Latest news with #nonmonogamy
Yahoo
2 days ago
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
What is ‘compersion' and why are LGBTQ+ folks more likely to experience it? Sex experts explain
When Michelle Visage was asked for the secret to the success of her 28-year marriage, during a guest spot on Cush Jumbo's podcast, she shared a surprising and honest answer: Compersion. She's not alone. A fascinating trend in recent years is the rise in popularity of 'consensual non-monogamy.' According to the 2023 SIA Study, nearly a third (31%) of singles reported having been in a non-monogamous relationship. But what exactly is compersion? And what role does it play in an open and non-monogamous relationship? 'It's commonly referred to as 'the opposite of jealousy,' which is not entirely accurate as both can be felt simultaneously,' Ally Iseman, a queer non-monogamous Certified Relationship Coach and founder of Passport 2 Pleasure, tells PRIDE. 'It is generally used to describe 'experiencing joy or pleasure from one's partner experiencing joy or pleasure with someone else.'' While it does not solely apply to sexual relationships in that context, it 'refers to the vicarious joy and/or the positive attitudes and behaviors one experiences in response to their partner taking pleasure from another relationship,' Dr. Marie Thouin, a leading compersion expert and scholar, and the author of What is Compersion? Understanding Positive Empathy in Consensually Non-Monogamous Relationships tells PRIDE. So if you or a partner is curious about exploring an open relationship — or if you already are, and are looking for a word to describe the feeling of joy you already experience simply by witnessing theirs, here's everything you've wanted to know about compersion. Where did the word 'compersion' originate? While the feeling of compersion is timeless, the word itself does have an origin. 'The term compersion was coined and defined in the 1970s by the Kerista community, a San Francisco-based polyamorous group that has since disbanded,' Dr Thouin explains. 'Although polyamorists were the first to coin this term in the English language, the concept had existed long before,' she continues Buddhists had long considered sympathetic joy (referred to as mudita in Sanskrit) to be one of the four qualities of the enlightened person — the other three being loving kindness (metta), compassion (karuna), and equanimity (upeksha).' What does compersion feel like? illustrissima/Shutterstock Like all emotions, there is no one way to feel it. Individuals experience compersion, well, individually. In doing research for their book, Dr. Thouin discovered there were two main categories for how it was experienced. The first, she explains, is 'embodied compersion,' which she says skews more closely to what people picture when they hear the word, says Dr. Thouin. It's 'the empathic, intoxicating joy we might feel when our partner is experiencing a pleasurable connection with someone else. It's an erotic and/or emotional turn on that is felt in the body,' she says, adding that it is often described as a warm and fuzzy, titillating or bubbly feeling. '[My] clients say it's euphoric. Like a rush,' Cheryl Maida, Director of Matchmaking at tells PRIDE. 'They feel genuinely happy watching their partner experience real pleasure. For a few, it's also a major turn-on. Some even described it as incredible foreplay. It's not about being disconnected, it's about being deeply connected and feeling secure.' The second type is 'attitudinal compersion,' which is more of a feeling of support and 'interpretation of our partner's happiness with another person as a positive event, and the supportive behaviors we show towards our partner's other relationship. It involves holding a supportive outlook towards our partner's other dates,' explains Dr. Thoouin. How does compersion differ from empathy? If you're thinking, 'Well, that just sounds a lot like empathy,' you're not wrong. Compersion and empathy are related, but there is a difference, Dr. Thouin says. 'Compersion is a form of empathy focused on positive events and feelings. In most of the psychological literature, empathy is researched from the lens of caring about — or "feeling into" — someone's painful experiences,' she explains. Whereas, 'compersion, on the other hand, is another way to describe 'positive empathy,' or 'vicarious joy.'' Can compersion be beneficial to your relationship? Compersion, it turns out, can be a powerful tool for deepening your bonds in all your relationships, not just romantic ones, because it increases trust and intimacy. 'Whether one is in a consensually non-monogamous relationship — a designation that includes polyamory, open relationships, swinging, relationship anarchy, and other — or not, compersion conveys to another person that we genuinely support them on their chosen path to wellbeing,' says Dr. Thouin. It's a way to genuinely and selflessly grow bonds of trust, Byrd, a queer sex educator with Sex Ed With Byrd, tells PRIDE. '[Because] it reframes your partner's joy as your joy too, rather than a threat or something to be jealous about. It can create more spaciousness for communication and mutual support.' Plus, it opens you up to unique ways to create meaningful memories and experiences, Sofie Roos, a bisexual licensed sexologist, relationship therapist, and author at relationship magazine Passionerad, tells PRIDE. 'It not only gets you beautiful moments of shared joy where both of you truly feel great for one of your experiences or achievements, but if your partner gets happy for your sake, it also builds trust and an openness,' she says, and that can only benefit your connection. 'If you feel that your partner wants the best, not only when you are with them, that will make your relationship so much stronger, but also more free, which will increase the chances of you having the best time together.' Do LGBTQ+ people feel compersion more than their straight counterparts? The answer is, seemingly, yes: queer folks are more likely to experience compersion. 'While anyone can experience it, my research showed that a LGBTQ+ identity did positively correlate with compersion,' Dr. Thouin shares. She posits that having already come out as LGBTQ+ made it easier for them to come out as non-monogamous, and they 'typically belonged to more sex-positive and inclusive communities that made compersion more likely to arise.' Byrd also cites that queer communities being more open and less rigid culturally can also lead to a greater frequency of experiencing compersion. 'There's often a cultural openness among LGBTQIA2S+ folks toward exploring love and connection outside rigid norms or societal scripts,' they explain. 'Many of us have had to question societal rules or make up our own, which might make us more willing to embrace compersion. But anyone, regardless of orientation, can feel it!' If compression doesn't come naturally, is it something that can be learned? For some, feelings of compersion arise naturally, while for others, not so much. The question is, though, can you learn to feel it? Is it something that can be fostered and grown? Byrd says, 'Absolutely,' and describes it like building a new muscle. 'Therapy, self-reflection, communication, and mindful reframing help cultivate those feelings over time.' They add the key is to learn how to reframe and redirect feelings of jealousy by refocusing on the joy your partner is feeling. Iseman agrees. 'Compersion itself is an emotional experience. Cultivating the ability to access and feel it more readily is a relationship skill that can be practiced, just like building up the ability to hold the discomfort of jealousy in order to learn from it rather than avoiding it,' she explains. 'If someone is curious to experience it, it can be developed through practice and exposure, but it is by no means required for a successful open relationship.' If it doesn't come naturally, Roos says to be patient with yourself and take your time. 'For many, compersion is an attitude and something you can learn to achieve, but it takes time, especially in a sexual context if you're used to viewing romantic and sexual relationships as monogamous,' she shares. 'It can take time to master also when it comes to other types of situations than just sexual and romantic ones, because so many are used to feeling happiness related to their own success, because we don't really learn to feel happy for others in today's world.' Does the LGBTQ+ community have a unique relationship to compersion? Shawn Goldberg/Shutterstock While all the experts agree that anyone, regardless of sexual identity or gender, can experience compersion, LGBTQ+ people do have a unique relationship to the feeling. That's because our lived experiences are frequently less traditional and more integrated into our chosen communities. 'We challenge the traditional binary and norms,' Anthony Canapi, MA, Gay Matchmaker & LGBTQ+ Dating Expert tells PRIDE. 'Queer folks often grow up without seeing themselves in dominant love stories. So, we write our own, and guess what others do, and it can connect with our own, and for some, compersion follows suit, regardless of whether it is platonic or romantic.' Canapi continues, 'Due to our marginalizations and intersectionality, we hold as LGBTQ2IA people, we see things through a different cultural lens, with care and emotional freedom.' 'Many LGBTQ+ folks build chosen families and community bonds where joy is collective,' adds Byrd. 'There's often a spirit of rooting for each other's happiness, especially in contexts where our relationships have faced external stigma. That solidarity can overlap beautifully with compersion.' Expert cited: Ally Iseman, a queer non-monogamous Certified Relationship Coach and founder of Passport 2 Pleasure Dr. Marie Thouin, a leading compersion expert and scholar, creator of and the author of What is Compersion? Understanding Positive Empathy in Consensually Non-Monogamous Relationships Byrd, a queer sex educator with Sex Ed With Byrd Sofie Roos, a bisexual licensed sexologist, relationship therapist, and author at relationship magazine Passionerad Anthony Canapi, MA, Gay Matchmaker & LGBTQ+ Dating Expert This article originally appeared on Pride: What is 'compersion' and why are LGBTQ+ folks more likely to experience it? Sex experts explain Solve the daily Crossword
New York Times
12-07-2025
- General
- New York Times
The Guy I'm Dating Wants Us to Be Exclusive. Do I Have to Agree?
I'm a 20-year-old male college student who met someone new this spring. We clicked instantly and have been dating a few months. He visited me at college, and we're both living in New York this summer. We enjoy lovely dinners and each other's company with almost no issues, except one major sore spot. I recently let him know I'm not interested in monogamy right now. Having been in a long-distance monogamous relationship before, the pressure and trust issues made me skeptical of that norm. I explained that because of my past, I struggle to feel deeply sexually attracted to someone I actually care about. We have OK sex, but it lacks the fire of casual hookups. I also explained that my interest in nonmonogamy was less about actively seeking others and more about lessening the pressure around potential lapses during travel or because of distance. He seemed to take it all right, but I later discovered that within two weeks, he slept with three people without telling me — supposedly to avoid getting cuckolded or looking foolish. I haven't seen anyone else in the meantime, so now I guess I look foolish. When I confronted him about acting out of anger rather than communicating, he immediately blamed my original sin of wanting nonmonogamy, which he says is for 'hippies and sex addicts.' I told him how I've seen relationships, including my parents', destroyed by infidelity and deception. I asked whether he would prefer a relationship filled with lies or one built on honesty — to which he said he would rather not be with me at all, which definitely hurt. To ease tensions, I agreed to four months of exclusivity to see where we stand. I emphasized my reluctance to rush things, especially because I haven't felt deep love or trust yet and can see that he is much more into me than I am into him. Continuing, even not in my preferred way, seemed better than cutting off someone I care about. But I'm still curious about nonmonogamy, especially while I'm young and good-looking and trying to understand which relationship styles work for me. Should I suppress my bohemian urges and go along with his desire for exclusivity or attempt another structured conversation about it? Am I too young for this to matter or is this actually the best time to test boundaries? Any thoughts on examining this situation and mending resentments before they spiral? — Name Withheld Want all of The Times? Subscribe.
Yahoo
10-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
No punchline, just poly, why this series lets non-monogamy be the heart, not the joke
The HBO Max series Six Is Not a Crowd kicks off with a classic rom-com setup: a wedding, a meet-cute, a spark. Dami (Nicolás Furtado), a lifelong monogamist, meets Caro (Delfina Chaves). They go on a date, and when things seem to be heading down the usual boy-meets-girl path, Caro casually introduces her other boyfriend and girlfriend. Cue the dramatic lightning strike. No, really. "We are polyamorous," she says, just as a bolt splits the sky. It's a moment the show's creators call a deliberate nod to the shock factor, but not for shock's sake. Instead, Six Is Not a Crowd (originally Felices los 6) uses its surprises to spark conversation. Created by Argentine writers Tessie Sills and Javier Rozenwasser, the series leans into familiar rom-com tropes—think Friends or early Apatow—but evolves them into something rarely seen on screen: a romantic comedy where polyamory isn't a punchline, but the emotional center. I've seen shows toy with non-monogamy before, but usually with a wink and a jab. Take Netflix's The Four Seasons, released last month. In one scene, the married characters of Jack (Will Forte) and Kate (Tina Fey) stroll through their old college town, reminiscing, when Kate asks whether the next generation is "just going to give up on marriage?" Jack's response? "People like to say they're poly or not into labels, but even in a throuple someone's gotta clean the air fryer." In the season finale, Kate turns to Jack and declares, "You're my soulmate"—a tidy return to monogamous tradition. All is right with the world again. It's a common pattern: polyamory is entertained, briefly, before the narrative restores the status quo. That's why Six Is Not a Crowd is so refreshing. It doesn't just flirt with ethical non-monogamy; it lives there. And for the first time, I saw myself as a bi person in queer relationships reflected on screen with care, complexity, and warmth. According to the creators, that was intentional. "Unfortunately, we're still at a point where we need idealized versions in order to push back against the decades of stigmatizing portrayals of non-monogamous and queer relationships in mainstream media," Sills explains to me from her home in Buenos Aires. As a bi, ethically non-monogamous woman herself, Sills co-wrote Six Is Not a Crowd with her then-partner Rozenwasser. "At that time, we were a non-monogamous couple questioning the traditional relationship escalator. We needed a story that reflected a different way to love, and we set out to write it." Rozenwasser grew up watching romantic comedies. "They filled me with hope about 'finding true love.' But I gradually started to ask myself if the concept of finding 'the one and only' was, in fact, the only way to find love." That question planted the seed for Six is Not a Crowd. By drawing on research into ethical non-monogamy and bringing Sofía Wilhelmi onto the writing team, the creators built a world where love triangles aren't a source of conflict–they're the destination. By turning the classic rom-com formula on its head, the series unlocks something honest. At the end of episode 4, Dami finds himself caught between his partner Caro and his monogamous ex Romina, in the exact kind of scene we'd expect in a more traditional love story—except, in this scenario, the tension comes from clashing expectations. Caro drops by while Romina's over. "Are you with someone right now?" Caro asks, then cheerfully adds, "You should've kicked me out." Caro knows Dami's dating other people. There's no problem there. The issue is Dami—flailing in old patterns—dishonestly introduces Caro to Romina as just "a friend." "We were raised in Dami's world–as were most of the potential viewers of the series," Rozenwasser points out. "And even if we could say the 'world is changing' and that 'everyone is more open nowadays,' we knew that it isn't completely true and that there would be an interesting and funny story in the clash of those worlds." This cultural friction is precisely where the show's emotional core lies. The drama hinges on Dami's struggle to communicate across relational paradigms within a society that is still largely structured around heteronormative monogamy. We see this theme play out in other moments. After a threesome with his partner Caro and her girlfriend, a traditional sitcom might cut to Dami bragging in a locker room, surrounded by bro-ish jokes and high-fives. But Six Is Not a Crowd goes in the opposite direction. On an indoor soccer field, Dami tries to explain to his friends what that night meant to him. He's earnest, even reverent: "There was a lot of foreplay. I was there, but I wasn't there." As the music swells, he recalls with a smile, "I didn't know I had so many sensitive parts of my body." His monogamous friends, predictably, don't get it. "Did you fuck?" a friend asks. "Technically…no," Dami admits. "But it was better." The scene mines the tension between emotional vulnerability and performative masculinity for laughs. It's not mocking Dami for feeling something; it's asking why we're still so bad at talking about sex. Yet Six Is Not a Crowd isn't here to teach us how to negotiate triad dynamics or draft a relationship agreement. It's not a polyamory how-to guide. Instead, it offers something far more generous: a space to laugh, cry, and reflect on what we actually want from intimate relationships. Through a refreshingly diverse cast of poly characters—some queer, some straight—the show widens the lens on how we connect, how we fail, and how we keep showing up for one another anyway. It allows love to multiply, sidestepping the familiar playbook that resolves love into a single tidy equation between two people. As Rozenwasser explains, the show is asking, "What if the love of your life had other loves of their lives?" As for what comes next? Neither creator would spill details, but hinted that there may be more to explore. "Once you've written characters that defy traditional relationship norms, it's pretty hard to go back to thinking of monogamy-exclusive movies or series," Rozenwasser concedes. In the meantime, their hopes for the series are clear. "I hope people walk away with a little more compassion, curiosity, and willingness to talk," Rozenwasser notes. "And I hope viewers see that love and commitment don't have to look just one way," Sills adds. "I wish I'd seen more stories where having feelings outside of a relationship didn't mean you were broken, untrustworthy, or destined to silence part of yourself just to fit into society. I wish I'd understood earlier that desire doesn't have to follow just one path. For the future, I'd love to see more joyful, contradictory characters who live outside the box and are still taken seriously." If Six is Not a Crowd is any indication, that future isn't far off. Perspectives is dedicated to featuring a wide range of inspiring personal stories and impactful opinions from the LGBTQ+ and Allied community. Visit to learn more about submission guidelines. We welcome your thoughts and feedback on any of our stories. Email us at voices@ Views expressed in Perspectives stories are those of the guest writers, columnists and editors, and do not directly represent the views of or our parent company, equalpride. This article originally appeared on Pride: No punchline, just poly, why this series lets non-monogamy be the heart, not the joke
Yahoo
08-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Here's How To Tell If A Throuple Might Be Right For You
"Hearst Magazines and Yahoo may earn commission or revenue on some items through these links." The beautiful thing about non-monogamy is that it can take on many, varied forms: An ethical non-monogamous dynamic can look like one polyamorous person having multiple romantic and sexual partners, or several individuals all in a non-hierarchical relationship together. One term you might've heard is 'throuple,' or triad, which describes a relationship structure between three people. Not to be mistaken for an open relationship (where people in a relationship have sex with people who are not their partner) or a threesome (sex between three people), a throuple is a balanced, consensual, and committed relationship. And while the term might be new to you, there's nothing new or unusual about the concept, says Ann Rosen Spector, PhD, a clinical psychologist in Philadelphia. "It's totally possible to be in love with more than one person at one time," she says. So, what is a throuple, exactly—and what should you know if you're interested in being in one? Read on for the full lowdown, according to therapists and social workers who work with polyamorous folks. A throuple, or triad, is a balanced, consensual, and committed relationship between three people. "What it means is that each person is in a relationship with another—it's a three-way relationship," says Carolanne Marcantonio, LCSW, an AASECT-certified sex therapist with Wise Therapy in New York. Like a couple, or a relationship between two people, the members of a throuple might have a "closed" relationship, or an "open" one. In some cases, "one person could be open to dating others, but another person in the triad isn't," Marcantonio adds. "It really just depends." Different people in different dynamics might have their own definition and rules for the three-way relationship, so if you meet someone in a triad (or you're about to join one!), it's always a good idea to clarify what being in a throuple means to them. Anything that isn't a monogamous, exclusive, two-person relationship falls under the non-monogamy umbrella, says Anna Dow, LMFT, a therapist with Vast Love. And there are infinite types of polyamorous relationships, adds Marcantonio: "The sky's the limit." Here are a few more polyamory-related words to know: Quad: Four people who are in a committed relationship with each other Polycule: A network of individuals who are all in relationships with each other Kitchen table polyamory: A network of individuals who are in relationships with each other; if someone new is brought into this dynamic, they must generally get along with the rest of the group (think: feel comfortable sitting together at a large kitchen table) Parallel polyamory: When a polyamorous person has multiple partners who don't really interact with each other (essentially, the opposite of kitchen table polyamory) Polyfidelity: When a throuple, quad, or larger polycule are "closed" and do not see people outside of their group In some cases, a couple might meet a third person, become interested in them, and decide to bring that person into their relationship, says Spector. In other instances, someone might know they'd like to join an existing couple, and seek out this kind of relationship dynamic. "If someone is oriented towards knowing that they can love more than one person responsibly, and if they feel like they can enter a relationship with an existing couple—and there's chemistry, and connection between both and everyone agrees that they'd all like to be dating together—wonderful," says Marcantonio. Aside from the joy of getting to date two people you like (or love), being in a throuple can help you get all your needs met, adds Spector. Think about it like this: When you have a third person involved, chances are, you'll expose yourself and your original partner to qualities that both of you may want but can't offer each other. If you feel like you're fully ready and wanting to add a third, Spector suggests letting your current partner know by gauging their interest. You can say something like: "I'd like to invite someone else into our relationship. How would you feel about having X join us and becoming a throuple?' Just like in any kind of relationship, being in a healthy throuple requires consistent communication and trust. "It's the same as a monogamous relationship—the only difference is, it'll be happening with two other folks," says Marcantonio. However, there are some specific things you'll want to watch out for, per relationship therapists: Different triads have different preferences, needs, and boundaries. Some examples of questions you'll want to discuss, according to Marcantonio: "If everyone is open to all having other partners outside the triad, what does cheating look like? Do we all tell each other and have complete transparency when we're talking to someone on the app, when we're planning something, when we've had sex?" Aside from discussions about sex and dating outside of the throuple, you'll want to talk about your own dynamic as a trio, too, adds Spector. Would you prefer to only have sex as a throuple, for example, or is it okay for two people to have sex without the third? 'It really depends on the triad and how they would like to set up the rules,' says Jennifer Schneider, LICSW, LCSW, a psychotherapist specializing in LGBTQIA+ clients and those who identify as polyamorous or ethically non-monogamous. 'It may be that a throuple sits down with each other and actually spends a few hours hammering out what might be relationship agreements.' People's needs can fluctuate over time. So, continued communication is important, says Marcantonio. Spector recommends setting regular check-in times with your partners—and also checking in on your own needs, too. One of the biggest issues a throuple might face is triangulation, says Marcantonio. "Triangulation in a relationship is when there's one person who avoids directly interacting, usually with the person they have a conflict with," she explains. "So instead, they use the third person to confide in, to talk to." This can inadvertently put one person in the middle, Marcantonio adds. It can happen in friend groups, family dynamics, and—of course—romantic relationships that involve more than two people. So, if you have an issue or frustration with one of your partners, make sure you're talking to them directly. It's a common misconception that polyamorous folks don't deal with jealousy. But, in fact, they can and do, says Schneider. It's a natural human emotion. "It does take a lot of self-awareness and reflection to be in a poly relationship, because you will have feelings that come up that you need to sit with," Marcantonio adds. If you find yourself feeling twinges of envy, Marcantonio recommends "staying curious" and digging into the root of the issue. Is this something you can navigate on your own? Is this something you'd like to discuss with your partners? Did something trigger this emotion? These can be tough questions to work through, so if you're struggling, you might want to check out a resource like The Jealousy Workbook by Kathy Labriola, which is chock-full of tools and exercises for people in polyamorous 'ships. When some people hear "throuple," they might hear "threesome." But this dynamic signifies an emotional, intimate relationship between three people. They go on dates together, have deep conversations together, and confide in one another. "It's not all about sex," says Marcantonio. "It's people who really uniquely enjoy having deep, intimate connections that go beyond sex." Throuples can be made up of people of any gender identity and any sexual orientation who choose to be together, Spector says. 'Pop culture depicts them as primarily female-female-male threesomes in an imbalanced way that often fetishizes the relationship structure,' adds Dow. 'In reality, however, throuples are just typical relationships comprised of people of any genders. And like all relationships, each one has its own set of benefits and challenges.' News flash: throuples, quads, and other forms of polyamory are nothing new. Marcantonio recommends checking out the book Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan for further reading on the history of non-monogamous relationships. "We were much more communal many, many decades ago," she adds. Ultimately, being in a throuple might not be for everyone—as humans, we all have different needs and preferred relationship structures. "Some people are more wired for monogamy, and that's what they like and want. Others are able to do poly; they might be more wired for that, and that works great," Marcantonio says. "There's no one 'natural' way to have a relationship." Meet the experts: Ann Rosen Spector, PhD, is a clinical psychologist in Philadelphia. Anna Dow, LMFT, is a therapist who specializes in non-monogamy at Vast Love. Carolanne Marcantonio, LCSW, is an AASECT-certified sex therapist with Wise Therapy in New York. Jennifer Schneider, LICSW, LCSW, is a psychotherapist specializing in LGBTQIA+ clients and those who identify as polyamorous or ethically non-monogamous. You Might Also Like Jennifer Garner Swears By This Retinol Eye Cream These New Kicks Will Help You Smash Your Cross-Training Goals
Daily Mail
01-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
EXCLUSIVE Man who vomited before partner romped with another lover on TV reveals what REALLY drove him to throw up in humiliating moment cut from Channel 4 show
The man who vomited before his partner romped with another lover on TV has revealed what really drove him to throw up - and it never even made it to air. Channel 4 's show, Open House: The Great Sex Experiment, sees couples try and open up their relationship with varying degrees of success. Couple Tom and Lauren, from Devon, are one of several pairs on the programme and recently made headlines. Scenes in a previous episode appeared to show Tom being sick after chatting to non-monogamy expert Effy Blue, who told the pair that they had to have sexual experiences with other people without each other. However, the couple have revealed the reality behind the situation to MailOnline. According to Tom and Lauren, the real reason for the strong reaction wasn't what viewers may think. Lauren said: 'So Tom throwing up, they actually cut the scene. So that was actually because he had to be a life drawing model.' During the episode, the couple are introduced to Gage and Olivia, who they build connections with. 'But, it was still nerve-wracking to meet Olivia and Gage,' Lauren added. Tom agreed: 'It was really nervous in that sense. But yeah, it was mainly because I got so overwhelmed and it just took the toll on me, basically.' In scenes previously obtained by MailOnline, Effy told viewers: 'Today is about challenging Tom to be independent. 'I'm curious to see how that will affect the dynamics they have between them. Lauren needs to be a partner to Tom, not a caretaker.' When they returned to their room, Lauren told Tom: 'Don't be nervous. You absolutely got this.' Lauren told the camera: 'It was my idea. It was my idea from the start. Yes it's throwing me and Tom in the deep end... 'But to be able to have him to have the confidence that we can go off, have our fun, come back to each other at the end of the night and it's absolutely insane.' The voiceover said: 'But the thought of flying solo entirely naked isn't sitting well with Tom.' Tom can then be heard being sick in the toilet and Lauren ran to him with some water. Reflecting on the first episode they appeared in, Lauren described how it was 'cut a little differently to how we initially thought'. She added: 'They made me out to be kind of like a experienced sex pest that basically irrelevant of Tom's health condition, wanted to swing and if we didn't, we'd break up.' Tom was diagnosed with Bicuspid aortic valve, a heart condition that means the main valve does not work properly. Lauren received some backlash online but admitted she expected some 'trolling'. She said: 'So as you can imagine, the internet kind of went a bit crazy, but the second episode was so so much better and to be honest, I kind of knew that we'd get a bit of trolling anyway. 'It was more just the shock of watching how they cut it, which you never know how they're going to until, it obviously shows. It was just a little bit of a shock, it made up for it with the second one doing really good.' The couple praised the show for bringing them closer together and boosting their confidence. 'We're both more confident in going out to parties we're more closer as a couple,' Tom said. While Lauren reflected on how their communication had improved thanks to their time with the show's therapist, Effy. She said: 'We spent a lot longer with Effy than the TV show actually showed. 'So we spent hours with her while we had our stay and it was really helpful. 'Communicating the little things and just how important that is, whether that's to do with the sex, the swinging, or even just to do stuff at home, it doesn't matter, and it's just definitely made us closer.' Tom personally wanted to gain confidence in his appearance and the show has given him the boost he needed after struggling with his health diagnosis. He said: 'When I was skinny before I got my health scare with the heart condition, I basically gained a lot of weight, being like 14 stone in muscle, then going straight up to like 19 and a half stone, because I couldn't do anything about it. 'I couldn't exercise, I couldn't do what I wanted to do. So basically, I just went to eating, getting really depressed, and I just got myself into a hole. 'And going on that TV programme has helped me massively, and it's also helped out a lot of other people as well, because I've been getting lots of good feedback from other people. So actually for me, it's helped me massively.'
