08-07-2025
Build Strategic Influence When You're Not In The Male Inner Circle
Yann Dang, Aspire Coaching | Leadership & Emotional Intelligence Coach for Women in Male-Dominated Industries | Host of The Balanced Leader.
In male-dominated industries, many high-performing women rise through grit, expertise and results. Yet despite their proven value, they often find themselves on the outside of critical influence circles—especially when those circles are part of a long-standing male inner circle.
They have a seat at the table, but not always a voice that drives decisions.
Influence Requires More Than Access
Visibility isn't the same as influence. You can be present in the room and still feel invisible in the conversation. You can share an idea—then watch it gain traction only when someone else repeats it.
In my work as a leadership coach for high-achieving women, I've seen this play out repeatedly: capable, strategic leaders whose contributions are essential, yet whose power remains conditional. The reason isn't lack of ability; it's lack of strategic influence.
The Influence Gap Isn't About Likability—It's About Strategy
Influence is relational. It hinges on how others perceive your credibility, clarity and presence—especially when you're outside the male inner circle.
But here's where it gets complicated: Many women feel conflicted about how to show up in these spaces. They don't want to compromise their values, self-censor or play into outdated norms. So they hold back. They wait for fairness. They resent the system—and understandably so.
The Influence Shift: From Frustration To Authentic Connection
Influence isn't about belonging. It's about being understood—even by those who don't look like you or come from the same networks.
To gain access, leaders must expand their toolkit—and often flex behaviors traditionally outside their comfort zone. The goal? Move from oppositional positioning to strategic partnership without losing authenticity.
But before that shift can happen, a deeper challenge must be acknowledged ...
When Frustration Becomes Self-Sabotage
In my work with senior women in male-dominated environments, I've seen how resentment—however justified—can erode strategic clarity. When a woman begins to believe 'they won't listen anyway' or 'they only promote each other,' she may stop showing up with influence in mind. She becomes guarded in meetings, short in emails or reactive in tone.
Over time, the very behaviors meant to protect her power start to undermine it. Instead of positioning herself as a thought partner, she's perceived as emotionally distant or resistant to feedback. Instead of seeking allies, she avoids those who hold influence—especially those inside the male inner circle. Instead of asking clearly for what she wants, she waits for recognition that may never come.
This isn't a flaw—it's a protective response. But one that quietly reinforces the very power dynamics she's working so hard to change.
Influence Requires Intentionality, Not Approval
Strategic influence doesn't mean people-pleasing or passivity. It means knowing how to:
• Speak directly without defensiveness
• Frame ideas in ways that resonate with others' priorities
• Build trust before challenging the status quo
• Ask for what you need—even when it feels risky
This kind of leadership is nuanced. It's not about being louder. It's about being heard—because your message is tailored, timely and anchored in authority.
A Real Example Of Strategic Influence In Action
A senior leader I worked with was frustrated by being excluded from key strategy discussions. Her instinct was to pull back—stop offering ideas unless explicitly asked. Instead, she chose a different path.
She identified a shared priority with the COO, proactively shaped a solution and presented it with clarity and confidence. By aligning her message with the broader business need—and delivering it with grounded authority—she gained influence not by force, but by focus. That one move repositioned her as a trusted strategic partner.
Building Influence Is A Long Game—But It Starts With One Shift
Influence isn't granted. It's cultivated. And it begins the moment a leader stops waiting for permission—and starts leading with clarity, composure and conscious connection.
For women navigating the dynamics of the male inner circle, this shift is everything. Because you don't need to change who you are to be influential—you need to trust that your voice, when used strategically, is powerful.
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