Latest news with #familyDynamics
Washington Post
09-07-2025
- General
- Washington Post
I want my kids to have the close sibling relationship that I never had
Dear Meghan: I come from a dysfunctional family where everyone is high achieving, but no one is close to one another. Growing up, emotional well-being and relationship building were not valued, only grades and achievements. Even now, what's important to my family are superficial things like jobs, titles, looking good in a holiday picture, etc.
Yahoo
08-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
These Days, There Are 'Living Room Kids' And 'Bedroom Kids' — Which One Were You?
As young kids, my sister and I would often take our toys out of our bedrooms into the communal spaces of our childhood home. We'd use the couch as a pretend bus, the dining table as a pretend hotel. Save for the kitchen, no shared area of the house was off-limits to us, as long as we tidied the toys up afterward. We only ever used our bedrooms for sleep. Recently, TikTok creators have been talking about the joys of being a part of a 'living room family' — as opposed to a 'bedroom family,' where kids hang out in their bedrooms instead. In many of the TikToks shared, creators break down how they think families foster these two kinds of family dynamics and how they influence kids' behavior. According to TikTok, 'living room' kids are very comfortable in shared spaces in the house, so they spend a lot of their time there. They may do their homework at the dining table, even if they have a desk in their room. They may bring their crafting hobby into the living room without feeling anxious that their parents are there, too. In contrast, they imply that 'bedroom' kids feel discomfort in shared spaces and much prefer retreating to their own rooms to do their hobbies or schoolwork. They feel like they may be judged or involved in conflict when they are in the same area as their parents, some TikTokers say. 'I was a bedroom kid and I never understood living room kids. Like you would willingly play where people can see you and you won't be judged?!' one comment said. Another person shared how proud they are of being a 'bedroom mom raising living room kids.' Of course, having a home where kids genuinely love spending time in the communal areas sounds great to many of us: 'There's more opportunity for connection and conversation,' said Nechama Sorscher, a neuropsychologist based in New York City. However, some parents may come across these videos and be struck with the thought that their kids are, in fact, the 'bedroom' kids that no one seems as excited about. Is it really so terrible if your kids aren't drawn to hanging in the common areas of your house? HuffPost spoke with child and teen psychology experts to share their thoughts. Below, experts also unpack the reasons some kids end up as 'bedroom kids'— and what the actual important takeaways are from these conversations around 'living room' and 'bedroom' family dynamics. Ideally, a home's communal spaces would be for the whole family to enjoy. If all family members feel comfortable hanging out in the living room or dining room, this 'will naturally lend itself to more frequent interaction and social engagement within the household, which is really important for fostering emotional security,' said Dr. Taren Coley, a double board-certified psychiatrist and the director of child and adolescent services at HopeWay. Kids who voluntarily chill out or do their homework in shared spaces 'learn implicitly that their presence matters, that there's space for them,' said Caroline Fenkel, chief clinical officer and co-founder at Charlie Health. They also learn social and emotional skills just from observing trusted adults. In saying that, Fenkel pointed out that it isn't necessarily the case that families with 'bedroom kids' are disconnected or don't get along with each other. Don't panic if your kids or grandkids are perpetually in their rooms. There isn't inherently anything wrong with being a 'bedroom' kid. Children and teens have different reasons for retreating to their bedrooms rather than being in the living or dining room, Sorscher said. After all, they are people with their own personalities, tastes and tolerance for socializing. 'Understanding your kid's dynamics is really essential,' she added. Some kids are bedroom-dwellers because they need some private time for hobbies, to listen to music, watch a show or be in a quieter environment to recharge. Kids can be introverts too, after all. 'Some kids really need a lot of downtime to be in their room and to have quiet. And those are also kids that tend to get very easily overstimulated,' Sorscher said. But don't let TikTok's almost unanimous praise of the 'living room' lifestyle fool you; there are actually plenty of green flags about 'bedroom' kid behaviors, too. 'There are a lot of benefits for kids to know how to amuse themselves, to be able to be in their room and entertain themselves,' Sorscher said. 'What happens when the kid has a lot of time alone is that they can be very creative. They can be very resourceful. They can figure out their own interests and their own passions.' It can help kids become self-reliant and lead to independence, added Coley. Your kid wanting privacy or alone time to regulate and recharge isn't an issue. However, some kids do hole up in their bedrooms for more concerning reasons that might need your attention. If they are suddenly isolating themselves in their room a lot more, while also displaying other drastic behavior changes — such as withdrawing from social activities or family routines they used to participate in, wanting to sleep most of the time, missing meals, or being more irritable or disengaged — then pay closer attention, Coley said. Especially if it persists for several weeks. 'If you're starting to see multiple of those things occurring, that's where a parent needs to be curious,' said Coley. Approach your child with kindness, asking them, 'I noticed that you were spending more time to yourself, what's going on?' From there, depending on the kid's age and what they share with you, you can ask how you can support them or get in touch with a trusted mental health professional for more guidance. There are also kids who escape to their bedrooms because the rest of the house does not feel welcoming for them to hang out in. On TikTok, adults shared that they grew up as 'bedroom kids' because they often felt unease, discomfort, tension or anxiety in the shared spaces of their home. 'If there's conflict between the parents, kids are extremely sensitive, and they'll pick up even the whiff of a conflict, and this gets them stressed out,' Sorscher said. There also could be behaviors or standards in the home that the adults aren't aware they are modeling — like being critical, judgmental, intrusive or demanding constant interaction just because the child is in the same area of the house, or having incredibly strict rules around keeping the shared spaces clean that lead to anger or stress when the seemingly inevitable play mess takes over a space. Of course, a comfortable couch and pleasant room temperature help. But these aren't the be-all and end-all. Fenkel said to ask yourself: Do my kids feel safe bringing their full selves into shared spaces of our home? A shared space that feels safe for your child to be in is one where they will not be consistently criticized, judged, lectured or commented on, said Sorscher. If they accidentally spill a drop of milk while eating cereal, their dad isn't going to blow his lid. If they are learning how to bake, their mom isn't going to scrutinize. It is also a space that is calm. If you aren't sure where to start, it can be as simple as learning to just share space quietly together: sit on the couch with them while they play video games, or pour them a bowl of their favorite snack while they are doing homework. 'These are cues that say, 'I'm here, you matter and I want to spend time with you,'' Fenkel said. If you want to say something, be encouraging and show genuine interest. But you may also not need to say anything. Just being there with them is enough. 'You don't always have to directly interact with somebody to enjoy their company,' said Sorscher. TikTok creators like to put the 'living room family' dynamic on a pedestal, but experts offer a gentle caution. Being a family that hangs out together a lot is great, Sorscher says — assuming the child remains confident to exist independently, do their own thing outside of the family and make their own choices when they are apart from their parents. 'When we are talking about key parts of development, sorting through identity, and figuring out the path to becoming an independent adult, you want your child to learn to grow and have time outside of the family,' Coley said. 'So if a child is really hesitant to do that, then there needs to be curiosity on why that is.' Observe whether your child feels confident to choose their own thing, even if it means that they're not doing what the rest of the family is doing. If they don't seem comfortable, gently invite them to share why. Consider also whether you have inadvertently contributed to them feeling anxious or guilty for spending time doing things outside of the family. And from there, Sorscher said, you can encourage your child to make some choices for themselves and to do something they enjoy on their own or with their peers. Instead of being hung up on 'living room' versus 'bedroom' family debates, focus on making room for genuine emotional connections with your kid on a regular basis, rather than the rooms of your home they are drawn to. 'Really, the goal is building emotional connection,' Coley said. 'And you have to figure out what works best for your family.' If you're not sure, ask your child or teen for ideas, or brainstorm some options together to test out. When the conversation starts flowing and your child is sharing their thoughts and feelings with you, Fenkel recommends you 'sit on your hands and just listen' and really give them the space to express themselves. Resist any urges to lecture, blame, guilt, overreact or shut down their ideas and opinions. And, on your end, think about what type of setting and activities have helped your child connect with you in the past. Was it when you carved out 15 minutes after work each day to play catch in the yard? When you took them out for a drive for ice cream and fries? When you joined them to watch their favorite TV show and chatted about your favorite moments afterward? 'Naturally, shared activities or hobbies lead to conversation,' Coley said, 'and those are the things that can build strong relationships and a strong foundation for kids as they age to be able to continue that type of communication with their parents.' 5 Things You Should Never Say To An Introverted Child One Parent's Behavior At My Child's Gymnastics Class Sent Me Into A Rage. Then I Realized Something I Didn't See Coming. There Are 4 Types Of Introverts. Which One Are You?
Yahoo
19-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
From The Split to This Is Us, the 6 best family dramas to watch after Ginny & Georgia
There's a lot to love about Netflix's Ginny & Georgia. From the outrageously ridiculous plots, to the questionable age differences between the cast and the characters they play, to the way they actually highlight important issues we need to see on screen, we can't help but bingewatch the series. And one of the biggest things we love about the series is the intergenerational family dynamic. In just one series you get to explore the lives of both teenagers, kids and adults. If like us this is one of the biggest draws to the series for you too, then we've rounded up six must watch shows you need to watch next that have a similar family dynamic to the storytelling in Ginny & Georgia. Where to watch: Channel 4 With six seasons there's a lot to keep you occupied if you watch This Is Us. It follows the lives of one family - the two parents and their three children - over various different timelines and stages of their lives. There's intense storylines including grief, heartbreak and love. Trust us - you'll need the tissues when you watch this one. Where to watch: Netflix Friends are often family, and Firefly Lane does an incredible job of showcasing this. It's about two girls Tully and Kate who met when Tully moves in next door with her chaotic single mother. The show jumps between various timelines (just like Ginny & Georgia) as you watch the women go through first love, their careers, children and illness. With just two long seasons you could potentially bingewatch it over a weekend. Where to watch: Netflix At the heart of Sweet Magnolias is the story of three best friends, but after a few episodes it becomes clear it's more than just that and we get introduced to their families and community. Just like in Ginny & Georgia there's a lot of high and low stakes drama as the three women navigate divorce, betrayal and running their own business together in the small and close town of Serenity in South Carolina. Where to watch: BBC iPlayer Part legal drama, part family series, The Split is perfect for you if you loved seeing Georgia's trial unfold during the recent series of Ginny & Georgia. The BBC series is about the Defoe family who all work in divorce law for their family's firm. Well, all except the eldest daughter Hannah, who works for the family's rival firm. As well as their clients' own cases to win, they've all got troubles of their own to sort out. Where to watch: Channel 4 Based on Celeste Ng's novel of the same name, Little Fires Everywhere is perfect if you love the small town drama of Wellsbury in Ginny & Georgia and how one seemingly perfect community can actually hold a lot of darkness. It stars Reese Witherspoon as Elena Richardson who invites single mother Mia Warren (played by Kerry Washington) and her daughter into her family's lives, only for her decision to have disastrous consequences. Where to watch: Netflix If you want a more light-hearted family drama series then we'd recommend The Duchess. It stars Katherine Ryan as a single mother in London trying to raise her daughter. The unconventional dynamic between Katherine's character aptly named Katherine and her on-screen daughter Olive, has a lot of similarities between that of Ginny and Georgia. Expect a lot of laughs, incredible costumes and touching moments too. Ginny and Georgia is available on Netflix nowYou Might Also Like A ranking of the very best hair straighteners - according to our Beauty Editors Best party dresses to shop in the UK right now 11 products you'd be mad to miss from the Net A Porter beauty sale
Washington Post
03-06-2025
- General
- Washington Post
Carolyn Hax: Sorry, Mother, I like our dog sitter too much to share the number
Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: Lowish-stakes question: My new spouse and I have a wonderful dog sitter, whom we cherish and don't want to lose. My parents live about 20 miles away and have two purebred dogs. My mother has always been a difficult, rigid person and has lost a lot of friends over the years because of her anger and difficult personality. (Managing that aspect of my relationship with her is the subject of a different letter.) Their previous dog sitter, for whatever reason, is no longer available to take care of my parents' dogs according to my mother's increasingly rigid and prescribed rules during their increasingly frequent vacations. My mother keeps asking for our sitter's contact information. I do not want to give it to her — even if the sitter figures out right away what a no-win situation that is, I worry that I will be tarred with the brush of Mom's Unreasonableness and that may affect our relationship with our sitter. I need a script for refusing my mother's escalating requests for the contact information, something other than 'no,' or ignoring her, or finally telling her the truth about how difficult she is and how giving out that information will have a serious negative impact on me. — Doghouse Doghouse: This is a lowish-stakes offshoot to the high-stakes issue, so this minor one will vanish once you find a way to stand up to your mom that is both scalable and allows you to sleep at night. You said it was another letter, but why not economize. We've been here before. Be calm and civil; say yes and no when you want to, not when you think you're supposed to; don't let anyone treat your 'no' as an opening to negotiations; and don't engage with any tantrums you set off with a 'no' someone doesn't like. If that's easier read than done, then therapy is a good place to learn boundaries, or try the endearingly basic 'Lifeskills for Adult Children' by Janet Woititz and Alan Garner. For the minor issue, though? You can hand the dog sitter your mother's information and let them work it out. Your sitter might shoot down the gig as too far away. Or really want the business, with a steep high-maintenance upcharge … because with the contact information, you will of course also pass along the intel that your mother has 'increasingly rigid and prescribed rules' for her animals' care. But do be clear that 'if you're not taking new clients, I'll let her know.' Ahem. Or just not taking this one, which is also okay. We're not even talking about the best reason to say 'Sorry, Mom, state secret': Your parents take frequent vacations. I'm not giving away my dog care if that means the sitter won't be available for my shmoof. Readers' thoughts: · The dog sitter question isn't low-stakes, but it is easy. Or was easy, until you continued to dodge your mother forever. All you had to do was say, 'She isn't accepting new clients.' Or, like Carolyn said, give the scoop and let your dog sitter decide. This isn't a situation you need to manage for either of them. It would only tarnish your reputation if you sprang your mother on the dog sitter without any warning. · Yes, ask the dog sitter, BUT be clear they have your permission to say no up-front or after giving it a try, and that it will NOT affect your desire to hire/keep them.
Yahoo
29-05-2025
- General
- Yahoo
What Your Birth Order Says About You (& Why It's Not Set in Stone)
Birth order may play a bigger role in shaping who you are than you even realize. From the stereotypical elder, middle, and youngest sibling traits to the unique qualifications that shake things up, birth order theory is just one way to explain what makes you, you! Explore the phenomenon and see how it lines up with you and your family's personalities. Psychotherapist Alfred Adler was the first to propose a theory on how birth order impacted personality. Birth order theory suggests that birth order can affect the developing personality of a child. Eldest children, youngest children, middle children, and only children all fall into statistical groups with similar personality traits. That's not to say that every child will display every trait (or even any trait) associated with their place in the birth order; only that there's a statistical correlation that seems to suggest the probability that a child's ranking in birth order may result in certain traits that are common to other children of the same ranking. The sections below list characteristics of birth order that are often common to children of the same rank in birth order. It's important to note that these characteristics aren't set in stone and that just because your child falls into a certain rank in the birth order doesn't mean that he or she will display all, or even any, of the characteristics outlined. The unique position of the only child in a household of adults often results in a number of common personality traits: Close relationship with parents Natural born leaders Possess a high level of self-control Communicate and get along well with adults Can be demanding Can be spoiled and self-absorbed May feel a sense of "specialness" May feel they are being treated unfairly if they don't get their own way May be quite sensitive Often mature and dependable Often very private in nature Likes being the center of attention Will often "divide and conquer" parents in order to get what they want May relate better to adults than peers Famous only children include Robin Williams, Natalie Portman, Tipper Gore, Rudy Giuliani, Alan Greenspan, Franklin D. Roosevelt and Kareem-Abdul Jabbar. The oldest child is the only child for a period of time and can often show similar traits to only children; however, being the oldest of a group of siblings also may bring about other personality traits including the following: People pleasers Natural leaders High achievers Conformist Might be bossy or a know-it-all Are often very organized and prompt Might be overachievers They may behave in a very authoritarian manner, especially towards younger siblings May seek attention - in both positive and negative ways Often controlling May become compliant and nurturing Famous first borns include Oprah Winfrey, Walter Cronkite, Dan Rather, and Arsenio Hall. More than half of the American presidents have been first born children. Related: Middle children generally display similar personality characteristics, although middle child traits are more likely to appear in children who are in the middle of three than in middle children of larger families. Some middle child characteristics include the following: Flexible Easy-going Independent May be an excellent mediator or negotiator May feel that life is unfair May feel unloved or squeezed out by siblings Can be highly adaptable Often generous and sociable May try to differentiate themselves from the eldest sibling through behaviors and interests May perceive that the oldest and youngest child as the parents' "favorites" Might be rebellious Engage in attention-seeking behaviors May be extremely competitive Famous middle-born children include Donald Trump, Tim Allen, Rosie O'Donnell, and Julia Roberts. The baby of the family is often looked on as a carefree and spoiled position in the family. Characteristics of youngest children include: Often silly or funny Can display risk-taking behaviors Are often creative Can be very self-centered Often feels inferior as if everyone else is bigger and more capable Is highly competitive Can become bored easily Are usually friendly and outgoing with a terrific sense of humor Expect others to care for them and take responsibility for them Will often ally with the oldest sibling against the middle sibling (if three children) Can be equal parts charming and manipulative May be very idealistic Famous youngest children include Howard Stern, Ralph Nadar, and Jay Leno. There's psychological reasoning behind birth order and the different personality traits of siblings, but certain scenarios and situations could change these characteristics, including: Gender can throw off the typical birth order structure if the first two children born are different genders. When this happens, they often both have the personality traits of the oldest child. As for a large family, if there is one boy (or one girl) in the family, that child will not be in their typical birth order role. Or if a family displays favoritism or places more value on one gender over another, the dynamic will be different as well. If there are five or more years between siblings, the birth order role will not apply. Since the age between siblings is so great, it is considered a new start or 'new family' with a 'new firstborn'. When siblings are born one to two years apart, there may be more conflict and competition especially if they are the same gender. The ideal age difference between siblings tends to be three to four years. They are still close in age but can still have their own identity and interests. The older sibling naturally tends to be domineering and bossy towards their younger siblings. But if they are close in age and the younger sibling eventually outgrows or outsmarts the older sibling, the dynamic can change. When a younger sibling has a stronger, more confident disposition or temperament than their older sibling, this may throw off the birth order role. If a younger sibling is an overachiever in school or excels exponentially in sports or music, they tend to get special, even priority treatment, and birth order tends to shift. Another scenario is a sibling who has a disability and needs special care. Often these situations will alter the birth order role as well. The birth order role doesn't typically apply to twins. They have a special position in the family and tend to operate independently of the traditional birth order roles. When families are blended due to remarriage, the sibling dynamic can be incredibly confusing and complicated depending on the ages of the children. It's not unusual for the children to need some time to establish themselves in their new family hierarchy. From astrology to birth order, there are so many ways we can explain how we were quite literally born this way. While these characteristics might align with who you are, don't let them define you! Birth order might have had an influence on shaping you, but there's more to who you are then the position you were born in.
