Latest news with #kink
Yahoo
6 hours ago
- General
- Yahoo
Go Ask Alex: Is my online dom/sub relationship healthy?
Hey Mr! I hope you are doing well (if those thick thighs are a reflection of how well you are doing, you are doing well indeed). You're one of the only sensible voices in kink I know. What do you think about online dom/sub relations? I'm currently getting into one. I'm married, but he isn't into kink, so I have an agreed outlet online where there is a lot of fantasy but no touching. I guess my question is, do you think that's healthy? It gives me an outlet for my dominant tendencies. But at the same time, it makes me a bit uncomfortable to let this (my predilection for domination) out. I know you are not Dear Abby, but if you could offer me some advice, I would be grateful. If you can't, that's cool. Best! Hi mister, I am kinda like Dear Abby. Thanks for the 'thick thighs' compliment—you've seen my Instagram. (If anyone reading this would rather submit a question there than via email, it's @badalexcheves). Reading your question, I'm not sure what advice you need. Advice on being dominant? Or doing it online? What's the issue? I think it's great to let your dominant side out. But your question is not clear: Are you uncomfortable letting your dominant side out on the internet because it's the internet? Or does your discomfort lie in letting your dominant side out in any capacity? Related: I'm older & heavy. Will a muscular escort still be into me? I sense it's the latter. If so, is your hesitation rooted in ethics? Propriety? Social mores? Faith? These are real things you should ask yourself. You ask me specifically if I think it's 'healthy' to let your dominant side out, which could mean many things, but at its simplest, it suggests you believe doing so might be unhealthy in some way. I'd say that if you have any inclination to be sexually dominant, it's healthier to let that out with someone who willingly consents to it than to repress it or, worse, unleash it on someone who does not desire or consent to it, like your current partner. Many gay men, when they talk about 'unhealthy' sex, are talking about the in-person kind that involves the risk of sexually transmitted infections. But that risk is nonexistent in an online relationship. So, the 'unhealthy' aspect of it you're worried about must fall somewhere in moral or mental territory. 'Unhealthy' here, then, means something akin to 'wicked' or 'wrong.' To me, that's scratching at a moral feeling, a belief. I have a rule about those: It is not my job to change anyone's beliefs about sex. Let me explain that. Beliefs—religious and otherwise—dictate human sexuality. Across the world, beliefs shape and define what we do and don't allow ourselves to explore and experience. I think a sex writer should only offer encouragement (or, when necessary, discouragement) for things people already want to do, or have entertained the idea of doing, or are currently doing. Related: He gave me a 'pass' for sex with others. Should I take it? The ethical line, then, is drawn at encouraging something a reader does not want to do—something they do desire or do not believe is right. To me, that's wrong. Regardless of what I think, suggesting a reader change their beliefs or do something they don't honestly desire feels like a breach of the unspoken, unofficial contract between those who ask for help and those who provide it. I can give facts, tips, and advice, but I can't make you believe something you don't, because beliefs aren't rooted in facts—they're inner things, soul things. I once had little respect for those things, but that's changed. You must do what you believe is right. There is only so far a digital role-play, dom/sub thing can go. You can have video calls and tell him what to do. You can watch each other, wank to each other, talk to each other, perform on camera, and much else. You can connect deeply, confess, share things you've never shared with anyone else, and develop real, deep feelings. Findom (financial domination) setups are common online. You can consensually humiliate and degrade someone on Twitter by posting (mutually agreed-upon) photos of them from an anonymous account. I know subs who love that sort of thing. You can also get scammed, conned, abused, hacked, have your pictures uploaded to some site you're not aware of, and all sorts of sinister things. That's the internet, babe. So, if you choose to do it, remember common-sense safety measures regarding the internet and taking naked pictures that include your face (don't take or send them), showing recognizable tattoos or places in your photos (don't), and so on. If you're chatting on a site, don't create a username that's your real name. Don't send passwords. Be wary of suspicious links. Ultimately, interacting with strangers online is always a risk. Image sharing online can be a matter of mutual vulnerability: you can screenshot anything he sends you, and vice versa, so it behooves you both to respect the other's privacy. Even so, there are millions of bad actors online, and the potential that he is one is higher if you've never met him in person and never plan to. Regardless of where your hesitation is coming from, you at least seem aware that sexual self-expression is necessary in a long-term relationship, and you seem comfortable with the idea of pursuing it within the parameters set by you and your partner. That's a good start. I'd give it a shot. I hope it feeds your dominant urge. If not, I hope you at least entertain my belief that purely online dom/sub interactions are a poor substitute for the real thing. If there's any 'danger' here, it's that of liking it too much and wanting more. I don't think that's unhealthy at all, but it might pose a risk to your relationship. You might, at some point, need to ask yourself if the no-touching rule works for you—and what that means if it doesn't. I don't want to speed anyone's journey along, but if you wish to fast-forward things a bit, consider discussing with your partner the possibility of opening up your relationship to include real, physical intimacy with others. You can agree on the terms of it—on when, where, and with whom it's allowed. You might not think you want that now, but that is something you should prepare for. Because getting bitched out as a quivering sub is better in real life, and being a brutal dom is too. I've done both. Trust me: You will want to take it offline and into the bedroom. Hey there! I'm Alexander Cheves. I'm a sex writer and former sex worker—I worked in the business for over 12 years. You can read my sex-and-culture column Last Call in Out and my book My Love Is a Beast: Confessions, from Unbound Edition Press. But be warned: Kirkus Reviews says the book is "not for squeamish readers.' In the past, I directed (ahem) adult videos and sold adult products. I have spoken about subjects like cruising, sexual health, and HIV at the International AIDS Conference, SXSW, the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, and elsewhere, and appeared on dozens of podcasts. Here, I'm offering sex and relationship advice to Out's readers. Send your question to askbeastly@ — it may get answered in a future post. This article originally appeared on Out: Go Ask Alex: Is my online dom/sub relationship healthy? Solve the daily Crossword
The Sun
5 days ago
- Entertainment
- The Sun
I'm terrified my kinky fetish will turn off my hot new girlfriend – what if it makes her question my sexuality?
I'LL never forget the biggest bedroom buzzkill I've ever experienced - and no, it's not what you're thinking. It wasn't bad breath, questionable hygiene or someone wearing socks in bed (though let's be honest, those are all heinous crimes against sex). This was something different. Something way, way worse. I was reminded of it recently when I read a letter from a reader asking how to introduce a new kink. It brought back a deeply scarring memory: the time an ex tried to spice things up by saying: 'Me and my ex used to love this.' Excuse me? Did he really just invoke the ghost of orgasms past? It gets better - he then pulled out a toy he'd used on her and suggested we use it, too. Look, I'm all for saving the planet, but if you want to save your sex life, recycling old toys is not the one. Yuck. If there's one way to kill the mood faster than a cold drought, it's bringing your ex (and her old vibrator) into the bedroom. I'm The Sun's Sexpert, and this week in my no-holds-barred sex series, I'm tackling a powerful question from a reader struggling to open up about his kinks to a new girlfriend. Q. I've recently started seeing a beautiful woman, and I'm really worried my love of anal play might scare her off. Like a lot of straight guys, I sometimes worry that admitting this might make her question my sexuality. Georgie answers your quickfire sex questions I'm not gay - I just really enjoy the sensations. In a previous relationship I used anal beads and absolutely loved them. How can I introduce them into our sex life without making things awkward? Georgie says: 'It's a shame there's still such a taboo around straight men enjoying anal play - especially when there's a biological reason it feels so good. In case you didn't know, men have a prostate gland (often called the male G-spot) located inside the anus. When stimulated, it can create incredibly intense orgasms. In recent years, the stigma has started to shift. The sex toy market for men has exploded, with more guys exploring vibrators, buzzing butt plugs, and yes - anal beads. Anal beads are a sex toy used during intercourse - either together or solo - to enhance your orgasm. That said, bringing this kind of play - or any new kink - into a new relationship can be daunting. Naturally, you can worry that opening up about your inner desires may put your new partner off, but it's important to be open about the things that turn you on. Here's how you do it… Positive communication 5 Create a safe space for you and your partner to talk. Don't do it when they're tired or stressed, do it when you're both in a good mood. Start with a relaxed, open conversation - ideally outside the bedroom. Ask them what their fantasises are first, this will open up the conversation and they will ask you back. You might say something like, 'I've explored anal play in the past and found it really enjoyable - I'd love to share that side of myself with you if you're ever open to trying it.' Start slowly If your partner is up for trying the kink you'd like you to, move slowly. Suggest using a toy on her first, which might lead to a natural exchange about mutual curiosity. Some couples find it hot to try toys on each other - and if she sees how much you're enjoying it, she might be turned on, too. Be open-minded Remember that kink is a broad spectrum. The definition is basically anything outside of 'traditional' sex - but what's considered kinky to one couple might be totally normal for another. What matters most is that you and your partner feel safe, excited, and respected in exploring whatever brings you pleasure. So don't be ashamed. Be curious, be communicative - and most of all, be honest. Use the traffic code system New positions, cheeky toys or wild fantasies can seriously crank up the heat in the bedroom. If you've got a few sexy scenarios rattling around in your head, jot them down and share them with your partner. Not sure how they'll react? Use the good old traffic light system. Green means 'let's do it!', amber is 'maybe, if I've had a glass of wine,' and red is 'not in this lifetime'. Meet our sexpert In her eight years at The Sun, there's not much our Georgie hasn't seen - or done - and she's loved every outrageous minute. "People often ask how I became a sexpert," she says. "Well, I've been fascinated by sex and relationships for as long as I can remember. "As a teen, I devoured women's mags full of scandalous confessions and steamy tips - and I was obsessed with Sex and the City. "Maybe I was manifesting my inner Carrie Bradshaw from day one. "I'd always dreamed of working at The Sun - and when I finally landed the job, I found my niche fast: going to sex parties and oversharing about my frequently chaotic love life. "Over the years, I've built real trust within the kink and swinging community and I've interviewed hundreds of people about their sex lives. "Add to that my own, um, 'field research,' and let's just say I know what makes good sex great." Georgie says being a sexpert is about having life experience, curiosity, a sense of humour - and plenty of adventures along the way. "There's not much that shocks me these days," she continues. "Except maybe a man who doesn't believe in foreplay. "But nothing makes me happier than hearing a reader say my advice helped them feel more confident (and satisfied) in bed. "Now I'll be answering your burning sex questions - and dishing out practical advice to help get you back in the saddle." Spruce up your top drawer What's that old saying? If it's within reach, you're more likely to use it — and no one ever got hot and bothered rummaging through a drawer full of granny socks. Ditch the dull cottons and make space for things that actually spark joy — like sexy lingerie and a few buzzing besties. And don't worry, gone are the days of sneaking into a shady adult shop in oversized sunglasses. You can now pick up a decent vibrator while grabbing a pint of milk - some supermarkets sell them for as little as £11. Check out the Durex Intense Delight Vibrating Bullet available at Sainsbury's. Show, don't tell 5 If you're introducing a new kink to your partner - and you're the seasoned pro while they're a total newbie - sometimes it's sexier (and smoother) to show, not tell. This keeps things playful, takes the pressure off them and helps ease you both in gently. Set the mood, start slow, and if you're bringing in a new toy or sex aid, demonstrate how it works. Think of it like a very hands-on tutorial… minus the PowerPoint. Crucially, never say 'me and my ex used to do this'. No one wants a mental image of your past sex life, so keep the conversation firmly in the present. By showing instead of explaining, you reduce the risk of awkward misunderstandings - and make the whole experience more exciting and inviting.
Daily Mail
18-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
A thousand revellers descend on sleepy Lincolnshire village for Britain's biggest swingers' festival - featuring 'play' and 'kink' areas, hot tubs and foam parties
Around one thousand kinky revellers have descended on a sleepy Lincolnshire village for Britain's biggest swingers festival taking place this weekend. Dubbed Swingathon, the X-rated three-day extravaganza kicked off yesterday and is now in its fifth year of attracting sexually adventurous guests from across the UK. Set in the middle of sleepy farmland near Grantham, this year's edition promises more risqué fun than ever before. For £200 a single ticket – or £250 per couple – attendees are treated to a raunchy line-up of saucy entertainment, including mobile dungeons, pole dancing, BDSM equipment stalls, and steamy hot tubs. Among the more eyebrow-raising activities on offer are spanking paddles for sale, kinky workshops, lingerie boutiques, foam parties and a game of butt-plug bingo. There's also a strong presence of kink culture, with dedicated 'play tents' and a focus on everything from bondage to consensual non-monogamy. Stalls selling sex toys, whips, chains and other NSFW gear line the grounds, as well as giant words written on the ground saying 'kink', 'play' and 'love'. The event has previously attracted criticism from nearby residents who complained about 'loud moaning sounds' coming from the site. But it has since relocated to a larger, more rural location as numbers increased and organisers say they are committed to challenging the 'sleazy' stigma around the festival. Matthew Cole, who started Swingathon in 2020, says it is not exclusive to traditional swingers and it is more an 'adult alternative lifestyle event'. He said: 'Contrary to some beliefs, there are no keys in bowls, seedy music, lecherous individuals or a high level of STIs amongst this community. 'In fact, individuals within this community are respectful, conscientious, and more likely to practise safe sex or be regularly tested than the average person you might meet on a night out in a club. 'The team are passionate about normalising the sexual freedom that alternative lifestyles provide and continue to strive against prejudice and adversity to bring the community a safe and inclusive social, play and learning space.' The festival says it celebrates a broad range of adult alternative lifestyles, including LGBTQ+ identities, consensual non-monogamy, kink, and more. The event with also feature live music, DJs, workshops, demonstrations, stalls and games - all in a 'safe, inclusive space' which 'celebrates diversity.' Matt and his wife Stacie say they remain committed to challenging stigma and they have taken steps to ensure both safety and credibility. They claim attendees are vetted in advance and the event has a 'strong focus on consent and personal responsibility.' Matt added: 'Swingathon is not a sex party, but rather a gathering of open-minded individuals where friendships and relationships can begin or thrive. 'It aims to bring together a community with an inclusive positive experience, where friendships and relationships begin, rekindle and flourish through the embracement of uniqueness, regardless of the rumour mill.' However, some residents still oppose having the 'seedy' festival on their doorsteps and say it is not welcome in their quaint rural hamlet. One resident, who did not want to be named, said: 'We're becoming known as the swingers capital of England just because of this festival and that's not a title we want. 'Its mostly elderly people and families here so you can imagine them spitting their tea out when they learned we were to be the home of Swingathon. 'It's usually the talk of the village, some say let consenting adults do whatever they want to do, but I know many are not pleased they have chosen here for such activities. 'It's just a bit seedy and sleazy isn't it? Not for me I'm afraid.'
The Sun
09-07-2025
- Entertainment
- The Sun
UK company launches swingers' sex cruise to four popular destinations – but there's a strict dress code
ADVENTUROUS swingers have been invited on a sex cruise to four popular destinations - but there's a strict dress code. The Killing Kittens brand has created an unbelievably kinky holiday opportunity for both singles and couples - are you ready to explore? 5 5 5 The UK based company holds spicy events for those looking to explore all their wildest sexual desires. Those who sign-up to the pleasure experience will travel to Barcelona Monte Carlo, Florence and Portofino. Naughty events on-board will range from a White Party to a mysterious masquerade ball. There's also a sensual Kreatures of the Night primal evening to heighten all senses, and a Dominion party where playmates can show off their latex outfits. Killing Kittens' most established experience, fittingly named Hedonism, will also be unfolding. There are more regular activities too such as cooking classes, wine and whiskey tastings, yoga and a running club. Meanwhile, those looking to delve deeper into enrichening their knowledge can partake in sex and relationship workshops. There are also light hearted sexual-themed quiz nights and couples speed dating. However, there are strict rules to follow should you venture onto the open sea with your fellow kink-positive guests. Killing Kittens has three primary values - privacy, confidentiality and discretion. Georgie answers your sex questions - Tips for tiny Peckers Discretion entails complete confidentiality, meaning ticket-holders can't revealed anyone's identity. You must also be honest about your relationships, both past and present. Another core rule is "no solo men in playrooms", to ensure the safety of women on the cruise. There are no single men allowed on board at all, only single women or women in partnerships are permitted. 5 5 Guests must also sign consent forms once they embark on the journey. Founder Emma Sayle told Metro: "Obviously it's consent, consent, consent, and everything is based on respect and being a decent human being." DRESS CODE Despite the open-minded and relaxed atmosphere, there's certain do's and don'ts when it comes to clothing. But, if you can't wrap your head around the rules, there are spaces on board where it's permitted to be completely naked. The guidelines come into force for events, where Emma warned: "You'll need to adhere to the dress code depending on the theme of the night. "The White party is self explanatory – it's all white; the masked ball is black tie and ball gowns with masks; kreatures of the night is woodland, goddesses, nymphs – a chance to play real dress up. "Hedonism is beach club wear in the day, and in the night Dominion is latex and leather." The cruise sets sail on June 9, 2026, and lasts for six sex-fuelled nights. Swingers interested in signing up will have to fork out at least £5,000. However, it's an all inclusive trip which means you won't have to shell out for any food or drink. This comes as we revealed some of the raciest places to travel around the world, including the many luxury resorts where clothes are always optional. Cap D'Agde, located in France, is the biggest nudist town in the world, where it's compulsory to bare it all on the beach - and it has been dubbed Naked City for this very reason. In the French town, which gets up to 50,000 tourists a day, you'll see everyone going about their business, walking around naked in the shops, having forked out £6 for a 'naked tax'. Elsewhere, The Naughty Cruise, which travelled from Los Angeles to Mexico, made waves when it promised four days of sex-fuelled parties for 2,000 revellers. Entertainment around the ship, which was organised by Couples Cruise in 2017, included everything from outrageous fancy dress parties - where guests were encouraged to dress as kinky as possible - to naked body paint, kinky sex instruments and nudity at all times. There was even a tantra centre where couples could learn about the art of sensual touch, as well as massage classes and "group sessions" which allowed more amorous couples to explore their boundaries and have fun with others. Another couples-only cruise where 'clothing is optional' is called Desire Cruise, which regularly sets sail from Venice, attracting a mix of 700 nudists, swingers and the curious. Guests can take part in tantric yoga, talks from sexologists and sex games. Plus, Hedonism Resort describes itself as the 'world's most iconic, clothing-optional, adult playground and the sexiest place on earth where you can be as mild or as wild as you like!' Located in Jamaica, the stunning resort is an all-inclusive paradise, where the drinks are flowing and guests 'can turn their fantasies into reality'. As well as the usual all-you-can-eat buffets and all-you-can-drink bars you'd find in an all-inclusive resort, Hedonism also has a playroom open 10pm to 3am. In here, couples, single women and invited single men will be greeted by a Playroom Hostess, and expected to participate, rather than watch. BACK ON TOP By Sam Blanchard, Health Correspondent KINKY sex relieves the pain of a bad back or arthritis, research suggests. Those with a taste for whips and handcuffs in the bedroom reported health benefits as well as sexual enjoyment in the study. Many said they experienced short-term relief from chronic pain after a session with a Miss Whiplash. It is said to be down to the simultaneous release of stress hormones in response to the pain and the feelgood hormone dopamine during a bondage session — known as BDSM. Researcher Reni Forer said: 'Many BDSM practitioners experience benefits beyond sexual pleasure. Given the overlap in brain circuitry involved, BDSM could unknowingly result in pain relief for people with chronic pain.' Up to half of us are believed to live with long-term aches and pains from conditions such as arthritis, fibromyalgia or long-term injuries. The study, from the University of Michigan in the US, involved 525 people into BDSM, short for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. Four in ten of them also suffered from chronic pain, defined as lasting longer than three months. In the study, 35 per cent said they felt pain relief after a kinky romp. A similar proportion said it helped to increase their pain tolerance and their ability to talk about their condition or cope with it emotionally. Ms Forer said: 'Participation can also benefit other aspects of one's life, including trauma processing, decreased psychological distress and higher wellbeing.' A recent Australian study found nine out of ten back pain remedies were no good, with no proof there was any benefit from steroids, paracetamol, acupuncture, heat or massage.
The Guardian
08-07-2025
- General
- The Guardian
My boyfriend is almost perfect – but he's too vanilla in bed
I'm a woman in my early 30s, and after dating my male partner for seven months I've become frustrated by his vanilla and mundane sexual preferences. This makes me feel bad about myself, because he is perfect in all other ways. Not only are we intellectually compatible and share many interests, but he is also kind, caring and romantic. He makes sure I never leave for work without a healthy packed lunch and is full of fun ideas for our outings. He makes me feel safe and secure. I had an unstable childhood and am not on speaking terms with my father. With my boyfriend, I am able to open up about this. In the past, I dated difficult and unreliable men with whom I could nonetheless indulge in kinky sex, role-playing and other experimentation – and I always loved that part of the relationship. When I try to initiate this with him, he rejects it; he once said he finds it degrading to women. Sometimes I fantasise about having sex with more adventurous partners, but I can't stand the thought of losing such a wonderful partner with whom I can build a future. Endowing a partner with fatherly attributes is a fairly certain way to dampen eroticism. This process is often an unconscious one – as it undoubtedly is in your case – but when a relationship feels familial at some level, whether mother-child, brotherly, sisterly or fatherly, the deep-seated incest taboo renders sexual contact distasteful. Many relationships fall into such patterns, and this is particularly understandable when adults have emerged from unresolved traumatic childhood patterns such as longing for an unavailable parent, or being a survivor of familial abuse. The task of developing a relationship into a healthy, fully adult union is rarely easy, because people tend to gravitate towards what the 'child' part of them needs. Think carefully about the father-daughter dynamic within your relationship and, if you want to desire him, experiment with identifying and changing overly familial aspects that remind you of unrequited childhood needs. Make your own lunch. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders. If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to (please don't send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
