Latest news with #familyRelationships
Vogue
02-07-2025
- General
- Vogue
Is Anything More Complicated Than Sisterhood? Esther Freud, Sister of Bella, Reflects on a Lifelong Bond
'I don't know how to… hate… you…' As children, my sister Bella and I had our own anthem. It was a bastardized version of a song from Jesus Christ Superstar, the words of which we'd reformed to suit our needs. We'd narrow our eyes, lower our voices, advance until we collided, teeth bared and nails out, laughing as we rolled across the floor. Bella was two years old when I was born. Our mother—single, barely out of her teens—arrived home to her third-floor flat on Camden Road and set me down on the bed. She didn't immediately respond when my crying drifted through to the kitchen, but when the noise escalated to an ear-piercing scream she rushed to my side. Bella was beaming. 'I told the baby to be quiet,' she said. She'd caught my cheek with her nail. Beads of blood were blooming. Mum turned on her. Her first daughter had transformed into a threat; her second, tiny in comparison, defenseless, had become the one she must protect. And so the dynamics of our relationships were set. I've always been interested in birth order. How the roles are laid out from the start. The expectation that the elder sibling will be responsible and high-achieving, while the next child will placidly follow in their wake. I admire those who rebel, those with the courage to leap over the boundaries. I'm aware myself how carefully the younger sister needs to tread, how mindful she must be not to threaten the equilibrium, not to blossom too early or too obviously, if she wants to keep her sibling as a friend. Recently I met a woman whose daughters were openly and miserably competitive. Both clever, the younger had the effrontery to be popular and sporty, too. By their mid-teens the elder had sunk into despair. In their 20s they embarked on couples counseling together. It only took a few sessions, and newly united, they turned around and blamed their mother. The woman laughed as she told me this. She was just glad, she said, to see them getting on. I read that Tina Knowles took her girls to therapy when Beyoncé's success began affecting the confidence of her younger daughter, Solange. It helped, apparently, but would it have worked so well if the global superstar had been the youngest member of the family? Would Solange have been able to operate in a shadow cast from below?
Yahoo
09-05-2025
- General
- Yahoo
How to manage mental health on Mother's Day
AUSTIN (KXAN) — Some may be scrambling to get those last-minute gifts or make plans with Mother's Day right around the corner. However, that day can also bring up mixed feelings for those who have a strained relationship with a parent or someone dealing with the loss of one. Kate Carmichael, a licensed professional counselor supervisor with ATX Counseling, spoke with KXAN's Will DuPree and Sally Hernandez to expand on how those experiencing these feelings can DuPree: We want to talk about someone who's maybe not looking forward to Mother's Day as much, maybe because they're not as close to their family for any number of reasons. What do clients share with you about why that may be, and then how do you advise them to perhaps deal with that? Kate Carmichael: You know, Mother's Day weekend is a great opportunity to reflect on this really important relationship we have with our moms. And so I always encourage clients to think about there's a term called intergenerational transmission. And so it is the idea that even as adults, we can tend to revert back to old patterns, roles and dynamics that we had in childhood. And so if we're not careful and we're not mindful about it, it's easy to get sucked back in to old patterns. So oftentimes, my clients will say, I spent the day with my mom, and it's amazing how you feel 16 again. It's like all of a sudden, those same patterns can come back up. So I think this weekend's a great time to really think about how you want to show up. How do you want this relationship to evolve with your mom? Because it's just so easy to get back into those old patterns that might not work. Sally Hernandez: How do you handle losing a mom and celebrating on Sunday? Is there much to celebrate? Carmichael: I think it is about taking a moment to hold dear what that relationship meant to you. And it's a complicated relationship. I think that's the most important thing to know — your mom is flawed and is imperfect — and we're all trying to navigate how to handle that. When you've lost a parent, they still live on in your heart, the good and the bad. It's a time to take care of you and really reflect on your needs, and how do you want to move forward, especially if you're a parent as well, to think about how to heal. DuPree: In preparing for this segment, and you joining us today, you pointed out something that was pretty interesting. It's the fact that more Gen Z and Millennial people might be living with their families longer than previous generations. That, of course, can have some benefits, but also maybe strain some of the family relationships and bring up other feelings about that. If someone is feeling that way and recognizing those feelings, what would be your suggestion to handle those and maybe move forward? Carmichael: You know, because of housing costs and student loan debt and everything that we're seeing, young people are much more likely to live with their families. Also, the other way around, we're starting to see a lot more moms living with their children and their families as well. So, more intergenerational houses. So you have to think about how do I want to move forward during this stage of my life? Every single developmental stage is going to have you evolve and have your relationships evolve around you. What you need now may be different than what you need 10 years from now. Or what you needed 10 years ago, may be what you needed last year. And so what you want to think about is, how do I take care of myself? How do I want to show up in this relationship? What am I needing and really get in touch with what you want to see unfold, because we're all evolving all the time. But again, like we talked about earlier, there's a tendency to get caught in patterns. Our brains are pattern-seeking machines, and so we just want to be mindful of that. Hernandez: You've said take care of yourself several times in the last few minutes, and I'm just wondering if that's a benefit of that relationship of living with your mother, that you are forced to kind of take time for yourself. Or are there any other benefits that you think come out of it? Carmichael: Oh, I think it helps you really get in touch with what you need, how to set a boundary, how to be honest, how to show up in a way that is kind, respectful but also assertive. Those are all the skills that we're learning all the time, and your family is often a great place to practice that. Copyright 2025 Nexstar Media, Inc. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
