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Paying attention to giving people your full attention.
Paying attention to giving people your full attention.

RNZ News

time2 days ago

  • Health
  • RNZ News

Paying attention to giving people your full attention.

technology life and society 42 minutes ago We've all experienced that moment when someone glances at their phone mid-conversation and you suddenly feel invisible. Kiwis check our devices around 50 times an hour, and it's costing us more than we think. Psychiatrist and writer Dr. Samaiya Mushtaq says attention is a form of care, and when we lose it, we lose empathy too. She writes for Modern Love in the New York Times and on her Substack, The Middle Path. In a new essay she explores how distraction lets us dodge discomfort and why real connection starts with giving people your full attention. The title of the essay is How Much Control Do We Have Over What We Pay Attention To? Dr Mushtaq spoke to Jesse.

This Gen Z Question About Life Before Social Media Is Going Viral And Seriously Taking Me BACK
This Gen Z Question About Life Before Social Media Is Going Viral And Seriously Taking Me BACK

Yahoo

time4 days ago

  • Entertainment
  • Yahoo

This Gen Z Question About Life Before Social Media Is Going Viral And Seriously Taking Me BACK

Ok, I love this one: @cruisequeeen asked what people did to get attention before social media, and the responses are taking me BACK. Before social media what did people do to get attention??? — CHIDINMA (@cruisequeeeen) July 15, 2025 Twitter: @cruisequeeeen Here are my favorites: 1."Sharpened our pencils in the middle of class" Related: emo away message 3."Faint during assembly" 4."Flipping eyelids inside out" 5."Sign in & out of MSN" Or if you're American, AIM. 6."Opened beer bottles with our teeth" Related: 8."Bring mcdonald's to school after your doctor's appointment" 9."A cartwheel" 10."Visit our jobs on our off days" 11."Accuse other people of being witches" 12."Light up sneakers" Related: 13."Lie" 14."Faking asthma attacks" 15."We looked hot in public" 16."Wear colored contacts and shop at hot topic" 17."There was a particular set of kids that liked to pop their bag of chips to open them" 18."I was a theater kid" 19."Have a minor injury and wear a knee brace the entire school year" Related: 20."Livejournal or an angelfire website" 21."Go to the mall" 22."Ordered fajitas at the restaurant" 23."Fart noises mostly" 24."Go to the bathroom during a church sermon" 25."They went on Maury, Ricki Lake, and Sally Jesse Raphael" 26."Say the dress was white and gold" lastly, this: Also in Internet Finds: Also in Internet Finds: Also in Internet Finds:

15 Odd Behaviors That Are Quiet Cries For Attention
15 Odd Behaviors That Are Quiet Cries For Attention

Yahoo

time4 days ago

  • General
  • Yahoo

15 Odd Behaviors That Are Quiet Cries For Attention

We all have our quirks—those little things we do that might seem odd to others but make perfect sense to us. Sometimes, though, these quirks are more than just habits. They can be subtle, or not-so-subtle, ways of asking for attention and connection. It's easy to overlook these behaviors in yourself or others, but understanding them can improve relationships and support mental well-being. Here's a list of 15 peculiar behaviors that might actually be silent cries for attention. 1. Over-Sharing Personal Details Have you ever found yourself sharing too much personal information with someone you've just met? It might feel like you're building a connection, but oversharing can be a sign that you're seeking validation or understanding. According to Dr. Harriet Lerner, a renowned psychologist, people who overshare often do so to feel seen and heard when they think their emotional needs are not being met elsewhere. This behavior might be a way to fast-track intimacy, but it can also make others uncomfortable if they're not ready for that level of personal information. Reflecting on why you feel the need to overshare can help you address underlying issues and build healthier connections. If you're on the receiving end, you might feel overwhelmed or unsure of how to respond. It's important to set boundaries while being empathetic. You can acknowledge the person's feelings without diving into the depths of a topic you're not comfortable discussing. Sometimes simply listening without judgment is enough to make the other person feel heard. Encourage them to explore these feelings with someone who can provide the right support, like a therapist or a trusted friend. 2. Constantly Checking Social Media The urge to constantly check social media, even during conversations or important tasks, can be more than just a habit. It might signal a need for external validation or fear of missing out on what's happening in others' lives. Social media platforms are designed to be addictive, feeding into that need for attention and approval. This behavior can detract from real-life interactions and leave you feeling more isolated in the long run. Recognizing this pattern is the first step toward breaking it and finding more fulfilling ways to connect with others. Challenge yourself to take breaks from social media and be more present in your surroundings. Start with small steps, like setting specific times to check your accounts or turning off notifications. You might find that you have more time and energy for in-person interactions, which can be more rewarding. Reaching out to friends for coffee or a walk can replace that digital connection with something more substantial. Remember, real-life experiences often provide deeper satisfaction than virtual ones. 3. Interrupting Others Interrupting others during a conversation might not always be about rudeness; instead, it could be a cry for attention or a way to assert your presence. This behavior often stems from a feeling that your thoughts or opinions are not valued. Dr. Deborah Tannen, a linguistics professor, explains that people interrupt because they're eager to share their perspectives and feel heard. While this might create a momentary sense of validation, it can also alienate those around you. To improve communication, it's crucial to practice active listening and patience. Being a good listener involves more than just hearing words; it requires understanding and acknowledging the speaker's message. You can enhance your listening skills by fully focusing on the conversation and resisting the urge to jump in with your own thoughts. Take note of non-verbal cues and respond thoughtfully, which can strengthen your connections with others. Recognizing that everyone deserves their moment to speak can reduce the need to interrupt and increase mutual respect. Better communication leads to stronger, more supportive relationships. 4. Seeking Constant Reassurance If you often find yourself needing reassurance from others, it could be a sign that you're not feeling confident in your own decisions or abilities. This behavior can manifest as frequently asking for opinions or validation on choices that you should feel secure about. Constant reassurance-seeking might also indicate underlying anxiety or self-doubt. It's important to identify the root causes of this behavior and work towards building self-confidence. Developing trust in your own judgment can help you become more self-reliant and less dependent on others for validation. Helping yourself build confidence can start with setting small, achievable goals that reinforce your ability to make sound decisions. Celebrate your successes, even the small ones, to create a positive feedback loop. Over time, you'll start to feel more comfortable relying on your own judgment. It's also beneficial to seek support through therapy or self-help resources, which can provide strategies for boosting self-esteem. Remember, everyone has moments of doubt, but learning to trust yourself is a valuable skill that can improve your overall well-being. 5. Needing To Be Involved In Everything Being overly involved in activities or groups might seem like enthusiasm, but it can also be a way to ensure you're noticed and valued. According to a study by psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron, people with high sensitivity often engage in multiple activities to seek validation and avoid feeling neglected. While staying engaged is generally positive, spreading yourself too thin can lead to burnout and stress. It's important to evaluate why you're taking on so much and whether it's fulfilling your emotional needs. Balancing your commitments with self-care is crucial for maintaining health and happiness. Take a step back and assess which activities truly bring joy and fulfillment to your life. Prioritize those that align with your values and goals, and don't be afraid to say no to commitments that don't serve you. It's okay to take a break and recharge; this doesn't mean you're any less committed or valuable. By focusing on quality over quantity in your engagements, you can make more meaningful contributions. Remember, it's the depth of your involvement, not the breadth, that truly matters. 6. Fishing for Compliments If you frequently find yourself fishing for compliments, it might be an indication that you're not feeling appreciated or recognized. This behavior often stems from low self-esteem or a lack of self-assurance. While seeking positive reinforcement is natural, relying heavily on external validation can become problematic. It's crucial to build an internal sense of self-worth and learn to acknowledge your achievements independently. Developing self-confidence can help you appreciate compliments without depending on them for your self-esteem. Start by recognizing your own strengths and accomplishments, and practice self-affirmation regularly. This could involve maintaining a journal of positive feedback you give yourself each day. Over time, this practice can help shift your focus from external validation to internal acceptance. In social settings, try to be mindful of how often you're seeking compliments and challenge yourself to engage in conversations without fishing for praise. Remember, genuine appreciation from others feels more rewarding when it's not actively pursued. 7. Being Overly Agreeable While being agreeable is generally seen as a positive trait, being overly agreeable can indicate a fear of conflict or rejection. This behavior often arises from a desire to be liked or to maintain harmony at all costs. According to Dr. Judith Orloff, a psychiatrist and author, people-pleasing often stems from a deep-seated need for approval and can lead to resentment and stress. It's important to find a balance between being accommodating and asserting your own needs and boundaries. Learning to say no when necessary can lead to healthier, more authentic relationships. Practice expressing your own viewpoints and preferences, even if they differ from those around you. Start small by voicing opinions in low-stakes situations, which can build your confidence over time. Remember that your thoughts and feelings are valid and deserve to be heard. By prioritizing your own needs, you can foster more genuine relationships based on mutual respect. Ultimately, being true to yourself is more fulfilling than constantly seeking approval from others. 8. Frequent Mood Swings Experiencing frequent mood swings can be more than just a symptom of stress; it might be a sign that you're struggling to process your emotions. Mood swings can occur when you're not feeling heard or understood, leading to frustration and confusion. This behavior can create tension in your relationships, as loved ones may not know how to respond to your shifting emotions. It's important to recognize the triggers of your mood swings and work on developing healthier coping mechanisms. Seeking support from a mental health professional can help you better understand your emotional responses. Journaling or practicing mindfulness can also provide insight into your emotional patterns. By tracking your moods, you can identify recurring triggers and work on addressing them. It's crucial to communicate with those around you about what you're experiencing, so they can offer support and understanding. Developing emotional regulation skills can improve your relationships and overall well-being. Remember, it's okay to seek help if you're feeling overwhelmed by your emotions. 9. Talking Loudly or Being Overly Boisterous Being overly loud or boisterous in social settings can be a way to draw attention and ensure that you're noticed. This behavior might stem from a fear of being overlooked or ignored. While being outgoing is not inherently negative, it can become problematic if it detracts from others' experiences. It's important to recognize when your behavior is crossing into attention-seeking territory and modulate your volume and energy accordingly. Being mindful of the social dynamics around you can help create a more balanced and enjoyable environment for everyone. Practice active listening and engage in conversations in a way that allows everyone to participate. This can mean taking turns speaking and giving space for quieter voices to be heard. Learning to adjust your energy levels based on the situation can make you a more adaptable and considerate communicator. By focusing on building meaningful connections, rather than being the center of attention, you can enhance your social interactions. Remember, genuine engagement often holds more value than being the loudest voice in the room. 10. Dramatizing Situations If you often find yourself exaggerating or dramatizing situations, it might be a way to capture attention and elicit empathy from others. This behavior can stem from a need for validation or a desire to be taken seriously. While it's natural to want others to understand your perspective, dramatizing can sometimes diminish the seriousness of your concerns. It's important to communicate your experiences honestly and openly without embellishment. This approach fosters trust and ensures that your feelings are respected and understood. Practice articulating your thoughts in a clear and straightforward manner, focusing on the facts rather than embellishments. By maintaining honesty, you'll likely find that others are more receptive to your concerns. This can lead to more productive problem-solving and supportive interactions. Encourage open dialogue with those around you to ensure mutual understanding and respect. Remember, your experiences and feelings are valid, and you don't need to exaggerate to be heard. 11. Becoming Overly Competitive Being overly competitive can sometimes indicate an underlying need for validation or self-worth. While healthy competition can be motivating, excessive competitiveness may stem from a fear of inadequacy or a desire to prove oneself. This behavior can strain relationships, as it often fosters resentment and animosity. Recognizing this pattern can help you focus on personal growth rather than external validation. Emphasizing cooperation and collaboration over competition can lead to more fulfilling and supportive interactions. Work on shifting your mindset from competition to personal growth and improvement. Set personal goals that focus on self-development, rather than comparing yourself to others. By celebrating your achievements without needing to be the best, you can cultivate a healthier sense of self-worth. Encourage teamwork and recognize the strengths of those around you, fostering a more positive and inclusive environment. Remember, success is not a zero-sum game, and there is room for everyone to excel. 12. Engaging in Self-Deprecation Self-deprecation might seem like a harmless way to diffuse tension or make others laugh, but it can also be a sign of low self-esteem. This behavior often masks deeper insecurities and a need for reassurance. While it's okay to poke fun at yourself occasionally, constant self-deprecation can negatively impact your self-image and how others perceive you. It's important to strike a balance between humor and self-respect. Building a positive self-image can help you communicate with confidence and authenticity. Challenge yourself to replace self-deprecating comments with positive affirmations. Focus on your strengths and accomplishments, and practice speaking about yourself with kindness and respect. Over time, this shift in perspective can improve your self-confidence and how others perceive you. Encourage those around you to do the same, fostering a supportive environment where everyone feels valued. Remember, humor doesn't have to come at the expense of your self-worth. 13. Procrastinating on Purpose Deliberate procrastination might not just be laziness; it can also be a way to draw attention to your struggles or create a sense of urgency. This behavior often signals a lack of motivation or a fear of failure. Procrastinating can lead to stress and anxiety, as tasks pile up and deadlines loom. It's important to identify the root causes of your procrastination and develop strategies to overcome it. By addressing these underlying issues, you can improve your productivity and reduce stress. Start by setting realistic goals and breaking tasks into manageable steps. This can help reduce the sense of overwhelm and make it easier to get started. Hold yourself accountable by setting deadlines and rewarding yourself for completing tasks on time. Seeking support from a mentor, coach, or therapist can also provide guidance and encouragement. Remember, overcoming procrastination is a process, and small steps can lead to significant progress. 14. Clinging to Relationships Being overly clingy in relationships can be a sign of insecurity or fear of abandonment. This behavior often stems from past experiences or a lack of trust in oneself. While it's normal to seek connection and closeness, clinging can lead to dependency and strain relationships. It's important to work on building self-confidence and trust, both in yourself and in your relationships. Developing a healthy sense of independence can lead to more balanced and fulfilling connections. Practice self-care and explore activities that bring you joy and fulfillment outside of your relationships. This can help you cultivate a sense of self-worth and independence. Communicate openly with your partner or loved ones about your feelings and needs, fostering trust and understanding. Encourage reciprocal support and allow space for each person to grow individually. Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, trust, and independence. 15. Making Promises You Can't Keep Frequently making promises you can't keep might be a way to win approval or avoid disappointing others. This behavior can lead to feelings of guilt and stress, as well as damage trust in relationships. While it's natural to want to meet others' expectations, it's important to be realistic and honest about your capabilities. Setting boundaries and managing expectations can help you maintain integrity and build trust. By being truthful about what you can offer, you create more authentic and sustainable connections. Practice setting realistic expectations for yourself and others, and communicate openly about your limitations. This honesty can build trust and respect in your relationships, as others will appreciate your authenticity. Focus on following through with commitments you make, and be willing to admit when you can't meet a promise. Encourage open dialogue and understanding, fostering a supportive environment where everyone feels valued. Remember, it's better to under-promise and over-deliver than to make promises you can't keep. Solve the daily Crossword

What ‘Road Rules' Wrought
What ‘Road Rules' Wrought

New York Times

time6 days ago

  • Entertainment
  • New York Times

What ‘Road Rules' Wrought

Attention, as a currency, can work a bit like money itself, creating classes of haves and have-nots. If income inequality in America ballooned in the 1970s, attention inequality got worse in the 1990s — thanks of course to the internet, but also to reality TV. On 'The Real World,' which premiered on MTV in 1992, viewers were invited to surveil the day-to-day of people who were both totally normal and anything but, people finding jobs and facing crushes and doing what 20-somethings do, all while living under one roof. On 'Road Rules,' a sister show of sorts that premiered 30 years ago this month, a handful of teens and 20-somethings were dropped into the middle of nowhere in a camper van. There, they performed 'challenges' like jumping out of an airplane or spending the night in a supposedly haunted building. The two shows, made by the same production company, essentially ushered in the reality television factory of fame — fleeting and otherwise — as we have come to know if in the decades since. There is something distinctly American about 'Road Rules,' possessed of a berserk energy as if it had emerged from a Hollywood brainstorming lunch between Jack Kerouac and Kim Kardashian. It's just an R.V. full of young people and the open road. Plus some 'challenges' that seem like a real-life test of the parental aphorism 'If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?' The answer is always yes, so long as the tape is running. Both 'The Real World' and 'Road Rules' attracted and thrived on a particular personality: obnoxiously authentic. The type of person saying what nobody else will — because it's rude, offensive, moronic or plainly unnecessary. If that archetype sounds familiar, it's because reality TV show fame is now actual real-world fame, and we're living in a world that 'Road Rules' made. Theo Von, a cast member on Season 9, is now one of the biggest podcast stars in the world, with a show that frequently ranks in YouTube's Top 10, reaching millions, and which last year counted President Trump as a guest. Sean Duffy, who met his wife on 'Road Rules: All Stars,' is the secretary of transportation. Michael Mizanin, now a wrestling star better known as the Miz, was a cast member of 'The Real World' and went on the mash-up once known as the 'Real World-Road Rules Challenge.' Want all of The Times? Subscribe.

EXCLUSIVE The truth about Tom Brady at Birmingham: The speech he gave to beat Wrexham, a brand new training regime and wedding-day calls
EXCLUSIVE The truth about Tom Brady at Birmingham: The speech he gave to beat Wrexham, a brand new training regime and wedding-day calls

Daily Mail​

time11-07-2025

  • Sport
  • Daily Mail​

EXCLUSIVE The truth about Tom Brady at Birmingham: The speech he gave to beat Wrexham, a brand new training regime and wedding-day calls

The ping of a smartphone is perhaps the most familiar sound in the life of today's footballer. Whether from friends, family, team-mates, coaches, club officials or agents, there is virtually constant demand for their attention. For Birmingham City players, however, sometimes the club official in question is Tom Brady, seven-time winner and one of the most recognisable sports stars on the planet.

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