Latest news with #guilt
Forbes
a day ago
- General
- Forbes
Why You Feel Guilty For Not Working On Vacation
When you normalize real time off, you model something healthier. You finally take a break. You turn on your out-of-office message, log out of your inbox and set your phone to silent. But within a day, something creeps in. You think about the project you left unfinished. You wonder if your team is struggling. You feel a quiet pull to check in. Not because you have to. Because you feel like you should. This is the guilt of not working on vacation. It is common. It is subtle. And for many high performers, it is relentless. Even when you have earned the time away, even when nothing is expected of you, the absence of work creates its own kind of tension. That tension is not about laziness. It is about identity. It is about pressure. And it is about how deeply we have internalized the idea that rest must be justified. Work Is No Longer a Place In the past, vacation meant leaving work physically behind. When you were out of the office, you were unreachable. The only connection to your job was a voicemail message and maybe a fax machine. Work ended at a door. Now, work travels with you. It lives in your pocket. It pings your screen. It follows you to the beach and the dinner table and the hotel lobby. You can be on holiday and still respond within minutes. So when you choose not to, it feels like a decision you have to defend. This is not just about technology. It is about how the boundaries around work have blurred. We no longer measure commitment by presence. We measure it by responsiveness. And responsiveness is always possible. When work is everywhere, rest feels like resistance. And that resistance can start to feel like failure. Guilt Is a Product of Culture Many workplaces celebrate overcommitment. People are praised for working late. For answering emails during dinner. For 'jumping on a quick call' while on holiday. These actions are seen as dedication. But they are often symptoms of guilt. That guilt is reinforced by silence. If you take a break and no one covers for you, you feel like a burden. If your absence creates pressure for others, you feel like a slacker. If someone sends a message and you do not reply, you feel like you are letting them down. In cultures where being always available is normal, taking real time off can feel selfish. Or even unprofessional. You start to think less about what you need and more about how your absence is being perceived. The guilt builds not because you are doing something wrong, but because you are doing something different. Your Value Is Not Measured by Presence One reason vacation guilt hits so hard is that many people tie their worth to their output. You are seen as reliable, so you are always available. You are known as efficient, so you reply quickly. You are respected because you deliver. When you stop doing those things, even temporarily, a question lingers. Will people think you care less? Will your value slip? Will your absence create doubts about your role? These questions are rarely voiced. But they sit beneath the surface. And they often lead to small compromises. A quick message here. A few emails there. Just enough to show that you are still around. Still useful. Still important. But rest is not absence. It is recovery. And your value does not disappear just because your notifications do. Time Off Is Not Something You Have to Earn Again Many professionals approach time off like a debt. You take it, but you feel like you have to pay it back. You stay up late the night before to get ahead. You return to double the workload to make up for being gone. You promise yourself you will catch up as soon as you are back. This mindset makes vacation feel transactional. You are not resting. You are borrowing time with interest. And that interest gets paid in guilt. But rest is not a luxury. It is not indulgent. It is part of the job. It is what sustains performance. You cannot do your best work if you are never allowed to step away from it. When you normalize real time off, you model something healthier. You show your team that recovery is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of professionalism. And you prove to yourself that your worth is not based on constant activity. You do not need to apologize for taking a break. You need to protect it.
Daily Mail
4 days ago
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
My best friend won't stop moaning, everything becomes a 'misery contest'. Should I walk away? This letter writer's more sad than they admit, replies BEL MOONEY... here's why
Dear Bel, I'm hoping you can help me with something I feel both sad and guilty about.
Wall Street Journal
10-07-2025
- General
- Wall Street Journal
‘Summers in Squid Tickle' Review: At Canada's Eastern Edge
In the summer of 1995, Robert Finch was 'heartsick and heartsore, full of guilt and a pain I could find no release from. I had shattered one life and had not yet built another. I was far from home, and yet felt I had no home.' Like many others before him, he wondered if he might find a cure for what ails his heart in one of the far-flung places of the world. Like very few others, he decided that 'Newfoundland seemed like a good place to go.' With those Hemingwayesque words, Finch takes the reader with him, away from his past and deep into the heart of someone else's—that of the residents of Burnside, formerly known as Squid Tickle, an outport on the northeast coast of Newfoundland where the population, at its summer height, soars into the dozens. Squid Tickle—a tickle is a narrow channel of water between an island and the mainland or, in this case, a small island and a larger one—is a 100-mile ferry ride from North Sydney, Nova Scotia. Newfoundland is replete with such outports, located so as to maximize access to the now all but vanished northern cod stocks. As Finch writes, 'Burnside, like many of the outports, is already a largely geriatric community,' its numbers shrinking yearly, the younger generations having left to find employment 'up along,' as the locals say.
The Sun
03-07-2025
- General
- The Sun
I was having casual affair with married man – but we've now fallen for each other and I'm drowning in guilt
DEAR DEIDRE: FORBIDDEN sex is the most thrilling sort, but the married man I hoped to keep on the side has fallen for me – and I have done the same. I know things are about to get complicated. I'm 31 and have been with my boyfriend for four years. Things between us have been flat for a while. We barely talk any more, and I've felt invisible for months. So when I met a beautiful, charismatic man on a project at work, I couldn't help myself. He's 45, married with three young kids, and at first it was just a bit of flirty banter. But the chemistry between us was undeniable, and it wasn't long before things turned physical. The sex was out of this world — intense and so passionate. At first, he made it clear he wasn't looking to leave his wife, and I told myself I could handle that. Keeping things casual made sense for both of us. But no matter how hard we tried to fight it, it hasn't stayed that way. We've become emotionally attached. He messages me constantly, says he can't stop thinking about me, and has even started talking about a future together. Meanwhile, I'm still living with my boyfriend, going through the motions and drowning in guilt. I've lied to everyone around me, including myself. Part of me wants to believe it could work with him. But the other part is terrified it will all come crashing down. DEIDRE SAYS: You've been swept up in a passionate and intense affair, and while those feelings may feel real, they're unfolding in a situation built on secrecy, guilt and betrayal. Of course you crave passion when your current relationship feels flat, but an affair rarely provides the foundation for a lasting and secure relationship. Dear Deidre After Dark- Understanding open relationships As hard as it is to accept, the longer this continues, the more pain it's likely to cause for you and everyone involved. Even if he says he wants a future with you, walking away from his wife and children wouldn't be simple. There are deep emotional ties, practical complications and long-term consequences. It's time to be honest with yourself and your boyfriend. Ending that relationship respectfully is the first step towards a future free of dishonesty. I'm sending you my support pack, Moving On, to help you process this and find closure. PARANOID SAME-SEX PARTNER MAY STRAY DEAR DEIDRE: A SIMPLE bunch of flowers has completely derailed my confidence in my relationship. I'm 28, my girlfriend is 30, and we've been together for a year. This is my first serious same-sex relationship. She's openly bisexual and very outgoing, with loads of friends, including men. I've never had reason to distrust her. Last week, a guy she works with sent a bouquet to her desk after she helped him through a rough patch. She told me straight away and laughed it off, saying it was nothing – just a kind gesture. But I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I keep worrying that she's hiding something from me, and it's making me paranoid and anxious. She says I'm overthinking things, but I can't seem to shake this sinking feeling. Am I just being insecure, or is my gut trying to warn me? DEIDRE SAYS: It's understandable that the flowers triggered anxiety, especially as this is your first serious same-sex relationship. But your girlfriend was honest with you. That shows openness, not deceit. It's likely the gesture was innocent. What's important now is unpacking where your fear is coming from. Is it insecurity about her bisexuality or worry that she might leave you? Talk to her and work through these feelings together. My support pack, Dealing With Jealousy, should help. SON HAS NO HOME, HOW CAN I HELP? DEAR DEIDRE: MY son is homeless with nowhere to go, and I don't know how to help. I'm worried sick he's falling apart, and I'm scared he won't be able to find a way out. I'm his 59-year-old mum, and he's 28. He's been homeless for weeks after his girlfriend kicked him out following a huge row. She'd always been nasty and controlling – isolating him from friends and making him feel worthless. He's been sofa surfing with friends and family, but it's not a long-term solution. He calls me almost every day, asking for money. I can't have him live with me, as my home is too small. It breaks my heart to see him struggling, and I hate feeling helpless. His girlfriend's behaviour has taken a toll on him, and I fear he's losing hope. I want to support him, but I'm drained and worried I might be enabling him. DEIDRE SAYS: It's clear you love your son and want to help. While it's painful to see him struggling, setting boundaries is important for both of you. Encourage him to contact (0344 515 2000), which offers advice and support for people facing homelessness. Keep communication open so he knows you're there emotionally, but be cautious about enabling dependence with money. Remember, you can't fix everything, but guiding him towards the right resources will help him to find a way forward. FEEL I'M BEING TAKEN FOR A RIDE DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend only seems to love me when I've got my wallet out. I'm a 39-year-old woman, and he's 33. We've been seeing each other for more than two years, but it's never been stable. He disappears for weeks, then pops back up with sweet messages and promises – usually around his birthday or Christmas. Last year, he sent me a wishlist with designer clothes and trainers, and I stupidly spent nearly £400. I've paid his phone bill, sent him money and even covered a speeding fine. He always thanks me, tells me he loves me and couldn't do life without me, but then he goes cold. The affection dries up, he stops replying, and I'm left wondering what I did wrong. The cycle always repeats. He comes back when he needs something and showers me with charm, and I fall for it every time. I don't want to believe he's using me, but I feel more like a bank than a boyfriend. I love him, but I'm exhausted and confused. Is this love – or am I just being taken for a ride? DEIDRE SAYS: This relationship is taking far more from you than it's giving back – emotionally, financially and mentally. Real love isn't transactional, and doesn't vanish when you put your credit card away. This pattern – warm affection followed by silence then sudden reappearances when he needs something – is classic exploitation. Of course he says he loves you when he's getting what he wants. You deserve a partner who values you for who you are, not what you can give. Take some time to reflect on what you want from a relationship. Setting clear boundaries, especially with money, will help you see his true intentions.
Daily Mail
20-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Late Hairy Bikers star Dave Myers' widow reveals agonising guilt over his death in rare TV interview - and the harrowing ten-word question that still haunts her
Late Hairy Bikers star Dave Myers ' widow opened up about her agonising guilt over his death in rare TV interview on Friday's episode of Lorraine. Liliana Orzac, 57, appeared on the ITV show to chat to step-in host Ranvir Singh, 47, about her new book Dave and Me. TV legend Dave passed away in February 2024 aged 66, two years after his cancer diagnosis. Speaking about her loss, Liliana spoke about her grief and told Ranvir: 'It's an enormous thing to hear, that you have cancer, when you hear that, you don't fully understand the consequences of the treatment or the journey that is coming after that word. 'The stepson hospital corridors, the shattered dreams, the plans that you had for the future that are not going to be there anymore. 'The "What should I do? Should I do this? Should I do that"... 'And then afterwards, you're beating yourself up for thinking "I should have, I could have, I would have"...' 'The guilt the partner has left behind?,' Ranvir pointed out. 'And the guilt, the guilt you haven't done enough, and how could I let this happen in my care?' Liliana said of the questions that still haunt her. Dave shot to fame in 1980s and is best known for being one half of the Hairy Bikers, with his best pal chef Si King, 58. Over 20 years, the pair presented a number of TV shows including The Hairy Bikers Cookbook, Hairy Bikers' Best of British: Series Two and he Hairy Bikers Go West. The pair have also released a number of cookery books, as well as an autobiography. Dave and Liliana tied the knot in 2011 after meeting while filming Hairy Bikers. 'He loved life so much,' Liliana said of her husband. 'He was an inspiration for a lot of people. 'When I met him I was a little bit skeptical about things, I come from a different upbringing, I grew up with limitations imposed on us. 'I loved Dave's freedom of thinking, Dave's freedom of travel, Dave's freedom of expressing himself. 'Our first communication was through emails...' Ranvir pointed out that they met at a hotel during a shoot during the first series of Hairy Bikers. Liliana explained: 'A little hotel that I was managing. They stayed at the hotel and I helped them with locations in the area... 'I was really really fortunate to be in the position to help the, knowing the local area and the contacts, they needed to film something meaningful for the area and representative of the area. 'And we kept in touch by emails. 'He was sending me these beautiful emails from all over the world travelling in first and second series. 'I got these beautiful emails talking about Turkey and the spaces, India and the smells and the colorful India, the penguins of Patagonia, it was magic I read every time in his emails. 'He captured me with that for me it was a dream to travel, but for him it was a reality. 'I was seeing the world through his eyes. It was quite magical. 'Then we met, I met the kindness, the side of him, he was such a beautiful soul and so warm and caring, he was the first man to cook for me!' On February 29 2024 it was revealed that Dave had died as Si revealed. The chef announced he was receiving treatment for cancer in May 2022 and bravely kept the public up to date with his progress in a series of emotional TV specials He died on February 28 2024 with his family and friends by his side. In his heart-wrenching statement Si said: 'Hi everyone, I'm afraid I bear some sad news. 'Most of you will know Dave has been fighting cancer for the past couple of years. 'Last night, on 28th February 2024, with Lili, Dave's wife, his family, close friend David and myself by his side, he passed away peacefully at home. 'All who knew Dave are devastated at his passing. His beloved wife brought him such happiness as did her children, Iza and Sergiu who Dave loved like his own. 'Personally, I am not sure I can put into words on how I feel at the moment. 'My best friend is on a journey that for now, I can't follow. I will miss him every day and the bond and friendship we shared over half a lifetime. 'I wish you god's speed brother; you are and will remain a beacon in this world. See you on the other side. Love ya.' Lorraine airs weekdays from 9am on ITV1 and is available to stream on ITVX.
