Latest news with #interpersonalrelationships
Yahoo
5 days ago
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
9 Phrases That Give Off a Bad Vibe Without You Even Realizing It, According to a Psychologist
9 Phrases That Give Off a Bad Vibe Without You Even Realizing It, According to a Psychologist originally appeared on Parade. The idea of "giving off a bad vibe" might seem hard to define, but according to Dr. Kirsten Viola Harrison, a licensed psychologist and spiritual integration coach, there are some common things we say often that can subtly give off an unlikable or unapproachable energy. The words we use, along with the way we carry ourselves can relay powerful signals. Just like there are phrases that can make you appear more assertive or ways that elegantly shut down passive aggressive behavior, there are phrases that give off a bad vibe without you even realizing key to having successful interpersonal relationships is self-awareness. Most of the time, if you're using harsh words or displaying closed off body language it's harder to connect with people because they might view you as distant or uncaring. This can trigger a negative reaction from others or, worse, could cause them to view you as untrustworthy or hard to interact with. Equally as important is how we respond to others in situations that could easily escalate. Instead of responding to someone who is 'giving off a bad vibe with one of your own, Dr. Harrison says it's important to be aware of your own projections and anger in the moment. Ahead, she breaks down what exactly 'giving off a bad vibe' means and the phrases that can come across that way if you aren't You may not even realize it, but Dr. Harrison says you could be giving off a subtle, unapproachable energy with your mannerisms and how you respond to certain situations."Giving off a bad vibe' means unintentionally projecting energy, through words, tone and body language, that others perceive as negative, inauthentic, or that make one appear unapproachable," she explains. "It often triggers discomfort and mistrust, even when no harm is intended. Since our brains are wired to detect dissonance between what someone says and how they say it, the non-verbal signals which inform our emotional responses are exceedingly influential and powerful in shaping our interactions."While we can't control the energy that others put out, we can control our response to it. Dr. Harrison says thathow we choose to interpret the energetic signals that come our way is a determinant of how someone else will respond. Even if we feel defensive, it's important not to project our own negative feelings or energy toward others in response. This only creates a negative feedback loop that isn't good for anyone involved. It also helps us to be more aware of how we can sometimes project our own emotions like defensiveness and jealously, onto others without realizing Sometimes, without you realizing it, this phrase can have a negative vibe to it. It can also sometimes indicate that you may not actually have honest intentions if you felt the need to say it first. Dr. Harrison says it's important to watch out for this from someone else. We need to be able to tell the difference in energy between someone who is honest and has genuine intentions vs. someone who isn't."It's vital in our digital age to be able to trust ourselves and others and equally to give off an aura of being trustworthy," she explains. "Our powers of discernment are at an all-time high as more and more of us are craving authenticity. Being able to distinguish that which is real and to be able to engage with genuine, honest intention, is the name of the game in this new era."Related: This is just another way of saying "I told you so" and it doesn't exactly position you as someone trustworthy. In order for people to feel safe telling you their struggles, it's important to avoid Harrison says, "Shifting the onus of responsibility is a classic shutdown for the growth of a relationship. Often said out of fear of self-examination, this defensive tactic avoids responsibility and can be viewed as cowardly."No one can truly know what's going to happen in the future, but saying this implies that someone should. It also contributes to a cynical worldview and doesn't foster strong This is usually said in response to someone being unhappy about receiving criticism. Whether you realize it or not, Dr. Harrison says adding it on to whatever you're going to say usually offends the person more. She points out that it indicates you could just be saying this to someone else to "soften the blow" and you don't actually mean it. "When psychological safety is broken it erodes trust," she explains. "The brain is wired to pick up on inconsistencies and that which feels disingenuous or incongruent is immediately red flagged."She also adds, "Emotionally impactful growth happens when all parties in love or work relationships make it their issue to address difficult topics together. Our collective human nature involves honing our energies towards life-sustaining connection. Therefore, everything is personal." Asking someone this can indicate a huge lack of compassion and even selfishness. It's important not to question why someone is upset about something if you want to be viewed as trustworthy and positive, avoid this phrase at all costs."Resist the urge to feed into the apathy," she says. "Beneath this statement is a well of pent-up emotion that we resist from fear of overwhelm. Titrated drops of vulnerability combined with open-hearted listening really can change the brain."Related: This can also indicate a huge lack of empathy without you even realizing it—especially if you're saying it in the workplace to another team member. It doesn't foster a sense of camaraderie and indicates a selfish try to make the person coming to you with an issue feel heard and help them to come up with a solution. Dr. Harrison adds, "We have all become acutely aware that it is our shared responsibility to protect and fiercely guard our humanity. Do your part by turning a bad vibe into a loving one." This phrase doesn't always give off a good vibe—even if you're just genuinely confused by something. It especially can, though, if you're using it in an argument with a partner who brought up recent behavior of yours that didn't foster a healthy relationship. Harris explains this one further."In both romantic and professional settings, gaslighting phrases such as this can feel invalidating and disconnected, amplifying feelings of being dismissed and unsupported," she shares. "Phrases which make one's mind feel like it's on an endless replay loop signal our nervous systems into hyper-alert. The result is self-doubt and loss of self-esteem, when in reality, the endless obsessive rumination is just our brains trying to fit anomalous information into a pattern."Deflecting and turning the conversation back on someone else are just tactics people often use to avoid the real issue they don't want to talk about. Dr. Harrison adds, "If you are the one who tends to use this phrase as clarifying or are genuinely feeling confused, then recognize this will likely be defensively received."Related: Sometimes, if you use this phrase, it can indicate a general sense of apathy and lack of emotional presence."[It's] often used to avoid discomfort and deeper exploration," Dr. Harrison says. "This phrase bypasses complexity by offering an emotionally flat response."She explains that a more authentic alternative would be something like, "I don't really know how to respond, but I'm here with you" because it's more intentionally Change in life is constant, and according to Dr. Harrison, it's good to continue to evolve along the way. Saying you'll never change who you are isn't supportive of your own growth and, once again, indicates a self-serving nature."Change is one of life's constants," she explains. "Putting up a stop sign to development signals insecurity and a tenuous grip on self-awareness disguised as 'confidence.' Emotionally intelligent people view an unwillingness to change as overly rigid and highlights a refusal to adapt."While it's important to stay true to yourself, Dr. Harrison adds that it's equally as important to create space for growth in yourself and relationships—otherwise you're doing yourself a disservice. It requires a level of vulnerability, but it's essential for building trust and emotiol resonance with This phrase doesn't always give off a bad vibe, but Dr. Harrison says that in certain situations, it can. This one, along with the phrase, "No worries," can be tricky. "When accompanied by a light-hearted or benevolent tone, congruent body-language or good old-fashioned kindness as a way to diffuse a stressful situation, then it can be taken at face value," she says. "Due to its ubiquitousness, this one really is up to the observer to distinguish, (based on the context and relationship) whether one should take offense or not. If I have asked the overwhelmed clerk at the Apple store one more frustrating tech question, his response of 'all good' might be interpreted as a refreshingly kind and polite manner of diffusing the tension. However, if I am trying to have a serious discussion with my friend regarding hurt feelings, 'all good' or 'no worries' might appear blasé and passive-aggressive, resulting in a weakening of our bond."Instead, it's important to focus on positive body language if you're trying to diffuse tension with a friend and conveying honesty and empathy. "Loving kindness and honest intention are the essential, indispensable ingredients for mutual awareness and compassion and empathic attunement," Dr. Harrison adds. Up Next:Dr. Kirsten Viola Harrison Psy.D., a licensed psychologist specializing in trauma disorders and a spiritual integration coach 9 Phrases That Give Off a Bad Vibe Without You Even Realizing It, According to a Psychologist first appeared on Parade on Jul 7, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jul 7, 2025, where it first appeared.
Forbes
6 days ago
- Health
- Forbes
2 Subtle Beliefs That Fuel Deep-Rooted Sexual Shame, By A Psychologist
Feeling awkward about sharing details from your last sexual encounter is understandable. But ... More consistently avoiding sexual conversations or relying on euphemisms could signal unresolved issues. There is a difference between not wanting to talk about sex with your boss and coworkers, and not being willing to talk about sex at all. When you start feeling shame around how you view your body, about masturbation or sex in general, that's when you need to consider if you have sexual shame. It all stems from how we're made to feel about our bodies by those around us. For instance, many of us grew up hearing comments like 'You should never touch yourself' or 'Don't ask questions like that' when we tried to understand why we feel a certain way. Many got shut down by parents who found our words and behavior inappropriate without giving much of an explanation as to why; and that usually became the germ of our personal sexual shame. Sexual function plays a key role in how satisfied people feel with their lives. It's influenced by a person's physical health, emotions, mental wellbeing and their sociocultural setting. However, research published in Scientific Reports in 2023 shows that when you start feeling shameful about this key aspect of your life, it can hurt your mental health, affect your interpersonal relationships negatively and also seep into other areas of your lives. Sexual shame may also lead to self-hatred, aggressive behavior and in some cases, even sexual addiction. To solve this issue from the ground up, we need to understand what causes it. Here are two key psychological reasons you may be struggling with sexual shame. 1. You Have Internalized Negative Beliefs About Sex What's seen as acceptable and unacceptable in a child's behavior depends a lot on how the caregivers, likely the parents, interpret it, based on their own cultural and personal values. If caregivers disapprove of how a child expresses themselves physically or emotionally, that disapproval is often expressed through shaming, which can deeply impact the child's understanding of their body and desires. From a young age, many of us are taught that sex is taboo, dirty or even sinful. These messages might not be stated outright. They could come from a lack of open conversation, subtle body language or moral undertones in how sexuality is portrayed in social institutions and media. And when we start to view something which is supposed to be normal with disgust, we start internalizing shame for wanting or exhibiting that behavior. For instance, we use the phrase 'come out of the closet,' where the closet acts as a metaphor of secrecy and shame around queerness. Those who are more socially and religiously conservative also tend to wield shame as a social weapon. For example, many communities condemn premarital sex or non-heterosexual relationships as sinful, sowing guilt or shame in people's minds, that eventually show up even in private fantasies or while engaging in safe and consensual sexual behavior. Sometimes sexual shame stems from direct interactions as well. For example, someone who expresses their sexual fantasy to their partner may get told off with a 'That's disgusting.' Anytime your partner conveys disinterest, your family shames you for your sexual identity or you experience sexual trauma, you start to link these experiences to humiliation and fear. As a result, you may begin to avoid sexual intimacy altogether or approach it with anxiety and self-doubt. 2. You Feel The Pressure To Be Perfect In The Bedroom All The Time Given the proliferation of pornography in the media, it becomes difficult not to compare ourselves to what we see online. We start to believe what we see and hear, and assume that we have to be perfect at sex. This is the pressure to meet unrealistic standards of sexual performance, appearance or behavior and is called 'sexual perfectionism.' Sexual perfectionism may stem from your beliefs about your performance, how you perceive your partner evaluates your 'performance' or from cultural ideals of beauty and media depictions of 'perfect' sex or bodies. A 2016 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that when women felt their partner expected them to be perfect in bed, their sexual confidence dropped and their sex drive got worse over time. When women set their own standards for their performance, it didn't harm their sexual health. But when they believed their partner expected perfection, it led to negative outcomes like lower sexual desire, less arousal, difficulty with orgasm and even pain during sex. This shows how sexual shame not only leads us to have harmful thoughts, but it even manifests itself in the way our bodies respond. It may prevent you from enjoying sex or may lead you to feel uncomfortable in places like locker rooms and changing rooms. And before you know it, it can start impacting your everyday interactions, where even simple reminders of anything sex-related leave you feeling deeply embarrassed. Overcoming sexual shame is possible when you start looking for the root causes and actively work toward understanding and accepting your sexual self. You can start by educating yourself about sexuality, slowly learning to become comfortable with your body and opening up about these feelings with trusted, non-judgmental people in your life. Once you take a step back and view your experience through a broader cultural lens, you will start to feel the relief that you were never the problem at all. It was always more about what you had learned and internalized over time. Do you experience heightened anxiety around sex? Take this science-backed test to find out: Sex Anxiety Inventory
