Latest news with #insecurity
Yahoo
25-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
15 Lifelong Insecurities You're Carrying From Having Critical Parents
Growing up, we all have our fair share of family dynamics that have sculpted us into the individuals we are today. But if your parents leaned more on the critical side, those formative years might have left you with lingering insecurities that follow you into adulthood. Navigating life with a constant inner critic can feel like an uphill battle. Here are 15 lifelong insecurities that may resonate a little too well if you had critical parents. That relentless pursuit of perfection isn't just a quirky personality trait—it's a constant shadow looming over you. Your parents might've pointed out the 99% on your test rather than praising the A-grade. This unyielding expectation to always "do better" has left you in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction with your achievements. According to clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula, constantly seeking validation from others can lead to chronic feelings of inadequacy. The inner voice that scolds you for not being enough is never silenced. It questions every decision and accomplishment, leading you to seek external validation as a metric of self-worth. Even as an adult, you find yourself wondering if your achievements are truly deserving of praise. It's exhausting to live under the microscope of an upbringing that demanded impossible standards. Fear becomes a close companion when you're conditioned to view failure as catastrophic. Growing up, failure wasn't an option but rather an indictment of character, and that belief has lingered with you. This manifests as a paralyzing fear that prevents you from taking risks or trying new things. You're stuck in a loop, avoiding potential failures at all costs. The dread of falling short stifles your creativity and ambition. Opportunities slip through your fingers because you second-guess your abilities and potential for success. Even minor setbacks can trigger spiraling thoughts of defeat. It's a tiring cycle that keeps you from embracing life's full potential. With critical parents, you learned to question the sincerity of praise and affection. This skepticism often extends to relationships, where trusting others feels like stepping onto shaky ground. You question motives and brace yourself for criticism, even when it's not there. The Journal of Family Psychology found that parental criticism is linked to lower levels of trust and intimacy in adult relationships. This lack of trust isn't limited to romantic partners; it infiltrates friendships and work dynamics, too. Every compliment is met with suspicion, and every critique feels personal. You struggle to take feedback constructively, often perceiving it as an attack rather than guidance. It's a defensive mechanism that leaves you isolated in your fortress of doubt. The need for approval becomes an overwhelming drive when your childhood was filled with judgmental scrutiny. You're on a never-ending quest for others' validation to fill the void left by critical parents. This neediness affects how you interact with peers and colleagues, often making you go above and beyond to win their favor. It's like performing a never-ending juggling act to keep everyone happy. Unfortunately, this drive for approval can lead you to compromise your own needs and values. You might find yourself saying yes to things you don't want to do, just to avoid disapproval. The fear of letting others down becomes a guiding force, even at the expense of your well-being. It's a tug-of-war between wanting acceptance and losing yourself in the process. When praise felt conditional or insincere growing up, accepting compliments as an adult becomes an awkward ordeal. Compliments often feel like setups for future criticism, so you deflect them or downplay your achievements. This insecurity can make social interactions uncomfortable, as you struggle to accept the good without anticipating the bad. Dr. Christine Moutier's research indicates that people with a history of critical parenting might have a hard time internalizing positive feedback, leading to diminished self-esteem. Even when recognition is earned, you feel undeserving. Compliments bounce off you, leaving a residue of self-doubt rather than confidence. Instead of embracing the praise, you search for hidden motives or assume it's misplaced. This hinders your self-growth, as genuine recognition is lost in translation. It's as if every conversation is recorded, analyzed, and critiqued in your mind long after it's over. You dissect every word and gesture, convinced that you've said something wrong, thanks to a childhood filled with constant correction. This over-analysis turns simple interactions into mental marathons of self-doubt and anxiety. You're left exhausted, replaying scenarios in your head to catch what you might have missed. This overthinking becomes all-consuming, affecting your ability to relax and be present. Social situations become minefields of potential embarrassment or criticism. The idea of just letting things be feels foreign, as your mind races to connect invisible dots. It's a draining habit that keeps you on edge, even when there's no real reason to be. In the absence of nurturing and understanding, self-compassion becomes a concept that's difficult to grasp. Your internal dialogue mimics the critical voices of your past, leaving little room for kindness towards yourself. Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research, found that individuals who lacked parental warmth tend to have lower self-compassion levels, making it challenging to forgive themselves for mistakes. This lack of self-kindness makes it hard to bounce back from setbacks. Instead of comforting yourself, you berate your mistakes and shortcomings. The harsh self-talk that was once external has become internalized, making it difficult to treat yourself with the understanding you readily offer others. It's a battle to find peace within when your harshest critic resides in your own mind. Growing up with a critical lens on yourself often translates into having the same lens on others. You may find yourself nitpicking at friends, partners, or colleagues, holding them to impossibly high standards. This cycle of criticism is a learned behavior that repeats itself, as you project your own insecurities onto those around you. You become the critic, perpetuating the cycle that kept you in its grip for so long. This habit strains relationships, as people feel judged and undervalued. It's challenging for you to accept imperfections in others when you struggle to accept them in yourself. Instead of fostering connection, your critical nature builds walls that keep people at a distance. It's a learned defensiveness that pushes away the very support network you crave. Establishing boundaries is a daunting task when you've been conditioned to constantly seek approval. You have trouble saying no, fearing that it will lead to criticism or rejection. Your inclination to please others overrides your own needs, leaving you feeling depleted and resentful. Boundaries, to you, feel like acts of defiance rather than self-care. This lack of boundaries leads to burnout, as you take on more than you can handle. You struggle to prioritize your own well-being, fearing the consequences of standing your ground. It's a cycle that leaves you feeling unappreciated and overextended. Only by learning to assert your needs can you find the balance you desperately need. The constant anticipation of criticism breeds a pessimistic outlook on life. You brace yourself for failure and disappointment, convinced that things will go wrong. This expectation of the worst infects your decisions and relationships, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. You're unable to relax and enjoy moments of peace because you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. This heightened sense of vigilance is exhausting, keeping you on high alert for signs of disaster. Joyful moments are clouded by the anticipation of backlash or negativity. The inability to embrace positivity leaves you stuck in a cycle of anxiety and dread. It's a taxing mindset that robs you of happiness and peace. When love was conditional on your performance or behavior, you learned to equate worthiness with perfection. This belief persists into adulthood, making it difficult to accept love from others. You question the sincerity of affection, convinced that it will be withdrawn when you make mistakes. Love, to you, is something to be earned, not freely given. This mindset leads to self-sabotage in relationships, as you push people away before they can reject you. You doubt your partner's intentions, waiting for the inevitable moment of disappointment. It's a lonely existence, as you struggle to believe that you are deserving of love just as you are. Only by challenging these ingrained beliefs can you begin to embrace genuine, unconditional love. Initiative feels risky when every move was scrutinized and criticized growing up. You hesitate to take charge, fearing negative outcomes and harsh judgments. This reluctance stifles your potential, as you hold back from opportunities that could lead to growth and fulfillment. You find yourself waiting for permission or approval that never comes. This fear of stepping up keeps you in the shadows, overshadowed by those more willing to take risks. You miss chances to showcase your talents and strengths, overshadowed by your own insecurities. It's a self-imposed barrier that limits your success and satisfaction. Only by challenging this fear can you break free from the constraints of your past. Decision-making becomes an agonizing process when you're haunted by the fear of choosing incorrectly. Every choice feels monumental, with the potential for criticism looming over you. This indecision leads to second-guessing and anxiety, as you weigh every possible outcome. You're paralyzed by the fear of making mistakes, leading to procrastination and missed opportunities. This hesitation extends to both minor and major life decisions, leaving you feeling stuck. The pressure to make the "right" choice becomes overwhelming, overshadowing the freedom of making mistakes and learning from them. It's a paralyzing fear that keeps you on the sidelines of your own life. Only by embracing the possibility of failure can you unlock the courage to make decisions confidently. Perfectionism can become a shield against criticism, a way to preemptively protect yourself from judgment. You strive for flawlessness in an attempt to avoid the harsh scrutiny you grew up with. This obsessive attention to detail and excellence comes at the cost of your mental health and well-being. It's a defense mechanism that leaves you perpetually exhausted and on edge. While aiming for perfection, you neglect the importance of mistakes and growth. The pressure to always excel leaves little room for self-compassion or understanding. It's a relentless pursuit that comes at the cost of your happiness and peace of mind. By redefining your relationship with perfection, you can begin to break free from its suffocating grip. Growing up with critical parents often means grappling with an unclear sense of self. Your identity was shaped by their expectations, making it difficult to understand who you truly are. This struggle leads to confusion and uncertainty in your values, beliefs, and goals. You find yourself questioning what you genuinely want versus what was imposed upon you. This lack of self-identity affects your confidence and decision-making. You may feel like a chameleon, constantly adapting to please others rather than staying true to yourself. It's a disorienting feeling, as you search for your own voice amidst the echoes of criticism. Only by exploring your authentic desires and values can you begin to forge a strong, independent identity.
BBC News
21-06-2025
- Business
- BBC News
How di security palava Nigeria dey face fit affect food supply and price
As kasala dey increase for Nigeria, especially for northern part of di kontri, wia unknown gunmen, Boko Haram/ISWAP, bandits, herders and farmers dey clash, di place wey dem also sabi for big farming don dey face serious palava. As rainy season dey try reach im peak, farmers dey fear to go farm becos dem no wan risk dia life or make bandits kidnap dem. For recent weeks, kasala wey happun for North east, North west and North central don claim many lives and properties. Dis areas na places wey dey produce plenty food for Nigeria. Recently, Ministry of Agriculture for Nigeria release one internal memo wey tok say make dia staff fast for three days sake of food wahala for di kontri. Dis move show how serious di mata be. For 2024 alone, World Food Program report say kasala, insecurity, inflation and climate wahala go make hunger worse for Nigeria, and say 26.5 million pipo go face serious hunger. National Bureau of Statistics (NBS) tok say food inflation rate for October 2024 na 39.16% compared to 31.52% for October 2023. Experts believe say insecurity na one of di major reasons wey cause dis kain inflation. Experts still tok say goment need to do more to fight insurgency or find modern farming ways becos farmers for north dey fear to go farm. How security wahala fit affect food security and price dis year? Secretary of All Farmers Association of Nigeria (AFAN), Dr Yunusa Halidu, tell BBC Pidgin say insecurity na one of di reasons wey dey cause food wahala and food inflation. "Before dis insecurity wahala, many states for north dey farm plenty food, and food dey cheap for market," oga Halidu tok. "If no be for insecurity, Zamfara alone fit feed di whole kontri afta harvest." E believe say na insecurity cause di food inflation wey Nigeria dey face. "Lack of food na one of di reasons why food price rise for recent years, and na insecurity cause am. You know say di more pipo dey need sometin, di more di price go up," e tok. E mention say some northern states dey produce rice, wey Nigerians dey chop well-well, but rice and oda food production don reduce. "States like Borno, Yobe, Katsina, Zamfara, Sokoto and Kebbi sabi farm rice, but sake of insecurity, dem dey produce small rice now." Halidu add say "Na only Jigawa for all di northern states dey farm witout security wahala, sake say bandits no too dey dia." E still tok say if federal goment fit solve insecurity and provide farming support, Nigeria no go get food wahala and food go cheap for evribodi. Wetin be di solution? Dr Angarawai Ijantiku Ignatius wey sabi farming well-well and be Country Representative for International Crops Research Institute for Semi-Arid Tropics (ICRISAT) for Kano, tell BBC Pidgin say federal goment need to embraced and invest for modern farming. "But no mata di modern innovation, we still need land. But for small scale, we get wetin we dey call homegrown food. Pipo fit use bucket or cement bag put soil and plant yam, pepper or onion for house. E fit feed family of two or three." E tok say anoda modern way na make goment provide community-based place wey farmers fit plant and harvest. "We get new technology wey we dey call community-based farming programme, wia we go give farmers free training on di new method. How dem fit farm and harvest quick and distribute am for community," Dr Ignatius tok. "But for dis one, we need community vigilante to protect farmers." E also tok say dem suppose dey help farmers get fertiliser by using compost, since some places bandits no dey allow dem go outside village. But e still tok say homegrown food na just support, e no fit reach evriwia. On di oda hand, anoda expert wey sabi security mata for Kano, Dr Auwal Abdullahi, tok say Nigerian goment suppose try anoda way to fight insurgency. E tell BBC Pidgin say for over 10 years, goment dey use force fight insurgents, but e suggest say make dem try dialogue. "Make goment understand and work wit security pipo, community and gada intelligence. For farming season, goment need to work wit community and if possible, negotiate wit bandits" im tok. E say dis method work for Birnin Gwari local goment for Kaduna State. Dr Abdullahi also tok say if dem use peaceful method to tok to bandits make dem drop arms and stop banditry, kidnapping and cattle rustling, farmers go fit go farm and e go help Nigeria economy grow.
Bloomberg
19-06-2025
- Politics
- Bloomberg
Nigeria Orders Crackdown After Dozens Killed in Key Farm Region
Nigerian President Bola Tinubu ordered security agencies to hunt down the perpetrators of a massacre in a key food-producing region that's highlighted growing insecurity in the West African nation. Unidentified assailants killed more than 100 people in an attack in the southeastern state of Benue that began on the night of June 13 and lasted several hours, with homes set on fire and people shot, according to the police. Thousands of people have died in a yearslong conflict over access to land and water in Benue between nomadic herders and mostly sedentary farmers.
The Independent
26-05-2025
- Politics
- The Independent
Boko Haram's resurgence: Why Nigeria's military is struggling to hold the line
A resurgence of Boko Haram attacks is shaking Nigeria's northeast, as Islamic extremists have repeatedly overrun military outposts, mined roads with bombs, and raided civilian communities since the start of the year, raising fears of a possible return to peak Boko Haram-era insecurity despite the military's claims of successes. Boko Haram, Nigeria's homegrown jihadis, took up arms in 2009 to fight Western education and impose their radical version of Islamic law. The conflict, now Africa's longest struggle with militancy, has spilled into Nigeria's northern neighbors, resulted in the death of around 35,000 civilians and the displacement of more than 2 million others, according to the United Nations. In the latest attack late last week in the village of Gajibo in Borno state, the epicenter of the crisis, the extremists killed nine members of a local militia that supports the Nigerian military, after soldiers deserted the base when becoming aware of the insurgents' advance, according to the group's claim and local aid workers. That is in addition to roadside bombs and deadly attacks on villages in recent months. Two factions Boko Haram has since broken into two factions. One of the them is backed by the Islamic State group and is known as the Islamic State West Africa Province, or ISWAP. It has become notorious for targeting military positions and has overrun the military on at least 15 occasions this year, killing soldiers and stealing weapons, according to an Associated Press count, experts and security reports reviewed for this story. On the other hand, the Jama'atu Ahlis Sunna Lidda'awati wal-Jihad, or JAS, faction has increasingly resorted to attacking civilians and perceived collaborators, and thrives on robberies and abductions for ransom. In May, ISWAP struck outposts in Gajibo, Buni Gari, Marte, Izge, Rann, and launched a twin assault on the Nigeria- Cameroon joint base in Wulgo and Soueram in Cameroon. Other attacks this year have hit Malam Fatori, Goniri, Sabon Gari, Wajiroko and Monguno, among others. The group often attacks at night. Expansion and decentralization Malik Samuel, senior researcher at non-profit Good Governance Africa, said that ISWAP's success is as a result of its territorial expansion following gains against rival JAS as well as a decentralized structure that has enhanced its ability to conduct "coordinated, near-simultaneous attacks across different regions,' Samuel said. 'The unpredictability of attacks under this framework illustrates ISWAP's growing strategic sophistication,' Samuel said. External support from IS in Iraq and Syria is also a critical resource to the militants, said Samuel, who has interviewed ex-fighters. Such support is evident in ISWAP's evolving tactics, including nighttime raids, rapid assaults with light but effective weaponry, and the use of modified commercial drones to drop explosives, Samuel said. Outgunned and outnumbered military Ali Abani, a local nonprofit worker familiar with the military operations in Borno's strategic town of Dikwa, said that the army bases are understaffed and located in remote areas, making them vulnerable to attacks. "When these gunmen come, they just overpower the soldiers,' Abani said. Reinforcements, either in the form of air support or nearby ground troops, are often too slow to arrive, allowing the militants enough time to strip the outposts of weapons needed to bolster their arsenal, he added, recalling a May 12 attack during which soldiers fled as they were outnumbered, leaving the extremists to cart away weaponry. There also have been reports of former militants who continued to work as informants and logistics handlers after claiming to have repented. Nigeria losing ground 'almost on a daily basis' At its peak in 2013 and 2014, Boko Haram gained global notoriety after kidnapping 276 Chibok schoolgirls and controlled an area the size of Belgium. While it has lost much of that territory on the back of military campaigns, the new surge in Boko Haram attacks has raised fears about a possible return to such a gloomy past. Borno Gov. Babagana Zulum warned recently of lost gains after raising concerns that military formations in the state are being dislodged 'almost on a daily basis without confrontation.' Federal lawmakers continue to highlight the extremists' growing sophistication and advanced weaponry, calling on the government to bolster the capabilities of the military. The Nigerian military didn't respond to a request for comment. Last Friday, senior commanders visited one of the troubled areas, Gamboru on the border with Cameroon, promising the deployment of more troops to combat Boko Haram.
Independent Singapore
26-05-2025
- General
- Independent Singapore
'Should I break up?' — Woman upset that her boyfriend keeps 'liking and following random girls on Instagram' because 'they're pretty'
SINGAPORE: A Singaporean woman recently took to Reddit to ask if she should break up and move on from her boyfriend of two years, who continues to 'like and follow random girls' on Instagram despite knowing how much it hurts her. According to her post on the r/SGexams subreddit, they've had multiple arguments about the issue. Each time she opens up about how his actions affect her self-esteem and make her feel insecure in the relationship, he dismisses her feelings and accuses her of being 'immature' or 'overreacting.' She also noticed that the girls he follows look nothing like her. Over time, she said, this has made her wonder if she's even his type anymore. On top of that, he's stopped giving her compliments and barely makes her feel appreciated these days. 'I am so tired of feeling so unhappy, so insecure, and always having to have my guard up when any pretty girl walks by. This is not how I should be feeling if I am in a healthy relationship, right?' What makes it worse is that her friends have noticed his Instagram activity too. She admitted feeling 'embarrassed' by it and said it's starting to feel like he's behaving more like someone single than someone in a committed relationship. She confessed, 'It makes me feel like he doesn't respect me as his girlfriend, and he thinks liking or following random girls is more important than my feelings. '[He would say] it's my own fault I feel insecure.' Looking for advice, she turned to the community and asked, 'Is it time for me to move on since our values don't match? It's so difficult to end things when we share so many beautiful memories together. But my only choices now are to continue seeing him do it and feeling bad, or a break up.' 'He won't respect you in the future either, so you have to move on…' In the comment section, many Singaporean Redditors strongly encouraged the woman to walk away from the relationship, emphasising that she deserves better. See also Co-dependent relationship warning signs! One Redditor wrote that she should move on because her boyfriend clearly doesn't respect her, adding, 'He will gaslight you, saying it's no big deal – that you are overreacting. But you are not. You are communicating your thoughts, feelings, and needs, and he is not respecting you – he won't respect you in the future either, so you have to move on,' they said. Another Redditor shared her own experience, saying that she had gone through something similar with an ex-boyfriend. 'I was in this exact situation with my ex. He still didn't stop even after we broke up. Just leave him; if he wanted to, he would. His actions just show that he doesn't care about you, probably lost interest in you.' Meanwhile, a third warned her not to let nostalgia cloud her judgment. 'Don't let the so-called beautiful memories stop you from making an important decision for your future. If he truly respected or loved you, he wouldn't keep doing something that makes you feel this way. Let him go.' In other news, a diner claimed on social media that he was charged for a pricier chicken rice set meal even though he never requested it, and was later blamed by the stall staff for not being clear with his order. In a post shared on the r/askSingapore subreddit on Saturday (May 24), the diner said the incident occurred at a chicken rice stall in a local kopitiam where he had been a regular for the past two years. He wrote, 'I simply said 白鸡饭 打包 (white-skinned chicken rice takeaway). The menu says it's $4.30. He then charged me $5.30, and I asked why.' In response, the staff told him, 'You didn't say normal or set, so I made the set.'' Read more: Diner got charged $5.30 for chicken rice instead of $4.30 for not being 'clear' with his order Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)
