Latest news with #manipulation
Yahoo
18 hours ago
- Yahoo
Women Are Sharing The Things Their Exes Did That Seemed Small At First But Turned Out To Be Massive Red Flags
When you're in a relationship, it's easy to brush off little things — a weird comment here, an offhand joke there — especially if everything else seems fine. But hindsight really is 20/20. So when u/IntrovertChapt3rs asked, "What's something your ex did that felt small at the time but now screams red flag?" the replies were full of early warning signs. Here are 27 of them: 1."Lied on our first date. It was such a small thing. I had caught him calling me the wrong name (though not completely, it was a similar name). He lied and said he didn't. Turns out, he's actually a massive liar, manipulator, and gaslighter. I have no clue if anything he told me is true now." —u/okeydokeyartichokeyy 2."Condoms kept coming off during sex (or he took it off?). Then, when I asked if he was wearing a condom, he SHOCKINGLY discovered that he wasn't and got mad at me as to why I didn't tell him earlier. Very manipulative, if you ask me. Dude, YOU are behind me. You should see when your condom comes off?" "I had to take three SOS pills because his condom kept coming off — until I finally snapped at him to buy smaller-sized condoms. I also stopped having sex with him and moved out. Fuck that." —u/This-Cookie5548 3."When we were first talking, I noticed every time I pulled out my phone to check my messages and reply, his eyes would be glued to my screen. It didn't really bug me at the time, but I thought it was kind of odd. I always look away from people's phones when I see them replying to messages — I don't want them to think I'm nosy or something. Fast forward a few months into dating, and he's constantly going through my phone. Constantly snooping through my social media and hacking into my accounts to go through my messages. Constant "There were other red flags, but that one stuck with me for some reason." —u/creepygirl420 4."He became wildly defensive during our first minor argument. He turned it around on me, and I ended up apologizing. It happened so fast, and I was so shocked and confused. I didn't know what gaslighting was and had never experienced it before, so I let it go. It happened again not long after — and was way more extreme — when I told him my feelings were hurt by something he did. He absolutely lost it and started calling me names, told me I was being crazy, and that I had done way worse things to him but he didn't say anything." "I sat there dumbfounded and shared our conversation with a close friend, who was also a therapist. She told me I was being gaslit. If someone can't handle slight criticism, or refuses to apologize or take any accountability for how they made you feel (not to mention actually giving a shit about how you feel), RUN." —u/Heregoesnothin- 5."He actually told me he's a liar. I told him I wouldn't tolerate lies, so he better not. He said, 'Sure thing, baby.' Sigh." —u/bCollinsHazel 6."Got mad when I didn't text back fast enough. Thought they just control issues." —u/Impossible-Tackle935 7."When I would confront him about how some of the things he said felt very mean, he would say, 'I'm not mean, I'm just honest.' Such a gaslighter." —u/camccoz 8."Asking me to do things early on. I'm a helpful person and didn't think anything of it at the time. But looking back, I realize it was him testing boundaries for his weaponized incompetence, like not being able to walk HIS own active dogs that he bought." —u/Izzslth 9."He'd ignore me after every fight, never talk things through. Days would pass, then he'd show up with food like nothing happened. No 'sorry,' no acted like everything was fine." "Back then, I was naive and was very 'in love,' so I didn't realize it was a huge red flag." —u/PurpleSandi4275 10."He asked me to lie to his parents about something small in a way that made me look bad. (He asked me to tell them I was arguing with him via text when he got into a fender bender.) At the time, we'd just started dating, and I didn't really care that much what they thought of me, so I did it. He later used that and a few similar instances he manipulated me into to 'prove' to them I was crazy, jealous, abusive, etc., after we broke up. He was really playing the long con. At the time these instances happened, we were perfectly happy together, but he was still hedging his bets." "Anyway, someone asking you to lie for them — even about something small that doesn't seem like a big deal — is a total red flag. Wish I'd realized." —u/riseandrise 11."He didn't want to go public about our relationship. We were in university together, and he was on the student council committee, while I was very active with clubs and such. He said it was because people might think the committee was favoring my clubs and being biased, etc. Nope. It was so he could cheat on me. I was just too naive to realize." —u/MiloAisBroodjeKaas 12."He lied to a cashier. Nothing really criminal; the cashier just routinely asked how our day was going. When I was just about to say, 'Fine, how about yourself?' he spoke first and said we had gotten into an accident on our way to the store. Not true at all. We didn't even have a close call. I should have realized then how much it spoke to him being an impulsive, casual liar. It did really bother me at the time, but I talked myself down and convinced myself I was just being silly. After all, it was a lie that didn't really have an impact on anything. But really, it told me everything I should have known." —u/virgo_em 13."Whenever a song would come on the radio that I liked and was obviously enjoying, he'd change the channel. When I'd protested, he'd pretend he couldn't find it again — and laugh. All the time. A seemingly little thing, but so indicative of how senselessly cruel he could be for absolutely no reason." —u/jcpianiste 14."It got to a point that I couldn't remember a time when we had a conversation without him staring at his phone. He would either be 'responding to work messages' or watching stupid reels, and half the time I'd have to repeat what I said — because of course he wasn't listening." —u/Sarah1608 15."He always wanted to share the things he enjoyed with me, but he never showed any interest in the things I cared about. If I wanted to show him a movie I liked, he would work on something else while watching, or just be on his phone. Anytime I made plans for us to do anything, he wouldn't want to go — so we just wouldn't go. I played him a song I really love, and while I was full of tears because it felt vulnerable, he said, 'Yeah, I just don't get it.' Then when we broke up, he had the audacity to say he took charge in the relationship and I didn't provide much." —u/strawberrynausea 16."The way he spoke to his mother." —u/SoupedUpSpitfire 17."Never had fun. He acted like a stick in the mud and would make fun of everyone for being so immature and not having their lives together. In reality, he just always needed to feel superior to everyone around him." "I'm quite sure he's still offended that I haven't crawled into a hole and died without him taking care of me. My success and happiness without him must upset him so deeply that he has to revert to being unemployed and living off his father." —u/psdancecoach 18."'I try to be nice.' At the time, I thought that was some good personal growth in the making to admit that. Turns out, no, he's a walking red flag in very 'nice' packaging. As someone who just IS nice — maybe to a fault — I never really need to try. I want to be kind and help people. Trying isn't something I ever have to do." —u/Sad_Marketing_Girl 19."He criticized my natural hair color and told me he prefers black hair, so I should dye it." —u/Inactivism 20."Compared me to his friends' girlfriends or just girl friends in general. Kept on asking me why I can't be more like them, why I can't have the same vibes as them, etc." —u/brokechingchongghorl 21."Walked faster than me when we were on dates at the mall. I always felt alone because we'd walk separately as if he didn't know me." —u/brokechingchongghorl 22."Never helped me with house chores, even when I got sick." —u/brokechingchongghorl 23."Always swept our problems under the rug. Made me feel like he was never ready for hard conversations." —u/brokechingchongghorl 24."Never initiated paying for his own meals when we were out on dates." —u/brokechingchongghorl 25."Love bombing in the beginning, but I didn't know that's what she was doing or even what love bombing was. I suppose I felt like it was great that someone wanted me as much as she seemed to be demonstrating she did. At the same time, I was also overwhelmed and confused. I felt like a horrible person when she got upset at me for not responding 'correctly' to a love letter she wrote. Or when I didn't have the money to reciprocate a fairly expensive present she got me not long after we started talking (not that she expected me to, but it was a big gesture and I felt awkward). I ended up in tears several times because it was all just a lot. But still, nope, I didn't think it was a red flag." "It was only my second relationship, and my ex-husband hadn't ever behaved that way (not the right relationship either, obviously — it became very platonic, but we're still really good friends). I think I thought it was somehow kind of romantic. Maybe that's what passion really was. And I was also just thrilled that another woman was actually interested in me (I'm bi), I was incredibly naive. I genuinely had no idea people could be attracted to you and also be shitty to you — and I learned the hard way. The whole thing ended up being a toxic nightmare, and it brought out unpleasant parts of me as well." —u/draoikat 26."Drink constantly." —u/lallen8029 27."Passive aggressiveness. Getting mad and then giving the silent treatment while you have no idea what's upset them. Bro, I'm not a mind reader. Use your damn words. It's manipulative and immature." —u/nycsep Looking back, have you realized something your ex did was a massive red flag in disguise? Or are there any things you've noticed in others' relationships? Drop your biggest red flag that originally seem(ed) small in the comments below. Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
Yahoo
2 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
Dear Abby: My parents won't let me move out until I pay off my student loans
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 23-year-old college graduate who was lucky enough to land a job in my field of study. The job is located in my hometown. Because I couldn't afford my own apartment, I moved back in with my parents. The situation was supposed to be temporary, but now that I can afford to move out, my parents insist that I stay with them. They forbid me to move until I pay off the entirety of my student loans, which will take years. Then, after I accomplish that, they want me to start repaying them for the loans they took out for my schooling. I can afford to rent an apartment and meet my monthly loan payments, but my parents have threatened to repossess the car they bought me for graduation if I move out. Unfortunately, my job requires me to have transportation. I love my parents, and I want to help shoulder the burden I placed on them by choosing to attend college, but I feel I'm being manipulated. Also, my boyfriend — whom I love very much — recently asked me to move in with him, but I'm afraid of how my parents would react if I said yes. Under the circumstances, is it selfish to want to move into my own place? What should I do? — TRYING TO FLY THE NEST DEAR TRYING: It appears your parents want to keep their little girl at home and under their thumbs. At 23, you are an adult and entitled to live independently (or with your boyfriend) if you wish. What was the original agreement you had with your parents about the college loans they took out? If it wasn't what they are saying now, I would agree that their demands are manipulative. A discussion with a financial expert might help you find a way to pay off your student loans in an effective and timely manner. As for your job, if there is no public transportation, you will have to find some other means of getting around unless the car is titled in your name. DEAR ABBY: I'm a widowed man. I have great neighbors, but I'm increasingly bothered by this circumstance: The wife of one couple constantly criticizes her husband in front of me and other neighbors. The issues are small, but the jabs are constant. Every couple has disagreements, but in my experience, not in such a public way. In response, the husband looks angry, hurt or both, but he says nothing. I have been friends with this couple for 10 years, but I'm starting to keep my distance because I don't want to listen to her petty attacks. Should I say something privately to her? To him? If I do, what should I say? Or should I just mind my own business? It seems wrong to 'ghost' them without any explanation. — TIRED OF HEARING IT IN TEXAS DEAR TIRED: Do not ghost the couple without an explanation. Tell the husband you would like to socialize with him without his wife. ('Just the guys.') He might welcome it. If the wife asks you why you aren't around anymore, which she probably won't, tell her the truth. DEAR READERS: I wish you all a happy and healthy Fourth of July. Please drive carefully and celebrate safely. P.S. Wishing a Happy Heavenly Birthday to you, Mom! — LOVE, ABBY Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Khaleej Times
2 days ago
- Business
- Khaleej Times
India bars US trading firm from accessing securities market, seizes $567 million
Indian regulators barred US securities trading company Jane Street from the local market and seized $567 million of its funds, saying an investigation found it manipulated stock indices through positions taken in derivatives. In its most stringent action ever against a foreign trading firm in the country, the Securities and Exchange Board of India (SEBI) in an interim order dated July 3 said that Jane Street and its related entities (JS Group) would no longer be able to participate in the domestic securities market. SEBI also impounded an unprecedented 48.4 billion rupees ($566.71 million) from Jane Street, which it said were the 'unlawful gains earned' from the alleged misconduct. "(JS Group) entities are restrained from accessing the securities market and are further prohibited from buying, selling or otherwise dealing in securities, directly or indirectly," SEBI said. It said the ban will stay in place until a final order is issued after the completion of investigations. SEBI has asked Jane Street to deposit the impounded funds in an escrow account and asked its bankers to ensure that no debits are made without the regulator's permission. Its action comes at a time when about half a dozen global trading firms, from Citadel Securities and IMC Trading to Millennium and Optiver, are ratcheting up their presence in India's booming derivatives markets. India is the world's largest derivatives market, accounting for nearly 60% of global equity derivative trading volumes of 7.3 billion in April, the Futures Industry Association says. A blow for Jane Street Jane Street, in an emailed response, said it disputes the findings of the SEBI interim order and will further engage with the regulator. "Jane Street is committed to operating in compliance with all regulations in the regions we operate around the world," the firm said. The regulator's action is a blow for Jane Street, which started its India operations in December 2020 and, according to SEBI, made a profit of about $4.3 billion for the period between January 2023 and March 2025 on its India trades. The company can file its reply or any objections to the order within 21 days, SEBI said. It can also challenge the order judicially via the Securities Appellate Tribunal. SEBI, in its 105-page order, alleged that Jane Street and its India incorporated entities took large derivative positions to manipulate the Bank Nifty index, a grouping of 12 financial sector firms and a favourite in the derivative markets. The investigation tracked Jane Street's trading patterns over more than two years and found two key strategies that were designed to manipulate stock indexes, the regulator said. It said Jane Street and its related entities bought large quantities of constituents in the Bank Nifty index in the cash and futures markets to artificially support the index in morning trade, while simultaneously building large short positions in index options. Later in the day, they reversed these trades to profit from their options positions, SEBI said. "By moving the BANKNIFTY index with large and aggressive buying followed then by large and aggressive selling, JS Group was creating a false or misleading appearance of market activity. In the bargain, it was enticing unsuspecting entities trading in BANKNIFTY index options to trade at interim levels that were artificial and temporary," SEBI said. The regulator said Jane Street's trades revealed a pattern of "highly concentrated activity" in the final hour before market close on expiry days to influence the index settlement price in favour of their large options positions. SEBI said the trading practices employed by Jane Street represent manipulation under its regulations. The trading patterns amounted to "egregious manipulation of the prices of securities and benchmark indices for their own illegal gains, to the detriment of several lakhs of small market participants," it said. SEBI also said that by incorporating entities in India, Jane Street managed to "work around" Indian regulations that prohibit foreign portfolio investors from undertaking intraday positions in the cash market.
Yahoo
4 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
Never Utter These Words To A Gaslighter, You'll Instantly Regret Them
In the intricate dance of human interaction, gaslighting is that insidious step we must learn to sidestep with precision. There's a twisted art to dismantling your reality, and gaslighters are often masters of this craft. They twist words like a magician bends silver spoons, leaving you questioning your own perceptions. But fret not, there are words you can avoid that will keep you steady on your feet, grounded in truth rather than the unstable sands of manipulation. Apologizing to a gaslighter is like offering a match to someone who's already set the house ablaze. They thrive on your guilt, consuming it to fuel their narratives. According to Dr. Robin Stern, author of "The Gaslight Effect," apologizing when you're not at fault only reinforces the gaslighter's distorted version of events. Instead, hold your ground and only apologize when you've genuinely erred, ensuring your words are not ammunition for their arsenal. The moment you say 'I'm sorry' without reason, you relinquish power, allowing the gaslighter to manipulate the narrative further. They will twist your apology into a confession of guilt, using it to reinforce their false reality. Stand firm in your truth, and remember your voice holds value even if they try to silence it. Instead of apologizing needlessly, seek clarity and assert your understanding of the situation. A gaslighter craves validation like a moth drawn to a flame. Telling them they're right is akin to handing them a victory trophy they neither earned nor deserved. This simple phrase can be a dangerous confirmation of their skewed perspective, reinforcing their belief that they hold the ultimate authority over your reality. By agreeing, you inadvertently equip them with the power to continue their manipulation unchecked. Rather than conceding, challenge their narrative by presenting facts and your own perceptions. Maintain a stance that reflects your understanding of the situation, even if it means standing alone. Your truth isn't up for debate, and reinforcing it can dismantle their façade. Remember, your perception is valid regardless of their insistence otherwise. Telling a gaslighter to "calm down" is like throwing oil on a blazing fire. It's an invitation for them to redirect their fury and frustration back at you. As noted by Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and expert on narcissism, this phrase often triggers defensive mechanisms, escalating the situation rather than diffusing it. Instead, maintain your composure and focus on responding thoughtfully to their provocations. By advising someone to calm down, you're minimizing their emotions, which only serves to heighten the tension. It's crucial to remain centered, anchoring your response in logic rather than emotion. This approach can disarm the gaslighter, as they often anticipate emotional responses to fuel their manipulation. By refusing to engage in their emotional theatrics, you preserve your agency in the situation. Labeling a gaslighter as crazy only fortifies their defense mechanisms, creating a fortress around their delusions. It's an easy phrase that slips out in moments of frustration, but it hands them a weapon to wield against you. Accusations of insanity become a shield they hide behind, deflecting any responsibility for their actions. Instead, opt for language that targets the specific behavior without resorting to generalizations. When you accuse someone of being crazy, you're merely opening the door for them to label you the same. This exchange of accusations can quickly spiral into an unproductive conflict, devoid of resolution. Rather than focusing on labels, concentrate on the behaviors that need addressing. This approach can lead to a more constructive conversation, where accountability is shared rather than deflected. Minimizing the situation to a gaslighter invalidates your own feelings and experiences. It gives them permission to continue their behavior, dismissing your reality as inconsequential. According to a study published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence, downplaying the severity of emotional abuse can have long-lasting psychological effects on victims. By acknowledging the impact of their actions, you reclaim your narrative and underscore the significance of your emotions. Admitting that something is "not a big deal" implies that your boundaries are malleable, ripe for bending at their whim. It suggests that their behavior, however harmful, is something you're willing to tolerate. Stand firm in expressing your feelings, validating your experiences as meaningful and worthy of consideration. This approach not only sets boundaries but also signals that their tactics are ineffective. Pointing fingers at a gaslighter can quickly devolve into a futile blame game. They are adept at shifting responsibility, turning the tables to make you question your own actions. Rather than assigning blame, focus on the specific actions or words that caused harm. This allows you to address the behavior without getting tangled in a web of accusations and counteraccusations. Saying "it's your fault" often leads to defensiveness, cutting off any hope of constructive dialogue. Gaslighters are skilled at deflecting blame, leaving you ensnared in their narrative. By focusing on the behavior rather than assigning blame, you open the door for a more productive conversation. This stance helps in fostering an environment where accountability is shared, rather than disputed. Uttering this phrase can signal defeat to a gaslighter, emboldening them to tighten their grip on your reality. It's a pronouncement that you're at the end of your tether, which they may interpret as a victory. As noted by Dr. Julie Gottman, co-founder of the Gottman Institute, expressing saturation without resolution can leave you feeling more trapped than empowered. Instead, focus on setting clear boundaries with consequences that protect your mental space. When you declare "I can't do this anymore," you might feel a temporary sense of relief, but it often lacks the actionable steps necessary to foster change. The gaslighter might use this opportunity to further entrap you, exploiting your vulnerability. Instead, outline specific changes you need to see, paired with consequences if those changes aren't met. This approach not only communicates your needs but also reinforces the seriousness of the situation. Accusing a gaslighter of overreacting is akin to lighting a fuse. It invalidates their feelings, allowing them to redirect that accusation back to you. This phrase can be particularly damaging, as it shifts the focus from their behavior to your supposed lack of understanding. Instead, validate their emotions and then pivot the conversation back to the actions that need addressing. By acknowledging their feelings, you defuse the immediate conflict, creating a space for more rational discussion. This doesn't mean conceding to their narrative, but rather using empathy as a tool to steer the conversation. By focusing on behavior rather than emotion, you maintain control over the dialogue. This balance of empathy and assertiveness can be a powerful counter to their manipulative tactics. Telling a gaslighter to forget something is an invitation for them to sweep it under the rug, buried under layers of unresolved tension. This phrase implies that the issue is insignificant, even when it's gnawing at the foundations of your relationship. Rather than dismissing the subject, create a space for open dialogue where both parties can air their grievances. This approach fosters understanding and paves the way for resolution. When you say "just forget it," you're allowing avoidance to take precedence over resolution. This avoidance can breed resentment, festering until it resurfaces in more destructive ways. Instead, address the issue head-on, ensuring that it's thoroughly discussed and understood by both parties. This direct approach can strengthen the bond, preventing miscommunications from spiraling into larger conflicts. Questioning a gaslighter's motives is akin to wandering through a maze of deflection and confusion. They are experts at dodging accountability, crafting intricate defenses that leave you more bewildered than before. Instead of asking "why," focus on the "how" by identifying specific actions and their impact on you. This shift in focus can prevent you from getting lost in their tangled web of justifications. By steering the conversation towards concrete actions rather than motives, you maintain control and clarity. This approach minimizes their ability to sidestep accountability, grounding the conversation in reality. It allows you to address what truly matters: the behavior and its consequences. This strategic shift can dismantle their manipulative defenses, reclaiming your narrative in the process. The phrase "you always do this" casts a shadow over any opportunity for constructive dialogue. It's an accusation that paints their behavior as a permanent fixture, leaving no room for change or growth. By focusing on patterns rather than specific instances, you risk reinforcing the gaslighter's narrative that you're overreacting. Instead, highlight the specific actions and their impact, opening the door for discussion rather than conflict. Using absolutes like "always" and "never" can exaggerate the situation, overshadowing the possibility of resolution. This approach often leads to defensiveness, closing off any chance for understanding. Instead, zero in on the behavior in the moment and address it with clarity and precision. This method fosters healthy communication, steering the dialogue towards a more constructive path. Labeling a gaslighter as ridiculous only serves to bolster their defenses, creating a barrier to meaningful communication. It's a dismissive phrase that shifts the focus away from their behavior to an attack on their character. This approach often exacerbates the situation, amplifying their need to defend their actions. Instead, focus on specific behaviors rather than resorting to generalizations that can undermine your position. By addressing the behavior without labeling, you maintain a stance of reason and clarity. This approach encourages accountability, steering the conversation towards resolution rather than conflict. It's a delicate balance of empathy and assertion, where understanding and boundaries coexist. In doing so, you reclaim your narrative, disentangling yourself from their manipulative grasp. Declaring that a gaslighter will never change is a self-fulfilling prophecy that can cement their behavior rather than challenge it. It's a statement that strips away any incentive for improvement, reinforcing their resistance to accountability. Instead of condemning change as impossible, focus on the specific changes you need to see and the reasons behind them. This approach sets a tone of possibility rather than defeat. By articulating what change looks like, you create a clear path forward, offering a roadmap for improvement. This shift from condemnation to constructive critique fosters an environment where growth is possible. It's about planting seeds of change rather than erecting barriers of impossibility. In doing so, you maintain hope for improvement while also asserting your boundaries and needs. Saying "I'm done" can signal finality, a closing of the door that may leave opportunities for resolution unexplored. It's a phrase that conveys exhaustion, but without clear boundaries or consequences, it can fall flat. Instead, articulate your limits and the specific circumstances that would lead to a parting of ways. This approach communicates seriousness without prematurely severing ties. When you declare "I'm done," ensure it's accompanied by a clear understanding of what led to this point. This clarity can prevent misunderstandings and ensure that both parties leave the conversation with a mutual understanding. By pairing your statement with actionable steps, you lay the groundwork for a potential resolution or an amicable separation. This approach not only protects your emotional well-being but also respects the complexities of human relationships.
Yahoo
6 days ago
- Business
- Yahoo
13 Things You Should Keep Private From A Narcissist
Navigating relationships with a narcissist can be as tricky as threading a needle in the dark. Their charm is often intoxicating, leaving you vulnerable to their self-serving motives. This insidious dynamic calls for a strategic approach to protect your emotional well-being. Here's a guide to the things best kept private when dealing with a narcissist—because in this arena, forewarned is forearmed. Narcissists have an uncanny ability to sniff out your insecurities like a shark sensing blood in the water. They might initially appear empathetic, but rest assured, they will weaponize this knowledge when it suits them. According to Dr. Craig Malkin, author of Rethinking Narcissism, narcissists thrive on making others feel inferior to prop up their fragile egos. By safeguarding your vulnerabilities, you deny them an arsenal for manipulation. Instead of disclosing your insecurities, cultivate self-awareness and keep your guard up. Confide in trusted friends or a therapist who can provide genuine support without ulterior motives. There's power in understanding that your perceived weaknesses are not for them to exploit. The goal is to maintain your emotional autonomy and avoid becoming emotionally ensnared. Discussing your financial situation with a narcissist is akin to leaving the vault door ajar to a thief. They are adept at using this information to manipulate or guilt you into funding their whims. Suddenly, your hard-earned savings become a credit line for their extravagant lifestyle or ill-conceived ventures. Protecting your financial privacy is not just prudent; it's essential. Consider compartmentalizing financial details from your relationship with the narcissist. You might think transparency is harmless, but it can easily backfire. By keeping your financial cards close to your chest, you retain control over your economic well-being. Ultimately, this ensures that your resources are used for your objectives, not theirs. We all have skeletons in our closets, but with a narcissist, the skeletons can become marionettes used against you. Sharing your past mistakes can transform into a perpetual guilt trip, where they remind you of your flaws to assert superiority. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist known for her expertise in narcissism, warns that narcissists will use your past to enforce control and doubt. By maintaining a boundary around your history, you can prevent it from becoming a tool for emotional manipulation. Instead of offering up your past as ammunition, focus on your growth and lessons learned. Everyone has a history, but not everyone uses it to wield power over others. You're not obliged to dredge up your mistakes for someone who will only weaponize them. Remember, a narcissistic partner is not a confessor but a competitor in the game of who holds the upper hand. Sharing your dreams and aspirations with a narcissist can turn them into a relentless critic or saboteur. They thrive on control, and your independence threatens their need for dominance. If they can't mold your plans to suit their agenda, they might undermine them entirely. This behavior can leave you doubting your own capabilities and questioning your ambitions. Consider keeping your future plans in a private, sacred space where their tentacles of influence can't reach. Share your aspirations with supportive individuals who have your best interests at heart. By doing so, you preserve the sanctity of your dreams, free from external manipulation. Your future is your own to shape, unmarred by the toxic influence of someone who seeks control. Narcissists have a knack for discovering your emotional triggers and exploiting them to evoke reactions. This tactic serves as a means to manipulate and maintain their control over you. Research by Dr. Elinor Greenberg, a psychologist specializing in narcissistic relationships, emphasizes that narcissists derive satisfaction from eliciting strong emotional responses. By identifying and keeping your triggers hidden, you retain your emotional sovereignty. Instead of sharing what makes you tick, practice emotional regulation techniques to manage your responses. This self-awareness acts as a shield against their attempts to provoke or unsettle you. By maintaining control over your reactions, you deny them the power to dictate your emotional state. It's about reclaiming your narrative and keeping them guessing. Discussing your ideal relationship dynamics with a narcissist could set you up for disappointment. They may feign interest initially, only to later dismiss your needs as unrealistic or burdensome. Your expectations can become a tool for manipulation, as they promise change but never deliver. This cycle often results in constant frustration as you wait for unmet needs to be acknowledged. Instead of laying out your expectations, observe their actions and patterns. Actions speak louder than words, and in their case, they scream volumes. Trust what you see rather than what you hear from them. By doing so, you protect yourself from the disillusionment of unfulfilled promises. Narcissists can react unpredictably to your achievements, sometimes with jealousy or dismissiveness. Their fragile egos might perceive your success as a personal affront or a threat. According to Dr. Sam Vaknin, an expert on narcissistic personality disorder, a narcissist often feels overshadowed by the accomplishments of others. Protect your triumphs by celebrating them in spaces where you feel genuinely supported. Instead of seeking validation from a narcissist, find joy in your own accomplishments. Share your success with those who genuinely appreciate and uplift you. This way, you maintain the integrity of your achievements without their shadow looming over you. It's about learning to stand in your own spotlight without seeking external approval. ` A narcissist will often perceive boundaries as challenges to be overcome rather than limits to be respected. They might persistently test these boundaries, attempting to override your autonomy. By revealing your personal boundaries, you inadvertently provide them with a map of what they need to break down. This can lead to a constant erosion of your personal space and autonomy. Instead of broadcasting your boundaries, enforce them quietly and consistently. Their reaction will give you insight into their respect for your individuality. Remember, setting boundaries is less about pushing others away and more about protecting your inner peace. By holding firm, you safeguard your mental and emotional well-being against their invasive tendencies. Your friendships and connections are valuable resources that a narcissist may seek to infiltrate or manipulate. By revealing your social networks, you risk them attempting to isolate you or sow discord among your friends. They might insert themselves into your circles, twisting perceptions and creating unnecessary drama. Guarding your social life is crucial to maintaining a support system outside of their influence. Consider keeping your relationships compartmentalized, sharing only what is necessary. This separation makes it more difficult for the narcissist to weave their web of manipulation. Foster relationships based on mutual trust and respect, free from their interference. With this approach, your social network remains a source of strength, not scrutiny. Discussing your deeply held beliefs with a narcissist can lead to unwarranted criticism or derision. They often see differing beliefs as a challenge to their authority or intelligence. Engaging in discussions about your fundamental values might provoke them to belittle or dismiss your perspectives. Protecting this aspect of yourself is essential to maintaining your personal integrity. Instead of divulging these intimate parts of yourself, engage with those who respect your views. Cultivate spaces where open and respectful dialogue thrives, and differing opinions are valued. Your beliefs are sacred and deserve to be shielded from those who would undermine them. By doing so, you preserve the core of who you are. A narcissist might view your family as either competition for your attention or as pawns in their game. Sharing too much about your family dynamics can lead to them exploiting any perceived weaknesses or tensions. They might attempt to pit relatives against one another or sway opinions to suit their narrative. Maintaining privacy about your family interactions is a crucial line of defense. Instead of opening this Pandora's box, keep the details of your family life guarded. Engage with your family independently, free from their influence or scrutiny. This separation ensures that your loved ones remain a source of unconditional support. Ultimately, your family is your sanctuary, not a battleground for their manipulation. Discussing personal health matters with a narcissist can open a Pandora's box of unwanted advice and judgment. They might minimize your concerns or exploit them to foster a sense of dependency. Health is a deeply personal aspect of your life, deserving of respect and privacy. Guarding this information protects you from unsolicited opinions and potential manipulation. Instead of laying bare your health challenges, seek guidance from medical professionals and trusted confidants. Your well-being is not an area for their control or criticism. By keeping this information private, you prioritize your health and autonomy. Remember, you have the right to manage your health on your terms. Personal preferences might seem insignificant, but to a narcissist, they can become points of contention or manipulation. Whether it's your favorite activities or tastes, they might belittle or dismiss them to assert their dominance. This behavior diminishes your sense of self and autonomy over your likes and dislikes. Keeping these preferences to yourself allows you to enjoy them without interference. Instead of revealing your every preference, maintain a sense of mystery. Indulge in your favorite activities and tastes in environments free from judgment. This discretion allows you to savor your individuality without external pressures. Embrace the freedom of enjoying what you love, away from their critical gaze.
