3 days ago
This Person Asked The Internet How To Politely Tell Their Coworker They Don't Care About Their New Baby, And It Sparked A Conversation About Office Politics
Recently, a woman went viral on the r/ask subreddit after she asked for help telling her coworker that she is not interested in looking at photos of her baby.
User Yee-to-the-haw21 said in her post, "I (22F) very recently started working my first office job, about four months now, and have been thoroughly enjoying it. I have autism, and navigating the corporate workspace has been difficult, but I think I've been doing well with the adjustment. However, I've run into a particular problem in regard to one of my coworkers."
"She very recently had a baby and has been constantly trying to show me pictures. While of course, I'm happy for her and her family, and was more than happy to look at the first few photos and congratulate her, I am, quite frankly, over it. It has been weeks of her showing me pictures of her baby doing nothing remarkable, with very little difference in the pictures."
"I don't want to make assumptions, but part of me wonders if this is in relation to an argument we had a few weeks ago in which I stated I would never have children and she told me I just 'needed a little convincing.'"
She concluded by saying, "Is this her trying to 'sell me' the idea of motherhood, and if not, is there a way I can politely tell her that I'm not interested, nor do I care about seeing any more pictures of her baby? Is this just something I have to put up with as part of the 'corporate experience?'"
Reddit users quickly jumped to the comment section to share their which there were MANY.
A lot of commenters, like apsinc13, suggested she still engage with her coworker, but then said she should start showing her photos of her "pets, artwork, family, extended family, etc."
"This is the best response. She's either genuinely interested in OP as a person and so will genuinely enjoy seeing what they have to share, or she won't want the hassle of having to look at someone else's photos in exchange for being able to show her baby pictures."
—swallowyoursadness
"I like to show people pictures of my cats, tit for tat."
—mapleleaffem
And other commenters said that, well, there is no way to politely decline — "you just silently sit there and take it." As BlueMountainCoffey said, "You can't politely tell someone that you care nothing for what to them is the most important thing in the world."
"This comment is GOLD! People need to have some etiquette. NO ONE cares about other people's baby pictures. No one. But we sit back and look at them anyways. It's a bonding moment between you and your coworker and I promise you this, you'll need people on your side at work when shit hits the fan. It's more important to gain alliances then to air out your lack of concern for other people's personal lives."
—Opinions_assholes
"This is what working in an office is like. You don't have to act enthusiastic, but sometimes you get forced to look at pictures of coworkers' stupid babies."
—BravesMaedchen
Another Reddit user, coffeebuzzbuzzz, said, "I also have autism and to appease people, I will just smile and nod politely. I feel like it would hurt them more for me to say, 'Hey, I have absolutely no interest whatsoever in what you're talking about' versus me listening. It sucks, but it's part of keeping the peace. You can also try and redirect the conversation: 'I saw you bring a lunch today. What are you having?' Or anything."
"Think of it as her infodumping on her current interest, but it just happens to be a baby. The best way to deal with that is look at the pics/listen to her talk for a minute or so (long enough that she feels heard) and then find a work-related task and say, 'Oh, I should take care of X.'"
—flameoflareon
Other commenters pointed out that, at the end of the day, "It's not about caring about the baby pictures, it's about caring about the person who is sharing something that is making them happy." Richard_Swinger_Esq continued saying, "It could be baby pictures or progress pics of a project or anything really. I like seeing people happy and/or proud of something. We spend a lot of time with our colleagues, and while many people resist it, workplaces do have a social element."
"Sadly, this is the hard truth if you want to avoid drama and resentment. Other than your feelings of resentment, of course."
—eliz1bef
Still, others said that she shouldn't have to look at baby photos in perpetuity. Novel-Vacation-4788 wrote, "It's good to engage the first few times a person pulls out their baby pictures. However, no one should be forced to sit and look at multiple pictures over weeks. It's great the parents want to share, but they also need to realize that not everyone actually cares about their kid. Learn to read the room and maybe pull out an occasional picture or a special occasion picture. OP is perfectly right to choose to walk away when it gets excessive."
"You can, just put it nicely. 'What a lovely baby, but I have to make a call/run to a meeting/go to the loo or whatever. People need to know their baby is not as important to anyone else because that is just reality."
—000topchef
"Do it enough times and she'll back off. Unless you're trapped, like as the front desk person who can't move when she has you cornered."
—littlecactuscat
And then there were those who were there to validate the OP's feelings about not wanting children. Alarming_Cellist_751 said, "As a 40 year old child-free woman, it never gets any better. My only defense is to start showering the offenders with my dog pictures. I match their energy — the more frequent they show me their kids, the more they're met with dog pictures."
"What's with women trying to push motherhood onto women who don't want that life? Kids are HARD work, and you never know if someone is physically, mentally, or emotionally unable to have kids. This isn't something you push onto anyone who's clearly made up their mind. I'm sorry this happened to you, OP."
—thedramahasarrived
After reading the comments, the OP later edited her original post to add, "Thank you very much to everyone who gave me helpful advice. It can sometimes be very difficult to figure out what the 'rules' are at work, especially in a newer environment. This morning, when she approached me to show me some pictures of her baby, I told her I was very happy for her and her new baby, but I had a lot of work to do. She responded, 'Oh, all right, but I'll get you onboard the mother train eventually!' And then she winked."
"I have no idea what that means, even a little bit, but I think I 'win' (???). The consensus seems to be to pretend to be busy or change the subject. Again, I really appreciate everyone's advice; it seems that regardless of neurotypicality, the corporate workplace is an enigma of social spaghetti."
What's your take on the situation? Let us know what you think in the comments below!
Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
