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‘I had always wanted to be a stay-at-home mum ... but I'm exhausted'
‘I had always wanted to be a stay-at-home mum ... but I'm exhausted'

Irish Times

time2 days ago

  • General
  • Irish Times

‘I had always wanted to be a stay-at-home mum ... but I'm exhausted'

Question I took a career break six months ago so I could be at home full-time with my two children , aged three and four. I was unhappy in my last job when a new manager started and my role changed – so it was all good timing. My husband supported me as we did not want the kids spending long hours in childcare . We have not had to even downsize too much given how much childcare was costing us. However, it is not going as well as I thought it would and some days I am really struggling. My two children are such amazing kids and they are both really intense and demanding of my attention. I am really happy to be there with them, but I am so exhausted at the end of the day. They are both in a really lovely preschool for three hours a day which is great, but this stopped in July for the summer. Budgets are tight for camps and family holidays. Also, my relationship with my husband has become a bit strained. He is stressed and working long hours to gain more money. He also seems to expect that I should be doing most of the housework now that I am home full-time. To be honest, I also had the idea that I would be able to do it all and be the perfect home manager, and am disheartened at how little I get done in a day. READ MORE He does not understand that I am more exhausted than him when he comes in the evening. This is a source of new rows and resentment between us. It is all a bit depressing as I had always wanted to be a stay-at-home mum. Part of me now even misses being back in work. Answer Though it might be especially rewarding, caring for small children can be one of the most intense and stressful jobs you undertake. It is very normal to struggle at times and to need support. Summer can be particularly challenging. The routine of preschool not only gives you a daily break but also many parallel supports and daily social contacts. In the summer, you have to build new routines and supports which can be particularly hard when budgets are tight. You are also dealing with transitioning from being a working mother to being full time in the home. Even if this is what you wanted, this can still be an significant adjustment that takes time. Your relationship with your husband is also changing as you negotiate different roles and responsibilities. This can bring out different expectations, resentments and stresses that need to be acknowledged and talked through. Give yourself space to reflect In your mind, what is the ideal work-life-parenting balance? Photograph: Getty Images Take time to reflect about what it is going on for you. Don't give yourself a hard time for your feelings and simply let yourself feel them. It is perfectly understandable to feel depressed and this is often a signal to adjust and reflect further. You might feel sad that things have not turned out as expected and miss parts of your former life. Be curious about the deeper expectations and need that underpin your feelings. In your mind, what is the ideal work-life-parenting balance? What are you hoping from your marriage around this? What is your husband hoping for? You may be able to talk easily to your husband about these reflections and/ or it might be helpful to talk to a supportive friend, a counsellor, reach out to a parent online forum or ring a helpline such as parentline. Talk things through with your husband When couples talk about problems it is easy to fall into the trap of blaming and criticising the other person. Though much harder it can be more effective to reveal your vulnerable feelings and what you specifically need. For example, instead of simply criticising your husband for never being home, it might be more helpful to say, 'I am struggling, and I need you here more to help'. Or it might be more helpful for your husband to say, 'I am worried about money and feel I have to work more, I need your support with this' (or whatever else his needs are). [ 'I am struggling with potty training my three-year-old daughter' Opens in new window ] Moving to vulnerable communication about feelings and needs neutralises resentment. It is also important to start these conversations from a place of appreciation. You might start by appreciating his support for your decision to be at home and his efforts as the breadwinner. If your husband was reading this article, I would invite him to share what he appreciates and admired about you and your parenting. In marriages, what people want most is to be appreciated by their partner and this is a game-changer in moving from stressed to productive conversations. Explore practical solutions with your husband that might help reduce stress. This might mean him setting a day a week where he takes on parenting duties while you pursue a home and personal project. You could also sit down together to make a plan as to how he can creatively use his annual leave over the summer that is best for you and the children. In the long term, it is worth considering what are the best work and parenting arrangements to suit you both. Given the advent of flexible working, it may not have to be a binary decision of working full time or being a stay at home parent. Some couples find creative solutions allowing them to both work two - four days a week and manage most of the childcare themselves while both having the opportunity to work. Work hard at finding win-win solutions that work for both of you. John Sharry is clinical director of the Parents Plus Charity and an adjunct professor at the UCD School of Psychology. See

IT worker wants to take a yearlong break from corporate world, asks for advice
IT worker wants to take a yearlong break from corporate world, asks for advice

Independent Singapore

time6 days ago

  • Business
  • Independent Singapore

IT worker wants to take a yearlong break from corporate world, asks for advice

SINGAPORE: A local Reddit user who is looking to take a rather lengthy break from work asked for advice on the platform, wondering if anyone could share their experiences if they've taken the same journey. In a post from earlier this week on r/singaporefi, u/anon_43 wrote he is an IT worker in his 40s and is family's main breadwinner. Their household's total monthly income is S$12,000, and he and his wife have two children, ages 5 and 8. He went on to say that their household's essential expenses are at S$4,000 a month, and that their HDB flat and car are fully paid. They have S$250,000 to S$300,000 mostly in dividend stocks. He also described himself as 'a bit jaded from the corporate world' and would like to see if he can do something more fulfilling. At this point, however, as he doesn't know what he is really looking for, he wants to take a yearlong break to 'recharge and reflect.' Fortunately, his company allows this and he can go back to work with them, but possibly in a different role or team. Moreover, his family is supportive of his plan. But since he doesn't want to spend too much of their savings during his break, he's thinking of doing side gigs such as working for Lalamove, and added that he has experience in WordPress site, mobile app dev, creating marketing content such as infographics and doodle animation video. 'Would like to hear from anyone with similar experience who took a break. Can you share your experience? Any regrets? Love to hear any suggestions on how to earn some side income. Thanks, folks!' A number of commenters on the post, wary of the uncertain job market, were not very encouraging regarding taking such a long break from work. One asked if the post author can get the guarantee that he'll get his job back after a year in writing, while another suggested he shorten his sabbatical to three months instead of a year. 'Unfortunate reality is that you probably do not have enough to call for FIRE (financial independence, retire early), and 30-40 are your peak earning years. Your skill sets for side hustles are now easily done by AI. Investment is the way to go to be honest, but also to each your own,' one wrote. See also 4 easy steps to bootstrapping your startup brand Another said he could consider 'upskilling and receive a training allowance up to $3000 per month for selected full-time courses under SkillsFuture. 'I've done the whole sabbatical thing 2x in the past 10 years, always found a corporate job after but found it unfulfilling again, so break again and rinse repeat. I believe there's a term for this now – micro-retirement.' 'I can empathise with OP as the hamster/rat race in Singapore is relentless. 'OP, because you have young kids, try for a sabbatical first. 3-6 months, maybe do some travelling during this time to reframe and reconnect with yourself. If cost is an issue, neighbouring countries are inexpensive,' another wrote. A Reddit user who urged the post author to plan carefully for his break and the steps after that wrote, 'Pull the trigger with the expectation that there will not be a job after you 'come back' from the sabbatical. That puts your mind to work on considering the question of 'what next'. Your answer will help add clarity to your assessment of your situation.' However, a commenter in pretty much the same boat encouraged him to go for it. 'Kinda same position as you right now. Sole breadwinner ($14k/month) while my husband is starting up his online business, plus 1 kid. I say forget what people here advise you. As long as your spouse and family members are supportive, then go ahead, as ultimately they will be affected by the situation, not anyone here. If they are not, then rethink it or address their concerns. 'I personally would go down to part-time like 3-day week or half-days, as you'll still earn enough to cover your basic expenses, and spend more time with the kids and be involved in their lives while they are at this age.' /TISG Read also: 'Is this even legal?': Woman on sabbatical terminated by company after learning she was pregnant

How to afford a career break or sabbatical without wrecking your finances
How to afford a career break or sabbatical without wrecking your finances

CTV News

time20-07-2025

  • Business
  • CTV News

How to afford a career break or sabbatical without wrecking your finances

A career break or sabbatical doesn't have to derail your finances. Personal finance contributor Christopher Liew says with careful planning, you can take extended time off while maintaining your financial stability. (Getty Images / Sinseeho) Christopher Liew is a CFP®, CFA Charterholder and former financial advisor. He writes personal finance tips for thousands of daily Canadian readers at Blueprint Financial. A sabbatical or short-term vacation can be a powerful way to focus on personal growth, strengthen your relationship, spend time with a new child, or reignite your sense of inspiration. But with high living costs and financial uncertainty, stepping away from your steady income can feel out of reach. A career break or sabbatical doesn't have to derail your finances, though. With careful planning and a planned budget, it's possible to take extended time off while maintaining your financial stability. Below, I'll offer some practical advice on how you can prepare for a career break without compromising your long-term financial goals by using your savings, taking advantage of paid-time-off incentives, and discount programs so you can enjoy your well-earned time off and reset. Planning ahead financially for a career break Stepping away from work, at least temporarily, can be an incredibly valuable experience. Often it's for travel, to care for loved ones, recover from burnout, or pursue personal goals. Either way, it's generally with the intention of feeling more inspired and energetic upon your return to work. According to a 2023 report from Telus Health, nearly half of Canadian workers reported feeling burnt out, pointing toward workers needing more flexible options (or planning) that allow them to take the time away from work that they need to regain energy, ambition, and creativity. 5 strategies to make your career break financially feasible Taking time off work usually isn't as easy as movies and TV make it seem. Outside of emergencies, most jobs require employees to provide notice weeks — or longer — in advance. Even with advance notice, there's still a chance that your request may be denied depending on how desperate for work your company is. Assuming that your sabbatical is approved, here are some strategies to help make it more affordable, so you don't lose too much of your hard-earned savings. 1. Leverage employer benefits Before requesting time off, become familiar with every aspect of your workplace policies. Many larger companies offer sabbatical programs, unpaid leave options, or allow you to stack vacation and personal days, which may even include paid leave days. It's wise to talk directly with your HR department to understand what's available to you and how to make the most of your options. In some cases, unused bonuses, commissions, or paid time off (PTO) can help extend your financial cushion during your break, giving you more time and freedom. 2. Build a dedicated sabbatical fund I've always been a big proponent of creating an emergency fund for unexpected expenses, so you don't have to rely on credit and/or high-interest loans to cover you when you need it most. To achieve this, treat your career break like a financial goal. Open a high-interest savings account and begin setting aside money monthly. Even small, consistent contributions can add up over the months. Estimate your living expenses during the time off and aim to save enough to cover them without relying on credit. Treat your career break like a financial goal. Estimate your expenses and save monthly, aiming to avoid using credit. A high-interest savings account is a good start, and if you have TFSA room, consider holding the HISA inside your TFSA. This lets your interest grow tax-free. You can also use the TFSA for other low-risk options like GICs or conservative ETFs, depending on your timeline. 3. Reduce non-essential spending In the months leading up to your break, review your spending habits. Cut back on discretionary expenses, such as dining out and using food delivery services, subscriptions, and impulse purchases. This can save you more money, much of which can go towards covering your bills and living expenses while you're on sabbatical. 4. Take on short-term or freelance work If possible, consider part-time or freelance work either before or during your break. This can help cover basic expenses and extend the length of your time off. Just be mindful not to overcommit, especially if your goal is to rest and reset your focus. 5. Take advantage of credit card rewards If your credit is good, then I recommend applying for a good travel rewards credit card that awards you travel points or extra cash-back for travel-related expenses. The right card can help you earn up to five per cent cash back on expenses like taxi cabs and ride shares, eating out, plane tickets, and more. Some of the better credit cards also offer travel services that allow you to book hotel rooms, travel experiences, and dinners at a significant discount compared to paying for them outright. Final thoughts Even if your boss or coworkers may try to discourage it, taking a break from your job is often one of the best things you can do for yourself. When you come back refreshed, relaxed, and clear-minded, you'll be able to focus on your work and your purpose all the more and elevate your performance to the next level. The key is to plan ahead appropriately. By saving money ahead of time, leveraging employer benefits, taking on side work, and maximizing credit card rewards, you can put yourself in a far better position to be able to take a sabbatical when you need it most. More from Christopher Liew:

From Girl Boss to No Boss
From Girl Boss to No Boss

New York Times

time10-07-2025

  • Business
  • New York Times

From Girl Boss to No Boss

The day she was laid off, Simone Jordan felt joy. At 44-years-old, she'd been working ever since she was 15 when she got her first job at Six Flags. The daughter of a single mother, not working had never felt like an option. She paid for college through a work-study program, then climbed the corporate ladder in New York City to become an executive at Unilever. But the early years of the pandemic drained Ms. Jordan. Her job involved scrambling to help Black-owned small businesses stay afloat in the face of Covid-19 closures and navigating the summer of racial justice protests. She'd also gotten engaged and, in 2022, gave birth to a baby boy at the age of 40, after decades spent sidelining her personal life for her career. As new mothers go, Ms. Jordan was fortunate. She had a dedicated partner, paid maternity leave, and could afford a nanny. But she realized she didn't want more child care. She wanted more time with her child. 'I waited this long to have this glorious little boy,' she said. 'I wanted my moments.' So when Unilever eliminated her role as part of widespread layoffs last fall, Ms. Jordan decided not to return to full-time work. After a life spent 'leaning in,' she decided, for now, there might be other things worth leaning in to. 'People ask me, 'Oh my gosh, what are you doing now?'' said Ms. Jordan, who is working as a part-time consultant and stay-at-home mother. 'I'm like, 'Everything that I put on pause when I was working.'' Want all of The Times? Subscribe.

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