02-07-2025
'Am I Annoying?' This Checklist Should Help You Tell, According to Psychologists
'Am I Annoying?' This Checklist Should Help You Tell, According to Psychologists originally appeared on Parade.
Obnoxious reality alert: It can be really hard to figure out whether or not you're annoying."Our brains tend to filter information in ways that protect our self-image, which makes it easy to overlook or minimize subtle social feedback," explains Dr. Thomas McDonagh, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist and owner of Good Therapy San Dr. McDonagh says it's worth stepping back now and again and asking yourself, "Am I annoying?""Annoying behavior is typically something that repeatedly disrupts, irritates or drains the emotional or mental energy of others, often unintentionally," he says. "It's not about being disliked but about the mismatch between how a person is acting and what the situation or social context calls for."To help you read the room, Dr. McDonagh and other psychologists share 13 signs people might find you annoying. Cringing at how many boxes you check? Worry not—"annoying" isn't a permanent state. Psychologists also share tips on how to become less
There's a time and a place for loud voices, like when your favorite baseball player hits a walk-off grand slam. However, many people prefer you save the "10/10" volume for these very specific situations. Otherwise? Indoor voices, please."For some people, loud speakers are perceived as aggressive and rude," explains Dr. Jan Miller, Ph.D., a Georgia-based licensed psychologist with Thriveworks. "Others may be bothered by the volume due to hearing sensitivity. Being attuned to how others react to the volume of your voice, such as whether they wince or back away when you speak, can help you avoid this annoying behavior."Related:
How loud your voice is isn't the only thing that speaks volumes."If you talk a lot without giving others space, especially if people seem distracted or struggle to interject, it's a sign you may be overwhelming the social dynamic," Dr. McDonagh says. "This often stems from anxiety, a desire to connect or a lack of awareness. Even if you don't mean to, it can still leave others feeling unseen or exhausted."Related:
Whether or not you're prone to dominating conversations, Dr. McDonagh shares that a filter is important."Sharing vulnerably is a strength, but when someone reveals intimate or heavy details early on, it can feel overwhelming to others," he points out. "This kind of emotional intensity challenges boundaries, especially in new relationships where trust hasn't yet been built."Related:
Dr. Miller defines a know-it-all as someone who "may frequently interrupt conversations, offer unasked-for advice and create a one-sided and dismissive dynamic." She notes that people often find all three to be annoying. "This often leads to others feeling disrespected and unvalued," she McDonagh agrees, emphasizing the "unsolicited advice" part."Unsolicited advice can come across as condescending or controlling, even when well-intentioned," he clarifies. "It signals that you're more focused on your own thoughts than listening, and people may feel dismissed or judged rather than supported."
Annoying behavior isn't just "loud" and "cocky.""Lacking confidence and being too unsure of oneself can also be an irksome character trait," shares Dr. Michele Goldman, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. "Self-doubt, low self-esteem and feeling very insecure about oneself can be challenging for others to tolerate and be around."
This one is like nails on a chalkboard in terms of how annoying it is for some people."Being on your phone in social situations is often interpreted as rude and disconnected," Dr. Miller says. "It creates a barrier between you and your surroundings, which prevents you from being involved in your social environment."She says signs you're turning people off with your always-on habits include overt comments about your phone use or people trying to distract you from your device by pulling you into conversations."If you notice these things happening, you may benefit from putting your phone away and engaging with your surroundings," she
Perhaps when you're "always on your phone," you're sending your second follow-up text to a pal about the happy hour you invited them to an hour ago. This type of behavior can be super annoying to many people."Being overly persistent, whether that is texting multiple times, repeating requests or forcing interactions, can come across as clingy or pushy and therefore annoying," reports, a licensed clinical psychologist. "It suggests that you are not attuned to other people's boundaries and may not be taking a subtle no for an answer."Related:
No one is expecting you to be happy all the time. However, people generally don't like a perpetual killjoy."Constant complaining brings down the moods and energies of others, making interactions draining," Dr. Miller says. "You may notice that others avoid certain topics with you or stop engaging with you altogether. It could be helpful to check in with yourself on whether your view is consistently negative, and if so, you can work to bring more balanced perspectives to interactions."Related:
Remember, it's only a joke if everyone is laughing."If people go quiet or change the subject after you joke, it may be a sign the humor is landing wrong," Dr. McDonagh warns. "Repeated 'teasing' can feel like low-grade criticism, which builds resentment over time."
There may be a reason why your happy hour and dinner invitations always get turned down: You're not very nice to the servers."Being rude to service workers often alienates others as it is seen as aggressive and manipulative towards those who have a power-down position in the inherent power hierarchy of customer-service worker," Dr. Miller explains. "You may get feedback from others to be nicer or refusals to join you in situations where there are service workers."Related:
A Pinterest-perfect home is an unrealistic expectation. However, Dr. Miller shares that loading the dishwasher or sweeping up dirt dragged in from a hike isn't too much to ask. She reveals that not tidying up "can leave some people feeling like they need to clean up after the person, which can be physically exhausting."
In addition to building awareness about how your behavior is annoying, psychologists also emphasize the importance of understanding social cues. Dr. Goldman says individuals often cut conversations short with someone they find irritating."This might be because people do not want to be interacting with you because people feel that you talk too much or because people don't think you really hear what they're saying during a conversation," she explains. "These are all habits that can be quite annoying to people and, therefore, might impact people's interactions with you."Related:
A red flag that you're turning others off is that they try to spend less (or no) time with you. "If you are constantly the one initiating contact and others rarely return the effort, it may indicate your presence feels draining to them," Dr. Schiff
Dr. Goldman shares that self-reflection is critical to determining whether or not you have annoying traits. "This is also especially important because in some relationships, one trait is annoying while in another relationship, that exact same trait is acceptable," she clarifies. "For example, in some friend groups, saying, 'I don't know, we can do whatever you want' is a sign that someone is easy-going and flexible—a positive interpretation—but in other friend groups, it's seen as an inability to make a decision—a negative interpretation."Related:
People may not come out and tell you that you're annoying (it's kind of awkward, to be fair). You may need to pick up on nonverbal cues, such as body language."Pay attention to body language, tone shifts or whether people seem to change the subject or disengage," Dr. McDonagh says. "These are often subtle signs of discomfort."However, he notes that you can use your improved ability to pause and check in with yourself to your advantage as you learn to notice these hints.
This one can feel uncomfortable for you and perhaps the other person. However, you may learn a valuable lesson about yourself that will benefit you (and them) in the long term."If you are open to gentle, constructive criticism, it can give you insight into how your behavior affects others," Dr. Schiff explains. "This way, you don't have to guess or feel stuck in insecurity—you can grow."Up Next:Dr. Thomas McDonagh, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist and owner of Good Therapy San Francisco
Dr. Jan Miller, Ph.D., a Georgia-based licensed psychologist with Thriveworks
Dr. Michele Goldman, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor
Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist
'Am I Annoying?' This Checklist Should Help You Tell, According to Psychologists first appeared on Parade on Jul 1, 2025
This story was originally reported by Parade on Jul 1, 2025, where it first appeared.
