Latest news with #bonding
The Guardian
4 days ago
- The Guardian
The perfect break for mother and son? Stone-carving and wood-turning in Sussex
How best to bond with a teenage boy? When my son, Hugo, finished his A-levels, I knew I wanted to 'take a journey' with him, to have some sort of final trip before he left home. Ideally a journey that would leave both of us with a few happy memories. The Guardian's journalism is independent. We will earn a commission if you buy something through an affiliate link. Learn more. Easier said than done: a midlife woman and a teenage boy are completely different beasts. I wanted to walk. He wanted to be driven. I wanted to get up early. He wanted to sleep in. I wanted unusual food. He wanted pub grub. I wanted to be safely active. He wanted to lie on a sofa or scramble along a vertiginous precipice. I wanted conversation. He didn't (at least not with me, hour after hour). The problem of where to go seemed insurmountable. But there was one activity we both enjoyed: making and building things. Could this be the answer to our 'bonding' trip? When I suggested we do a three-day stone-carving course on the South Downs and then a wood-turning class deep in an East Sussex forest, he nodded. We could spend our days together, but not conversing. The start time would be somewhere between his and my preferred rising hours. Our creative endeavours could be interspersed with eating at pubs that catered to each of our food preferences. And the travel requirements were minimal. We would base ourselves at my mum's in Lewes (but there's a great choice of local accommodation, including a youth hostel in a converted Sussex farmhouse in Southease on the South Downs that offers options from private rooms to bell tents). To boot, we may come away with more than just a few memories. Conran-ish wooden bowls and Hepworth-ish stone sculptures swum before my eyes. Yes, this could work, we agreed. And so, with a little trepidation, we turned up at the Skelton Workshop just after Hugo's last A-level exam. In a hidden crevice of the South Downs, not far from Hassocks, the Skelton stone-carving studio is near the home of the eminent, deceased sculptor and letter-cutter, John Skelton (students can visit Skelton's nearby sculpture garden during courses). The vast barn-style workshop looks over slanting vineyards which also contained – to our surprise and delight – a very cool wine bar and restaurant. The Artelium wine estate offers vineyard tours and tasting sessionsand, having discovered that the wines had won multiple awards, its alfresco terrace became our lunch spot (charcuterie boards and homemade bread) for the next three days. But first we had to choose whether we wanted to carve letters or sculpture. We both opted for sculpture. We then had to make another decision: what sort of stone? Hugo chose a beautiful green granite, while I selected a large block of Italian soapstone. Being disorganised, neither of us had arrived with any ideas. The course tutors provided books to inspire us and – after a little discussion with our eight fellow students – we both decided to go abstract. After three days of open-air chiselling, hammering, sanding and polishing, we had sculptures deemed good enough for the end-of-course show. To our (continued) surprise, a crowd arrived for the 'private viewing' in which our sculptures were publicly praised by the tutors. We celebrated with an evening meal in The Gun, a gastropub in Chiddingly that serves stone-baked pizzas and something it calls a 'gut-loving burrito bowl' composed of sweetcorn, black beans, guacamole and all the other things anathema to Hugo but much-loved by his mother. The next day, we drove 30 minutes east, to a privately owned woodland just outside Battle. Here, we hoped to master the ancient art of wood- turning using pole lathes, now a heritage craft. Green woodworker Amy Leake – youthful, petite, impressively muscled – had set up our pole lathes beneath the shade of a vast, spreading oak. After introducing us to our lathes (simple contraptions Amy made herself, in which sawn branches, rope and a treadle turn the wood), she showed us how to axe an enormous chunk of wood into something that would ultimately become a bowl. As sunlight poured through the green foliage above us, wood chips whizzed through the grainy air and sweat ran from our brows. Turning on a pole lathe requires strength, stamina and skill. Thanks to Amy's expert guidance, by the end of the day we were the proud (if exhausted) owners of two beautiful bowls. To recover, we headed to nearby Hastings for fish and chips on the beach followed by a game of crazy golf on the sea front. Tired after all that treadling it was then back to Lewes for some well-deserved sleep. I'm looking at our (proudly displayed) sculptures and bowls as I write. They always make me smile. Not because I see the embryonic makings of two artistic geniuses, but because they remind me of the connection Hugo and I made while working with our hands, of the shared blood, sweat and laughter. Besides, the bowls are perfect for serving crisps. I'll take that over a string of digital photographs any day. Skelton Workshops is running a three-day beginner's workshop from July 29-31 for £216 including all materials. Amy Leake runs a range of green woodworking classes (£200 for two people per day) including brush-making and spoon-carving
Daily Mail
5 days ago
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Woman who went viral for breastfeeding her husband reveals how she feels about it since she stopped nursing
A mother who used to breastfeed her husband while she was also nursing her children has reflected on her unconventional show of affection 18 months after it went viral. Rachel Bailey, 32, and her husband Alexander, also 32, filmed a new vlog that showed them sitting down to watch an episode of My Strange Addiction, in which they revealed their ununsual practice to the world. At the time of filming, the mother-of-three said it was 'not a kink' but a way for she and Alexander to bond emotionally and grow closer. She started breastfeeding her husband in 2016, when they went on a cruise holiday away from their children, who she was still nursing. But Rachel had forgotten her breast pump, which left her 'badly engorged' and 'in so much pain'. In an effort to help relieve her pain, Alexander drank milk from her breasts. According to Rachel, it 'created a more special bond between us which we never would have had if we didn't start this'. Now, though, both Rachel and Alexander seem to feel differently about the practice, having stopped since 2023 after their youngest child was weaned. In their recent vlog, the pair get ready to watch the episode, which Rachel had seen parts of but Alexander had never watched because he 'never cared to'. 'This actually would be my first time [legitimately] watching it… I may not be able to get through it,' he admitted at the start of the YouTube vlog. The pair got comfortable on their sofa and start watching the episode of My Strange Addiction. Before they got to their own story, though, the pair briefly watched the story of a man whose 'addiction' was to eating raw chicken. 'His episode seems a little crazier than our episode,' Rachel said. 'And yet, our episode was the craziest.' Once they began watching themselves on TV, Rachel let out a scream of excitement, while Alexander appeared to try and hide his embarrassment by laughing at the screen. Asking Alexander how he felt about watching the first part of the episode for the first time, he replied: 'My thoughts are [that] it's unreal. It's like it didn't happen, but it happened. It's just wild. I don't even know, I have no words.' He added that he was having an 'out-of-body experience' watching himself and his wife on TV. Rachel said she couldn't believe they were 29 years old when they filmed the episode, and on seeing herself breastfeeding Alexander, she declared: 'It's cringe!' They recently sat down to watch their episode of My Strange Addiction, as Alexander had never seen it before, and recorded their reactions for their YouTube vlog When another clip of Alexander drinking from her breast appeared, Rachel said she 'couldn't even watch' and panned to Alexander, who had an uncomfortable expression on his face. They hit pause and Rachel said: 'You can tell that we barely watched this episode because I have never heard this background music before. 'It was very hard for us.' She described the episode as 'cringe' a second time, while Alexander can be heard saying: 'This is insane.' Towards the end of the video, Rachel admitted that they could not sit through the whole episode. 'We could not watch the whole thing, I gotta be honest with you,' she said. 'Maybe years from now. 'It's funny to watch because it was an amazing experience but it feels like we didn't do this, but we did this.' Alexander added: 'It's definitely a once in a lifetime experience, hence why we did it, it's not something you would experience everyday, going on My Strange Addiction. Rachel asked her husband if people still approach him to talk about the episode, but he said they no longer do. 'Things go like this,' Alexander said, snapping his fingers. 'Things are on and off, hot and cold, so once one thing's gone, the next thing pops up so they move on with that. Nobody talks about it anymore, which is fine, it's cool.' While Rachel was still breastfeeding Alexander, she claimed he became healthier and his skin improved as a result of drinking her milk. At the time, she said he had not gotten a cold in two years and received plenty of compliments on his skin. They acknowledged the practice might be 'a bit of a taboo subject', but added that they were not embarrassed by it because they 'don't think it's bad'. When Rachel was producing the most milk shortly after giving birth, Alexander was drinking from her breasts 'three to four times a day' and always only after her children had been fed. 'I love breastfeeding him as it allows us to spend quality time together. It's definitely brought us closer as a couple,' she explained. 'We realised there was nothing wrong with me breastfeeding him, and it would actually be good for him as it is so nutritious. 'He didn't get a cold for two years after he started drinking my milk and so many people said his skin was so much better too. 'It's not a kink for us. It started as Alexander just helping me out when I was in pain, but it turned into more of an emotional bonding thing.' But eventually all three of their children were weaned off breast milk, which meant Alexander also had to stop drinking it. Rachel said last year that when this happened, the couple 'grieved' their 'bonding experience' and they even considered having a fourth child so they could continue. 'We grieved that bonding experience that we shared, and we even spoke about having one more baby so that we could do it again,' Rachel said. 'However, we realized that was drastic action to take and a lot of work, so instead we began looking for other ways that we could bond as a couple.' Instead, they now get up at 5 am each morning to catch up and meditate before getting on with the rest of their day. 'It was never a sexual thing for us. We did it because it was an amazing way for us to bond and share something special as a couple,' Rachel said. 'We really miss the breastfeeding times that we shared, but we have found new ways to connect.'
Yahoo
21-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
105 Intimate Questions To Ask Your Partner and Reignite That Spark
105 Intimate Questions To Ask Your Partner and Reignite That Spark originally appeared on Parade. Date night might look a bit differently once you've been committed to your significant other long-term. You feel more comfortable around them and there could be ruts where you may slip up and find yourself not trying quite as hard for their attention or to please them. In order to keep the spark alive and beat those lulls, why not make it a point to ask your partner intimate questions to get to know them again? Maybe you don't feel like you know what it is they want anymore, or maybe you just want some ideas on how to connect with them on a deeper level. Whatever the case may be, we may just have the answer (in the form of questions, of course). Even if you're not in a rut and your relationship is as healthy as ever, it still couldn't hurt to implement some of these questions into your next date night. It could amp up your date and ignite a spark! There's no wrong time to try and make your relationship better, especially if it's going well already. Intimacy is about feeling seen and heard in your relationship, but most importantly understood. That's why we've compiled a list of 105 intimate to ask your partner so that you can make your connection with your special someone that much What is something you want to do together to strengthen our bond? What are your expectations of me in our relationship? What differences do we have that make us complementary? What do you think is our biggest strength as a couple? What are your favorite family memories? What song always makes you think of me? How do you feel is the best way to confront a problem? What are some ways that you think we could support each other better? What's your biggest goal in life? How do you think your childhood has shaped who you are today? What's something you hope to accomplish in the next year? How do you feel when we spend time apart? How much quality time together feels right to you, and why? What have you always wanted to try, but haven't yet? What goal are you currently working toward? What does your ideal weekend look like? What aspect of our relationship do you feel would be important to teach others? How loved and appreciated do I make you feel? How do you feel about the current state of our relationship? Where do you see yourself in five years? What about us? What does the perfect day look like to you? How would you spend it? Related: Is there anything you're afraid to accomplish that I can help you with? What is the closest you've ever felt to me? What is your biggest regret? If you didn't have to work, what would you do with your life? What is a fear of yours that we've never talked about? What makes you feel the most loved? How do you feel our careers affect our relationship? What do you feel is the most important component of a family? How and when did you know we'd make it as a couple? What challenges from your past have made you stronger? What would you do if you had unlimited resources? Who was the last person you cried in front of? Why? How do you express your emotions? What are your thoughts on vulnerability in a relationship? What makes you feel secure in our relationship? What is love to you? Describe what love looks and feels like to you. Do you think it's true that love is more than just a feeling? How do you plan to achieve your dreams? Who inspires you to follow your dreams? How have your past relationships influenced your views on love and commitment? What do you feel makes our relationship strongest? What setting do you think is the most romantic? Out of the five senses, which is the most sensual to you? What activities do you enjoy doing with me? What's the most daring thing you've ever done? What makes you feel most connected to me? What do you dream about the most often? What do you like most about your appearance? What do you like most about my appearance? How do you define emotional intimacy, and do you feel we've achieved it? What was the first thing about me that attracted you? How do you like to show love? How do you like to be shown love? If you could plan the perfect date with me, what would that include? How do you express love when words aren't enough? What's one moment in our relationship that made you feel deeply connected to me? What's a romantic gesture you've always wanted to experience? What are three things about me that attracted you to me when we first met? What's your favorite non-physical way to feel close to me? When did you know you loved me? When you listen to music, do you focus on the words or the music? How do you feel about sharing your thoughts and feelings? Related: What movie do you think would reflect our relationship? What do you remember from when we were falling in love? What's your favorite way for us to celebrate special occasions? Who was your role model growing up, and why? What did you love to do most as a child? What memory makes you feel the most alive? What skill would you like to master? Where have you always dreamed of visiting? What values do you appreciate in others? What would you like us to do more often together? Who are the most influential people in your life? What are three qualities you admire about yourself? What's your love language? How do you like to be comforted when you're feeling anxious? What are your favorite hobbies or activities? What's the best advice you've ever received? How do you think we've grown as a couple since we first met? Where would you like us to travel to and why? What have been the happiest moments in your life so far? Which relative are you closest to and why? What's one thing you hope we never lose as a couple? What's your favorite memory of us? Related: What is the best way I can make you feel loved? What have you learned about relationships from your parents? Realistically, how do you see our future together? What is one thing that you're afraid to tell anyone else? When have you felt the most proud of me? What do you feel is your biggest weakness? How can I help support you in that? How do you want to be remembered? How do you define success? What are your personal boundaries and how do you maintain them? What does emotional intimacy mean to you? What motivates you? What project have you always wanted to start? What are your personal hopes and dreams for the future? What was something your younger self lacked that you know or can do now? Is there anything you'd change about our relationship? How can we improve our communication? What's a defining moment in your life? If you could relive one of our past days together, which would it be? What values are most important to you? What are your dreams and goals for us as a couple? Up Next: 105 Intimate Questions To Ask Your Partner and Reignite That Spark first appeared on Parade on Jun 20, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jun 20, 2025, where it first appeared.
Forbes
17-06-2025
- General
- Forbes
2 Ways ‘Dry Begging' Harms Your Relationship, By A Psychologist
When your partner has to guess your needs, you're not bonding, you're building resentment. Here's ... More how 'dry begging' creates an unhealthy dynamic in your relationship. Ever had your partner sit in silence all evening, then quietly say, 'I just wish I mattered enough to be asked how my day was?' Or perhaps a friend posts a cryptic Instagram story that says, 'Funny how people disappear when you're the one who needs help,' and you're left wondering if it was meant for you? This is 'dry begging,' a subtle and indirect way people express a need or desire without actually voicing it. It can often sound like sarcasm, guilt-tripping or a vague complaint. However, it's rarely ever a clear request. It might seem harmless on the surface, but its impact can run deeper than you imagine. This misguided form of communication can create confusion and tension that severely disrupts the connection between two people. What often begins as a small comment can, over time, lead to frustration and emotional distance. You may not realize it while it's happening, but these little exchanges can slowly diminish trust and emotional safety in a relationship. Here are two ways dry begging harms your relationship. One of the most immediate effects of dry begging in relationships is confusion about what's being felt or needed. This can be frustrating for both partners, as there's a lack of clarity on both ends. This can eventually create an emotional gap if the pattern becomes a norm in the relationship. Whether the person dry begging realizes it or not, this passive-aggressive form of communication often creates a situation where the other person feels emotionally compelled to help or respond. This may not happen out of genuine understanding but rather because their empathy has been subtly preyed upon. This can feel manipulative, even if it wasn't intended that way. In a 2021 study published in the Journal of Family Psychology, researchers examined the dynamics of communication in romantic relationships. By observing conflict interactions between 155 mixed-sex couples, the researchers tested a common assumption in couples' therapy: that expressing thoughts and feelings openly leads to better mutual understanding. The study focused on whether the extent to which one partner (the 'target') expressed their inner thoughts and emotions was linked to how accurately the other partner (the 'perceiver') could understand them, a concept known as empathic accuracy. The researchers found that greater expression of thoughts or feelings was consistently associated with higher empathic accuracy in one's partner. Importantly, this link held even when the content being expressed was potentially threatening to the relationship. This supports the idea that clear and open communication enhances understanding in intimate relationships, which helps improve the way couples communicate daily. So, while it may feel safer to communicate indirectly, especially if the need feels vulnerable or 'too much' for you to talk about, this study makes it clear that clarity strengthens connection, while ambiguity can weaken it. Being passive-aggressive rather than open and direct puts your partner in a position where they're forced to decode vague complaints. If dry begging has become your default, fight the urge to drop that passive-aggressive comment you so badly want to throw at your partner. Instead, try stating your need clearly instead of hoping that your partner picks up on the subtext. For instance, if you've been feeling distant from your partner, you could share your concern in ways that promote connection, such as 'I've missed feeling connected to you lately, can we have some one-on-one time soon?' On the other hand, if you're on the receiving end of dry begging, try not to rush to defensiveness or guessing what's wrong. Take a pause and gently ask, 'Hey, is there something you're trying to tell me that's hard to say out loud?' It's really just about bringing a sense of awareness and a conscious shift in the way you respond or express yourself in relationships. Small but intentional changes can shift the dynamic from tension to curiosity, which creates a safer space for clear communication to unfold. Dry begging as a form of communication often tends to fail. Responses to these indirect comments can often be misinterpreted as emotional neglect. One partner feels their needs are not being met despite communicating, while the other partner is left feeling confused as to what is being asked of them. This leads to one person feeling increasingly unseen, while the other feels unfairly accused or confused about where the frustration is coming from. Neither partner is trying to hurt the other, but the lack of clear expression can lead both to feel like they're walking on eggshells. In this turmoil, instead of resolving issues, both partners begin to tiptoe around each other. This creates resentment that builds slowly through repeated and unresolved conflict. A 2023 study explored how communication patterns affect couples' emotional and physical health. Married partners were observed during lab-based conflict discussions. The researchers assessed their typical communication styles, such as mutual avoidance and demand/withdraw, alongside biological markers like inflammation and wound healing. The researchers found that couples who habitually avoided difficult conversations or fell into demand/withdraw cycles reported lower emotional satisfaction and exhibited slower wound healing, higher baseline inflammation and more negative emotional states after conflict. This highlights that indirect or unclear communication, as seen in dry begging, doesn't just leave partners feeling misunderstood. It creates genuine physiological stress and deepens emotional disconnection over time. This is a reminder of the risk of letting unmet needs simmer beneath the surface. What remains unsaid can still hurt, often more deeply than you realize. To remedy this, be conscious of coming from a place of shared vulnerability when you communicate with your partner. This means rather than framing your emotions as an attack or accusation, try expressing the feeling underneath. This helps partners relate in much healthier ways to one another. So, for instance, instead of saying, 'You never listen to me,' you might say, 'When I feel unheard, I get scared that I don't matter.' This softens the conversation and invites your partner into your emotional world, rather than pushing them away. This little shift is a conscious act of emotional courage that makes it safer for both people to be seen and heard. The more clearly and compassionately you articulate yourself, the more space it creates for deeper emotional intimacy. Emotional safety in a relationship isn't something you can create overnight. It's something you both have to actively work toward. With every word you choose and every need you express (or avoid), you're either building a bridge or a barrier. Dry begging may come from a place of fear or past hurt, but it keeps both partners stuck in a guessing game where no one wins. But when you begin to express yourself clearly, you make a choice that signals trust. In turn, you invite your partner to do the same without judgment or defensiveness. That's the kind of intimacy that heals and sustains a relationship. Take this science-based test to find out if hidden patterns of ineffective arguing are impacting your connection: Ineffective Arguing Inventory
Washington Post
13-06-2025
- General
- Washington Post
‘You're there to dad.' Five fathers on how they learned to parent.
The moment we brought our first child home from the hospital, I sat on the couch and put my feet up. Our new baby girl, our blinding light of joy, lay on my chest. We both slept like the popular stereotype of a baby. I assume my wife did as well — at least I hope she did — though probably in a bed in the other room, experiencing her first moments of privacy in days. But I don't know for sure; like I said, baby and I only made it to the couch before we conked out. My daughter slept like that countless times in her first few weeks and months. Sometimes, I did, too, but often I would be standing and swaying, or sitting up against a stack of pillows while she snoozed a few inches from my chin. When she started sleeping in her bassinet, I would need to first drape my arm over her while she drifted off, acting as a human swaddle. She needed me in different ways than she needed her mother, obviously. But she needed me. And that was a revelation. The pop-culture cliché of fatherhood revolves around helping. Is dad helping enough? What does dad do to help? As soon as I became a father, I realized how wrong this is. My arms became a place of comfort and rest for my daughter. Whenever the endless wonder and confusion of babyhood exhausted her, she would nuzzle her way up to my collarbone, where she would wirelessly recharge. Dad wasn't helping; dad was dadding. We were building a bond that we both needed more than I could possibly have understood before that first nap on the couch. The bond between mother and child can make it intimidating to be the other parent, the one who didn't literally grow this human inside them and continues to sustain them. The shape that a father-baby bond is meant to take isn't as obvious. But that's not because fatherhood is an afterthought; it's just a different kind of miracle. New fathers should approach their new lives not just with love but with intent. Embrace the bigness of it all. Don't think of your role as ancillary or merely utilitarian. You're not there to help; you're there to dad. Seth Mandel, Silver Spring The writer is senior editor of Commentary magazine. Story continues below advertisement Advertisement Take as much time as you can As a new dad to my son Hodge, who's now almost 3, the biggest lesson I learned, and my biggest advice to any new father, is this: Take as much time as you can to be with your child. The more time you put in, the more you get back. Before I became a dad, I thought my legacy would be the jobs I held or the legislation I passed. But after becoming a father, I realized that my legacy is my son. The values I pass down, the purpose I help instill in him, it all starts in those early days. When you take paid family leave, you're not just getting time off. You're bonding, learning, growing and becoming the kind of parent your child needs. It's not just good for the baby and your partner. Sharing the workload helps reduce stress, lowers the risk of postpartum depression and strengthens the entire family. I know those first few weeks can be intense. Newborns are a 24/7 job: They need to eat every two hours, be changed constantly and held often. There's no 'off' switch, so the more help your partner has, the better it is for everyone in your family. Strong families don't just happen. Policymakers like me and my colleagues need to create the space to support them by passing strong parental leave policies. And, as dads, we need to take that time when it's available to us. It only comes around once, and it's the most important work we'll ever do. Jimmy Gomez, Los Angeles The writer, a Democrat, represents California's 34th Congressional District in the U.S. House and is chair of the Congressional Dads Caucus. Be Samwise Gamgee For many men in white-collar professions, modernity offers relatively few opportunities in which traditionally masculine traits are strictly necessary. You don't need to be able to bench press much to finish up those spreadsheets, and physical strength tends to be more of an asset on the flag-football field than in locking down that promotion. One critical exception for many dads, though, is these hours and days leading up to and right after birth. Just because men will never be able to experience the pangs of childbirth doesn't mean they aren't called to play the role of Samwise Gamgee in their partner's journey. In the climactic moments of 'The Lord of the Rings,' Frodo despairs of being able to finish his mission to take the ring of power to the mountain in which it will be destroyed. Sam, his faithful companion, is there: 'I can't carry the ring for you, but I can carry you!' For different dads, 'carrying' the mother of their child will take different forms: massaging her aching hips and back as contractions start; physically supporting her as her body spasms in the throes of labor; making late-night runs to the convenience store to pick up much-needed pads (or ice cream); endlessly pacing a room to get a tired baby down; or waking up at 12 a.m., and 2 a.m., and 4 a.m., to handle feeding so mom can get some rest. To be clear, these tasks pale in comparison to the physical pain and emotional exhaustion of childbirth that women undertake; the burden of bearing the next generation will always be fundamentally uneven. But whatever fatherhood looks like, it's an invitation to put your strength, your sleep, your whole self on the line, even when it means forgoing creature comforts or pushing muscles in ways no workout could ever match. Like a journey to the heart of Middle-earth, it's exhausting, unglamorous, and — when that small little bundle lets out a sigh and burrows into your chest — transformative. Patrick T. Brown, Columbia, South Carolina (Illustration by Michelle Kondrich/The Washington Post) Have faith in what you have to offer 'You can just do things,' declares a popular meme. My personal variation on this is 'You can just give good things to your children.' Good things can be simple and small: a song, for instance. On one of our first nights with our first child, while we were all still at the hospital, I spent a long time walking back and forth in the dark, holding our fussy baby close to me and trying to soothe her back to sleep. There, amid the beeping hospital monitors, inspiration struck. After my 99th rendition of 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star,' I changed up the lyrics. 'Twinkle, Twinkle Beatrice,' I sang, riffing on our daughter's name. 'You are such a precious gift,/ Like a diamond or a pearl,/ You are our sweet little girl,/ Twinkle, twinkle Beatrice,/ You are such a precious gift.' This little rewrite has remained in our repertoire for calming Beatrice ever since. And good things don't have to be instrumental or aimed at optimizing your child. This isn't about playing Mozart to raise your baby's IQ or SAT scores. Do it for the joy of sharing what is beautiful with a new person you love. Give what is good, starting with the gift of your presence. I know it can be challenging. But the most important place for your attention right now, in the first hours and days and weeks of dadhood, is right there: with your family, especially its brand-new, needy, wonderful addition. Know that you have good things to give, and give them. Alexi Sargeant, Hyattsville Story continues below advertisement Advertisement Get your reps in My husband and I became dads last summer. I wanted to be a parent for a long time. It took me until I was 40 for that to happen, and yet, despite the long runway, I approached the due date with exceptional trepidation about the unknowns of fatherhood. Then, suddenly, the baby was here, forcing us to learn a lot — and quickly. People told me I would miss the newborn stage. I confess that as our child approaches his first birthday, there is no part of me that wishes to return to that time, back when he was a vomiting potato that didn't know who we were or, perhaps, that he was even sentient. Still, there was something almost sacred about the ritual of the 2 a.m. feedings. The darkness. The coziness. The feeling that we were the only two people in the world. His shallow, innocent breaths as I swapped out his tiny diaper. The little gremlin sounds he made as he devoured two ounces of formula, something I've never dared to taste myself — though I am curious. Before he came along, I told friends I was worried I was going to be bad at this. But then one night during that first week, I sat him on a table for a groggy diaper change and it occurred to me just then how natural all these tasks had become. Repetition by repetition, I'd become a dad. Eli McCann, Salt Lake City
