Latest news with #couples
Washington Post
5 hours ago
- General
- Washington Post
Carolyn Hax: How to let go of a love that has hit a ‘dead end'?
Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: How do you let go of a relationship that still has a lot of love and fun in it but has hit a dead end? Namely, one partner wants to start taking steps toward marriage and children, while the other partner isn't ready for those things and says they aren't interested in making a 'five-year plan' right now.
Wall Street Journal
9 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Wall Street Journal
Is That Hotel Too Young for You?
The moment I realized it's possible to age out of a hotel scene came at 2:03 a.m. on a Friday night. My husband and I had splurged on a stay at a posh hotel in New York's SoHo neighborhood. A few hours after going to bed, I was jolted awake by a pounding bass vibrating up from the establishment's chic second-floor lounge. Though we'd enjoyed a quiet cocktail there earlier in the evening, it was a public nightclub now. Two floors above the fray, I felt like I was at the party against my will—and that the hotel was to blame. Your lodging actually can be too young—or too mature or too family-focused—for you. Many hotels target hyperspecific customers, and they will tailor everything from decor to guest amenities accordingly. So how do you avoid an unintentional nightclub suite, or a similar mishap? Deep research.
Times
10 hours ago
- Lifestyle
- Times
Why does summer bring out all the smug couples?
I love everything about summer, even the school run. Getting my daughter dressed and out of the house feels easier in the sunshine, and the walk past the duck pond to her primary school is positively bucolic. However, this summer — the first since the break-up of my marriage — the school run comes with a cost. I'm spotting smug couples everywhere. Morning sunshine seems to be a magnet for WFH couples to walk to school en famille then do something smug-coupley before starting their working day. The other morning I noticed one couple holding hands like maniacs as they dropped their child at the gates. Another couple breezed off for a walk around the woods, chatting away, while a few minutes later, I spotted yet another couple grabbing a morning latte at the local posh café-hotel. 'Go away,' I thought to myself, like the summer Grinch, as I marched home on my own. • Read more expert advice on sex, relationships, dating and love My grudge isn't just confined to the school run. Suddenly smug marrieds are everywhere. It hits me without warning when a friend complains about her husband's 'irks': 'Oh he's in Waitrose again, he's cooking a roast for dinner. I keep telling him it's not roast weather now, but he insists.' Or when another friend drops into conversation that it's been their wedding anniversary. 'Super low-key, we didn't want to make a big fuss for 16 years, so we just went out for steak and chips.' Coupley things that have never irked me before now feel like someone is prodding me with a needle when I least expect it. I feel pangs of uncontrollable envy, and annoyance at my situation. Here I am, aged 47, living solo without my kids for half the week. The things that my friends consider normal, and I once did too, now seem far away and fantastical. I'd love someone else in my house to be doing the shopping, especially fronting a trip to the supermarket (I can no longer afford Waitrose). I'd love to be going out for a 'low-key' meal for two to celebrate my anniversary (steak and chips is my favourite). This week was my 20th wedding anniversary. In another lifetime we would have thrown a big party or have organised a holiday around it, but in reality, I've barely mentioned it. Twenty years! It's a biggie for sure and since we're not yet divorced, I feel it still counts. I also felt it was important to celebrate: it's a wonderful achievement to have three children and to have come this far. Mostly the marriage was happy, it's just the last — ooh — five years that have been a little rocky. Now we're living apart and emotions are still raw, however, it's been a tricky subject to navigate with myself let alone with my ex. But we did do something on the day. In the end, he made me lunch (burgers) at his new home and we rewatched the video from our Ibiza wedding from June 23, 2005, which I had finally had digitised from the DVDs. It had dated! It was beautiful! It brought on some tears, at how young and happy — and yes, smug — we once were too. • No, we single women are not desperate for a partner My ex and I got together when I was 23, so I've existed my entire adult life as a couple, doing all the things that couples in love do. We've held hands like maniacs, grabbed morning coffee together, gone off on walks and weekends away, hosted dinner parties that showcase all the things that I now regard as 'smug' when other couples get up to them. The things that irk me now are the things I used to do quite naturally. I used to be the woman joking about my husband's niche trips to the supermarket or nonchalantly talking about my anniversary plans. I wonder how many people I accidentally annoyed by my smug coupledom in the process …@mollyjanegunn
Yahoo
16 hours ago
- General
- Yahoo
13 'Micro' Rejections That Are Killing Your Marriage
It's easy to dismiss certain habits in a relationship as no big deal. A sarcastic jab here, a little white lie there—after all, nobody's perfect. However, some of the most damaging behaviors don't present themselves as dramatic red flags; they creep in subtly and erode the connection over time. You chalk it up to stress, personality quirks, or just 'how things are,' until the intimacy starts to evaporate quietly. The truth? What you overlook now might be what breaks you later. It feels playful, even flirty—those quick-witted jabs and ironic comments that pass for banter. But when sarcasm becomes your baseline mode of interaction, it can leave one or both partners feeling misunderstood or belittled. What's framed as 'just a joke' can chip away at trust, especially if it touches on insecurities or emotional sore spots. Over time, the line between humor and hostility blurs, and what once felt like fun starts to feel like avoidance. Many couples use sarcasm as a way to avoid vulnerability. It creates emotional distance while preserving the illusion of closeness. But relationships built on mutual safety don't thrive in a space filled with passive digs and veiled criticism. According to psychologist Clifford N. Lazarus, Ph.D., sarcasm can subtly undermine trust and create a barrier to genuine communication, making it a clever mask for resentment that doesn't go unnoticed. In a world dominated by screens, it's alarmingly easy to give your phone more attention than your partner. The allure of instant information, work emails, or social media notifications can seduce you away from meaningful face-to-face interactions. When screen time consistently takes precedence, the message is clear: your partner isn't as important as the digital world. This micro-rejection chips away at the sense of being valued, leaving your partner feeling second-best. This silent dismissal can lead to a slow but steady erosion of intimacy. When your partner feels like they're competing with a device for your attention, it breeds frustration and resentment. The antidote is simple yet profound—be present. Put down your phone, look them in the eyes, and engage in the art of conversation, treating their presence as something sacred and worthy of your full attention. It's easy to take for granted the little things your partner does each day, from doing the dishes to picking up the kids. These might seem mundane, but acknowledging them is crucial for sustaining a positive connection. Research by Amie M. Gordon from the University of California, Berkeley, shows that expressing gratitude is linked to higher relationship satisfaction. Recognizing these efforts is more than just politeness; it's a powerful way to communicate respect and appreciation. When these daily acts go unnoticed, it sends a subtle message of indifference. Over time, your partner might feel unappreciated and invisible, leading to a slow erosion of goodwill. Reversing this trend is easy—it starts with a simple acknowledgment. A heartfelt thank you can transform the mundane into a gesture of love, reinforcing the bond between you. Difficult conversations are, by nature, uncomfortable. But avoiding them is a silent marriage killer, allowing issues to fester unchecked. When you sidestep uncomfortable topics, you're inadvertently telling your partner that their concerns aren't worth addressing. This avoidance fosters a culture of silence, where underlying problems are never resolved and resentment has space to grow. Engaging in these discussions requires courage and a willingness to be vulnerable. It's about creating a safe space where both partners can express their emotions without fear of judgment. While it might feel easier to sweep things under the rug, doing so only postpones the inevitable. Embrace the discomfort as an opportunity to grow closer, transforming conflict into connection. Physical touch is an essential component of intimacy, but it often becomes one of the first casualties in a busy life. A lack of spontaneous hugs, kisses, or hand-holding can leave your partner feeling unloved and undesired. According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, regular physical affection is positively correlated with relationship satisfaction and stability. When physical touch dwindles, it doesn't just signal a cooling of passion—it speaks to a deeper disconnect. The absence of affection can create a void that grows over time, leading to feelings of loneliness within the relationship. It's crucial to remember that touch is a language of its own, speaking volumes where words might fail. Reignite this physical connection with small gestures that show love and care. A simple touch can convey warmth, reassurance, and a sense of belonging, revitalizing the emotional bond. Everyone wants to feel heard, understood, and validated. When you dismiss your partner's emotions, you're telling them that their feelings don't matter. This rejection can be as subtle as an eye roll or as overt as changing the subject. Over time, these dismissals accumulate, creating a chasm of misunderstanding and resentment. Empathy, not judgment, is the antidote to emotional dismissal. Make a conscious effort to listen actively and validate your partner's feelings, even if you don't agree with them. Communication is about more than just words; it's about connection and understanding. By honoring your partner's emotional world, you affirm their worth and strengthen the relational foundation. Couples often share burdens, but joy needs to be shared as well. Celebrating each other's successes, no matter how small, is vital for a thriving relationship. Positive psychologist Shelley Gable, Ph.D., found that sharing good news with your partner can boost relationship satisfaction and intimacy. When you fail to celebrate joyful moments, you miss an opportunity to build positive memories and reinforce your connection. Neglecting to share joy can make life feel monotonous, draining the relationship of excitement and vitality. Make it a point to celebrate each milestone, whether it's a work achievement or a personal victory. These moments of shared happiness act as glue, binding you together through good times and bad. Invite joy into your relationship, and watch it flourish. Criticism is easy, but it's often destructive. When critiques are framed harshly, even with the best intentions, they can feel like personal attacks. Over time, constant criticism erodes self-esteem and damages the relational bond. What begins as an attempt to improve can quickly devolve into a cycle of defensiveness and hurt feelings. Constructive critique, on the other hand, is a form of support. It involves focusing on behaviors and offering solutions rather than attacking the person. Approach conversations with empathy and a genuine desire to help your partner grow. This approach fosters a collaborative environment where both partners feel valued and respected. Grudges are like emotional clutter, taking up space and weighing down the heart. When you hold onto past grievances, you prevent healing and growth. This emotional baggage can stifle the relationship, leading to a persistent undercurrent of tension and resentment. The energy spent on maintaining these grudges could be redirected towards healing and reconnection. Letting go of grudges requires a conscious decision to forgive and move forward. It's not about forgetting the hurt but about choosing peace over continued conflict. This process involves open communication and a willingness to understand each other's perspectives. By releasing these emotional anchors, you create space for growth and renewed intimacy. Vulnerability is the cornerstone of intimacy, yet it often feels risky. By withholding your true feelings, you create a barrier to deeper connection. Your partner might sense this reluctance but not understand its source, leading to misunderstanding and distance. The irony is that by avoiding vulnerability, you protect yourself from pain while simultaneously denying yourself true closeness. Embracing vulnerability means opening up about your fears, hopes, and dreams. It's about letting your partner see the real you, unfiltered and authentic. This openness invites reciprocity, encouraging your partner to share their vulnerabilities as well. In this mutual exchange, you build a resilient bond that can weather life's inevitable challenges. Emotional labor is the invisible work of caring for the emotional well-being of others. When one partner consistently manages the emotional landscape of the relationship without acknowledgment, it leads to burnout and resentment. This invisible effort is often undervalued, leaving the burdened partner feeling unappreciated and exhausted. Over time, this imbalance erodes the foundation of the partnership. Recognition and redistribution of emotional labor are key to maintaining relational balance. Start by acknowledging the work your partner does to maintain a healthy emotional relationship. Engage in open conversations about sharing this responsibility equitably. By valuing and participating in emotional labor, you create a partnership characterized by mutual respect and shared effort. Boundaries with others safeguard the intimacy between you and your partner. Failing to establish these limits can open the door to external influences that disrupt your relationship harmony. This could be in the form of an overbearing family, demanding work obligations, or friendships that overstep. Without boundaries, your partner may feel sidelined and undervalued. Establishing boundaries is an act of love and respect for your relationship. It involves clear communication and a united front in prioritizing your partnership. By actively protecting your shared space, you affirm its importance and strengthen your bond. Boundaries are not barriers but bridges to deeper connection and understanding. Expecting your partner to intuitively know your needs or desires sets the stage for disappointment. When these unspoken expectations go unmet, it breeds frustration and disconnect. This assumption disregards the complexity of human communication and the uniqueness of individual perspectives. Over time, the gap between expectation and reality widens, leading to resentment. Clear and open communication is the antidote to mind-reading assumptions. Share your thoughts, needs, and desires explicitly with your partner. This practice not only clarifies misunderstandings but also enriches the relationship by building trust and intimacy. By articulating your inner world, you invite your partner to know you, fostering a deeper connection.
Yahoo
18 hours ago
- Lifestyle
- Yahoo
15 Small Rituals That Help Make Your Marriage Last
It's a paradox of modern love: the more connected we seem to be, the easier it becomes to drift apart. It's not usually the grand dramas or overt betrayals that pull couples away from each other. More often, it's the slow erosion of intimacy through the overlooked habits of everyday life. Yet, within these unremarkable moments lie opportunities to recalibrate and fortify your partnership. Here are 15 small rituals that might just make the difference between enduring love and emotional estrangement. In a world buzzing with notifications, it's easy to let digital distractions eclipse your connection. Making time for a nightly check-in can refresh your emotional bandwidth and reinforce your bond. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist, couples who engage in emotional attunement are better equipped to handle conflict and support each other's dreams. A simple, uninterrupted conversation before bed can transform your shared life from a series of logistics to a meaningful dialogue. Consistency in this ritual will reveal nuances in your partner's emotional landscape you might otherwise miss. These check-ins don't have to be lengthy; even a five-minute exchange can provide valuable insights into each other's inner worlds. They offer a space to express gratitude, share concerns, and celebrate small victories. Over time, this practice cultivates a sense of safety and understanding that reinforces your commitment to each other. The way you start your day together can set the tone for your relationship. Whether it's sharing coffee in silence or going for a brisk walk, a joint morning routine creates a rhythm that syncs your energies. This shared ritual doesn't demand deep conversations or grand gestures; it's about reclaiming a moment of connection before the world intrudes. It's a gentle reminder that your relationship is a priority, regardless of how hectic life gets. Morning rituals can also serve as a reset button, dissolving any residual tension from the night before. In these quiet moments, you can reaffirm your partnership with simple acts of kindness and mutual presence. As you navigate life's inevitable chaos, these tranquil beginnings offer emotional anchorage. They bind you in a shared sense of purpose and anticipation for the day ahead. In the marathon of life, pausing to celebrate small victories can invigorate your relationship. These aren't grand milestones like anniversaries or promotions, but the everyday triumphs that often go unnoticed. Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychology professor at the University of California, notes that gratitude and shared joy are powerful predictors of relationship satisfaction. By acknowledging and celebrating these moments, you reinforce optimism and mutual appreciation. Engaging in this ritual doesn't require extravagant displays. Acknowledging each other's efforts with a genuine smile or a heartfelt note can cultivate a sense of teamwork. Small celebrations remind you both that your relationship is a living entity, requiring nurturing and attention. As you revel in these victories, you create a reservoir of joy that can be drawn upon during more challenging times. When you share a hobby, you create an avenue for bonding that transcends the mundane routines of everyday life. This isn't about finding a hobby both of you are equally passionate about, but about enjoying the shared experience itself. The activity becomes a canvas upon which memories are painted and stories are woven, giving your partnership depth and dimension. It's a reminder that there's life beyond obligations and an invitation to explore it together. Engaging in a shared hobby also ignites a different kind of conversation, breaking the cycle of routine topics. It offers an opportunity to learn new things about each other, fostering growth and discovery. The shared enthusiasm spills over into other aspects of your relationship, invigorating the everyday. Whether it's gardening, dancing, or binge-watching documentaries, these moments of shared joy act as a balm for stress and disconnection. Active listening is more than hearing words; it's about understanding emotions and intentions. According to a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family by researchers at the University of Georgia, active listening significantly enhances relationship satisfaction. By fully engaging in what your partner is saying, you validate their feelings and express genuine interest. It's a practice that requires patience and empathy, rewarding you with deeper intimacy and trust. This ritual demands presence and mindfulness, as it requires you to set aside distractions and preconceived notions. Through active listening, you create a communicative environment where both partners feel valued and heard. The benefits extend beyond resolving conflicts; it strengthens your emotional connection and fosters a sense of security. In a world filled with interruptions, this practice is a powerful testament to the importance you place on your relationship. Couples who dream together, stay together. Crafting a shared vision involves aligning your goals, values, and aspirations. It's a dynamic process, continually evolving with new experiences and insights. This doesn't mean sacrificing individuality, but rather finding a harmonious blend of dreams that acknowledges both partners' desires. A shared vision acts as a compass, guiding your decisions and actions. It gives your relationship a sense of purpose and direction, anchoring it in a collective aspiration. This ritual encourages open dialogue about your future, fostering a collaborative approach to achieving both individual and mutual goals. As you navigate life's uncertainties, your shared vision becomes a beacon of hope and resilience. Random acts of kindness inject spontaneity and warmth into your relationship. These gestures need not be grand; they can be as simple as a surprise cup of coffee delivered to your partner's workspace. Dr. Gary Chapman, author of "The 5 Love Languages," asserts that small acts of service speak volumes about love and appreciation. They build an emotional bank account that strengthens your bond over time. These acts disrupt the monotony of routine, infusing your relationship with positive energy. They remind your partner that they are cherished and valued, beyond words and promises. By making kindness a ritual, you cultivate a culture of generosity and compassion in your relationship. In turn, this nurtures an atmosphere of goodwill and gratitude, which becomes a buffer against life's stressors. The power of touch in a relationship is profound, with the ability to convey love and reassurance without uttering a word. Mindful touch isn't about grand gestures of affection but involves small, intentional acts, like holding hands or a gentle caress. These moments of physical connection release oxytocin, often called the love hormone, which strengthens emotional bonds. They act as a reminder of your physical and emotional closeness, even in silence. Incorporating mindful touch into your daily routine can transform mundane interactions into meaningful expressions of intimacy. It fosters a sense of security and comfort, reinforcing your emotional connection. This ritual acts as an anchor during tumultuous times, providing a sense of grounding and togetherness. As you navigate the complexities of life, these simple acts of touch become a sanctuary of love and understanding. Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but the way you handle it determines its impact. Engaging in constructive conflict involves addressing issues with respect and a willingness to understand each other's perspectives. It's about finding a resolution rather than assigning blame, transforming disagreements into opportunities for growth. This ritual fosters a culture of open communication and empathy, strengthening your relationship's foundation. Embracing constructive conflict requires patience and a commitment to the relationship's long-term well-being. It involves letting go of the need to be right and prioritizing harmony and mutual understanding. By approaching conflict as a team, you build resilience and trust, enhancing your emotional intimacy. As you practice this ritual, you discover that disagreements can be a catalyst for deeper connection and shared growth. Shared adventures inject novelty and excitement into your relationship, breaking the monotony of routine. Exploring new experiences doesn't always require extravagant trips; it can be as simple as trying a new cuisine or attending a local event. These moments of discovery foster a sense of wonder and curiosity, reigniting the spark in your relationship. They remind you of the joy of exploration and the thrill of shared discovery. New experiences encourage you to step outside your comfort zones, creating memories and stories unique to your relationship. They offer an opportunity to learn new things about each other, fostering growth and understanding. As you navigate these adventures, you build a reservoir of shared experiences that strengthen your bond. This ritual infuses your relationship with vitality and excitement, transforming everyday life into a vibrant journey. Incorporating gratitude into your daily life can transform your relationship. This practice involves acknowledging and appreciating the positive aspects of your partner and your relationship. It shifts your focus from what's lacking to what's abundant, fostering a positive mindset. This ritual cultivates an environment of appreciation and goodwill, strengthening your emotional connection. Practicing gratitude doesn't require elaborate gestures; it can be as simple as expressing thanks for your partner's support or acknowledging their efforts. This practice enhances your emotional resilience, providing a buffer against life's challenges. Over time, it builds a foundation of positivity and optimism, reinforcing your relationship's strength. By nurturing a culture of gratitude, you create a supportive and loving atmosphere that sustains your partnership. A healthy relationship thrives on the growth and development of both partners. Taking time for individual growth doesn't mean distancing yourself; it's about nurturing your own passions and interests. This ritual fosters a sense of independence and self-awareness, enhancing your emotional well-being. As you grow individually, you bring new perspectives and insights to your relationship, enriching it with vitality and depth. Supporting each other's growth requires understanding and encouragement, creating a balance between togetherness and individuality. This ritual recognizes that a fulfilling relationship encompasses both shared experiences and personal achievements. By investing in your own development, you contribute to the relationship's overall health and resilience. As you embark on your individual journeys, you cultivate a partnership that supports and celebrates personal growth. In a world dominated by screens, creating tech-free zones can rejuvenate your relationship. These designated spaces encourage face-to-face interaction, fostering genuine connection and communication. This ritual involves setting boundaries around technology, allowing you to focus on each other. It creates a sanctuary where you can engage in meaningful conversations and shared activities without distractions. Establishing tech-free zones doesn't require drastic measures; it's about finding moments to unplug and reconnect. This practice enhances your emotional presence, allowing you to be fully engaged in each other's company. As you disconnect from screens, you open up space for laughter, conversation, and shared experiences. By prioritizing these tech-free moments, you reinforce your commitment to nurturing a relationship grounded in authentic connection. Revisiting your love story reminds you of the passion and excitement that brought you together. This ritual involves reminiscing about your journey, from first meetings to shared milestones. It's a celebration of your unique narrative, reinforcing the bond you've created. As you revisit these memories, you rekindle the emotions and experiences that form the foundation of your relationship. This practice offers perspective, highlighting the growth and evolution of your partnership. It allows you to appreciate the challenges you've overcome and the love that endures. By sharing these stories, you strengthen your emotional connection, rooted in a shared history. As you navigate the present and future, your love story serves as a testament to the resilience and beauty of your relationship. Forgiveness is a powerful ritual that releases resentment and fosters healing. It involves letting go of past grievances, creating space for growth, and understanding. This practice recognizes that mistakes are part of the human experience and that holding onto anger and hurt only hinders progress. As you embrace forgiveness, you cultivate a compassionate and supportive relationship, rooted in empathy and love. Practicing forgiveness requires vulnerability and openness, allowing you to move forward with renewed commitment. It transforms conflict into opportunities for healing and growth, enhancing your emotional intimacy. This ritual strengthens your relationship's foundation, fostering resilience and trust. As you practice forgiveness, you create a partnership defined by love, understanding, and shared growth.
