Latest news with #narcissism
Daily Mail
16 hours ago
- Health
- Daily Mail
Is YOUR wife a secret narcissist? Expert reveals how symptoms differ in women - but are no less toxic
A narcissism expert has shared examples of how the personality disorder manifests in women, and the signs that there might be a female narcissist in your family. Psychotherapist Kathleen Saxton has spent years writing about narcissism, and in her forthcoming book, My Parent The Peacock, she digs deeper into how people with the personality disorder inflict pain and chaos on their loved ones. Writing in Stylist, she explained that while narcissism is usually seen as a male-centric condition, it affects women too—but how they behave is totally different to the actions you'd usually associate with a narc man. This, she says, is because 'its classic diagnostic criteria—grandiosity, need for admiration, lack of empathy—align with traditionally masculine behaviours'. Because of this, there's a lack in 'both clinical recognition and public understanding, and it means many female narcissists are left 'hidden in the shadows'. Dr Saxton writes that female narcissists often display behaviour which is seen as 'feminine', but is actually a smokescreen for manipulation and control. She said: 'For decades, narcissism has carried a distinctly masculine shadow. 'Popular culture often casts narcissists as dominant, arrogant, manipulative men – think Wall Street tycoons, cult leaders or domineering romantic partners. 'Now consider a female narcissist. She may appear self-sacrificing, constantly 'helping' or 'mothering' her partner in ways that undermine their autonomy. 'She may weaponise vulnerability, play the victim or use passive-aggression to control the relationship. 'These behaviours, while equally manipulative, are less often labelled as narcissistic because they conform to feminine stereotypes.' Dr Saxton added that stereotypically 'feminine' traits are usually looked at through a rose-tinted lens, giving women narcissists even more opportunity to act out unchecked. 'Culturally, we are conditioned to see women as nurturers, carers and emotional empaths—gentle by default and giving to a fault,' she said. 'Traits like neediness or emotionality are more likely to be excused or romanticised than recognised as controlling. 'But these stereotypes are not only misleading – they are dangerous. 'They obscure the reality that narcissism in women can be just as emotionally corrosive as it is in men, albeit through more covert means.' Dr Saxton was also keen to explain that when operating within a family dynamic, there is a stark difference between male and female narcissists, adding that both genders 'often cloak control in performative devotion, creating psychological confusion and trauma for their children'. While a narcissistic father often runs a household with an iron fist—'authoritarian to the point of cruelty or emotionally distant to the point of neglect'—a narcissistic mother demonstrates totally different behaviours. Dr Saxton said: 'She may control through guilt, enmeshment or martyrdom. 'She may claim to 'live for her children' while eroding their boundaries and identities in the name of love. 'She may compete with her daughter or infantilise her son. But society resists naming this abuse because it conflicts with idealised notions of motherhood.' It's estimated that around 1 in 20 people in the UK have a diagnosis of the mental disorder narcissistic personality disorder, but the number of people who display narcissistic traits remains unknown. According to the National Comorbidity Survey Replication, about 7.7 per cent of men versus 4.8 per cent of women in clinical care are diagnosed as having a narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissists can be can be manipulative, controlling, volatile and emotionally abusive, and they may withhold love and compassion from their partners or children. The unpleasant personality trait is characterised as a tendency to be self-centred, have a grandiose sense of self, lack of empathy and a need for admiration. Those who exhibit narcissistic tendencies are more likely to develop mental health problems, have relationship difficulties and struggle with substance abuse, studies show.
Yahoo
3 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
If Someone Does These 6 Things Repeatedly, It Might Be Narcissism, a Psychologist Warns
If Someone Does These 6 Things Repeatedly, It Might Be Narcissism, a Psychologist Warns originally appeared on Parade. When someone does something that's out of character, you might raise an eyebrow, and then move on. But when a person does the same negative behavior again and again—specifically if it's selfish or self-centered—it could make you question your relationship with them, and wonder: 'Are they a narcissist?' As Dr. Michele Leno, PhD—a licensed psychologist and host of Mind Matters with Dr. Michele—puts it, narcissism involves seeing yourself in a grandiose light with everything and everyone revolving around you. So, if someone you know has narcissistic tendencies, they're more likely to exhibit certain behaviors more often. Narcissism—whether it's a toxic trait or due to a personality disorder—can make relationships with partners, family members and friends challenging to say the least. If you're noticing these six repetitive , you just might be dealing with a narcissist. Related: 6 Signs of 'Flying Monkeys' Used by Narcissists—and How To Best Respond, a Psychologist Warns 6 Repetitive Behaviors That Could Be Narcissism, According to a Psychologist 1. They focus on their needs only Dr. Leno says that a narcissist will focus on their needs only because they have a hard time seeing anything outside of themselves as truly relevant.'Of course, they care about loved ones, but they naturally prioritize their own thoughts and feelings,' she says. 'This denotes narcissism because narcissists have low empathy and a high sense of self.' Related: 2. They subtly hint at others' flaws If you notice that someone is constantly belittling you and always finding a way to discredit something about you or that you've done, that could be because they need to boost themselves up.'Narcissists are able to maintain their high self-importance by tearing others down,' Dr. Leno says. 'But they do so indirectly with jabs and gaslighting. This helps them stay in the 'main character' role. Such behavior is an indication of narcissism because narcissists need to feel valued, recognized and praised at all times.' 3. They criticize before complimenting Since narcissists want to show you who's the boss of your thoughts and feelings, 'they can get in your head and they can control you,' as Dr. Leno states. 'Because narcissists often appear to have it all together, it is easy for them to gain compliance and trigger self-doubt, in the beginning at least,' she adds. Related: Does Narcissism Run In Families? A Psychologist Weighs In 4. They one-up you or grandstand Dr. Leno says that narcissists tend to become anxious if their grandiose façade becomes too transparent. She says that although narcissists appear highly self-confident, they may actually worry about their imperfections more than they let on. 'Sometimes, the grandiose demeanor is simply an overcompensation to mask underlying self-doubt,' she says. 'This is an indication of narcissism because it involves arrogant and haughty behavior.' 5. They show coldness or indifference Does this person typically exhibit coldness or indifference towards others' concerns? Then you might be dealing with a narcissist. 'If it does not involve them, it is not worth their mental investment,' Dr. Leno says. 'They might say something sympathetic, but it has an unsympathetic undertone. This is largely because narcissists lack empathy.'Related: 6. They minimize favors, assistance and gifts Dr. Leno says that a narcissist might believe, 'Why should I thank you for something that you should do in the first place?' 'This is the narcissist's mindset," she explains. "Since narcissists feel entitled, they have a hard time showing genuine appreciation.' Related: Do Narcissists Genuinely Cry? A Psychologist Reveals the Surprising Truth How To Work Through a Narcissistic Relationship If you've determined that you're witnessing these repetitive behaviors in someone you care about, they may indeed have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Or they might be extremely narcissistic for one reason or another. Positive change can take place in these relationships, but according to Dr. Leno, 'they must want to change.''They will only want to change if their actions disrupt their life,' she notes. 'Of course, they can self-help by incorporating tools like thought stopping and replacing the problem behavior with a more positive one. Working with a therapist, something like a coach, can be effective, since it is difficult to break habits overnight.' Dr. Leno suggests, 'Discuss how it affects you and your relationship with them. If it becomes too stressful, give yourself permission to take a break from the relationship.' Up Next:Source: Dr. Michele Leno, PhD, a licensed psychologist and host of Mind Matters with Dr. Michele. If Someone Does These 6 Things Repeatedly, It Might Be Narcissism, a Psychologist Warns first appeared on Parade on Jul 26, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jul 26, 2025, where it first appeared. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
5 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
13 Things That Peel Back A Narcissist's Mask Instantly
Navigating relationships with narcissists can be challenging. Their seemingly charming exteriors often hide manipulative and self-centered behaviors. But there are certain situations and actions that can quickly reveal their true nature. Whether you're dealing with a colleague, friend, or partner, recognizing these signs can help you protect yourself and manage the relationship more effectively. Here are 13 things that instantly peel back a narcissist's mask. 1. Setting Healthy Boundaries Establishing boundaries is essential in any relationship, but it can be particularly revealing when dealing with a narcissist. When you set clear limits, a narcissist often struggles to respect them, as they expect the world to revolve around their desires. According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, narcissists have a hard time with boundaries because they feel entitled to your time and attention. This entitlement can cause them to become frustrated or even angry when you assert yourself. By standing firm, you can quickly see their true colors as they react to your newfound limits. The response to boundaries can range from dismissive to outright hostile. A narcissist may attempt to guilt-trip you, playing the victim to make you feel responsible for their discomfort. Alternatively, they might try to charm you into backing down, showcasing their manipulative skills. Recognizing these tactics can give you the upper hand in managing the relationship. Knowing when to hold your ground is crucial for maintaining your mental health and self-respect. 2. Giving Constructive Criticism Offering constructive criticism to a narcissist can be like walking on thin ice. While most people appreciate feedback aimed at helping them grow, narcissists often perceive it as a personal attack. Their fragile egos can't handle the idea of imperfection. Instead of considering your suggestions, they might react defensively, turning the tables and criticizing you instead. This behavior can be confusing, especially when you're simply trying to help. Their typical response to criticism is to deflect and deny any responsibility. They may accuse you of being overly critical or sensitive, dismissing your feedback as irrelevant. The key is to remain calm and not get drawn into their drama. By focusing on facts rather than emotions, you can maintain your position without getting derailed. This approach helps you see their inability to accept accountability and adapt. 3. Experiencing A Crisis Crisis situations often reveal a person's true nature, and with narcissists, this can be particularly telling. When the chips are down, a narcissist's selfish traits often come to the forefront. Research by Dr. Craig Malkin, a Harvard Medical School lecturer, shows that narcissists lack empathy because they are primarily concerned with their own needs. During a crisis, you may find them more focused on how the situation affects them rather than offering support to others. This reaction is a clear indicator of their self-centeredness. Instead of stepping up to help, a narcissist might downplay the severity of the crisis. They may even use the situation to gain sympathy, positioning themselves as the real victim. This behavior is not only frustrating but can also be harmful to those genuinely in need of support. By recognizing these patterns, you can better manage your expectations and responses. Understanding their limitations can prevent disappointment and resentment. 4. Witnessing Their Reaction To Success Success can be a double-edged sword for a narcissist. While they crave admiration and glory, they struggle when others achieve similar or greater success. Watching someone else shine can trigger envy and insecurity, threatening their inflated self-image. Instead of celebrating your accomplishments, they might downplay or ignore them altogether. This reaction is a clear sign of their inability to share the spotlight. Rather than offering genuine congratulations, they might shift the conversation back to their own achievements. This self-centeredness is a classic narcissistic trait, as their need for validation often overshadows other people's successes. If confronted, they could become defensive, insisting they were just trying to motivate you. Understanding this behavior can help you manage your expectations and prepare for their reactions. By not taking their responses personally, you can maintain your confidence and self-assurance. 5. Observing Their Empathy (Or Lack Thereof) Empathy is a key component of healthy relationships, but it's often missing in interactions with narcissists. Their ability to connect with others on an emotional level is limited, making it difficult for them to genuinely care about others' feelings. Dr. Karyl McBride, a licensed marriage and family therapist, notes that narcissists often struggle with empathy because they are primarily focused on themselves. This lack of empathy becomes evident when you need support or understanding. Instead of responding with compassion, they might dismiss your feelings or turn the focus back to themselves. Interactions with narcissists can often feel one-sided, as if your emotions are irrelevant. They might offer solutions that benefit them rather than considering what you truly need. This self-serving behavior can leave you feeling unsupported and isolated. Recognizing this pattern is important for setting realistic expectations. By understanding their limitations, you can seek empathy and support from more reliable sources. 6. Asking For Help Asking a narcissist for help can quickly reveal their true priorities. While they may initially seem eager to assist, their motivations are often self-serving. They might offer help with the expectation of receiving something in return, such as praise or favors. If the task requires genuine effort without immediate benefits, their enthusiasm might wane. This behavior highlights their transactional approach to relationships. In many cases, the help they offer is accompanied by strings attached. They might remind you of their favor at every opportunity, using it as leverage in future interactions. This can create a sense of indebtedness, even if their assistance was minimal. Recognizing this dynamic allows you to approach requests with caution. By being aware of their motives, you can decide when to seek help elsewhere. 7. Handling Rejection Rejection can be a significant trigger for a narcissist, exposing their vulnerability and insecurity. Their need for admiration and validation means they struggle to cope when others don't provide the attention they crave. According to Dr. W. Keith Campbell, a psychology professor at the University of Georgia, rejection can lead narcissists to react with anger or hostility as a defense mechanism. This defensive reaction is often disproportionate to the situation, revealing their underlying fragility. Instead of accepting rejection gracefully, they might lash out or try to undermine your decision. Their response can include blame-shifting or even attempts to guilt you into changing your mind. They might accuse you of being ungrateful or insensitive, turning their hurt into an attack on your character. Understanding this tendency helps you prepare for their response and maintain your boundaries. By standing your ground, you can reinforce your decision and protect yourself from their attempts to manipulate you. 8. Seeing Their Reaction To Authority Narcissists often have a complicated relationship with authority figures. They typically view themselves as superior, which can lead to conflicts with those in positions of power. When faced with authority, their response can be defiant or sycophantic, depending on what they stand to gain. This dual approach reveals their manipulation tactics, as they either seek to undermine authority or curry favor for personal benefit. Witnessing these interactions can provide insight into their true character. In situations where they feel challenged by authority, they may resort to insubordination. This behavior often stems from their belief that they know better or deserve more respect. Alternatively, in scenarios where they see an opportunity for advancement, they might excessively flatter authority figures. This inconsistency is a hallmark of their self-serving nature. By observing these dynamics, you can better understand their motives and manage your interactions accordingly. 9. Observing Their Jealousy Jealousy often surfaces in relationships with narcissists, highlighting their insecurity and need for dominance. They find it difficult to accept that others might possess qualities or achievements they lack. This jealousy can manifest as passive-aggressive remarks or attempts to undermine your confidence. Instead of celebrating your success, they might point out flaws or insinuate that you don't deserve it. This behavior is a clear sign of their inability to handle competition or perceived threats to their superiority. Their jealousy isn't limited to personal achievements. They might also feel threatened by your relationships with others, fearing they might lose your attention or admiration. This can lead to controlling behavior, as they try to isolate you from friends or family. Understanding this jealousy-driven behavior can help you establish and maintain boundaries. By recognizing their motives, you can protect your self-esteem and relationships. 10. Engaging In Conversation Conversations with narcissists can quickly reveal their self-centered nature. They often dominate discussions, steering them back to their interests and achievements. Instead of engaging in a balanced exchange, they focus on maintaining the spotlight. This behavior can leave you feeling unheard and undervalued, as your contributions are overshadowed by their need for attention. Recognizing this tendency is crucial for managing expectations in conversations. When you try to share your thoughts or experiences, they might interrupt or redirect the discussion. This constant need to center themselves can be exhausting, making meaningful communication difficult. In response, they may use charm or humor to keep you engaged, but ultimately, the focus remains on them. By being aware of this dynamic, you can decide when to engage and when to seek more reciprocal interactions. This understanding helps you navigate conversations with more control and awareness. 11. Their Reaction To Failure Failure can be a major stumbling block for narcissists, challenging their self-perception of superiority. When faced with failure, their reactions can be extreme, swinging from denial to blaming others. Instead of accepting responsibility, they often deflect blame to protect their ego. This inability to acknowledge mistakes can hinder personal growth and strain relationships. Understanding this tendency is key to dealing with their attempts to rewrite reality. Their response to failure often includes a mix of excuses and justifications. They might claim the circumstances were beyond their control or that others sabotaged them. This refusal to acknowledge their role in the failure can create a cycle of denial and resentment. By recognizing these patterns, you can set boundaries and avoid being drawn into their narrative. This awareness allows you to maintain a clear perspective, even when they attempt to distort the truth. 12. Seeing Their True Colors During Conflict Conflict can quickly expose a narcissist's true nature, as their need to win often overrides their desire for resolution. In disagreements, they may resort to manipulation, gaslighting, or emotional outbursts to assert dominance. Instead of addressing the issue constructively, they might focus on discrediting or demeaning you. This behavior reveals their inability to engage in healthy conflict resolution. Recognizing these tactics can help you protect your emotional well-being. During conflicts, they might resort to personal attacks or attempts to shift blame. This approach is designed to destabilize you and distract from the real issue. By remaining calm and focusing on facts, you can counter their attempts to derail the conversation. Understanding their tactics allows you to disengage when necessary and seek more productive resolutions. This knowledge empowers you to manage conflicts without being drawn into their drama. 13. Observing Their Relationship Patterns A narcissist's relationship history can be a window into their true character. Their patterns often include cycles of idealization, devaluation, and discard. Early in relationships, they may shower you with attention and affection, creating an illusion of perfection. However, once their needs aren't met, they may begin to devalue you, highlighting flaws and creating distance. This cyclical behavior reveals their inability to maintain stable, healthy relationships. As relationships progress, their initial charm can give way to criticism and control. They might start comparing you unfavorably to others or withdrawing emotional support. Recognizing these patterns can help you understand the underlying dynamics at play. By identifying these trends, you can set boundaries and protect yourself from the emotional toll of their behavior. Understanding their relationship patterns allows you to make informed decisions about your involvement. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
17-07-2025
- Yahoo
15 Disturbing Behaviors Of Someone Who Is A 'Vindictive' Narcissist
Navigating relationships with narcissists is challenging on its own, but when you add a vindictive streak to the mix, things can become downright unsettling. Vindictive narcissists aren't merely self-absorbed; they actively seek to hurt those they perceive as threats or those who have "wronged" them. It's crucial to recognize these behaviors early on to protect your mental well-being. Here are 15 disturbing signs that someone might be a vindictive narcissist. 1. Relishes In Ruining Reputations Vindictive narcissists take immense pleasure in tarnishing the reputations of those they view as adversaries. They spread rumors and falsehoods to paint their targets in an unflattering light, often fabricating stories to suit their narratives. These individuals are gifted in the art of manipulation, making their lies believable to others. According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, such behaviors are often driven by a deep-seated need to maintain control and superiority over others. Their ultimate goal is to isolate their target, ensuring they have fewer allies. Beyond spreading rumors, these narcissists might go to extreme lengths to undermine your credibility. They could, for instance, dig up personal information to use against you at the most opportune moment. Their attacks are often strategic, aiming to cause maximum damage with minimal effort. This behavior isn't impulsive; it's calculated and deliberate. The pleasure they derive from dismantling someone's social standing is as much about power as it is about their fragile ego. 2. Plays The Victim Card One of the most troubling traits of a vindictive narcissist is their uncanny ability to twist situations to portray themselves as the victim. When faced with confrontation, they'll often turn the narrative to highlight their suffering, regardless of who was at fault initially. This manipulation often serves to garner sympathy from unsuspecting bystanders, who may not see the full picture. It's a classic diversion tactic, designed to deflect blame and regain control of the situation. The real victims can feel gaslit, as their experiences are invalidated in favor of the narcissist's "plight." In a group dynamic, they may rally others to their side by exaggerating or fabricating grievances. They aim to control the narrative, creating a scenario where you appear to be the aggressor. This behavior can be especially damaging in professional settings, where the line between truth and fiction can become blurred. As they gain sympathy, they are also gathering ammunition for their next move. The irony is palpable, as the person causing harm postures as the one harmed. 3. Skilled At Selective Amnesia Have you ever noticed how some people conveniently "forget" harmful actions they've committed? Vindictive narcissists excel in selective amnesia, conveniently forgetting their wrongdoings while focusing on yours. This behavior can leave you questioning your own reality, as they seem genuinely unaware of their actions. As Dr. Craig Malkin, a clinical psychologist and author, points out, this behavior stems from their deeply ingrained need to protect their self-image at all costs, often leading them to dismiss or distort reality. It's a form of self-preservation that unfortunately has damaging impacts on those around them. Their selective memory isn't just about forgetting; it's also about strategically remembering what benefits them most. They might recall every perceived slight you've ever committed while conveniently ignoring their own transgressions. This skewed recollection serves as a weapon in arguments, allowing them to deflect blame effortlessly. It's a form of psychological warfare that can leave you feeling disoriented and defensive. Over time, this tactic erodes trust, as you begin to doubt their sincerity and capacity for honesty. 4. Uses Your Secrets Against You In the early stages of a relationship, vindictive narcissists can seem disarmingly open and inviting. They encourage you to share your thoughts and secrets, creating a false sense of intimacy and trust. But once you part ways with them, these shared confidences can become weapons in their arsenal. Their intent isn't just to breach your trust but to control your narrative when tensions rise. By using your past vulnerabilities against you, they seek to keep you in check and maintain their upper hand. This betrayal often comes as a shock, especially if you've confided deeply personal information. The narcissist's aim is to exploit these secrets to manipulate your behavior or discredit you in front of others. They might threaten to reveal your confidences unless you comply with their demands. This kind of emotional blackmail can be incredibly distressing, leaving you feeling trapped and powerless. It's a reminder of how cruel and calculating a vindictive narcissist can be. 5. Turns Allies Into Adversaries A vindictive narcissist's need for control often extends to those around you, not just you. They may try to turn your friends, family, or colleagues against you, slowly sowing seeds of doubt and discord. They are adept at identifying those who may already have grievances, using these to drive a wedge between you and your support system. Dr. Simon Rego, a chief psychologist at Montefiore Medical Center, highlights that this tactic is about isolating you, making you more reliant on the narcissist's skewed reality. The ultimate goal is to ensure that their version of events is the only version that matters. In this process, they are often persuasive and charming, making it easy for others to be swayed by their version of the story. They may present themselves as the misunderstood party, painting you as unreasonable or unstable. This manipulation can fracture relationships, leaving you feeling alienated and unsupported. Over time, the isolation can wear you down, making it harder to see the truth behind their manipulations. It's a calculated move to keep you off-balance and dependent on their narrative. 6. Delights In Gaslighting Gaslighting is a favored tactic of the vindictive narcissist, playing on your sense of reality to keep you off-kilter. By constantly challenging your perceptions, they make you doubt your own experiences and memory. This psychological manipulation is designed to make you question your sanity, giving the narcissist a greater hold over your thoughts and actions. They might insist that certain events never happened or twist your words to make you seem irrational. The endgame is to destabilize you mentally and emotionally, making you easier to control. The effects of gaslighting can be profound, leaving you feeling confused and vulnerable. You might start to question your own judgment, wondering if you're the one who's misremembering events. This constant self-doubt can make you more reliant on the narcissist, as their version of reality becomes your new normal. The slow erosion of your confidence is precisely what the narcissist wants, as it makes you less likely to challenge their authority. Over time, this dynamic can become deeply ingrained, damaging your self-esteem and trust in others. 7. Enjoys Playing Mind Games Mind games are a staple in the vindictive narcissist's toolkit, designed to keep you guessing and unsure of their true intentions. These games often involve mixed messages, contradictions, and sudden changes in behavior, all intended to create chaos. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology explains that these manipulative tactics are often a defense mechanism, allowing narcissists to maintain a sense of control and power. The unpredictability keeps you on edge, as you're never quite sure what to believe or expect. The aim is to keep you mentally exhausted, unable to challenge their dominance. These games can take various forms, from giving you the silent treatment one moment to showering you with affection the next. This erratic behavior is deliberate, a way to keep you invested in their approval and attention. The more you try to understand or predict their actions, the more entangled you become in their web. This emotional rollercoaster can be draining, making it difficult for you to see the relationship clearly. By the time you realize what's happening, you may already feel trapped in their cycle of manipulation. 8. Obsessed With Revenge And Payback A vindictive narcissist harbors an intense need for revenge, often focusing on perceived slights or grievances. Their world is a zero-sum game where they can't rest until they've exacted retribution. This obsession can lead them to fixate on ways to "get even," no matter how minor the original issue was. They are unable to let go, seeing revenge as a validation of their superiority and the righting of perceived wrongs. This relentless pursuit of payback can be unsettling, as their actions are often unpredictable and disproportionate to the initial offense. Their concept of justice is skewed, based on personal vendettas rather than objective fairness. This mindset can lead to a cycle of retaliation, where every action from you is seen as a fresh provocation. They may go out of their way to make your life difficult, regardless of the consequences for themselves. This fixation isn't just about the act of revenge; it's about reasserting control and dominance. The fallout of their actions often leaves a trail of damaged relationships and emotional pain. 9. Exploits Your Emotions Emotional exploitation is a common tactic among vindictive narcissists, who are skilled at identifying and manipulating your vulnerabilities. By feigning empathy or understanding, they can draw you in, only to use your emotions against you later. This manipulation often leaves you feeling exposed and betrayed, as their concern was never genuine. Instead, it was a ploy to gain your trust and gather information. Once they have what they need, your emotions are weaponized to further their agenda. This exploitation can happen in various contexts, from romantic relationships to professional settings. They might appear supportive initially, only to twist your words or actions when it suits them. This betrayal can be particularly painful, as it often comes from someone you believed had your best interests at heart. Over time, this pattern can erode your confidence and emotional well-being, leaving you questioning your ability to trust others. The narcissist thrives on this uncertainty, as it keeps you reliant on their approval and guidance. 10. Loves To Play The Hero In public, a vindictive narcissist often plays the role of the hero, eager to be seen as the savior of any situation. They thrive on admiration and praise, positioning themselves as the only one capable of resolving conflicts or helping others. This image is meticulously curated to mask their true nature and gain social approval. By appearing benevolent, they deflect any criticism or suspicion about their more sinister motives. This façade is an essential tool in their manipulation, as it makes it harder for others to believe any negative claims against them. Behind closed doors, however, their actions tell a different story. The hero persona is a smoke screen, designed to distract from their vindictive behavior. They may even create situations or conflicts to swoop in and "save the day," further cementing their role. This duality can be confusing for those involved, as the narcissist's public and private personas are starkly different. The hero act is less about helping others and more about reinforcing their own self-image and control. 11. Feeds Off Drama Drama is the lifeblood of a vindictive narcissist, providing them with the excitement and attention they crave. They may instigate conflicts, create chaos, or pit people against each other to stir the pot. This constant upheaval keeps everyone around them on edge, unable to predict what will happen next. The narcissist thrives in this environment, as it elevates their status as the center of attention. Drama isn't just a byproduct of their behavior; it's a deliberate strategy to keep control and maintain their dominance. In personal relationships, this drama can manifest as frequent arguments or manufactured crises. The narcissist's goal is to keep you emotionally reactive, ensuring you remain focused on them. Even in professional settings, their penchant for drama can create a toxic work environment, as they manipulate colleagues and situations to their advantage. As long as there's chaos, they feel relevant and powerful. The trick is to recognize this pattern and distance yourself from the whirlwind before it consumes you. 12. Manipulates Through Guilt Guilt is a powerful tool for vindictive narcissists, who use it to manipulate and control those around them. By making you feel responsible for their emotions or actions, they can pressure you into compliance. This tactic often involves exaggerating their own suffering or misfortune to elicit your sympathy. Once you feel guilty, they have the leverage needed to influence your decisions and behavior. This manipulation can be subtle, leaving you questioning whether you're genuinely at fault or being played. In relationships, guilt-tripping can take the form of emotional blackmail, where you're made to feel responsible for the narcissist's happiness. They may insist that your actions are the cause of their distress, urging you to "make it right" despite the lack of fault on your part. This dynamic can be exhausting, as you're constantly working to appease their demands and alleviate your guilt. Over time, this manipulation can wear down your self-esteem and sense of autonomy. The key is to recognize these guilt tactics and set boundaries to protect yourself. 13. Controls The Narrative A vindictive narcissist is obsessed with controlling the narrative, ensuring their version of events is the one everyone believes. They carefully craft stories and explanations to paint themselves in the best possible light while discrediting others. This control extends to all aspects of their life, from personal relationships to professional interactions. By dominating the narrative, they maintain power and influence over those around them. It's a calculated move designed to manipulate perceptions and keep their true nature hidden. In practice, this often involves revising history to suit their agenda. They may downplay their own mistakes while magnifying others' errors to shift blame away from themselves. This manipulation can make it difficult for others to see the reality of the situation, as the narcissist's version is often convincing and well-articulated. This control over the narrative serves to isolate their target, as those around them are drawn into their web of deception. The result is a distorted reality, where the narcissist reigns supreme. 14. Dismisses Your Achievements For a vindictive narcissist, your success is a threat to their ego, so they work diligently to undermine your achievements. They may belittle your accomplishments, suggesting they were easy or insignificant. This dismissal isn't just about jealousy; it's a tactic to keep you feeling small and dependent. By minimizing your successes, they maintain their position of superiority, ensuring you don't overshadow them. The impact of this can be profound, leaving you doubting your capabilities and self-worth. In professional settings, this might involve taking credit for your work or sabotaging your efforts to ensure you don't outshine them. In personal relationships, they may downplay your achievements, suggesting they weren't as impressive as they seem. This constant belittlement serves to chip away at your confidence, making you more reliant on their approval. It's a calculated move to maintain control, as your self-doubt keeps you tethered to their narrative. Recognizing this pattern is crucial to breaking free from their oppressive influence. 15. Thrives On Division Creating division is a hallmark of the vindictive narcissist, who thrives on pitting people against each other. They may spread misinformation or fan the flames of existing conflicts to create discord. This divisive behavior serves their purpose by keeping everyone around them distracted and at odds. The resulting chaos allows the narcissist to maintain control, as they position themselves as the calm center in a storm of their own making. It's a deliberate strategy to ensure their dominance and keep others disempowered. In a group setting, this behavior can fracture relationships and create a toxic environment. The narcissist may identify weaknesses in group dynamics, exploiting them to sow seeds of mistrust and jealousy. This division can make it difficult for others to unite against the narcissist, as they're too busy dealing with the fallout of the conflicts. By keeping everyone focused on their own battles, the narcissist ensures their own position remains unchallenged. It's a manipulative tactic that serves to reinforce their authority and control. Solve the daily Crossword
Daily Mail
14-07-2025
- General
- Daily Mail
The common behavioural trait displayed by a narcissist - are YOU guilty of it?
Anyone who has ever spent time in the orbit of a person with narcissistic personality traits knows how hard it can be, but a Reddit post has claimed that such people might come to recognise their toxic behaviour. A US-based Reddit user who goes by the handle @Party_Programmer_453 has revealed the moment he realised he is a narcissist and wants to change. The 26-year-old confessed that his 'wake-up call' came after having an argument with his mother about a drink he spilled on her carpet. He wrote in a post titled, 'HELP, I'm a narcissist': 'So, I've been crashing at my mother's place recently after some stuff went sideways in my life. 'Last night, I was walking through the living room with a drink in my hand, not really paying attention, and I tripped. 'The glass slipped, spilled all over the carpet. The first words out of my mouth were: 'Why would you even put that there?'' The Redditor explained that he was referring to a side table his mother keeps near her sofa, and he had automatically blamed her for something that was 'clearly my fault'. 'And as soon as I heard myself say that, it was like a switch flipped in my head. It hit me how messed up that reaction was,' he reflected. 'Not because I spilled something, but because of how automatic it was to blame someone else.' He then started thinking about situations in which his girlfriend, 28, had pointed out he would 'twist' things in order to 'flip blame' onto anyone other than himself - including on her, which would 'make her feel like she's always doing something wrong'. Admitting she was 'right', he continued: 'I always brushed it off as her being dramatic or sensitive. 'But standing in my mother's living room with iced tea soaking into her carpet, I realised she was right. And it wasn't a one-time thing.' The Redditor, who has been with his girlfriend for three years, divulged that the couple had 'constant little fights', but he would 'always have a reason why it isn't my fault'. Recalling several instances during which he was a self-described 'garbage of a human being', the user wrote: 'Three months ago, she got home from a long shift and the kitchen was a mess. 'She asked why I didn't clean up, and I snapped, 'You didn't ask me to'. Like I needed a chore list instead of just being considerate. 'I said, 'You think I don't have stuff going on too? The difference is that you always complain and I keep things to myself' instead of just listening. 'Another time, she got emotional about something she was going through, and I made it about me. I flipped it, every f***ing time,' he realised. 'I always accuse her of 'overreacting' any time she brought up how I made her feel. Then I'd get mad at her for 'starting fights which I now see was just her trying to communicate.' He admitted that his girlfriend had told him 'more than once' that he had a habit of '[manipulating] the situation so it always looks like [she's] the problem'. The Reddit user added that, previously, he 'honestly thought she was just being unfair', but upon reflection has realised that he was 'deflecting, blaming, stonewalling, all the classic signs of narcissistic behaviour'. 'It wasn't about being a villain, it was just... my default,' he said. Circling back to the drink he spilled on his mother's carpet, the user described it was his 'wake-up call'. 'I spilled something. I blamed someone else. And in my head, it made perfect sense until it didn't.' He also realised that his behaviour didn't just affect his girlfriend and his mother, but that he had also 'done this exact thing over and over' with co-workers and friends. 'I weaponise logic to avoid blame, I gaslit people without even realising it, and I always make myself the misunderstood one.' Upon his epiphany, the author of the post said he was turning to Reddit for ideas and suggestions on where he can start changing his behaviour, and how to seek help to do it. 'Now I don't know exactly what to do with this. I've been reading a bit about narcissistic tendencies and it's honestly terrifying how much of it fits,' he confessed. 'I don't think I'm a monster, but I can't ignore this anymore. I don't want to keep hurting people close to me, or keep lying to myself especially after my mother gave me that look of disgust.' He added: 'I want to change. I just don't know where to begin. Please help.' Dozens of other Reddit users offered advice to the post author, suggesting he begins therapy to discover the root of his behaviour and begin making steps towards real change. Many acknowledged that his self-realisation was the first step towards becoming a better person and encouraged him on his journey. 'Finally seeing all this is very hopeful for the future. Do not allow yourself to avoid/ignore it moving forward,' one person said. Another added: 'I just came here to say that you even acknowledging this about yourself is huge. 'Good for you. More people need to take accountability for their actions and behaviour.' Several people said the first thing the post author should do is apologise to his girlfriend for all the times he made her feel like she had done something wrong even though she had not. 'Go to your girlfriend and tell her you're sorry. That she's been right all along. That you never realised despite all the times she's talked to you about these things, how you've been treating her,' one Redditor said. Another chimed in: 'Assuming you want to keep your girlfriend, I'd start with an apology. 'You can tell her about the iced tea, and how it's made you realise some things you don't like about yourself. 'If she's stuck around this long there's a good chance she will continue to stick by you if she sees you actually trying to better yourself. 'And while it is not her job to fix you, she may be willing to help or at least be a cheerleader.' Some recommended that the post author seek an official diagnosis for narcissism in order to clarify what therapeutic work he will need to do in order to be successful in his quest for change. 'I have a good friend who is a diagnosed narcissist. He's done a lot of work in therapy to keep his impulses from affecting others,' one person wrote. 'There's been a lot of good advice in here, but once you get a handle on your responses and reactions, I think it's important to remember that there's no finish line to being a better person. It's always active and ongoing.' Another added: 'Therapy, therapy, therapy. You don't sound like a full blown narcissist but you are definitely walking the path. 'The biggest thing you are gonna have to face is the why. Narcissist Personality disorder is a maladaptive response to your upbringing. 'Your brain wired itself this way for a reason and unlearning and undoing that is what your goal should be. You will learn tricks and hacks to undo the behaviour in the moment, but you have to unpack what got you to that point as well.' Another suggested that the original user find a therapist who is experienced in narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), as they would have the best expertise to help him. 'It took a long time to grow this way, fortunately it will take less time to unlearn it, but still, often several years,' they continued. 'Totally worth it! You'll notice yourself wanting to pick apart and blame the therapist, too. 'The sessions will be good practice. It's so great that you want to change and grow! You are choosing well for yourself.' According to the British Psychological Society, people with narcissistic tendencies often put their own interests ahead of others and constantly show off, as well as taking credit where it's not deserved. They also tend to agree with self-aggrandising and controlling statements, and feel less concern for others in distress. In the UK, it is estimated around one in 20 people have NPD. However, the number of undiagnosed cases could be much higher.
