirk of superiority — might just be the number one red flag for divorce, according to renowned psychologist Dr. John Gottman, founder of the Gottman Institute and mastermind behind one of the most extensive marriage studies ever conducted. His research, which was recently dissected on the hit Unplanned Podcast, found that four nasty little habits — criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling — are deemed the 'Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse' when it comes to dooming relationships. But it's contempt, experts warn, that is the true kiss of death. 'Dr. John Gottman is a marriage and family counsellor, and he did the largest marriage experiment ever done,' body language expert Vanessa Van Edwards recently told hosts Matt and Abbey Howard. 'He brought couples into his lab, and if one member of the couple shows a one-sided mouth raise towards the other, he can tell you if they're going to get divorced — because he's looking for contempt,' she continued. And he knows his stuff. 'Gottman could predict divorce with an astonishing 93.6% accuracy,' Van Edwards added. Contempt, Van Edwards explained, is the most corrosive of all the emotional saboteurs. 'Fear comes in a burst, and then you calm down. Happiness comes, and then you go back to normal. Anger comes, and then you calm down,' she said. 'But not contempt. If you feel scorn or disdain for someone else, and if it is not addressed, it festers and it grows.' She went on, noting, 'That is why at the end of a marriage you have two people who can't even look at each other.' Van Edwards suggests that if you catch a whiff of contempt — either from yourself or your partner — it's time to tackle it head-on. 'Ask, 'What's going on? Are you okay? What are you feeling? I want to be here for it.' Because then you're giving air to whatever that contempt is so that it can be addressed,' she said. 'And then you can either fix it or become the enemy against it.' She also believes many couples get stuck in endless loops of the same three arguments — they just don't realize it. 'You have to sit with your partner and figure out what are your basic root-level three arguments,' she advised. 'That way, when you're in an argument, even if you feel like you still disagree, you can say 'this is argument number 2 — we're in a stalemate on this one.'' Clinical psychologist Dr. David M. Schneer backed up Gottman's findings in a 2019 article, writing, 'Disgust and contempt are to a relationship what gasoline and matches are to a fire.' He cited telltale signs like eye-rolling, mouth crimping — even subtle fidgeting, like picking at clothes or cleaning fingers mid-convo — as silent signals of disdain. Schneer dubbed this move 'The Lint Picker,' a behavior he says screams contempt louder than words ever could. So, how do you douse the flames before they torch your love life? Schneer recommends cracking a joke, switching the topic to something you both enjoy, or simply walking away to cool off if the situation gets too toxic. Love may be blind, but contempt? It's written all over your face. Originally published as Marriage psychologist reveals the first sign of a future separation - with 94 per cent accuracy
New York Post
23-04-2025
- Entertainment
- New York Post
Marriage psychologist reveals the no. 1 sign of a future separation — with 94% accuracy
If you want to know whether your marriage is heading for Splitsville, don't check your partner's phone — check their face. A one-sided mouth raise — that subtle smirk of superiority — might just be the number one red flag for divorce, according to renowned psychologist Dr. John Gottman, founder of the Gottman Institute and mastermind behind one of the most extensive marriage studies ever conducted. His research, which was recently dissected on the hit Unplanned Podcast, found that four nasty little habits — criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling — are deemed the 'Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse' when it comes to dooming relationships. 4 Think your spouse's smug little smirk is harmless? Think again — that one-sided mouth raise could be the biggest red flag for divorce, says famed psychologist Dr. John Gottman, founder of the Gottman Institute and the brains behind one of the largest marriage studies ever. JustLife – But it's contempt, experts warn, that is the true kiss of death. 'Dr. John Gottman is a marriage and family counsellor, and he did the largest marriage experiment ever done,' body language expert Vanessa Van Edwards recently told hosts Matt and Abbey Howard. 'He brought couples into his lab, and if one member of the couple shows a one-sided mouth raise towards the other, he can tell you if they're going to get divorced — because he's looking for contempt,' she continued. And he knows his stuff. 'Gottman could predict divorce with an astonishing 93.6% accuracy,' Van Edwards added. Contempt, Van Edwards explained, is the most corrosive of all the emotional saboteurs. 'Fear comes in a burst, and then you calm down. Happiness comes, and then you go back to normal. Anger comes, and then you calm down,' she said. 4 Dr. Gottman's research — spotlighted on the buzzy Unplanned Podcast — warns of four marriage wreckers so toxic they've earned the nickname 'Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse': criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. zinkevych – 'But not contempt. If you feel scorn or disdain for someone else, and if it is not addressed, it festers and it grows.' She went on, noting, 'That is why at the end of a marriage you have two people who can't even look at each other.' Van Edwards suggests that if you catch a whiff of contempt — either from yourself or your partner — it's time to tackle it head-on. 'Ask, 'What's going on? Are you okay? What are you feeling? I want to be here for it.' Because then you're giving air to whatever that contempt is so that it can be addressed,' she said. 'And then you can either fix it or become the enemy against it.' She also believes many couples get stuck in endless loops of the same three arguments — they just don't realize it. 4 If contempt creeps in — whether it's from you or your better half — body language guru Vanessa Van Edwards says it's a red alert: time to shut it down before it blows up. eakgrungenerd – 'You have to sit with your partner and figure out what are your basic root-level three arguments,' she advised. 'That way, when you're in an argument, even if you feel like you still disagree, you can say 'this is argument number 2 — we're in a stalemate on this one.'' Clinical psychologist Dr. David M. Schneer backed up Gottman's findings in a 2019 article, writing, 'Disgust and contempt are to a relationship what gasoline and matches are to a fire.' He cited telltale signs like eye-rolling, mouth crimping — even subtle fidgeting, like picking at clothes or cleaning fingers mid-convo — as silent signals of disdain. 4 Clinical psychologist Dr. David M. Schneer doubled down on Gottman's theory in a 2019 piece, saying disgust and contempt in a relationship are like tossing gasoline on a fire. bongkarn – Schneer dubbed this move 'The Lint Picker,' a behavior he says screams contempt louder than words ever could. So, how do you douse the flames before they torch your love life? Schneer recommends cracking a joke, switching the topic to something you both enjoy, or simply walking away to cool off if the situation gets too toxic. Love may be blind, but contempt? It's written all over your face.
