Latest news with #obsession
The Sun
20 hours ago
- General
- The Sun
The sneaky online habit that may have a darker meaning – & it could spell trouble for your romantic relationships
IF you have a one-sided crush that is so intense it's basically moved into your head and started redecorating, you might be experiencing a powerful (and exhausting) romantic state known as limerence. It's not just butterflies - it's obsession-level longing, and social media is currently buzzing with explanations about this all-consuming love sickness that many are secretly battling. 6 We're spending more and more time online, peeking into the lives of people we've never met - friends, influencers, strangers - and falling a little bit in love from a distance. It's admiration turned obsession, and it's fuelling an emotional epidemic. What is limerence? Limerence is a state of intense, obsessive infatuation with another person, characterised by intrusive thoughts, a desire for reciprocation, and a tendency to idealise the object of affection. It can infiltrate every part of a person's life, too. Many who experience it find it hard to focus on anything else other than their 'limerent object,' - and their work, social life, and other relationships suffer as a result. Anna Runkle, relationship specialist and author of self help books Connectability and Re-Regulated, explains that being 'stuck' in limerence 'becomes a way of life that leaves people isolated and lonely - and makes it nearly impossible to build a real, healthy relationship". The obsession is not based in reality; it is 'the projection of an ideal,' says psychologist Dr. Jordan Peterson: 'Relationships are built on negotiated reality - not fantasy. True love is when you stop idealising and start serving - when you move from projection to participation.' What causes limerence? Runkle emphasises that limerence is not a sign of being broken or irrational - it's an emotional injury, often rooted in past trauma. And like many trauma wounds, it can be healed. 'If people didn't pay attention to who you are, and what's unique about you, we develop a capacity for imagination and we can see love where there is no love,' she explains. This behaviour - though obsessive - is not the same as stalking. Most people with limerence never act out their fantasies or harass the other person in any way. Instead, the fixation tends to be inward, private, and emotionally exhausting. How to tell if you have limerence? If you're not sure if you're in it right now, there's one sneaky habit that could be a key indicator, Runkle says: 'You're searching the other person's social media, believing that you see coded signs in what they're posting—that it was really like a little wink at you or a reference to something that you like." But what is it like to be a limerent person? These real-life stories show what happens when limerence takes over... 6 Emma: "On paper, I have it together, but my love life feels like a loop I can't escape" "From the outside, I look like I have it together; two degrees, an interesting career, I'm stylish, articulate, and I like to think I'm attractive," she says. "But my romantic life almost always feels like chaos. "Looking back, the pattern is clear. I am never really 'single'. I go from one intense 'relationship' to limerence to a new 'relationship'. Rinse and repeat. Each of these relationships only lasts around four to six months." Emma continues: "I swear it always feels mutual at first. We will spend all weekend together and will text nonstop. It's passionate and silly and incredibly intense. I know I can be manic. I wrap people up in that energy. "But I always go for people that I know are emotionally - or physically - unavailable and once the real relationship ends, the obsession lingers. "I find myself replaying conversations in my head; moments of tenderness, things their friends said to me. "In the most recent case, I was invited to his friend's birthday party at a bar just a month or two into seeing each other. "Two of his friends separately told me, 'He's never like this with anyone,' and, 'He's crazy about you.' They were probably just drunk pleasantries, but I clung to it like gospel." Emma adds: "I look for signs everywhere. If I glance at my phone at the exact second he texts, I think the stars are aligning (never mind the fact that I had been checking obsessively every few minutes). "Then I start playing one-sided games. If I text him and have already sent two messages, it's his turn; I can't send a paragraph if he only sends a sentence - the thread has to look 'fair' if someone were to scroll through it. "It's like I'm trying to choreograph proof that I'm wanted, not chasing. 6 "I met the guy I'm currently hooked on while I was working abroad for a few months. That definitely added to the romance and spontaneity of it. And whilst I know, deep down, that it's impractical to be together, I can't stop day-dreaming about the 'what-ifs'. "At the moment, I'm trying to go no contact. I've blocked him, deleted every photo, and scrubbed my phone clean of reminders. "I make sure that I surround myself with friends and family that will hold me accountable and I'm trying therapy. Honestly, the cliché healthy habits like working out and journaling have helped too. "I guess my goal now is to be 'crushless'… It takes up so much brain space." Kenny: "I love my wife, but I'm obsessed with a barmaid at my local pub" Kenny explains: "For me, it started innocently. I'm a married man in my 40s, and I've known the barmaid at my local pub for years. We'd always had friendly banter, nothing more. But then something shifted. "Suddenly, every glance, every smile, every throwaway joke seemed charged, like it carried some hidden message just for me. I felt like a teenager again - giddy, restless, electric. 6 "Let me be clear: this wasn't love. Not even close. She's not someone I'd ever want to date. Honestly, she's a total train wreck. If she ever turned to me and said, 'Let's go out back and make out,' I'd run screaming in the opposite direction. "Still, when she started texting me about other guys, venting about her latest hook-ups and asking for advice, something snapped in me. I couldn't take it anymore. "In a strange haze of jealousy and confusion, I texted her to tell her that I had feelings, and I couldn't keep hearing about her guy troubles anymore. The message was clumsy and passive-aggressive. I know I didn't really want to pursue anything with her. I just wanted the aching to stop. "It backfired. She saw it as a betrayal of trust, and we haven't spoken since," he adds. 6 "Desperate to undo the damage the text had made, I turned to a chatbot for advice," Kenny admits. "I remember driving to pick my wife up from the hospital after she'd had surgery, and arguing with the 'bot about it. That's when it told me: 'This could be limerence.' "I had never heard the word before, but once I started reading about it, everything clicked. Suddenly, I wasn't just 'crazy' or 'creepy'; I was experiencing something that had a name. And soon, I found a whole community that understood exactly what I was going through. "That was the lightbulb moment. "I had never heard of it, but soon found an online community of other people talking about their own, similar feelings. How to stop the cycle Likening limerence to a drug addiction, Anna Runkle shares the following tips to help you stop obsessing: No contact: And no contact means no contact. Stop texting, calling, or "accidentally" bumping into them. Block them: Unfollow or block on social media. No more "stalking" their feed. Stop searching for 'coded messages': Those "coded messages" you're seeing? They're just your imagination - remind yourself that these are your 'romantic projections' that are not based in reality. Put down the tarot cards: engaging with psychics is prolonging your obsession - watch out for emotional spending on services that feed the fantasy. Seek support: Runkle also points to 12-step programs for relationship addiction, which are free and widely available. Heal yourself: Often, limerence comes from old emotional wounds, like childhood trauma. A good therapist can help you figure out what's really driving your obsession. "These online forums helped me understand why I may be so prone to obsessing over people I don't even really like, and soon I found I am pretty much a textbook case. "I have OCD, and I'd say that my mother was nutty enough to have caused some 'maladaptive coping mechanisms' that everyone seems to be talking about. And now that I understand limerence, I can see that this isn't the first time it's happened," he continues. "In the past I'd find myself thinking 'why are all the people I'm into, not into me?' Now I realise that I was limerent, and my obsessive tendencies were burning so bright that all of the normal relationships in my life seemed so dull and faded by comparison. 6 "My wife even still tells a funny story from before we officially started dating: we were at the bar and I introduced my future wife to this woman I was obsessed with as 'my sister.' I don't know why, she wasn't anyone I would ever want to 'be' with, but I was obsessed with wanting her to 'see' me in that way. "Later in the night I was kissing my (now) wife and she said 'what must that chick think, seeing you kiss your 'sister' like that?!' "Looking back, I don't know that my limerence for that woman ever 'ended'. My future wife and I moved away from the area, so that situation resolved itself. "I want to clarify - my relationship with my wife is wonderful. I suppose over time, as all couples do, we've fallen into a rhythm that is at times more functional than romantic," Kenny says. "I guess that made me more vulnerable to catching limerent feelings for the waitress at the bar. I haven't told my wife about it, but the barmaid is acting weird around her now, so I'm afraid she's going to say something. "As for my current situation, I haven't told my wife about it, but the barmaid is acting weird around her now, so I'm afraid she's going to say something. "The shame has been the hardest part. I've barely told anyone about how I feel and haven't talked to anyone in-person the way I can on the forum. "Coming out and saying 'I have an obsessive fixation on someone' still seems a bit much for people to process," he adds. "Before I understood limerence, it just felt like something creepy or immature. "It will be so nice when this becomes more widely known and the stigma drops."
Yahoo
23-07-2025
- Yahoo
A 'relentless obsession': Family of man accused of domestic murder tried to keep woman safe
A Calgary man accused of gunning down his ex-girlfriend had a "relentless obsession" with her, according to his family members. Devon Malik made his first appearance on a charge of first-degree murder Wednesday, four days after he is accused of fatally shooting Madisson Cobb, 23, in a parking garage along Macleod Trail, near her workplace. On Wednesday, four members of Malik's family — two aunts and two cousins — attended his first court appearance to support Cobb and to shed light on what happened in the weeks leading up to her death. "One hundred per cent we are here to support Madisson. We're here to provide justice for Madisson. We loved her," said one of Malik's aunts. "She was so kind and all she wanted was for Devon to get help and maybe he thought that was hope." Court documents show Malik's aunts and uncles had tried, for months, to protect Cobb and to work with Malik in getting him to leave her alone. The aunts say Malik has a complicated relationship with his mother and that his father isn't in the picture. At the time of the killing, Malik was bound by three judicial orders to stay away from Cobb after she reported to both police and the courts that her ex was harassing her "non-stop." One of the aunts spoke in the lobby of the courthouse after Malik's brief appearance. Out of safety and employment concerns, CBC News will call her Melanie. Melanie says she became close with Cobb over the last seven months after the younger woman asked her for help following her breakup with Malik. At first, court records show Malik was incessantly calling, texting and leaving voice mails for Cobb, swinging between declarations of love and insults and veiled threats. 'I'm worried he might hurt you' In early February, according to Cobb's affidavit, Malik pretended to be in the hospital in an effort to get her to visit him. Then in March, he did end up in hospital, after stabbing himself in the stomach. The court documents show, at that point, Malik's aunts urged Cobb to get a restraining order. "Devon is being discharged as I type this text," wrote one of the aunts. "He's just going home. Refused psych. I'm worried he might hurt you or your mom because he's super angry." On May 30, four months after they broke up, Malik was served with the restraining order. Melanie says that happened in her living room. "It's done. You go your separate ways," Melanie says she told her nephew. But on June 1, Malik was charged criminally with harassment and stalking. His release conditions included a judge's order to have no contact with Cobb and to stay away from her. 'All she wanted was to move on' In a handwritten affidavit filed at the Calgary Courts Centre, Cobb detailed "non-stop" contact from Malik. She told a judge she lived "in fear every day from him." The restraining order was supposed to be in place until June 2026. "This needs to be a call to system needs to change. Domestic violence isn't taken as seriously as it should," said Melanie. "This was a 23-year-old thriving young lady, all she wanted was to move on with her life." 'Infectious passion for life' Cobb, who lived in Okotoks, worked for Lasik MD after graduating from SAIT with a diploma to work as an ophthalmic assistant. Her obituary described her as having "an infectious passion for life." A favourite pastime was cheering on her dad and brother — a hockey player and a hockey coach — at the rink. "These moments became cherished memories she held close," reads Cobb's obituary. On Wednesday, the Okotoks Oilers Jr. A Hockey Club and its Minor Hockey Association issued a joint statement. "It is with profound sadness that [we] mourn the tragic loss of Madisson Cobb," reads the statement. "We extend our deepest condolences to her family — Brad, Jackie and Hunter — as they navigate this unimaginable loss … today, we stand with [Brad] and his family, not just as hockey organizations but as a united community, grieving alongside and offering our unwavering support to a family facing an unthinkable tragedy."
Daily Mail
15-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Couple who split over man's clown collection sparks viral Reddit debate
A man who split from his girlfriend of two years because she said she had enough of his 'disturbing' obsession with clowns has sparked a heated debate online. Opened up about the breakup under the Reddit forum entitled 'Am I the A**hole?', the man asked if he was in the wrong for telling his now-ex to 'suck it up' after she complained about his love of clowns. In the now-viral post, he also said he'd been open about his strange fascination with circus jesters from the start and that his house was completely covered in tiny clown figurines: they're 'on walls, hung from the ceiling on little swings, and on shelves'. 'I adore these weird little creatures,' he wrote. The man explained that his girlfriend never seemed to have a problem with them, but she became unhappy after he purchased two new clown masks from a thrift store. He added: 'She said they're creepy and give her "bad vibes," whatever that means. I told her that I would take down the masks when she's staying the night, but I'm not getting rid of them. She told me that was fine.' But a few days later, the man said his girlfriend told him they 'needed to talk'. She then said she was 'sick of seeing his weird decorations and clown toys everywhere' because they 'creep her out' and that the masks were 'her last straw'. 'I asked her where this was all coming from because she has NEVER MENTIONED MY CLOWNS BEFORE and she said me "bringing those ugly f**king masks into our home was her last straw" and "my obsession with clowns was charming before, but now it's just disturbing,"' he shared. In response, the man said he pointed out that it wasn't a home they shared together, but rather, his own apartment, so he could decorate it as he pleased. He also branded her as 'controlling', which lead to her giving him an ultimatum. He explained: 'She told me, "Either get rid of some of them or we're done". I told her to just "suck it up" while she's here. And if she can't then I'll come to HER place every week. 'She didn't like that answer and called me a child before leaving. I texted her to apologize for telling her to suck it up about the clowns. But she hasn't responded to me. So, am I the a**hole for telling her to "suck it up" about my clown figurines?' In an update, the man explained that his girlfriend called to apologize days later, but he hadn't accepted it. He said: 'Turns out she wanted to "see if I'd get rid of my collection if it meant keeping her". Like it was some relationship test. She asked if we could move on from this and I told her no. I don't like that she tried to test my love by asking me to get rid of my collection. 'We're officially broken up now. On the bright side, I can fill my house with more clown dolls. I even found a music box one online that I might get.' Reddit users were fiercely divided in the comment section, with some taking his side and slamming his girlfriend and others admitting that they understood where she was coming from because they too would be creeped out by his infatuation with clowns. Debate: The man's story left people on Reddit divided, with some insisting he did the right thing to end the relationship However, someone else said: 'Nah, an obsession that runs that deep about clowns is just creepy. Like dig up the floorboards creepy and hide little dead children in there creepy.' 'I'm not going to lie bro, people in these comments aren't being real with you. Creepy a** clowns all over your house sounds weird af,' someone else chimed in. 'The way she approached you about it wasn't fair, but I empathize with her,' a third chimed in. In the end, the original poster thanked everyone for their responses and said it confirmed he wasn't 'in the wrong'. 'And to those saying I'm a serial killer for owning clowns, I've read quite a few comments from people collecting dead things. So I think I'm in the clear on that,' he concluded.
Daily Mail
13-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Couple who split over man's 'disturbing' clown collection sparks viral debate... would YOU have done the same?
A man who split from his girlfriend of two years because she said she had enough of his 'disturbing' obsession with clowns has sparked a heated debate. The man, who goes by the username @EndFlimsy5850, opened up about the breakup under the Reddit forum entitled Am I the A**hole? He asked the internet if he was in the wrong for telling his now-ex to 'suck it up' after she complained about his love of clowns - and it left people all across the web divided. He explained in the now-viral post that they had been together for two years and that he's been open about his strange fascination with circus jesters from the start. He confessed that his house is completely covered in tiny clown figurines - they're 'on walls, hung from the ceiling on little swings, and on shelves.' 'I adore these weird little creatures,' he wrote. The man explained that his girlfriend never seemed to have a problem with them, but she became unhappy after he purchased two new clown masks from a thrift store about a week prior. 'She said they're creepy and give her "bad vibes," whatever that means,' he continued. 'I told her that I would take down the masks when she's staying the night, but I'm not getting rid of them. She told me that was fine.' But a few days later, the man said his girlfriend told him they 'needed to talk.' She then said she was 'sick of seeing his weird decorations and clown toys everywhere' because they 'creep her out,' and that the masks were 'her last straw.' 'I asked her where this was all coming from because she has NEVER MENTIONED MY CLOWNS BEFORE and she said me "bringing those ugly f**king masks into our home was her last straw" and "my obsession with clowns was charming before, but now it's just disturbing,"' he shared. In response, the man said he pointed out that it wasn't a home they shared together, but rather, his own apartment, so he could decorate it as he pleased. He also branded her as 'controlling,' which lead to her giving him an ultimatum. 'She told me, "Either get rid of some of them or we're done." I told her to just "suck it up" while she's here. And if she can't then I'll come to HER place every week,' he explained. 'She didn't like that answer and called me a child before leaving. I texted her to apologize for telling her to suck it up about the clowns. But she hasn't responded to me.' 'So, am I the a**hole for telling her to "suck it up" about my clown figurines?' he concluded. In an update, the man explained that his girlfriend called to apologize days later - but he hadn't accepted it. 'Turns out she wanted to "see if I'd get rid of my collection if it meant keeping her,"' he dished. 'Like it was some relationship test. 'She asked if we could move on from this and I told her no. I don't like that she tried to test my love by asking me to get rid of my collection.' He then revealed, 'We're officially broken up now. On the bright side, I can fill my house with more clown dolls. I even found a music box one online that I might get.' Reddit users were fiercely divided in the comment section, with some taking his side and slamming his girlfriend and others admitting that they understood where she was coming from because they too would be creeped out by his infatuation with clowns. 'Her turning this on your entire interest for clowns that you've had your whole relationship makes her [the a**hole],' one user wrote. 'Also, if she's giving you ultimatums over how you decorate your own space based on your own interests, she's not the one. 'There will be someone who will appreciate your collection, if not add to it themselves.' Another added, 'Not the a**hole, like what you like but I don't actually know anyone who wants to live in the creepy clown house so don't be surprised if you have trouble finding another girlfriend...' 'She obviously has no right to tell you how to decorate your own home, but she also is probably thinking about the future and wondering about compatibility,' someone else pointed out. 'If I started dating a guy with a clown collection like this, I'll be real, I'd hate it from the second I saw it. 'But at the beginning you don't know where the relationship is going and you're also aware that having not been together long you have no right to interject your opinions on their own space so you don't. He asked the internet if he was in the wrong for telling his now-ex to 'suck it up' after she complained about his love of clowns - and it left people all across the web divided 'But I think after two years and it becoming apparent that this isn't going to become less of a thing for you, I'd start to worry about when we live together that our house is going to have to be covered in clowns and I'd hate my own home and it wouldn't feel like mine. 'She's probably having these kinds of thoughts and trying to find out just how important and how far this clown thing goes so she can see if she'll be able to live like that.' 'Not the a**hole but also neither is she. She could've said it a little nicer but to be honest, I get where she's coming from,' a fourth comment read. 'Nobody should date someone who belittles their hobbies,' a fifth said. 'Nah, an obsession that runs that deep about clowns is just creepy. Like dig up the floorboards creepy and hide little dead children in there creepy,' a different user quipped. 'I'm not going to lie bro, people in these comments aren't being real with you. Creepy a** clowns all over your house sounds weird af,' someone else chimed in. 'The way she approached you about it wasn't fair, but I empathize with her.' In the end, the original poster thanked everyone for their responses and said it confirmed he wasn't 'in the wrong.' 'And to those saying I'm a serial killer for owning clowns, I've read quite a few comments from people collecting dead things. So I think I'm in the clear on that,' he added.
News24
30-06-2025
- Lifestyle
- News24
Obsessed with your ex? 5 tips to help you get over him
__________________________________________________________________ Unlike with substance abuse and over-eating, there is no 12-step programme to help you get over a lost relationship. We are all simply expected to just deal with it and move on. Some of us cry bucket loads to get over a lover. Then there are those who resort to scheming and revenge to help them move on. The once-sweet, kind and innocent girlfriend turns into an obsessed bunny boiler. If you find yourself staring at your ex-boyfriend's social media profile on a daily basis and mysteriously appearing at every party and function that he attends, you're definitely wrestling with unresolved issues that have led you to an unhealthy obsession with your ex. READ MORE | A power couple on celibacy and changing lives together This unfortunate behaviour can turn an unsavoury situation into a disaster that can get you in trouble with the law. Portia, 30, from Johannesburg, found out how much she had spiralled out of control when she received court orders telling her to stay away from her ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend. 'I first met my ex-boyfriend when I was 20,' she says. 'He was my first love and the only person I've ever loved. We were interns then, and we both landed our first jobs at the same company. After three years of dating, we moved in together. We were planning to get married and have a family, but we decided to focus on our careers for a little while. Everything was perfect, or so I thought. I was lucky to have a man that would rather come home and spend time with me than hang out with his friends all the time. View this post on Instagram A post shared by TRUELOVE Magazine (@truelovemagazine) 'But everything changed when we both changed jobs. He moved to another company, and so did I. Our relationship soon began to decline. I suspected he was cheating, and I was right. We argued a lot about his infidelity, and he blamed it on me. He said I was a 'control freak'. We both agreed that we needed a break from each other, so he moved out of our shared apartment. But we still saw each other regularly. So I assumed that we were still together until I found out that the 'other' girl had moved in with him. 'I must have lost my mind. I went completely crazy on them. I phoned the girl every day, telling her to get out. I knew everything he did, when and how. I was seriously stalking him. I knew it was wrong, but I didn't care. I couldn't control myself. I guess a part of me couldn't believe that he had left me for someone else. The whole thing spiraled out of control, and we had very public fights. When they got a court order against me, I realized how sick I had become.' Five things that help you get over him quickly 1. Get closure: Make sure you say what you need to say, and give your ex a chance to say what he needs to say. It may hurt, but you can grow stronger from it. 2. Let go: Letting go emotionally can be difficult in a break-up, but you need to look at it as a gradual process. Stop calling each other, and stop hanging out with him. There is no sin in cutting your ex out of your life completely. In that way you can look at the world and relationships in a whole new way that is not influenced by the relationship you once had with him. 3. Forget broken promises: He promised you forever, but your relationship never survived that long. Sometimes people make promises they can't keep. Hanging onto those promises is going to hold you back. People change as they grow – accept it. 4. Get therapy: No-one expects you to do this alone, so ask for help. Your friends and your family can provide great support and a shoulder to cry on. Or you can get professional help. 5. Change your thinking: In his book When Everything Changes, Change Everything, acclaimed author Neal Donald Walsch writes, 'Change does not have to equal crisis.' And just because a major part of your life changed does not mean it's the end of you. Millions of people lose their partners – some in a more tragic way than others–but they carry on with their lives. So change your thinking, your emotions and your routine to allow a new life to begin. Control and obsession Relationship counsellor Nina Mashiya explains that obsession in relationships often stems from control issues. 'A lot of people who struggle with obsession with their exes, their weight or their jobs or are often obsessed with control,' she explains. 'To them, losing control of anything spells catastrophe. They often believe that their relationships end because they lost control, but in most cases the relationships end because of their controlling behaviour. You cannot control love. It's impossible. If a person loves you, they love you. If they don't, they don't. You can do many things to make them stay in a relationship, but eventually they will leave.' Nina goes on to say that the sooner you accept the things you can't control, the quicker you'll heal and the quicker you'll be able to move on. 'Break-ups are hard, especially if you truly loved each other,' she acknowledges. 'By all means, grieve for your loss. Cry it all out, and over time you'll begin to heal. It'll be a lesson learnt.'
