Latest news with #fantasies
Daily Mail
6 days ago
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Gillian Anderson reveals how her decision to talk about sex and female pleasure has 'changed lives' as she reflects on the moving impact of her book Want
Gillian Anderson has revealed the moving impact of her book Want after the actress decided to open up the conversation on female pleasure and sex. Released in September, Want, which is inspired by Nancy Friday's 1973 classic My Secret Garden, compiles anonymous letters from women around the world revealing their deepest fantasies - including her own. And the impact of the book has surpassed anything the star had ever imagined as she confessed women have approached her in the street to tell her how the book has 'changed their life'. After reaching a new audience with her role as sex therapist Jean Milburn in Sex Education, the actress, 56, was approached by multiple publishers about doing a book. Speaking on the latest episode of Davina McCall 's Begin Again podcast she explained: 'I think what was remarkable about the book and the conversation that it's started, was because of the courage of the women who submitted the letters.' She continued: 'The bigger light bulb is, "if I'm not able to ask for what I want of the person I've been married to for 25 years, does that have any link to why I'm not able to ask for what I want in the work that I do? '"And the raise that I've been thinking about asking for? Or actually to assume that I might be talented at this other thing that I haven't gone after because I've been kind of wrapped up".' Discussing the book's reaction she added: 'I didn't expect the reaction that we've had and I didn't expect that these were the types of conversations that we'd be having. 'I've had women come up to me and say "this has changed my life." And at the end of the day we're talking about courage really.' Gillian explained: 'There's a lot of really, really touching writing in here and real touching honesty and part of that too which really moves me, was women writing about being seen. 'Yes there's a version of a fantasy where even in my mind I look a certain way and I'm imagining that they are desiring me as that way, but actually the thing that I really want is to be looked at adoringly for who I am, and how I look and for that to be the thing that my partner is desiring - not the perfect version of it, but actually you.' Gillian had 900 finished letter submitted after she reached out to the public to send in their writings through a portal. Speaking about general attitudes to sex in today's society the star explained: 'I had assumed that conversation around it or the concept of fantasy and desire and particularly women's desire was going to have properly moved on, and it hasn't as much as I would have thought that it would have. 'There's a lot still about, it's not just about shame, it's not just shame about you know the fact that we even have fantasies or even shame to admit that there is a fantasy that one might think about when either masturbating or having sex. She explained: 'I think what was remarkable about the book and the conversation that it's started, was because of the courage of the women who submitted the letters' 'But the biggest one for me was shame around the very idea of talking about it with one's partner or asking for what you might want in the bedroom.' Gillian recently confessed to enjoying having sex in 'uncomfortable tight quarters' after she cheekily admitted to being up for getting frisky in a tent or a car, when 'needs must'. The actress' latest project saw her star in Marianne Elliot's big-screen adaptation of Raynor Winn's 2018 memoir, The Salt Path, playing Raynor opposite Jason Isaacs as her husband Moth. And in response to one scene in the film that sees Gillian and Isaac's characters get intimate inside their small tent, The Sunday Times probed the X-Files star on whether she would recommend the location for an amorous encounter. A grinning Gillian affirmed: 'Well, sex in the back of a car, sex anywhere, I mean, yeah, why not? Uncomfortable, tight quarters, but needs must.' The Scoop actress also admitted that she doesn't feel any shame in discussing sex. She explained that it was through doing Sex Education, filming scenes speaking openly about topics like sexual pleasure, genitalia and sexual orientation, that she first realised how comfortable she felt and how vital the conversations were. She said: 'In playing Jean, having [sex] become a regular topic, I realised that I didn't have shame around it. 'Also, I suddenly realised the degree to which there still was so much shame around it and the degree to which the show helped many demographics blast through some of that.' Gillian lamented that having frank conversations about sex, was still regarded as tabboo and shameful, with even couples struggling to be open with each other about their desires. She said: 'In 2025 some of us seem to struggle to have that conversation with our partners. The conversation about "I prefer it like this" or "Can we take ten more minutes so I can actually get more pleasure out of this exchange?". 'Some of it is the fear that the partner might feel judged that they're doing something wrong, when actually that's not what you're saying.'
Yahoo
17-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Most people think of their ex when pleasuring themselves, study reveals — here's what it means
They're getting it on while thinking of the past. Despite how your last relationship ended, if you think of your ex when pleasuring yourself, there's no shame in doing so — and you're not alone. 76% of men and 59% of women think of an ex when masturbating, according to a new survey from Ohdoki, the pleasure tech company that makes The Handy male sex toy. And before you fret, doctor and certified sex therapist Kristie Overstreet told the Everygirl that fantasizing about a past lover could mean a variety of things. If you're single and reminiscing about your past lover while showing yourself some lovin' — it 'could be a healthy way to look back on what was good in the relationship.' If you're in a relationship and still thinking about that specific person while masturbating — Overstreet told the outlet that people should look at it as a positive thing, as it could be 'a way to use the past relationship to help enhance the current relationship.' And oftentimes thinking of the sexual experiences you once had with a person that are now forbidden is a major turn-on for some when masturbating, according to Pamela Stephenson Connolly, a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist. And not everyone pleasuring themselves is thinking of a past fling — some are just preferring it over sex. When Charlotte thought she was 'addicted' to her rabbit vibrator in that famous 'Sex and the City' episode — she was onto something. The Ohdoki survey also revealed that 29% of people prefer solo pleasure to the real thing, including almost one in three men (31%) and just over a quarter of women (26%). A Swedish study even revealed that on average, women pleasure themselves nine times across a 30-day period — which equals about twice per week. Do the math, and that leaves little time for hanky panky with a partner. 'Some people may find masturbation more enjoyable than sex because they can find their own sweet spot — they know what they like and what they don't like,' said Gemma Nice, a sex and relationship coach. 'When you are masturbating, you can control the rhythm, the pace and the pressure. That level of precision allows people to tune into exactly what they want and reach orgasms that are incredibly intense.' While self-pleasure is healthy and normal — Nice explained, 'If you rely too heavily on masturbation for satisfaction, it can affect the quality of partnered sex.' 'You may become so used to your own technique that a partner's touch feels less fulfilling. Masturbation shouldn't be a replacement for connection. If that's happening, it's a sign that more open communication is needed, outside the bedroom, too,' she added.
