Latest news with #emotionalopenness
Yahoo
21-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
I raised my 2 sons to talk about their feelings. It's made me more emotionally aware, too.
Early on in parenthood, I decided I would raise my two sons to talk about their feelings. I want them to know that it's not a weakness to be vulnerable. Parenting this way has changed how I handle my emotions, too. As a single mother of two boys, now 12 and 17, I made an early, intentional choice: I would raise them to talk about their feelings. I wanted them to cry without shame, name their emotions, and understand that vulnerability wasn't a weakness, but a form of strength. That choice shaped every part of our lives, and emotional openness has always been the norm in our home. From a young age, I encouraged my sons to speak up. We have informal family check-ins where they're free to talk about anything like school stress, friendships, racism, or just the weight of the world. When upsetting events happen, especially those that affect Black communities, we don't sweep things under the rug. We talk, we process, and we create space to feel. My own upbringing shaped this approach. I lost my father when I was young, but I was fortunate to be surrounded by uncles who modeled emotional expressions. They were strong, but also loving and honest. That kind of emotional presence stuck with me. Still, when I became a single mother, I assumed I had to be the "strong one." I thought being tough was part of the job, especially raising boys on my own. But what surprised me most was how this journey of parenting them to talk about their emotions also softened me. Creating space for my sons to express their emotions helped me confront my own. I stopped hiding my tears. I let them see me have a hard day. I apologized when I made a mistake. And in doing so, I learned that my vulnerability didn't make me a weaker parent; it made me a more present one. Encouraging my sons to be open with me has changed how we live our lives, and we make decisions together, including the bold decision to move from New York City to Portugal. That move wasn't something I decided to do on my own — my sons and I talked about it openly and honestly. They had shared their anxiety about school safety in the US, the lockdown drills that left them shaken, and the constant sense of unease they had been feeling. We held a family meeting, weighed the pros and cons, and came to the decision together. Our collective peace of mind mattered more than staying where we were, simply because it was familiar. Parenting through adolescence is challenging, and parenting through adolescence during an international move is even more so. But I see now how deeply it matters. My sons are emotionally aware. They are good at regulating their emotions, asking for help when they need it, and showing empathy in many ways. I see them treat others with genuine respect, and they know that respecting women goes beyond just polite gestures like opening doors. It's about listening, caring, and showing up with kindness. I've learned that raising emotionally healthy boys isn't just good for them; it's good for everyone. It creates men who are less likely to bottle up pain, lash out, or struggle in silence. And it starts at home, in childhood, with parents who are willing to lead by example. I know that kids mimic what they see. If I want my sons to be honest, I have to be honest. If I want them to feel safe expressing their emotions, I have to show them what that looks like. That kind of parenting isn't always easy, but it's worth it. I'm proud of who my sons are becoming, and I'm proud of who I've become along the way. Read the original article on Business Insider
News.com.au
10-05-2025
- General
- News.com.au
‘Boomers, we aren't soft on kids. We are gentle parenting'
Once upon a time, if a child scraped their knee, the resounding response would be, 'You'll live', and tears were something to 'toughen up' from. But in modern Australia, parenting has shifted — along with society itself. Today's mums and dads are more likely to encourage emotional openness, validate feelings, and promote mental health than they are to enforce strict discipline. And while many applaud the change, not everyone is convinced it's for the better. If you've heard your parents mutter under their breath, 'Back in my day …', you're not alone. Most of us know, there's a very clear divide between Boomer and Millennial generations regarding parenting styles and approaches to discipline. A generational tug of war over toughness According to Great Aussie Debate, a wide-ranging survey of more than 54,000 Australians that has uncovered what people really think about all the hot topics of 2025, 80.2 per cent of Aussies believe kids today are 'too soft' and need more 'tough love' to prepare them for the real world. The national survey, which polled Aussies across all age groups and states, shows a sharp generational split on parenting styles. Older Aussies are overwhelmingly in favour of firmer discipline, while younger respondents lean towards emotional support and self- expression. While younger generations may value mental health and gentle parenting, the majority of Australians believe we've taken softness a bit too far. Support for the 'tough love' approach climbs steadily with age, peaking at 88.55 per cent among those aged 70 and over. In contrast, 30.23 per cent of 18 to 29 year olds think kids today are actually being raised right — with more emphasis on expressing emotions and understanding their mental wellbeing. Millennial parents are currently in the spotlight as they navigate the terrain of modern-day parenting. As children of the 1980s, they were parented in a particular way, which was an authoritative approach, including smacks, time-outs, and shame. 'So much empathy for Millennial parents' Millennial parents are rebelling. And it's not to cast shade on our parents; it's because we now know more and can access it with a few clicks. Genevieve Muir, parenting expert and author of Little People Big Feelings, explains that 'decades of research has shown that positive, warm, consistent parenting leads to better mental health, better social skills, and better academic outcomes'. 'So pretty much everything you want for your kid will come from this kind of style of parenting,' she told 'Authoritarian is what was done to most of us. You know, if needed, get a smacked bottom. And would get sent to my room. That was what our parents did. They did the best they could,' the parent educator and mother of four boys added. 'Millennial parents are looking at that and saying, look, the evidence is showing that if we can raise kids in a way that is kind but also firm, that's the best outcome for kids.' So, does she believe that parents have gone soft on kids? The short answer is no. 'I work with thousands of parents, and the biggest issue they're struggling with is boundaries. And it's not because they're all soft and they're failing, it's because they're trying to do something different to the way that they were raised,' Ms Muir said. 'And they're getting the pushback, and obviously, we don't want it punished in the same way.' She also has a great deal of empathy and praise for Millennial parents, who are embracing a new way forward as gentle parents but do not really understand how gentle parenting and boundaries come together. 'So there is a gap for Millennial parents where they're being told what not to do, but no one's really helping them with how you do it. And that's really, truly as simple as Millennial parents knowing that it's okay to say no,' Ms Muir, who is the founder of Connected Parenting, said. 'Now, that's very different from what our parents did. They said no, and you'll get sent to your room if you show emotion. 'So we learned not to arc up and not to push back, but that wasn't a good thing because we didn't learn how to let go of those emotions. We learned how to push them down. And so now we scroll on social media, and we take antidepressants, and we talk to our therapists.' 'Kids don't need us to get this done perfectly' Any Millennial parent will attest that it is not that they are content with having children misbehaving or pushing back on boundaries simply because we don't want to be an authoritarian figure. There is a desire to 'have it all' – parent with kindness while also having children who listen. And it can happen. 'The term gentle parenting misled parents a little bit, thinking it's always got to be gentle,' Ms Muir shared. 'But what they're doing is absolutely incredible. And yes, it's flawed, but parenting is flawed. And the good news is that kids don't need us to get this done perfectly. They need us to get this stuff right around 30 per cent of the time so we can really lower that pressure on parents.' Speaking to grandmother of four, Diana, she agrees that 'kids are harder to parent these days', saying they can't be disciplined the way they used to. 'Even the kids know their parents can't do that,' the 65-year-old added. 'I do think that with the increase in technology, it has made it harder; screen addiction for both parents and kids makes connection even harder.' Mother of three, Jade, weighed in, telling 'My parents tell me that I was never like this, and while I'd love to believe I was perfect, I think they have forgotten. I saw my parents differently from how my kids looked at me. They were 'in charge' and knew there was a punishment.' She added: 'My kids don't have that worry. And while that is a comfort in some way, I wish my kids would respect my boundaries without me falling back into a disciplinarian role.' Cancel culture meets the playground Cancel culture and 'wokeness' might serve as another explanation behind the generational divide. At the same time, 78.4 per cent of Great Aussie Debate respondents say Australia has become 'too woke', citing rising social sensitivity, cancel culture, and political correctness as evidence that the country is losing its sense of resilience and freedom of expression. The overlap between these two sentiments is striking: as views on parenting soften, backlash grows among those who feel traditional values like discipline, grit, and resilience are being replaced by hypersensitivity and fear of offence. As parenting experts have shared, gentle parenting isn't just about giving in all the time. What should Millennial parents do if their parents are questioning the 'new way' of parenting? Ms Muir has invaluable advice. 'I always say, start with 'thank you'. And let me explain that. 'Thank you so much. Like, I really appreciate, you know, that you're here and you care. You are giving your opinion because you love us. And we love that you love us',' she advised 'Because I think grandparents are really important, I also think they didn't know what they didn't know. So we've got to come from a place of compassion. But from there, if we start with thank you, I really appreciate that you care, and then we can tell them what would be helpful.' Many older Aussies believe modern parenting is too soft, whether they're nostalgic for 'the good old days' or concerned about the future. But critics of tough love argue that building emotionally intelligent kids is key to navigating today's world — one that is very different from the one their parents grew up in.
