Latest news with #childpsychology
Yahoo
2 days ago
- Health
- Yahoo
Child Psychologists Say These 9 Phrases Are Doing More Harm Than Good—Even if You Mean Well
Child Psychologists Say These 9 Phrases Are Doing More Harm Than Good—Even if You Mean Well originally appeared on Parade. It's natural as a parent to want to build your child's confidence and help them grow. But sometimes, your well-meaning words and actions might actually be hindering their growth instead of helping it. Some common phrases are surprisingly seen as red flags by child psychologists, and if you're using them, it might be time for a pivot. According to them, there are out there doing a lot —even if you mean well. "Sometimes, the words we use or how quickly we jump in to help can actually get in the way of their growth," says , a licensed psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. "The good news is that a few simple shifts in how we talk and respond can make a big difference in helping kids build confidence, problem-solving skills and emotional resilience."The language you use always plays a big role in your child's development, but actions are equally important to consider. "Parents and caregivers should try to avoid language and actions that may unintentionally discourage their child from trying new things, working hard or taking their time to figure out how to do something [themselves]," she adds. Moments of struggle and learning to do things on your own are key for a developing child. She explains that it helps develop motor skills and helps a child build self-efficacy and a belief in their own capabilities (more on that later).Dr. Keough and, a principal research scientist and licensed developmental psychologist, tell Parade the kinds of phrases and behaviors that can inadvertently harm your child's 9 Phrases That Do More Harm Than Good, According to Child Psychologists 1. "Don't worry about that, it's not a big deal." Although you might mean well with this statement, it actually comes off as emotionally invalidating. "Dismissing a child's feelings and moving on shuts down an important opportunity to support them and help reduce their fear of failure," Dr. Young explains. "It also may create the idea in the child's mind that they don't have the right to feel the way that they do. 2. "What could you do differently next time?" You can unknowingly put pressure on your child and set unrealistic expectations by saying this. According to Dr. Young, this seems constructive, but if it's not followed by a collaborative plan, it can increase anxiety about making mistakes."Instead, validate their feelings first," she says. "Then ask, 'What could you do differently?' and follow up with something like (as an example), 'That's a good idea—you could practice kicking the ball more. How about we practice together in the backyard after dinner?'"She explains that this provides both an action plan and collaborative support, helping children feel less alone and more confident moving 3. "You're so smart!" Both Dr. Young and Dr. Keough agree that this phrase can do more harm than good. On the surface, it sounds positive. But they both say it can unintentionally reinforce a fixed mindset—the belief that intelligence is innate and unchangeable."Studies show that children who have been praised more for their intelligence tend to avoid things that make them feel 'not smart,' like challenging or new tasks, and they give up more quickly when they don't succeed," Dr. Keough explains. "Instead of telling a child how smart, gifted or talented they are, adults can support a child's development by using effort-based praise."Instead, she recommends trying phrases like, "Great job working so hard to put that puzzle together!" or "I love seeing you put in the hard work to memorize your spelling words. You earned that grade!" This helps children develop a growth mindset, which reiterates that effort matters and abilities can grow over time. Dr. Young adds that this also encourages persistence. 4. "You don't have to try if you're scared or nervous." It's natural to want to protect your kids, but there's a difference between protecting and sheltering. Some kids might be hesitant to try new things that are safe and fun, like a sports team or a hobby, and it can hurt their growth if you encourage them to stay too far in their comfort zone."Telling a child they don't need to try something if they feel scared makes everyone feel better in the moment, but this can create a pattern of avoidance that makes children more anxious in the long run," shares Dr. Keough. "It also sends an unintentional message to your child: 'I agree that you can't handle this.'"Instead, she recommends giving kids the chance to practice moving through difficult situations. Parents can support healthy development by helping their children face their fears and build up their "bravery muscles." "Ideally in small, gradual steps with lots of encouragement," she adds. 5. "Don't be worried/sad/angry. This isn't a big deal." According to Dr. Keough, when children are at a young, impressionable age, they don't have a lot of control over their emotions yet. It's easy to dismiss emotions if they seem over the top to you, but this can actually do more harm in the long run."Telling a child how they should (or shouldn't) feel can hurt a child's emotional development if it happens a lot," she explains. "It can also backfire and lead to further emotional disregulation."Instead, parents can communicate that they understand and accept what their child is feeling by using phrases like, "I get it. You're feeling disappointed that you can't have a playdate today." This supports healthy emotional development and helps a child feel 6. "Let me do that for you. I can do it more quickly and easily." While it's sometimes faster to do things for your child instead of letting them do things themselves, you'll want to be careful of how often you do this."We want to be careful not to swoop in every time or send the message that doing things well means doing them fast or without difficulty," Dr. Keough shares. "Whenever you can, let your child try things on their own, even if it takes longer or gets messy."Whether they're pouring their own water or zipping up a jacket, she says these "I did it myself" moments are powerful. They help build motor skills, confidence and perseverance. "And don't forget to praise the effort they put in, not just the outcome," she adds. 7. "Your brother/sister always..." While this might seem like a statement that motivates a child to behave better, Dr. Keough says that comparing your children can harm a child's social and emotional development."Rather than motivating your child, [it] can lead to jealousy, competitiveness and shame," she says. "Over time, this can negatively impact a child's self-esteem and create sibling rivalry."As an alternative, she suggests focusing on your child's individual goals. Using things like chore charts or visual reminders to help them stay on track and celebrate their wins. This way, no comparisons are 8. "Practice makes perfect." Attaching the word "perfect" to anything a child does isn't necessarily supportive of their growth. Dr. Young says that perfection isn't realistic and can create an impossible standard for your child to meet."Try: 'Practice makes progress,'" she says. "This reframes effort as a path to improvement, not an impossible ideal." 9. [Saying nothing.] Dr. Young states that what you don't say can also have a negative impact on a child's development."For example, during a conversation, your child might say they were upset at school," she explains. "If you don't acknowledge their emotions—or change the subject to avoid upsetting them further—it can have the opposite effect of what you intended."She also shares that research suggests that when parents ask things like, "How were you feeling when that happened?' and validate the response with "It's okay to feel upset" (without judgment), it shows the child it's normal to express emotions. "It also communicates that their problems matter—because they matter to them," she further Next:Sources: Dr. Jessica Young, PhD, is a principal research scientist and licensed developmental psychologist. Dr. Kathryn Keough, PhD, is a licensed psychologist at the Child Mind Institute Child Psychologists Say These 9 Phrases Are Doing More Harm Than Good—Even if You Mean Well first appeared on Parade on Jul 27, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jul 27, 2025, where it first appeared. Solve the daily Crossword
Daily Mail
4 days ago
- Health
- Daily Mail
Mom forced son, 8, who kept wetting himself to buy new pants with allowance - even though he had medical issue
A clinical child psychologist forced her eight-year-old son who couldn't stop wetting himself to buy his own underwear despite discovering he had a medical issue. Dr. Andrea Mata, who runs the webinar 'Gentle Parenting Doesn't Work', made the shock confession while speaking with The Wall Street Journal. The 41-year-old spoke with the outlet about a growing number of parents who are ditching a soft approach to parenting and adopting a harder stance. She said that recently her son had been wetting himself and she believed that he had been ignoring the urge to go to the bathroom. Following repeat episodes, she admitted to the outlet that she had told her child to use his own allowance to pay for new underpants. Dr. Mata later discovered her son was dealing with a medical issue, which has now been resolved, and she apologized to him. But sticking with her hard stance on parenting, she said that she refused to reimburse him because he had lied to her about it and covered it up. She told the WSJ that she would stand by the idea of repercussions if a child intentionally falls shorts of their expected behavior. Dr. Mata has been widely criticized for her remarks by readers of the publication, with some branding her 'tone deaf' for her response. One person said: 'If you've embarrassed a kid with a medical issue - you owe them way more than an apology. 'What a horrible unfeeling parenting. Really? We're penalizing the kid for being ashamed about peeing in his pants at eight? Poor child.' Another said: 'The clinical child psychologist telling this story ignored an important flaw in her own thinking. 'She was tone deaf to a young boy's shame and embarrassment, she punished him anyway when he understandably hid it as any eight-year-old would do, and then she publishes the details using her own name so all of her son's friends will be aware of his humiliation. 'That is a lesson in poor parenting, and her son will never forget it.' One other added: 'No "doctor" Mata, you don't need a PhD. You do, though, need yours taken away for putting a child's health at risk.' Another reader said they agreed with the hard parenting stance but still took aim at Dr. Mata. They added: 'The child psychologist who can't admit their own mistake and still made their eight-year-old kid pay for something caused by a medical issue that the parent ignored is a useless example for this article. 'That person probably needs an adult psychologist to help with their own issues.' For her remarks, Dr Mata has been widely criticized by readers of the publication According to an online profile, Dr. Mata graduated from Valparaiso University, in Indiana, after majoring in psychology. She previously worked as a college professor at the University of Findlay, Ohio, for nine years. She and her husband Jim have three children, girl-boy twins and a younger daughter. After the article went live she expressed her delight in being featured by sharing a post to her Instagram. She said: 'HOLY S***!!! I'm featured in the WSJ. Goodbye, gentle parenting! It wasn't nice knowing you! Good riddance'. The Daily Mail has approached Dr. Mata for comment on the remarks.
Yahoo
15-07-2025
- Science
- Yahoo
A newly discovered exoplanet rekindles humanity's oldest question: Are we alone?
Child psychologists tell us that around the age of five or six, children begin to seriously contemplate the world around them. It's a glorious moment every parent recognizes—when young minds start to grasp the magnificence and mystery of the universe beyond their nurseries and bedrooms. 5 work-from-home purchases worth splurging for How to battle work intensification This 'Iron Dome' for mosquitoes shoots down bugs with lasers That wonderment—their very own 'aha' moments, and the questions they provoke—are what truly make us human. And this summer, thanks to both the scientific triumphs of astronomers and the creative feats of pop culture, we are reminded once again that curiosity is our most powerful gift. Remarkably, the profound questions asked by our youngest philosophers continue to echo throughout our lives, returning again and again as the most compelling of all inquiries. Earlier this summer, the James Webb Space Telescope—launched in 2021 and continually gathering data on planets beyond our solar system—identified a previously unknown exoplanet. What made this discovery particularly groundbreaking is that, unlike earlier exoplanets detected indirectly by observing the dimming of starlight, this one was directly imaged. Even more exciting: according to NASA, this new exoplanet—named CE Antliae and roughly 100 times the size of Earth—is, based on its average temperature, theoretically capable of sustaining habitable life. I find this moment thrilling for many reasons. First, I hold the deepest admiration for the brilliance of NASA scientists—and the researchers whose work they built upon—that made this discovery possible. Second, it serves as a powerful reminder of the essential role government plays in pushing the boundaries of knowledge. These physical frontiers also invite us to explore existential ones. The possibility of a habitable planet offers a momentary escape from the noise of the daily news cycle, and reopens a question that has captivated us since ancient times: Are we alone? Simply looking up at the night sky—a universal gift—places us in the company of Democritus, Epicurus, and later, the Persians, who speculated about extraterrestrial life as far back as 400 BCE. It's one of humanity's oldest questions, fueled by an innate curiosity that rarely yields immediate answers. Of course, we're far from confirming whether this exoplanet has its own version of Uber or inhabitants with built-in AI. Science operates on its own timeline. To have directly observed an exoplanet only five years after Webb's launch could be seen as astonishingly fast—or perhaps not, given the advanced tools now at our disposal, from machine learning to quantum computing. In today's attention economy, dominated by thumb-scrolling and short-form content, we risk losing sight of the long view that science requires. The rise of generative AI and its future successor, AGI, may well disrupt the pace of discovery. But even then, the scientific process will still demand patience and rigor. We must remember: it took nearly a century to confirm Einstein's theory of gravitational waves. The theory of continental drift was proposed in 1912, but not proven until the 1960s. Black holes were hypothesized in the early 1900s, yet the first image didn't arrive until 2019. One of the many reasons I advocate so strongly for STEM education is that children need to understand science as a process—a patient, layered accumulation of insight. Humanity's oldest question—'are we alone in the universe?'—likely won't be answered quickly. And even if it is, critical thinking and the scientific method remain essential. Yes, flashes of insight can transform history. But even those leaps must launch from a foundation of conventional wisdom. Science is a continuous journey of discovery—both awe-inspiring and, at times, unsettling. Movies and literature have long reflected our obsession with the unknown—from 2001: A Space Odyssey and Contact to Dune. This summer, Alien: Earth premieres. Reading about this reimagining of first contact, I couldn't help but think of CE Antliae and how science and art intersect. The discovery of a potentially habitable planet pushes us to reconsider what we define as 'science fiction.' There are many paths through which humanity seeks to understand its place in the universe. And we need both our most gifted scientists and our most imaginative artists to help us ask—and keep asking—the cosmic questions that first stirred our six-year-old minds and have never let go. This post originally appeared at to get the Fast Company newsletter:
Yahoo
09-07-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
9 Mistakes Well-Meaning Parents Make That Child Psychologists Wish They'd Stop
9 Mistakes Well-Meaning Parents Make That Child Psychologists Wish They'd Stop originally appeared on Parade. Many doting parents and grandparents strive to do right by the children they love. However, sometimes the best-laid plans…don't better a child. Psychologists emphasize that it's essential to understand the common mistakes well-meaning parents and grandparents make, but they concede that it's a touchy subject."The idea of 'parenting blind spots' can be tricky because it acknowledges that we may be using parenting strategies or techniques that are inadvertently doing more harm than good and that we need to consider being open to feedback that we aren't even aware that we need," says Dr. Jessica McCarthy, Psy.D., the founder and clinical director at Elements Psychological Services, the aim of gaining awareness isn't to shame parents and grandparents but rather to offer them a chance to learn and grow alongside the next generation of humans."At the end of the day, every new day of parenting is a day that we've never done before as a parent, regardless of your age or your child's age," Dr. McCarthy emphasizes. "There's room for a lot of grace and compassion in that, as well as mindfulness to the areas that we can maybe find space to consider other ways to approach."Child psychologists help by sharing nine common mistakes that well-meaning moms, dads, grandmas and grandpas make, along with the reasons why they're harmful. If they sound familiar, don't worry—the experts also provide tips for redos, repairs and Honestly? Most people who have cared for a child say this phrase at least once in their lives. One psychologist gets it—it's hard to see kids be upset."However, what we are actually saying when we tell our children 'don't cry' is to shut down their emotions, that we cannot handle their tears," shares Dr. Ellie Hambly, a UK-based, HCPC-registered clinical psychologist who specializes in child well-being and parenting. "This can then turn into shame about attempts to suppress our emotions further down the line."Related: This one often comes in the same breath as "Don't cry," especially if a child is anxious."This reassurance may seem harmless, but it is actually dismissing the child's fears," Dr. Hambly warns. "We are not engaging with what the child feels uncomfortable with, which then allows us to support them through it."Instead, she suggests parents validate emotions so a child feels seen, heard and understood. For instance, a caregiver might tell a child hesitant to run free on an empty playground, "Do you feel scared to go and play by yourself?"Related: Gentle parenting has become a buzzy term on social media, but it's often misunderstood."Parents want to be endlessly patient," notes Dr. Robyn Koslowitz, Ph.D., a New Jersey-based child psychologist and author of Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle, Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be. "They want to explain, reframe and validate. They think if they just explain everything, manage the day and cajole a child into saying 'yes' by gamifying a task, the child will always handle each situation well. Sometimes, kids are going to melt down."Yes, even if you followed the gentle parenting TikTok influencer's step-by-step advice to a T when you reframed "eating broccoli" as "playing dinosaur." Dr. Koslowitz warns that some of the advice out there is setting parents up for failure with unrealistic expectations that all meltdowns are avoidable."Those parents try again and again, and then, they explode," Dr. Koslowitz says. "The child experiences this as unpredictability. I'd much rather see a parent calmly set a boundary and follow through than perform calmness until they boil over. Boundaries can be firm and kind at the same time."Related: "This is a big one," Dr. Koslowitz says. "A child has a meltdown, and the parent focuses only on the classic lines like, 'Don't use that tone,' or 'Go to your room until you can speak nicely.'The goal is to teach children how to function in society, but Dr. Koslowitz says that kids are trying to communicate with their meltdowns."A child who slams a door or shouts isn't trying to be defiant," she emphasizes. They're trying to be heard. They're overwhelmed and don't yet have the tools to express themselves in a regulated way. That doesn't mean we let the behavior slide. It means we address the need underneath it."For instance, you might say something like, "I see you're really disappointed. You were hoping for more screen time. That makes sense. The answer is still no, but I get why you're upset.'Related: Remember, kids are kids, not mini-adults."It can be easy for a parent to forget that their view of the world took years to develop, including life lessons, thanks to cultural or generational events and resources available during that time," says Dr. Daniel Huy, Psy.D,a clinical psychologist at Hackensack University Medical Center's department of psychiatry and behavioral health services. "A child's ability to problem-solve or work through a social issue might look very different now, and parents will need to slow down and view the world through the child's eyes."Related: Dr. Huy says today's parents likely had perfect attendance certificates hanging on their childhood fridges and came of age scrolling through "rise-and-grind" Instagram captions. Grandparents also grew up in a world where "over-working was regarded as a characteristic of strength.""Although it can be admirable and inspiring to see hard work, the reality is that success cannot be meaningful if it sacrifices the sense of self," Dr. Huy says. "Children can grow to be high achievers with a balance of self-care, and it may lead to a healthier, more adaptive lifestyle when they eventually become independent adults."That means letting them take sick days (and taking them yourself), prioritizing sleep and creating Remember what we said about margin? Even though we've rethought hustle culture in the working world, it's still alive and well when it comes to signing kids up for sports. "Gone are the days of playing one sport and being on one team per season, perhaps sprinkled in with a year-round activity such as a music lesson," Dr. McCarthy parents have the best of intentions here as they try to help kids find their thing and bolster college prospects, but there are pitfalls."Not only do children and families feel the stress of a packed schedule, but children are missing out on opportunities for learning how to be bored and how to channel creativity through free time," she warns. Yes, your (grand)child is the absolute cutest ever. However, shar-enting has dangers."You could be inadvertently exposing your child and their personal information to people who should not have this information," Dr. McCarthy shares. "Furthermore, children may not have a full understanding of what it means to post on social media, and in many instances, they are not even given a say about how their personal information is permanently being placed on the internet for everyone to see." It's hard to watch a child fail, just as it's hard to watch them cry (and they may cry if they fail!). However, failure is a part of life."Not everything needs to be a spectacular victory, and the path to meaningful achievement does not always need to be great, amazing or perfect," Dr. Huy explains. "Setbacks are healthy, and when navigated with support, they can help develop resilience, critical thinking and emotional regulation."Related: It might sound hokey, but Dr. Huy shares there's value in checking in with children."Including children during decision-making and areas to improve upon can develop trust, quality bonding time, communication skills and problem-solving," he points out. "Even though some parents might view their methods to be fool-proof, it can only improve with regular feedback and check-ins with children, especially when children point out factors that parents might not ever consider."Bonus: It gives you a chance to role-model a healthy response to constructive criticism. Repeat after Dr. Huy: "We are all human, and we all make mistakes.""Parents may self-impose an expectation that they know it all," he says. "Especially for children, their emotional distress or disappointment may elicit thoughts of ineffectiveness when they are not able to 'hold it together' like their parents. Admitting mistakes can provide a chance for children to watch parents problem-solve and cope with the consequences, and the lesson can be long-lasting for children as they age."Related: Let's start with what repair is not: "Repair isn't about erasing the rupture. It's about strengthening the bridge between you," Dr. Koslowitz explains. "That's what builds trust. That's what builds resilience."Dr. Koslowitz says repair might look like snuggling and reading to a little one and walking or sharing an activity with a teen or tween."You don't have to keep talking about the mistake—just show them that the relationship still holds," Dr. Koslowitz suggests. Up Next:Dr. Jessica McCarthy, Psy.D., the founder and clinical director at Elements Psychological Services, LLC Dr. Ellie Hambly, a UK-based, HCPC-registered clinical psychologist who specializes in child well-being and parenting Dr. Robyn Koslowitz, Ph.D., a New Jersey-based child psychologist and author of Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle, Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be Dr. Daniel Huy, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist at Hackensack University Medical Center's department of psychiatry and behavioral health services 9 Mistakes Well-Meaning Parents Make That Child Psychologists Wish They'd Stop first appeared on Parade on Jul 8, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jul 8, 2025, where it first appeared.
Irish Times
30-06-2025
- Health
- Irish Times
Children waiting up to nine years for psychology services
Children in Dublin are waiting up to nine years to be seen by primary care psychology services, new figures from the Health Service Executive show. These services are designed for children aged up to 17 who are enduring mild to moderate mental health difficulties. Each primary care centre usually has a team of occupational therapists, psychologists, nurses and social workers, with services including individual therapy, group-based therapeutic work for children, adolescents and parents, and various types of assessments. The types of support offered at this level tend to be brief and last for a specified length of time. READ MORE It is designed as early intervention before a child might need to be seen by a service such as the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (Camhs), which is for young people with moderate to severe mental health difficulties. However, new waiting list figures released to Cork East Social Democrats TD Liam Quaide following a parliamentary question show many have been waiting more than 12 months for early intervention. There were 1,838 children waiting for the service in the integrated health area of Dublin North County, with 732 of them waiting more than 12 months. The current longest wait time is nine years and one month. In Dublin North City and West, there were 2,816 children waiting for the service, with 1,155 of them waiting more than 12 months. The current longest wait time is seven years and nine months. The HSE said these longest-wait times were 'due to appropriate transfers from child disability network teams (CDNT) under the national access policy, with backdating to original date of referral to disability services. 'The longest waiting time for non-transfer cases is approximately three years and 11 months in Dublin North County and three years and six months in Dublin North City and West,' said the HSE. Meanwhile, in Cavan-Monaghan, 3,550 children are on the waiting list, with 2,345 on it for more than 12 months. The current longest wait time was four years. In Louth-Meath, 1,447 children were on the waiting list, with 260 of them there for more than 12 months; one child had the longest wait time of three years. Commenting on the figures, Mr Quaide said the services 'around the country are now in deep crisis, with waiting lists that are out of control. Staff morale is on the floor. 'One of the main purposes of primary care is to intervene early, before difficulties become entrenched and the young person might need either Camhs or a CDNT ,' he said. 'What the HSE has been doing is transferring large volumes of referrals from CDNTs into primary care, yet not recruiting the staff required to meet this level of need. 'The first step in addressing this crisis is acknowledging its scale. It is essential that the Government commits to a comprehensive recruitment drive in primary care services for young people.'
