Latest news with #friend
New York Times
15 hours ago
- Politics
- New York Times
How Do I Tell My Rich Friends to Stop Talking About Fleeing the Country?
I have a wealthy friend (not billions, but well over $20 million) who talks almost incessantly about leaving the country because of her and her family's concerns about the current political situation. Nearly every week, it's another 'Check this one out!' — always accompanied by a link to a villa in the south of France or a seaside four-bedroom condo overlooking the coast of Spain. I'm not the sort to let money drive a relationship; I don't defer to wealthy people, and I wouldn't expect deference if the roles were reversed. So how do you navigate things when you're simply tired of hearing the same conversation on wash, rinse, repeat? I can't just say: 'Stop. Your friends with less money don't want to hear it.' That would only create anger. But 'Have you thought about how these comments affect others?' feels condescending. I'm not sure it's appropriate to tell her to stop, or how to do it. — Name Withheld From the Ethicist: One way of being obnoxious is by condescending to people, treating them in a way that implies they're lesser. Another, opposite way is by failing to notice that other people lack the advantages you enjoy. If the first obliquely asserts superiority, the second obliviously betrays self-absorption. Both of them grate. I can imagine other misgivings you might have about these upscale escape fantasies. When the political weather in your country turns threatening, there's much to be said for staying put, if you safely can, and trying to make things better. Given her resources, your friend might wrest herself from the Sotheby's International Realty website and spend more time reviewing political campaigns that could benefit from her backing. It doesn't sound as if she's facing persecution; if anything, she's on the verge of a tax break. So her weekly search for a bolt-hole on the Riviera just seems an attempt to dodge an unpleasant atmosphere. In our 24/7 digital era, though, is there truly more solace in brooding over news alerts from a villa in Cap Ferrat than from a ranch in Montana? You don't have to make it a confrontation. There are plenty of ways to signal the realities she's exasperatingly deaf to. The next time she sends you a link to a coastal villa, you might respond with a listing for a studio apartment in a Communist-era block in Bucharest — ample stair climbing, intermittent hot water and panoramic views of concrete — explaining that it better fits your budget. If she's miffed for a minute, that's the price of honesty. And a small one, surely, compared to that spread in Cap Ferrat. Want all of The Times? Subscribe.
Irish Times
a day ago
- General
- Irish Times
How do I tell my friend who's currently living with her parents that soon I'll have a second house?
Question I have a good friend to whom I have always been close . She has had a rough past 12 months and was forced to move back home to her parents with her boyfriend after her landlord sold the apartment they were renting . They can't afford to rent or buy anywhere in our locality. She has said to me that this is putting a huge strain on her relationship . In the last few years I have met a new man whom I love greatly. We live together in my own place and plan on getting married in the near future. My boyfriend has a very well-paid job and has recently bought a big house in a nice part of the city. We plan to move in together and then rent out my home. My problem is I don't know how to break this to my friend. I feel awful for her in her current situation and don't want to feel like I'm rubbing her nose in it when I tell her my boyfriend and I will have two properties, while she is living in her parents' house. Answer It is lovely that you care so much about your friend that you worry about her feelings when she finds out that you are doing so much better than she is financially. However, real friendship has to face all kinds of life changes and this one is in front of you now. READ MORE Imagine if your friend was very ill, would you feel guilty about being healthy and well? Possibly yes! Guilt tells us that we need to address or rectify something, and I wonder what you feel you are not doing in the friendship? This is not for you to decide alone, as your friend occupies an equal space in this friendship and therefore should be asked. Friendship needs honesty, loyalty, kindness and fairness, and if you withhold your feelings, you are blocking your friend from full access to the friendship. The chances are that she knows, or at least suspects that you will be better off in the near future, and this might highlight for her the unfairness in the world, but she deserves the chance to express these feelings with her close friend. You, too, might need to express your concerns as it gives her the respect of allowing her to air her own responses and not your assumptions of how you think she feels. [ 'Some friends have more need of me than I have of them' Opens in new window ] Of course, many things break up friendships, but a guaranteed one is where one person deliberately cuts off the other out of a fear of causing offence. You may decide that there is something you can do that might assist in your friend's situation: help her to rewrite her CV, get her some career coaching or source some financial advice. Probably the most useful support she can get is to be fully listened to and understood regarding the hardship she is going through – so make this about her and not about you. This means that you do not make assumptions but first investigate what her situation is and how she feels about it. Then your job as a really good friend is to go the distance with her, and if this means tolerating her sense of despair or resentment, then that is what is required at present. Of course, friendship also needs reciprocity in that your friend is also there for you in your hour of need, whenever that presents. Equality in relationships is not about 50/50, but more about the friendship supporting one person at the time, with whatever is needed, and then supporting the other at another time, even if it is not equal in demand. [ 'I chose two of my three close friends to be bridesmaids and everything is now difficult' Opens in new window ] We know that hardship and difficulty are not dealt out in equal measure to everyone, and it might happen that through life one person needs more support than another. This should not be a cause for guilt or grief, it simply is. Your friend's relationship is under threat so she really needs you not to back away at this point as she might feel that her life structure is slipping away from her. The feeling of guilt is uncomfortable and we often go into avoidance when this happens, but rise above this, gather your courage and risk an honest conversation. You and she may need to have multiple conversations so you could start by stating that you are determined to stick with her through this tough time and that you will not be deterred. Then follow your word and keep turning up, and do what you can to be of help, but that has to be what your friend wants. Be the friend who is there for the hard times. To send your question to Trish Murphy, fill in the form below, click here or email tellmeaboutit@ .form-group {width:100% !important;}
Washington Post
2 days ago
- Entertainment
- Washington Post
Parents are burned out and lonely. Are our rigid rules making it worse?
My friend Melissa has the voice of a principal you don't want to cross: calm, steady and, sometimes, dripping with disapproval. One Wednesday night, I watched her use it on my son. 'Ollie. Down.' He was scaling her mid-century modern table mid-game of tag, seconds from toppling a plant onto her Persian rug. In our house, that behavior might have earned a warning or maybe a plea to take the game to his room. But at Melissa's, it crossed a line, and he knew it.
Malay Mail
2 days ago
- Malay Mail
Singapore judge rules against two foreigners who claimed unconscious woman ‘consented' to sex
SINGAPORE, July 22 — Two foreign men have been convicted of raping a woman in a hotel room, after a judge rejected their claim that the acts were consensual. The first man, 50, was the victim's ex-colleague and was found guilty of molestation, sexual assault and obstructing justice, CNA reported. The second man, 51, a longtime friend of the first accused, was convicted of six charges including rape, sexual assault, possession of an intimate image and obstruction of justice. A gag order by the court prohibits the publication of information that could identify the victim, including the men's names, nationalities and professions. The woman passed out after drinking with both men in a hotel room on February 26, 2023, following an invitation from her ex-colleague for a dinner that never took place. She testified that she had only intended to drop off sparkling water he had requested, but stayed on for what she thought would be a networking opportunity. The woman said she was pressured to drink quickly to 'catch up' with the men, who had been drinking all afternoon, and felt uncomfortable when the conversation turned sexual. She described losing consciousness after vomiting from alcohol and recalled saying 'no' repeatedly while unable to move or open her eyes. When she woke the next morning, she found blood on her underwear, suspected she had been raped, and went to a hospital, which later lodged a police report. The prosecution argued that both men knowingly assaulted the woman without her consent, deleted incriminating messages and conducted online searches to evade detection. Justice Hoo Sheau Peng ruled that the victim had given a credible and consistent account, supported by CCTV footage, forensic evidence, and the men's own police statements. The judge rejected the defence's arguments about mistaken or forgotten consent, saying the men's explanations were unbelievable and their actions showed clear signs of guilt. Sentencing for both men will be delivered at a later date.
Yahoo
2 days ago
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Bride-to-Be Demands Bridesmaid Dye Her Hair for Upcoming Wedding Because She Didn't Want Her 'Punk Rock Look'
'It just felt like she was making decisions about me without asking, and that rubbed me the wrong way,' the bridesmaid wrote on Reddit A bridesmaid is turning to the internet for some advice after her longtime best friend who is getting married suggested she dye her hair for her upcoming wedding. The woman shared in a post on Reddit's popular 'Bridezillas' subreddit that she recently had an exchange with the bride, which 'rubbed' her 'the wrong way' and wanted to know how to handle the situation. She shared a screenshot of the text the bride supposedly sent her, which read: 'I meant to mention this and forgot… Bridesmaid dresses are going to be a bright, deep red so you may want to go back to black for a short amount of time. Sorry to f--- up your punk rock look.' The bridesmaid said her friend made a comment joking about her bright red hair — which she said she could 'handle' — but then told her sister that she was 'going to dye it back to black.' The bridesmaid noted that this was something she 'never said' she 'would do.' 'It just felt like she was making decisions about me without asking, and that rubbed me the wrong way,' she wrote on Reddit. 'I don't want to be dramatic, but I'm starting to feel like maybe I should still attend her wedding but not be a bridesmaid.' 'I would never ask my friends to change how they look for my big day, especially something as personal as their hair. Am I overthinking this?' she added. She also noted that she felt that the way her friend has spoken to her has 'changed' over 'the past few years' and she can come off 'really harsh or dismissive.' She said it has gotten to the point where she sometimes feels like she's 'walking on eggshells around her.' In response, several people on Reddit suggested that she send a message to her friend asking if she meant what she said about her bridesmaid having to dye her hair. One person said that if the bride said she 'meant it' then the bridesmaid should decline. One person commented: '[It's absurd of people to try to change you for 'their' big day. a) it is not yours, b) it is only one day but you are supposed to bend to their will and do something costly and time consuming and potentially damaging…' Another person suggested that the woman 'stay blunt' to her friend as 'people pleasing gets you nothing but walked on.' Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. They continued, 'if I were you, I would tell her I was stepping down as a bridesmaid. This is nothing short of a personal attack. If it were me, I couldn't enjoy the wedding if I thought the bride was obsessed with my hair.' Another added, 'if someone is asking this of you, they are not a friend who accepts you completely as you are, and that should be your most important consideration.' Read the original article on People Solve the daily Crossword
