Latest news with #midlifers
Yahoo
20-07-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
The Midults: My wife sleeps in the spare room more and more
Dear A&E, My wife has started sleeping in the spare room more and more and I'm a bit concerned. We've only been married for a year and are in our early 30s. And I don't really snore, unless I've been drinking. I am worried that we are already drifting apart, and the separate bedrooms are just the beginning. Our sex life is great but I want all of her. Love, – Uneasy Dear Uneasy, We are obsessed with sleep. We talk about sleep like we used to talk about sex: how much are you getting? How long does it last? Was it good? Sleeping seven to nine hours a night is the holy grail; a key factor in positive mental health, physical health, all the healths. We pathologise it, we catastrophise about it, because, like sex, we're mostly not getting enough. We are tired all the time and we worry about being tired all the time, which means we don't sleep; an unvirtuous circle. We have Oura rings (one friend admitted to being a bit disappointed when her Oura ring told her she was getting a surprisingly healthy amount of sleep) to track our REM cycles. And we don't merely avoid caffeine after 2pm – that's rookie sleep hygiene. No, we try to practise clean bedtime routines: We don't drink, we don't eat anything too heavy; no screens; you name it… anything in order to give ourselves the best chance of hitting that dreamy eight hours of oblivion. And it's not just us mid-lifers who are poring over sleep apps and signing up to be measured and biohacked to within an inch of our lives. Your thirty-something wife is just another of her cohort who is feverish about nighttime routines: the problem of sleep deprivation in millennials is so widespread that they are commonly known as 'The Tired Generation'. So, dear Uneasy, your feelings are collateral damage in this crusade. Sure, it's lovely to be wrapped around someone now and again, but nothing beats sleeping alone. Sleeping with someone else can be quite trying once the honeymoon is over. There are temperature issues, one is always too hot, while the other is too cold. You say snoring is not often a factor but you might talk, or move, or just breathe a bit too much. And then there's the bed itself: duvet weight, tucked in sheets, disagreements over optimum mattress type. Emilie's husband likes a firm mattress; Emilie, not so much. So they have a compromise mattress which in the end appeals to neither. Emilie sneaks down to sink into her trusty memory foam mattress in the spare room at every given opportunity. Everyone is happy. Lack of sleep can inflict significant damage on a human body and it can also be a huge potential threat to a relationship. People usually want to bring their best selves to a marriage, a self that can be severely compromised by a bad night. And, if children appear, it becomes imperative that at least one person sleeps in order to keep the show on the road. Perhaps your wife would rather sleep in the other room to be able to make the most of her waking hours; rather than emerging from a tough night full of dread. The good news is, dear Uneasy, from our point of view, you are doing pretty damn well: you are getting sex and sleep. However, as you are worrying – and presumably, as a result, not bringing your best self to the day – why not do a little investigating and join her quest for the perfect sleep situation? Work out what exactly it is that is sending her scuttling off to the other room. Is there a temperature issue, in which case get separate duvets (a game-changing idea courtesy of the scandis). Does she like to read in bed but you want the light off or vice versa? (A Kindle is a good solve here). Is the mattress right? Is the bed big enough? Are the curtains heavier in the other room? Perhaps with a little tweak you might find your sleepily ever after. If not, take comfort in the fact that you are not alone, in sleeping alone. A friend of ours, who is a very distinguished interior designer, says that the third meeting with a client is always when 'the snoring room' come up. 'Of course, we're very happy,' they all say, 'It's just that the snoring is unbearable.' Separate rooms do not equate to separate lives. One last thing, dear Uneasy. It is interesting to us that you say in your letter that you 'want all of her'. Perhaps that sounds romantic to you, and it might well be. It might also be a lot of pressure, on both of you. Careful, because none of us can be everything, or give everything, to someone else. It is important in any relationship to have room to grow, to oxygenate and flourish. An urge to be possessed, to be held all the time, might initially have felt very natural and exciting, but over time, could feel a little stifling. Don't tuck her in too tight. We are not saying that this is what is making her bolt for the other bedroom, but it is worth keeping an eye on. Good luck and good night. Broaden your horizons with award-winning British journalism. Try The Telegraph free for 1 month with unlimited access to our award-winning website, exclusive app, money-saving offers and more. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
09-07-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
My midlife padel hobby left me with horrific shoulder pain – here's how I fixed it
There's nothing like being inspired by a new sports fad – or Wimbledon fortnight – to send midlifers flocking to the physio. Or in my case, a heavy suitcase. Once upon a time a decade ago, around a luggage carousel far, far away, I lifted a suitcase at 'the wrong angle' and twinged my shoulder. (In the name of journalistic integrity, I should mention that the suitcase may have had a 'heavy' tag dangling from it because fabulous shoes are important on holiday.) In true midlifer fashion, I ignored the twinge, had a few jolly good games of holiday tennis – and ended up with intense shoulder pain and an arm I could no longer move. It took a week in a sling before my limb could take instruction from my brain again and I could sleep through the night, and several more weeks to be pain free. Then, for over a decade, my shoulder would flare up unpredictably like an erratic teenager, with varying degrees of pain and immobility. After multiple visits to the GP, the physio and specialists, I'd started to accept having a bad shoulder was just part of getting older, but the shoulder pain never truly left me. Until my recent romance with padel forced me to confront it once and for all. I'm one of 65,000 padel enthusiasts in the UK, a racket sport that's a cross between squash and tennis, played in doubles on a 10m by 20m court, enclosed in glass so that the ball can bounce off and stay in play. And when I first see shoulder consultant Professor Tony Kochhar, aka the Shoulder Doctor, I learn I'm one of many padel players with a dodgy shoulder. He tells me he's seen several that week – and we're all in the midlife age range. If this midlife niggle sounds all too familiar to you, know that all is not lost. This is a midlifer's fairytale: six months on from hitting rock bottom with the padel pain, I believe I have defeated my sore shoulder almost entirely – here's how. I first started playing padel about five years ago on holiday in Spain, where padel is a national passion, but it's only in this 'school year' that padel courts have started springing up near my home in north London. According to the Lawn Tennis Association (LTA) there are now 800 padel courts in the UK. It doesn't need as much skill as tennis itself so it's more accessible across ages and abilities – and it's also a bit of a hoot. By the end of a super fast-paced rally, you're often breathless from exertion and laughter. So when there were suddenly two padel clubs within a 10-minute radius of my house, I was playing at least once a week: on Sunday with the kids, for a girls' night out, or even on Saturday night with another couple, followed by dinner. I could feel a low-level ache in my shoulder but it didn't bother me. Then one Sunday afternoon, while going in for a smash with all my might, I missed the ball (I didn't say I was good, just enthusiastic) and I felt a familiar pull deep in my right shoulder. By Monday morning the pain was so excruciating I couldn't think about much else and my arm was immobile. At work, I could only type (slowly) with my left hand, but driving was out of the question. On the plus side, my share of kitchen duties were all but handed over to the rest of the family (and Deliveroo). At first, a course of Naproxen from my GP helped ease the immediate pain. I also managed it with over-the-counter Biofreeze Gel, which felt miraculous in terms of cooling that intense soreness. Within a week I was over the worst of it, able to drive and type, and although it was still slightly painful and restricted, I was on the right trajectory to get my shoulder back to low-level niggle status. But this time – with the incentive of my amateur padel career as Britain's least brilliant but most enthusiastic midlife player – I felt determined to gain full recovery. I assigned myself a dream team – along with consultant Prof Kochhar, physiotherapist Rob Madden, who counts Anthony Joshua amongst his clients (who, let's face it, needs his shoulder more than I do), as well as being physio to GB Olympic skiers and snowboarders. And then personal trainer Monika Kolb to keep me on track long term. Those of us who are active and over 40 are, sadly, susceptible. 'In midlife we tend to focus on staying active but our tissues are starting to weaken, so we have to work harder to keep what we've got,' says Prof Kochhar, who explains that this process (sarcopenia) means we lose around four per cent of muscle per year. 'In midlife we're also taking up new sports, we might have more time as kids are older, we want to relive our youth… and that's where we hit that apex and get injured.' Madden explains: 'The body can cope with more or less anything. But it has to get there in a smooth, slow and sensible way. Don't fear a new sport, but we must take things up slowly and allow our body to get used to it.' According to Prof Kochhar, the rotator cuff, which is the group of muscles that make up the shoulder joint, is particularly susceptible to injury for active midlifers. 'Around other joints, like the knee and the ankle, the ligaments – which are the bits of rope that keep the joint in place – are primary for stability. But because the shoulder is so mobile, it relies on muscles to stabilise it. In the knee and ankle, the muscle only provides 10 per cent of stability, but in the shoulder it's more like 50:50 – so that muscle degradation has a greater impact on how our shoulders move and function.' Shoulder pain is often down to some type of inflammation and irritation but the question of what's causing it is key, Madden explains. For me, an ultrasound reveals calcific tendonitis of the supraspinatus – a build up of calcium in the tendons of one of the muscles that make up the shoulder. The calcification was causing acute inflammation of the tendon, which was causing tightness and preventing it from working properly. A ten-minute 'barbotage' procedure was a key next step in my recovery (look away if you're squeamish). Using an ultrasound guided needle, the calcium was broken down and then sucked out of my shoulder with a tiny syringe, followed by a steroid injection to reduce the resultant inflammation. Thankfully, the thought was more painful than the procedure itself, which was slightly uncomfortable but didn't hurt. Shoulder pain is often misdiagnosed by Dr Google as a 'frozen shoulder', says Prof Kochhar, but there are often other underlying causes creating the inflammation. The NHS defines a frozen shoulder as stiffness and pain that restricts movement of the shoulder for a number of months. Common wisdom is that with a frozen shoulder you have to wait 18-24 months for recovery and treatment, but Prof Kochhar disagrees: 'That was advice from the 1970s but with non-surgical treatment, good physio and perhaps a steroid injection, 85-90 per cent of patients are fully recovered in a matter of weeks.' Whatever the underlying cause, Prof Kochhar says that any injection that reduces inflammation 'gives you a window to try to rebalance and rehabilitate.' This is where Madden comes in to work on mobility and strength – the vital next steps to full recovery. I am 'prescribed' three exercises to do every other day – either at the gym using the cable machine, or with a resistance band at home. They are isometric exercises, which means they are static moves that focus on specific muscles, and between them they target various muscles around the shoulder. Band pull-aparts (where you stretch the band between your two hands) strengthen the mid-back and posterior shoulder muscles (rhomboids and posterior deltoid), which help improve shoulder and back posture. Single-arm horizontal band rows get into the posterior shoulder and rhomboids. Finally, diagonal high-to-low reverse flies strengthen the posterior deltoid and rotator cuff. Hold a resistance band at shoulder height with straight arms Pull it apart by squeezing your shoulder blades together Return slowly Anchor the band at chest height Stand with feet hip-width apart Pull the band toward your torso – don't let your shoulder shrug Extend the arm slowly back to the starting position Anchor the band above head height With your arm extended in front of you, hold the band Pull your arm down and out in a diagonal motion, squeezing shoulder blades Together these exercises also create stability in the shoulder capsule. Madden describes the shoulder capsule as 'the wetsuit of the joint'. He explains: 'When you have a healthy shoulder, that wetsuit wraps around the shoulder and stays nice and soft, but when you get injured it can get stiff and restrictive.' So the rehab will help get my wetsuit stretchy again but also get the necessary strength back in my shoulder. These three exercises would translate well across the majority of shoulders that are in need of strengthening, explains Madden, but he warns that there always needs to be a degree of individualisation so would recommend seeing an expert. After six weeks of getting full marks on my physio homework, Madden switches the 'band pull-aparts' for dumbbell external rotations. It gets deeper into that shoulder joint, which he recommends will get me padel ready. Kneel next to a bench (or chair) with the knee closest to the bench on the ground Position your arm at 90 degrees with your elbow pressing back against the bench holding a light weight Slowly turn your arm up into external rotation and then lower back At my 12-week check up with Prof Kochhar, it was time to see how far I'd come. 'There are no tests that are completely validated – the best way to get a sense of how your shoulder is functioning – and one that I give to my patients so they can manage their recovery themselves is the chicken wing test,' says Prof Kochhar. It simply involves putting your upper arms out to the side, bent at the elbow 90 degrees so your hands are pointing up in the air; then rotating the shoulder so that your forearms point forward, still with your elbow bent at 90 degrees. 'When your injured side is symmetrical with the healthy side, it means you're fully recovered,' explains Prof Kochhar. Both my forearms end up horizontal so I'm given top marks. The hard work unfortunately doesn't stop there. Personal trainer Monika Kolb is an expert in rehabilitation and explains: 'Keeping your shoulders strong and healthy isn't just about working on mobility and strength in the shoulder itself, but in the upper back too. A strong back supports your shoulder by sharing the workload, so your body doesn't rely on your shoulder as the default mover. This helps prevent irritation, overuse, and injury.' But strength alone isn't enough. 'Posture plays a huge role. Standing or sitting with poor posture – letting the upper back collapse or the shoulders round forward – can undo all your training. Unfortunately, many of us (especially women) develop the habit of shrinking ourselves – whether from shyness or simply from years of looking down at phones or hunching over desks.' If you want long-term shoulder health, Monika's tip is: 'Be aware of daily habits. Pay attention to how you stand and sit and don't let your back get lazy. Practice holding yourself tall with an open chest and aligned spine. No amount of exercise will fix your shoulders if you're constantly reinforcing bad posture throughout the day.' For Madden, my initial rehabilitation has been a success. He may not have given me the ability to throw a killer right hook like Joshua – or the skills to beat my kids to the bottom of a black run like Team GB ski – but I am ready for a summer of padel. Broaden your horizons with award-winning British journalism. Try The Telegraph free for 1 month with unlimited access to our award-winning website, exclusive app, money-saving offers and more.
Telegraph
09-07-2025
- Health
- Telegraph
My midlife padel hobby left me with horrific shoulder pain – here's how I fixed it
There's nothing like being inspired by a new sports fad – or Wimbledon fortnight – to send midlifers flocking to the physio. Or in my case, a heavy suitcase. Once upon a time a decade ago, around a luggage carousel far, far away, I lifted a suitcase at 'the wrong angle' and twinged my shoulder. (In the name of journalistic integrity, I should mention that the suitcase may have had a 'heavy' tag dangling from it because fabulous shoes are important on holiday.) In true midlifer fashion, I ignored the twinge, had a few jolly good games of holiday tennis – and ended up with intense shoulder pain and an arm I could no longer move. It took a week in a sling before my limb could take instruction from my brain again and I could sleep through the night, and several more weeks to be pain free. Then, for over a decade, my shoulder would flare up unpredictably like an erratic teenager, with varying degrees of pain and immobility. After multiple visits to the GP, the physio and specialists, I'd started to accept having a bad shoulder was just part of getting older, but the shoulder pain never truly left me. Until my recent romance with padel forced me to confront it once and for all. I'm one of 65,000 padel enthusiasts in the UK, a racket sport that's a cross between squash and tennis, played in doubles on a 10m by 20m court, enclosed in glass so that the ball can bounce off and stay in play. And when I first see shoulder consultant Professor Tony Kochhar, aka the Shoulder Doctor, I learn I'm one of many padel players with a dodgy shoulder. He tells me he's seen several that week – and we're all in the midlife age range. If this midlife niggle sounds all too familiar to you, know that all is not lost. This is a midlifer's fairytale: six months on from hitting rock bottom with the padel pain, I believe I have defeated my sore shoulder almost entirely – here's how. The moment of injury I first started playing padel about five years ago on holiday in Spain, where padel is a national passion, but it's only in this 'school year' that padel courts have started springing up near my home in north London. According to the Lawn Tennis Association (LTA) there are now 800 padel courts in the UK. It doesn't need as much skill as tennis itself so it's more accessible across ages and abilities – and it's also a bit of a hoot. By the end of a super fast-paced rally, you're often breathless from exertion and laughter. So when there were suddenly two padel clubs within a 10-minute radius of my house, I was playing at least once a week: on Sunday with the kids, for a girls' night out, or even on Saturday night with another couple, followed by dinner. I could feel a low-level ache in my shoulder but it didn't bother me. Then one Sunday afternoon, while going in for a smash with all my might, I missed the ball (I didn't say I was good, just enthusiastic) and I felt a familiar pull deep in my right shoulder. By Monday morning the pain was so excruciating I couldn't think about much else and my arm was immobile. At work, I could only type (slowly) with my left hand, but driving was out of the question. On the plus side, my share of kitchen duties were all but handed over to the rest of the family (and Deliveroo). The road to recovery At first, a course of Naproxen from my GP helped ease the immediate pain. I also managed it with over-the-counter Biofreeze Gel, which felt miraculous in terms of cooling that intense soreness. Within a week I was over the worst of it, able to drive and type, and although it was still slightly painful and restricted, I was on the right trajectory to get my shoulder back to low-level niggle status. But this time – with the incentive of my amateur padel career as Britain's least brilliant but most enthusiastic midlife player – I felt determined to gain full recovery. I assigned myself a dream team – along with consultant Prof Kochhar, physiotherapist Rob Madden, who counts Anthony Joshua amongst his clients (who, let's face it, needs his shoulder more than I do), as well as being physio to GB Olympic skiers and snowboarders. And then personal trainer Monika Kolb to keep me on track long term. Those of us who are active and over 40 are, sadly, susceptible. ' In midlife we tend to focus on staying active but our tissues are starting to weaken, so we have to work harder to keep what we've got,' says Prof Kochhar, who explains that this process (sarcopenia) means we lose around four per cent of muscle per year. 'In midlife we're also taking up new sports, we might have more time as kids are older, we want to relive our youth… and that's where we hit that apex and get injured.' Madden explains: 'The body can cope with more or less anything. But it has to get there in a smooth, slow and sensible way. Don't fear a new sport, but we must take things up slowly and allow our body to get used to it.' It's true, shoulders are more susceptible to injury According to Prof Kochhar, the rotator cuff, which is the group of muscles that make up the shoulder joint, is particularly susceptible to injury for active midlifers. 'Around other joints, like the knee and the ankle, the ligaments – which are the bits of rope that keep the joint in place – are primary for stability. But because the shoulder is so mobile, it relies on muscles to stabilise it. In the knee and ankle, the muscle only provides 10 per cent of stability, but in the shoulder it's more like 50:50 – so that muscle degradation has a greater impact on how our shoulders move and function.' Shoulder pain is often down to some type of inflammation and irritation but the question of what's causing it is key, Madden explains. For me, an ultrasound reveals calcific tendonitis of the supraspinatus – a build up of calcium in the tendons of one of the muscles that make up the shoulder. The calcification was causing acute inflammation of the tendon, which was causing tightness and preventing it from working properly. A ten-minute 'barbotage' procedure was a key next step in my recovery (look away if you're squeamish). Using an ultrasound guided needle, the calcium was broken down and then sucked out of my shoulder with a tiny syringe, followed by a steroid injection to reduce the resultant inflammation. Thankfully, the thought was more painful than the procedure itself, which was slightly uncomfortable but didn't hurt. Shoulder pain is often misdiagnosed by Dr Google as a 'frozen shoulder', says Prof Kochhar, but there are often other underlying causes creating the inflammation. The NHS defines a frozen shoulder as stiffness and pain that restricts movement of the shoulder for a number of months. Common wisdom is that with a frozen shoulder you have to wait 18-24 months for recovery and treatment, but Prof Kochhar disagrees: 'That was advice from the 1970s but with non-surgical treatment, good physio and perhaps a steroid injection, 85-90 per cent of patients are fully recovered in a matter of weeks.' Whatever the underlying cause, Prof Kochhar says that any injection that reduces inflammation 'gives you a window to try to rebalance and rehabilitate.' This is where Madden comes in to work on mobility and strength – the vital next steps to full recovery. Strength homework I am 'prescribed' three exercises to do every other day – either at the gym using the cable machine, or with a resistance band at home. They are isometric exercises, which means they are static moves that focus on specific muscles, and between them they target various muscles around the shoulder. Band pull-aparts (where you stretch the band between your two hands) strengthen the mid-back and posterior shoulder muscles (rhomboids and posterior deltoid), which help improve shoulder and back posture. Single-arm horizontal band rows get into the posterior shoulder and rhomboids. Finally, diagonal high-to-low reverse flies strengthen the posterior deltoid and rotator cuff. Band pull-aparts How to do it Hold a resistance band at shoulder height with straight arms Pull it apart by squeezing your shoulder blades together Return slowly Single-arm horizontal band rows How to do it Anchor the band at chest height Stand with feet hip-width apart Pull the band toward your torso – don't let your shoulder shrug Extend the arm slowly back to the starting position Diagonal high-to-low reverse flies How to do it Anchor the band above head height With your arm extended in front of you, hold the band Pull your arm down and out in a diagonal motion, squeezing shoulder blades Together these exercises also create stability in the shoulder capsule. Madden describes the shoulder capsule as 'the wetsuit of the joint'. He explains: 'When you have a healthy shoulder, that wetsuit wraps around the shoulder and stays nice and soft, but when you get injured it can get stiff and restrictive.' So the rehab will help get my wetsuit stretchy again but also get the necessary strength back in my shoulder. These three exercises would translate well across the majority of shoulders that are in need of strengthening, explains Madden, but he warns that there always needs to be a degree of individualisation so would recommend seeing an expert. After six weeks of getting full marks on my physio homework, Madden switches the 'band pull-aparts' for dumbbell external rotations. It gets deeper into that shoulder joint, which he recommends will get me padel ready. Dumbell external rotations How to do it Kneel next to a bench (or chair) with the knee closest to the bench on the ground Position your arm at 90 degrees with your elbow pressing back against the bench holding a light weight Slowly turn your arm up into external rotation and then lower back At my 12-week check up with Prof Kochhar, it was time to see how far I'd come. 'There are no tests that are completely validated – the best way to get a sense of how your shoulder is functioning – and one that I give to my patients so they can manage their recovery themselves is the chicken wing test,' says Prof Kochhar. It simply involves putting your upper arms out to the side, bent at the elbow 90 degrees so your hands are pointing up in the air; then rotating the shoulder so that your forearms point forward, still with your elbow bent at 90 degrees. 'When your injured side is symmetrical with the healthy side, it means you're fully recovered,' explains Prof Kochhar. Both my forearms end up horizontal so I'm given top marks. Game on The hard work unfortunately doesn't stop there. Personal trainer Monika Kolb is an expert in rehabilitation and explains: 'Keeping your shoulders strong and healthy isn't just about working on mobility and strength in the shoulder itself, but in the upper back too. A strong back supports your shoulder by sharing the workload, so your body doesn't rely on your shoulder as the default mover. This helps prevent irritation, overuse, and injury.' But strength alone isn't enough. 'Posture plays a huge role. Standing or sitting with poor posture – letting the upper back collapse or the shoulders round forward – can undo all your training. Unfortunately, many of us (especially women) develop the habit of shrinking ourselves – whether from shyness or simply from years of looking down at phones or hunching over desks.' If you want long-term shoulder health, Monika's tip is: 'Be aware of daily habits. Pay attention to how you stand and sit and don't let your back get lazy. Practice holding yourself tall with an open chest and aligned spine. No amount of exercise will fix your shoulders if you're constantly reinforcing bad posture throughout the day.' For Madden, my initial rehabilitation has been a success. He may not have given me the ability to throw a killer right hook like Joshua – or the skills to beat my kids to the bottom of a black run like Team GB ski – but I am ready for a summer of padel.
