Latest news with #familyvisits
Washington Post
09-07-2025
- General
- Washington Post
Asking Eric: Relatives leave gifts but don't come inside to visit
Dear Eric: My sister and brother-in-law live a couple of hours away. My wife and I get along with them but are not close, and we try to make an effort to see them when we are nearby (a couple times a year). We have a pre-school-age child, while they do not have kids. They are kind and generous to our child when they see him and bring him gifts from their travels when they do see him. Our son has no cousins or family members that are close in age to him, so we try to encourage strong relationships with the adults around him. Recently, we didn't answer our door when our family members dropped by, unannounced. We were in the backyard. They deposited some nice gifts by the front door and left, sending a text message of regret. On its face, this gesture is considerate and appropriate. But we were truly disappointed. We don't want our son to receive random gifts and material objects, we want him to know his aunt and uncle, have a bond with them, and associate any material gifts with them and their love. Our relatives have done this more than twice, so it's a pattern. It's hard to know how to tell them that their kind gesture fell very short with us. Had they given us 15 minutes advance notice (or even called while on the doorstep), we could have seen them. Every response I imagine sounds ungrateful for their gifts. Is it too much to ask them to spend a little time with their nephew? — Time Is Better Than Gifts Time: You've got a situation that's almost worthy of an O. Henry story. But all is not lost. They have good intentions, as do you. And everyone is trying to be generous. That's a great place from which to start. Thinking generously about their actions, maybe they don't want to bother you or presume that parents of young kids don't have time to entertain. Working from that premise, you can start to proactively encourage them to behave differently when they visit. Try saying something like, 'we really hate to miss you; next time you're coming by, just give us a call when you're on your way. We'll be happy to make a visit work. Seriously.' You can make it plain that you want them to build a relationship with your son and invite them to spend quality time with him. 'It's so important that our son knows you; can we set a date for a proper visit?' Keep the focus on the future, as much as you can, rather than talking about the last flyby visit. Sometimes people need explicit invitations. But it seems their hearts are in the right place so, with a little guidance, their actions will follow. Dear Eric: At a recent family gathering pictures were made and then posted on social media. I had not seen them, but I did participate at the time. I don't want my pictures posted for personal reasons and it causes mental distress seeing them. I don't feel that I can ask for them to be removed without causing a rift in the family. I did post a brief comment that people should ask before posting and I would do the same. It was seen by the person, so I hope they removed them. I feel it may have been done for the wrong reasons as this person posted only flattering ones of themselves. Now a wonderful memory of the occasion will be ruined in my memories. Should people think before using photos of others on social media? — Social Dilemma Social: Short answer — yes. There are plenty of reasons that people may not want their photos posted — maybe it's not an angle you like, maybe you want to preserve your privacy, maybe you don't want just anybody knowing what you get up to in your spare time. It is always a good practice to ask before posting. And it's not rude or unseemly to ask that a photo be removed or to be edited out of a photo. Many social media platforms make it quite easy to crop a photo or even add a little emoji over the face of someone who'd rather not be in the photo. Plenty of people do that when posting family photos with kids in them, for instance. It's easy to think of social media as akin to a personal photo album — indeed, many social media companies want you to feel that way. But a photo album generally sits on the shelf and is only shown to a limited audience. Social media, even with privacy settings in place, is much more public. You can and should ask for what you need in this case. (Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@ or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at 2025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
Yahoo
06-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Woman Is Called ‘Selfish' for Not Wanting to Share Her ‘Private Space' with Family She ‘Barely' Knows When They Visit
A woman wrote on Reddit that she co-owns a home with her mother and sister and recently found out that a cousin and her two young kids — whom she 'barely' knows — are coming to stay for the summer When she protested having to share her 'private space' in the basement with the kids, her mom called her 'selfish' 'I value my personal space and quiet. I also work night shifts, so when I come home in the morning to sleep, I don't want to be disturbed with any noise,' the Redditor wroteA woman is less than thrilled about the prospect of having to share her private space with two young relatives for the summer. The 29-year-old detailed her dilemma in a post on Reddit's popular "Am I the A------" forum, beginning by explaining that she co-owns her house with her mother and sister and that the basement is her "private" domain. The OP (original poster) said her mom recently informed her that a cousin from overseas — whom she "barely" knows — and her two young kids are coming to stay for the entire summer. The two kids will be sleeping in the spare room in the basement — much to the OP's chagrin. For context, she explained on Reddit that her basement space contains her bedroom, the spare room, a living room area and a bathroom. "I don't even know the names of my cousin's kids at all, and I value my personal space and quiet. I also work night shifts, so when I come home in the morning to sleep, I don't want to be disturbed with any noise," she wrote, sharing some of her concerns about the arrangement. However, when she protested the plan, her mother called her "selfish." Adding to the OP's frustrations, she had been looking forward to having the house completely to herself "for once" when her sometimes "overbearing" mom and sister leave for a 10-day cruise next month. When she raised this point with her mom, her response was, "Well, now you won't be home alone." "I told her she made this decision without considering me at all and that I don't plan to host or entertain anyone while they're gone," the OP wrote, describing a previous instance when a cousin visited and her mom "pressured" her into giving that family member money to shop. "I'm afraid that history will repeat itself, but 3x as much since she's bringing her kids too." The OP said that instead of enjoying an empty house by herself, she is now "seriously considering" decamping to a hotel for the 10 days her mom and sister will be away on their cruise "just to have peace." Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. "It feels like my space and comfort were completely disregarded, and I don't want to give up my personal space," she concluded her post, asking fellow Redditors, "AITA [am I the a------] in this situation?" In the comments, many readers shared the opinion that the OP's mother has no right to tell her she must give up her private space in a home she co-owns. "You're being treated as if you're an adult living in a home that only belongs to the parent(s). That's not the case here: you co-own the home. Your expected personal space is literally your space; you own it," one person wrote. "So you have every right to expect your usual private space to remain private, and especially to decide who will and won't be in the house with you when the other owner isn't there." Someone else chimed in, "Your mom ignoring that you co-own the place is wild. She can't just override your boundaries because it's convenient for her, especially when you work nights and need quiet." Many people advised the OP against the idea of retreating to a hotel, arguing that she shouldn't have to leave her own home and waste her money. "Why should you be the one who's on the hook for 10 days of hotel expenses AND be the one whose space gets invaded?" a Redditor asked. Several others told the OP this sticky situation might be a strong sign that she should consider getting a place of her own to avoid such conflicts in the future. "It might be better for your mother and sister to buy you out since they are treating you like you neither own nor pay rent. Take your share and get your own place," one commenter suggested. Read the original article on People
Yahoo
29-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Woman Fears Her Daughter-In-Law 'Clearly Hates' Her After Noticing How Little She's Visited Since the Year Began
A woman said her daughter-in-law "clearly hates" her as she hasn't visited since Christmas In a Mumsnet post on June 23, she questioned if her daughter-in-law should be accompanying her son on routine visits "No children yet, but I suspect in the very near future and I am already upset thinking about how little she will want the children to visit,' the woman frettedA mother is in turmoil over her relationship with her daughter-in-law. On Monday, June 23, the mom wrote a Mumsnet post explaining why she's convinced that her daughter-in-law 'hates' her. She said it's been months since they last saw each other and even that was only because her daughter-in-law and son visited for Christmas. 'I just don't know if we're expecting too much, thinking she should visit more when [our] son does,' the mother wrote. 'No children yet, but I suspect in the very near future and I am already upset thinking about how little she will want the children to visit,' she added. Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. The mom asked commenters to share how often their child's spouses visit and if they expect them to always come together. 'Speaking as a DIL [daughter-in-law], when my PILs [parents-in-law] were in good health, we used to visit them as a family (me and DH [dear husband] and our DC [dear children]) once every couple of months,' one person wrote. 'Then FIL died 18 months ago and MIL is in poor health and needs more support. So now DH goes more frequently than we used to, but usually on his own. Similarly, I do the lion's share when it comes to supporting my parents.' Another commented, 'I was in a relationship with or married to DH for 12 years before his mother died. I never met her, even when we lived 90 mins away and DH went to visit. I finally met his father last year (parents were still together).' A third said, 'I like my MIL very much. I don't go every time my DH goes (live in same city) but often do and she comes to us too. I am not possessive over the kids so if he wants to take them and I can't go/want to do something else, that's fine. Same goes for my mum.' Sharing practical advice, another wrote, 'She doesn't have to like you, I'm afraid. As long as she isn't actually rude to you, you can't complain. She may not actively dislike you, you may just not be her kind of person. Don't nag her or your son unless you want to see him less than you do.' is now available in the Apple App Store! Download it now for the most binge-worthy celeb content, exclusive video clips, astrology updates and more! Several responses to the post quizzed the mom on whether she had any other reasons why her daughter-in-law might hate her other than the lack of visits. The PEOPLE Puzzler crossword is here! How quickly can you solve it? Play now! The mother commented that she's never been invited to her son and daughter-in-law's home because they are always 'busy.' 'I was always closest to DS [dear son] as he lived with me the longest! Not anymore. I don't treat the others differently, if anything DS was the baby!' the mom wrote. 'I am closer to my other DIL because they invite me over and I can go and stay the weekend with them, that isn't my fault. 'There was a minor confusion about something before they got married which was my fault and I took responsibility for but I know she's taken that as a reason to hate me,' the mom continued. 'She wasn't bothered about me before then though, just used it as a reason. "When DS lived with me she would pop over all of the time and be very chatty and spend ages talking to me. As soon as he moved out she just wasn't bothered anymore," she added. Read the original article on People
