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Yahoo
9 hours ago
- General
- Yahoo
14 Signs You're A 'Fixer' In Relationships
It's a pattern you've likely seen in your friendships, your family, and most acutely, your romantic entanglements. You're the one who wants to fix things, to smooth over the rough edges and turn every frown into a smile. On the surface, that sounds admirable, even noble. But dig a little deeper, and you might find that this desire to 'fix' can signal something more complex: a need for control, a discomfort with vulnerability, or an aversion to conflict. Here are 14 signs that you might be a 'fixer' in your relationships. It's as if you're equipped with X-ray vision that only sees the hidden gem beneath the rough exterior of the person you're dating. You pride yourself on your ability to spot potential where others see flaws. But there's a thin line between believing in someone's capacity for growth and ignoring their current reality. The danger lies in investing more in who they could be rather than who they are, as cautioned by psychologist Dr. John Mayer in Psychology Today. Your urge to nurture their growth often leaves you taking on the role of an unpaid life coach. While intentions are pure, it can create an imbalance where their needs eclipse yours. In this dynamic, you risk feeling unfulfilled, as your emotional energy is poured into a future that might never materialize. This potential-focused mindset can become a smokescreen for avoiding introspection on your own needs and desires. A crisis, big or small, sends you into overdrive. Your partner mentions a problem at work or a spat with a friend, and before they know it, you're armed with a plan of action. Offering solutions becomes your default setting, but it often overshadows a much-needed empathetic ear. In wanting to fix, you might inadvertently dismiss the emotional depth of the situation. This constant problem-solving can drown out the simplicity of just being present. Often, people just need to feel heard and validated, not handed a checklist of next steps. When you jump to solutions, it signals that their feelings might not be valid unless they're actionable. Remember, sometimes the most effective response is a pause, a nod, and a reassuring presence. You express affection through doing, often going above and beyond what's needed or even asked. This can feel overwhelming for partners who might interpret these gestures as controlling rather than caring. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of "The 5 Love Languages," your partner must understand your love language, but you must also adapt to theirs. Acts of service become problematic when an expectation of reciprocity or gratitude fuels them. If your gestures are met with indifference, it can lead to feelings of resentment. Ensure that your actions stem from genuine care, not a subconscious scorecard. Love is not a transactional affair; it thrives in mutual recognition and understanding. In your world, conflict equates to failure, so you dodge it at all costs. You smooth things over, turning disagreements into a performance of peace rather than a productive dialogue. What feels like diplomacy is often just the art of sweeping things under the rug. Avoiding conflict doesn't make it go away; it just lets it fester until it finds a more destructive outlet. Yet, growth doesn't happen in comfort zones. Productive conflict can be a catalyst for change, deepening intimacy and understanding. Facing issues head-on, rather than smoothing them over, builds a resilient foundation. Embrace the discomfort; it's where the real work—and the real connection—begins. If your partner is upset, you feel it's your duty to fix it, as if their emotions are a direct reflection of your care. This hyper-responsibility often leads to emotional burnout, enveloping you in a cloud of anxiety. According to a study in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, taking on emotional responsibility can breed codependency, stifling personal growth. Your partner is not a problem to be solved, and emotional states are not puzzles to be pieced together. By taking on their emotional burden, you inadvertently steal their chance to navigate and learn from their emotional landscape. Trust that they can handle their feelings; it's not your job to be their emotional janitor. It's okay to offer support without taking ownership. There's a pattern in your romantic history, a string of partners who need a boost, a guide, a rescuer. They come to you with their broken hearts, their untapped potential, and you happily take on the task. But this savior complex can create an unhealthy dynamic where you always play the hero. The allure of saving someone can distract you from your own needs and growth. This tendency can foster dependency, where your partner relies on you more than they should. Over time, this can stunt their personal development, creating a cycle where neither of you truly flourishes. Relationships are partnerships, not rescue missions. When both parties are equally strong, the relationship is more stable and fulfilling. Your fixer mentality often leads you into murky waters where boundaries blur. You find yourself over-committing, driven by an irresistible pull to save the day. Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert, highlights in her research that maintaining boundaries is crucial for healthy relationships. Overstepping these boundaries can leave you drained and, paradoxically, create distance rather than closeness. When your life becomes intertwined with solving your partner's issues, it obliterates the space needed for individual growth. You risk erasing your own identity, morphing into their shadow rather than standing alongside them as an equal. Healthy relationships flourish when both partners retain their individuality. Remember, you're not their lifeline; you're their partner. Friends, family, even acquaintances, flock to you when they're in need of counsel. You pride yourself on being the wise one, the problem solver, the oracle of guidance. While it feels good to be needed, this constant role can be exhausting and can overshadow your own needs. You might find yourself giving more than you're getting, leaving little room for your own emotional expression. There's a risk that your identity becomes entangled with being the solver rather than simply being. When you're always the go-to, you can become isolated, missing out on the reciprocal aspect of relationships. It's okay to step back and let others hold space for you. Remember, even the wise need wisdom and support sometimes. You're drawn to partners who seem to need coaxing out of their emotional shells. Their aloofness is a challenge, a puzzle to be solved, and you relish the task of drawing them out. But emotional unavailability is not simply a barrier to be broken down. It often masks deeper issues that require self-exploration rather than external intervention. This dynamic can leave you feeling perpetually unsatisfied, as your emotional needs remain unmet. The thrill of the chase can distract from the absence of true intimacy. Relationships should be reciprocal, where emotional availability flows both ways. Seek partners who are present and willing to engage in emotional depth from the beginning. You wear your resilience like a badge, often positioning yourself as the strong, unwavering pillar in your relationship. This self-imposed role can become a burden, as it leaves little room for vulnerability or asking for help. Being strong doesn't mean being invincible; it's about knowing when to lean on others. Constantly being the strong one can create a relational imbalance, where your needs are perpetually on the back burner. It can also distance you from your partner, who might feel excluded from your internal world. Embrace strength in vulnerability; it can foster deeper connection and create space for mutual support. Ending relationships feels like admitting defeat, so you hold on tightly, believing that with enough time, things will improve. This clinging is rooted in a belief that change is always possible, that love can redeem all flaws. Yet, holding on can sometimes cause more harm than good, trapping both partners in a cycle of unhappiness. Letting go doesn't mean giving up; it means recognizing when a relationship has run its course. It takes courage to acknowledge that not every connection is meant to last. By releasing what no longer serves you, you open up space for healthier, more fulfilling partnerships. Remember, sometimes the greatest act of love is knowing when to walk away. Your optimism often blinds you to glaring issues, as you focus instead on potential and possibilities. You rationalize red flags with endless justifications, convinced that love will conquer all. But ignoring these signals can lead to a toxic environment, where problems are swept under the rug until they can no longer be ignored. Acknowledging red flags is not cynicism; it's self-preservation. It's about knowing your worth and setting standards for how you deserve to be treated. Relationships should enhance your life, not complicate it. Trust your intuition; it's often more perceptive than your hopeful heart. The fixer in you equates being alone with being unfulfilled, and so you leap from one relationship to the next. This perpetual search for companionship can mask deeper insecurities about self-worth. Being single is not a flaw to be fixed; it's an opportunity for self-discovery and growth. Rushing into relationships can hinder personal development, as you prioritize others' needs over your own self-exploration. True fulfillment comes from within, not from another person. Embrace solitude as a space to understand yourself better. A relationship should complement, not complete, your life. As someone who relishes solving problems, asking for help feels like admitting weakness. You've built an identity around being the reliable one, the problem solver, the fixer. But carrying the weight of the world alone is neither sustainable nor healthy. There's strength in vulnerability, in admitting that you can't do it all. By reaching out for help, you allow others the opportunity to support you, deepening the bonds of your relationships. It's a reminder that you're human, deserving of the same care and attention you so freely give. Let others in, and discover the beauty of shared burdens and mutual support.
The Sun
18-06-2025
- Health
- The Sun
I lost more than 6st with my ‘Nozempic' diet after a humiliating night drinking with my boss
HEADING to bars five days a week led to Debbie Lurvey to pile on the pounds. She knew she had to make a change after an incident at her manager's home left her feeling "horrified". 5 5 Debbie 55, weighed more than 17 stone at her heaviest. Her frequent bar visits would see her consume large portions of bar food like nachos and hamburgers, as well as alcoholic beverages. But her wake up call came in March 2019 after getting drunk at her manager's house and blacking out. After waking up there feeling "embarrassed and mortified", she embarked on a weight loss journey which would see her lose more than six stone. Debbie got sober and joined a course - No BS Weightloss - after seeing a Facebook advertisement and overhauled her diet. Today, she wears a size four and weighs approximately 10.5 stone — an incredible 100-pound loss achieved over two years. Debbie, a life coach from Lake Havasu City, said: "I had so many moments that should have been a wakeup call to me, waking up with black eyes and everything. "But something about my children being disappointed in me wanted me to change," she said. "I didn't want to lose my relationship with my children. "Now I feel content," she added. "I feel loved and grateful." Debbie said she has tried "every gimmick in the book" to try and lose weight. I lost half a stone eating cold chips The morning after blacking out at her manager's house, she discovered her relationship with one daughter was strained following a feeling of "disgust" from her, having already lost connection with another daughter due to her drinking. Now, she's back in touch with all of her children. "I walked into a client's office and said, 'I need help,'" Debbie recalled. "Then I did a Facebook Live video and told everyone I needed help." That same day, she attended her first recovery meeting, marking the beginning of her sobriety journey. Diet overhaul Debbie says she already started changing her eating habits, noting she lost 25lbs before she stopped drinking. Now, she eats mindfully, focusing on protein, vegetables, and moderate portions. She said: "If I was hungry, I ate. If I was satisfied, not full, I stopped eating. "During that time I learned so much not just about what my body needs, but what my mind needs. "I learned that I could think new thoughts and I could learn to like myself." Her transformation inspired her husband Kevin, a retired deliver driver, also in Lake Havasu City, to quit drinking and lose four stone after witnessing her success. The transformation that she made was from simple little things. No rocket science behind it Kevin Lurvey Debbie has two biological daughters from a previous marriage, ages 25 and 34, and one 25-year-old stepdaughter with Kevin. "It's been completely amazing," Kevin said of his wife's change. "The transformation that she made was from simple little things. No rocket science behind it. He added: "She's an amazing woman. She has peace now." "Following in her steps and listening and seeing how she did things, it rubbed off on me." Today, Debbie co-hosts a podcast called 'April and Debbie Dish: The Truth on Weight Loss,' where she shares her experiences to inspire others. 5 5 5 "Don't look at 'I have a hundred pounds to lose' or 'I want to be a year without alcohol,'" she explained. "Look at the first pound, the first day and believe that you can do that one step." "You haven't failed until you quit," Debbie added. "Don't quit." "Understanding why you want to lose weight is important." Debbie now works as a life coach with an advanced certification in weight loss, helping others achieve what once seemed impossible to her. Despite being about 10 pounds above her goal weight, she maintains a healthy perspective. "I don't consider it a regain," she explained. "It's just an awareness that I need to listen to my body better. It is not a failure."
Daily Mail
04-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Mommy influencer announces new career as she emerges a year after husband's Hamptons suicide
A mommy blogger who vanished from social media after her husband took his own life at their $12million Hamptons mansion while drowning in debt has launched a new business endeavor. Candice Miller has returned to the spotlight and revealed she is now a certified professional life coach, 11 months after she first went quiet and wiped her popular Mama and Tata blog. The glamorous mother-of-two updated her Instagram bio section to share with her 84,000 followers the surprise new role. 'She who has a Why to live for can bear almost any How. CPC | Certified Professional Life Coach,' she wrote. Her return to work comes as she builds a new life away from the ritzy Hamptons scene that she and her husband were accustomed to, brimming with glittering parties, private plane trips and luxury cars. The 'Mama and Tata' page, which was also a lifestyle brand, frequently featured lavish displays of wealth like $800 facials and celebrity workout classes, helping her to amass a loyal following of aspirational viewers. The illusion of the glamorous life she led was shattered on the 4th of July weekend last year when her husband Brandon Miller's body was found inside his Porsche in the garage of the family home. He died of carbon monoxide poisoning while Miller and her two children were holidaying at a $2,000-per-night resort on Italy's Amalfi Coast, and his death was ultimately declared a suicide. Brandon died owing $33.6million, leaving just $8,000 in the bank. She has always maintained that she wasn't aware of her husband's finances or business dealings. Brandon ensured his family would still be taken care of despite his debts, taking out life insurance policies worth $15million which were paid out after his death. But some of that money could be swept up in legal fees and repayments as Miller works with lawyers to determine what debts she is on the hook for. She was sued for $194,881 in unpaid rent from the Park Avenue apartment in New York where she and her family had lived since 2021, but argued that she did not owe any money given she did not personally sign the lease. It's understood shortly after Brandon's death, Miller agreed to pay about $4million to settle a lawsuit over a separate loan. In all, her husband had taken out an estimated $20million in unsecured loans, the New York Times reported at the time. She sold the family home in the Hamptons in December 2024 for $12.8million. The home reportedly had five mortgages taken out on it, totaling nearly $12million. After the sale, she and her two daughters began a new life in Miami, living in a $10million condominium overlooking the ocean which has been loaned to her by her friend, Alexander von Furstenberg, son of fashion designer Diane von Furstenberg. Far from hiding out and wallowing in misery, sources told Page Six she appeared to be thriving in the Miami scene. 'She's weirdly okay,' another socialite said. 'She's at parties and events and dinners. She's not sitting at home wearing all black with the lights off or anything. 'She's not shopping at Chanel every day. But, day to day, she is living life. She's residing in an expensive apartment that's been loaned to her by friends, She's going to dinners and places like the Four Seasons Surf Club and Casa Tua, working out, and traveling. 'Obviously, everything's changed. But, from what we see, it doesn't feel like anything's changed. She's not super laying low. That's for sure.' She first returned to social media on Monday evening, sharing a cryptic quote to her Mama and Tata Instagram page accompanied by a picture of a sun peaking through clouds over the water. 'In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer,' the caption read. 'And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there's something stronger – something better, pushing right back.' The glamorous mother-of-two shared a cryptic quote to her Mama and Tata Instagram page on Monday evening, accompanied by a picture of a sun peaking through clouds over the water The cryptic statement was a quote from French philosopher and writer Albert Camus. Miller's return to social media was met with an influx of supportive messages from her loyal fans who have been patiently waiting 11 months for her to end her self-imposed exile. 'I'm a stranger to you but I pray for you and your girls often,' one fan said. 'So happy you're back,' another added.
CNA
01-06-2025
- Entertainment
- CNA
8 best podcasts for women in Singapore: Top picks on career, motherhood, health, dating and love
The best thing about podcasts is that you can listen to them anywhere, anytime, as long as you have a device that plays them. While they can simply entertain or even introduce us to a whole genre we never knew we were interested in – hello, true crime podcasts – they can also inform. For women looking to find out more about health, parenting or career-related issues, here are eight local podcasts – all free – that delve into these topics. WHAT THE F: FROM INFERTILITY EXHAUSTION TO PEACE BY TINA PADIA Tina Padia launched the podcast in January because she had been through a four-year fertility journey and knows how it feels to be 'in that dark and lonely place where I sometimes felt completely helpless'. She describes What The F as 'a safe haven, a lifeline' for women going through fertility struggles. 'There is no judgement here or unwanted triggering advice around what you should and shouldn't be doing,' she told CNA Women. Padia is a certified and accredited life coach and fertility coach, and felt it was important to talk about the need for a more holistic, empathetic and compassionate approach to the emotional needs of women – and couples – going through fertility treatment. It's especially so in Singapore and Asia as fertility clinics and hospitals often don't provide this, she said. 'There isn't a podcast specifically for women affected by infertility in Singapore so I'm here to try and make sure no one else has to go through this journey feeling isolated, guilty or shameful about what they're going through or feeling,' she said. Episodes range from Padia talking about balancing work and fertility treatments, to healing after an unsuccessful IVF cycle and how to support someone undergoing fertility treatments. THE BIRTH OF A MOTHER BY CLARITY SINGAPORE Launched in April, this podcast by mental health charity Clarity Singapore was started to bring about awareness and education to mums about maternal mental health, such as what symptoms to look out for, knowing when to seek professional help, as well as what is considered normal and not normal. Cindy Khong, senior mental health counsellor at Clarity Singapore, said: 'It's also to encourage mothers to seek help and know that they do not need to journey alone in their struggles and pain, by improving access to information regarding perinatal experiences for them and their families. 'Plus, to instil hope and inspire help-seeking for families, and reduce the stigma surrounding maternal mental health by sharing personal experiences of mothers' real struggles,' added Khong, who also leads the charity's Clarity for Moms programme, which provides support for expecting and postnatal mums facing emotional challenges. The four episodes feature personal stories from mums who have experienced perinatal depression and anxiety, as well as expert advice from Dr Gillian Lim, a psychiatrist at the Institute of Mental Health. The team is currently going through feedback from the first run, to decide if more episodes will be made. Listen to The Birth Of A Mother here. THE FORTIES FORMULA BY AMANDA LIM AND JASMIN DHILLON Amanda Lim is a metabolic health coach while Jasmin Dhillon is a nutritional health coach. The wellness pros believed something was missing in the conventional health messaging given to 40-something women, so they wanted to connect with this group of women looking for a more nuanced approach. On the podcast, they chat with experts about perimenopause management, strength training in your forties, having a low sex drive, and makeup for mature skin. Dhillon revealed they have a younger audience too, who feel that the podcast is 'like a harbinger of what's to come, helping younger women make better decisions now to improve their future wellness lives'. 'Our content is for any woman looking to gather multiple perspectives, hear a wealth of different insights and potentially make significant lifestyle changes based on expert opinion and informed advice from a diversity of wellness professionals,' she added. Listen to The Forties Formula here. Catch new episodes every Thursday at 7am. MAKE IT WORK BY SARAH WONG Sarah Wong spent six years in Silicon Valley's fast-paced tech scene and experienced burnout upon returning to Singapore. The mother-of-two sought stories of working mums who redefined success on their own terms, making bold career shifts while prioritising what mattered most. 'Their insights were too valuable to keep to myself, so Make It Work was born. A podcast for ambitious mums navigating career and family on their terms,' Wong told CNA Women. Wong speaks to mums working in various fields and gets advice on topics such as parenting in a digital age, how to build your professional village and finding strength through vulnerability. She recommends her podcast for working mothers who are wondering if they can 'have it all' and are looking for inspiration, practical advice and a supportive community. 'It will especially resonate if you are considering or have made career shifts to better align with your family life,' she added. Wong also frequently shares episode highlights, curated parenting inspiration, advice and a dose of parent-life comedy on Make It Work's Instagram and TikTok accounts. JUST SO WE'RE CLEAR BY MARISSA TREW AND HANLI HOEFER Listen to two young, mixed-race women in Singapore discuss everything from mental health to sex positivity to pondering the answer to the age-old question – can men and women really be friends? It's an insight to the thoughts of young Asian women and their take on modern life. The two longtime friends chat candidly about topics relevant to women in their twenties and thirties. They also interview personalities from various fields, tackling issues such as sexual health, breast cancer and investing. The podcast kicked off in March 2020, with the last episode released in November 2024. There are 102 episodes to get through so strap in for a fun, informative ride with Melissa Trew and Hanli Hoefer. If you prefer to watch them in action, there are also some episodes on YouTube. Listen to Just So We're Clear here. WOMANKIND BY CNA WOMEN The CNA Women team started the Womankind podcast because they felt there was more about women's issues that could be explored beyond their digital stories. When you tune in to this podcast, it feels like you're part of a conversation with friends, with topics related directly to women, explored in a friendly and relatable manner by its hosts, Penelope Chan and Hidayah Salamat. There are eight episodes, which touch on a wide range of topics, from women's health to dating and motherhood. Find out why we dread women's health tests (that Pap smear), whether maternal instinct is a myth, how self-care for mums is crucial, why women are more prone to burnout, why we find it so hard to ask for help and how woman can achieve sexual equality between the sheets. Listen to Womankind here. CAN'T KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT BY NIXALINA WATSON Nixalina Watson brought her brand, Sex & London City, to Singapore in 2019, creating a digital platform called Sex & Singapore City. She's a writer by trade and this was a website that included sex, dating and love articles – what she was famed for in her native United Kingdom. A month after the website went live, she received an e-mail from a studio in Singapore, asking if she'd consider doing a podcast on the topics she writes about. This led to the launch of the Sex & Singapore City podcast and it became an immediate hit, topping Spotify charts and being included in the Louis Vuitton Singapore Travel Guide, among other accolades. 'I realised it was being listened to in 68 countries so I rebranded it to Can't Keep My Mouth Shut, and the rest, as they say, is history,' Watson said. Watson admitted she 'had zero intention to become a podcaster'. However, her brand of straight-talking chats about love, dating, sex and everything in between resonated with her audience 'who enjoy unfiltered, brutally honest conversational podcast episodes that leave you feeling inspired or sad, in fits of laughter or even simply life-focused – depending on the topic'. She has spoken about topics such as long-distance relationships, abusive relationships, egg freezing and dating apps. Listen to Can't Keep My Mouth Shut here. A new episode drops every Monday evening but Watson sometimes takes a break from recording, 'just to keep the creative juices flowing'. THE PARENTING REVIVAL PODCAST BY SHARANYA V As a marriage and early parenting coach, Sharanya helps families navigate the complexities of early parenthood. She launched the podcast as she recognised the challenges of balancing marriage, mental health and parenting. 'I aimed to offer practical strategies and real-life insights to help parents restore harmony and confidence in their family lives and overall wholesome happiness for everyone in the family,' she said. Parents of young children can get advice on issues such as parental guilt, your child's sleeping habits, the importance of empathy in relationships and how to better connect with your husband. 'This podcast is designed for parents, especially those with young children, who seek guidance on managing sleep deprivation, marital dynamics and parenting challenges,' Sharanya said. 'It's also beneficial for caregivers interested in fostering a balanced and fulfilling family environment.'
Globe and Mail
21-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Globe and Mail
From Gridiron to Greatness: Speedy Sheppard Empowers Communities with The Speedy Tribe
Passaic, NJ - Bryan C. Sheppard Jr., better known as Speedy Sheppard, is a motivational speaker, life coach, and community leader whose story of resilience, heartbreak, and personal transformation has inspired thousands. As founder of The Speedy Tribe, Sheppard is committed to helping individuals overcome adversity and live purpose-driven lives. Who Is Speedy Sheppard? Born and raised in the Aspen Place Projects of Passaic, NJ, Sheppard faced tremendous early-life challenges, including homelessness and the loss of two siblings. Football became his outlet, and by age 7, he was deeply in love with the game. From 2009 to 2012, he played for Passaic High School, where he captained both the football and track teams. His leadership earned him the school's first-ever 'Coaches Award,' a pivotal moment that propelled him to play sprint football and track at Post University (2013–2016). He graduated in 2017 with a B.S. in Sport Management, achieving Dean's List honors. In 2019, he played semi-pro for the New York Bears, which led to an international opportunity in Iceland before retiring in 2020 after 16 years in the sport. The Birth of a Brand Tragedy struck again during college, with the loss of his brother in 2014 and sister in 2017. These events led to deep reflection and sparked a realization—his life's purpose extended beyond football. In 2017, he recorded his first motivational YouTube video using an iPhone 6s, marking the birth of The Speedy Tribe. His authentic voice quickly gained traction. During the COVID-19 pandemic, his TikTok video 'Everybody Wanna Party But Nobody Wanna Clean Up' went viral, amassing over 1 million views and 90,000+ new followers. What Is The Speedy Tribe? The Speedy Tribe is a motivational platform and community offering: Inspirational Content: Daily videos across Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok (5M+ views). Podcast: Honest conversations about self-growth and mental health. Coaching & Mentorship: Sessions to help people break cycles and find purpose. Community Engagement: A supportive network for healing and accountability. Giving Back Sheppard coaches football and track at Passaic High School and serves as the school's Restorative Justice Coach, leading peace circles and wellness checks. Speaking Engagements Sheppard has partnered with organizations like FoundCare Inc., Passaic NAACP, Oswego State University, and Benjamin Franklin Middle School. Connect with Speedy Sheppard Instagram: @thespeedytribe LinkedIn: Speedy Sheppard YouTube/SoundCloud: The Speedy Tribe Podcast: The Brutal Truth About Why You Struggle to Change Your Circumstances About The Speedy Tribe Founded in 2017, The Speedy Tribe inspires personal growth and community healing through content, coaching, and public speaking.
