02-07-2025
I am the oldest dad in the playground
By the time I had reached my mid-fifties, I had designed a life for one. I was a full-time artist, a part-time actor and my own boss. Although I had recently lost a flat, I was back on my feet and looking to the future with optimism. I'm not saying it was perfect but most of the time the perks and pitfalls affected me and me alone.
I'd avoided fatherhood through a mixture of good and bad fortune, and although I'd been occasionally interested in the biological impulse to procreate, I'd always found a logical justification not to. The main one being that I'd thought I had nothing to offer aside from knowing what not to do.
And then it all changed. After dating someone for a short time we unexpectedly had a baby on the way. Sadly that didn't last, but after much soul-searching we did it again. Amid all the questioning and introspection there had been a turning point for me. I had come to realise that I had something I wanted to pass on to a child: all of the lessons I had learnt, ones that came with age, not despite it.
• Read more parenting advice, interviews, real-life stories and opinions
I became part of what is a growing trend in this country: an older father. Babies born to men over the age of 60 went up by 14.2 per cent in 2024, according to the Office for National Statistics. According to statisticians, this 'notable jump' has helped the birth rate rise in England and Wales.
My first child was born when I was 55 and my second when I was closer to 58. The biggest surprises were how naturally fatherhood came to me and the overwhelming love I felt. I quickly came to realise that my fears about coming up short weren't a sign of my age or financial status but a parent thing — at any age. Parenting is simply a risky business emotionally. And, in fact, having more life experience allowed me to be more resilient rather than less.
I'm now 63, and my children are five and eight. That doesn't come without its challenges, such as going to preschool soft plays or being mistaken for grandad and watching the embarrassment on parents' faces when I correct them. Then there's the lack of sleep due to every child's sleeping whisper sounding like an alarm. Which can feel a bit shit, if I'm honest.
Still, I've yet to meet a parent, regardless of age, who says any different. Giving 100 per cent of yourself at 60 is really no different to doing so at 40 or 30. Although, a bit like those football managers who take on big jobs as young men, the grey hair comes out of nowhere and takes over your whole head in what seems like an instant.
• Wrinkles and nappies ― the men who became fathers at 80
I remember one time when another older dad said he'd been so happy to see me at pick-ups and drop-offs because he'd felt so out of place and self-conscious, and I said I felt the same. Then I realised that this man, who I thought was old, was in fact five years younger than me. I am indeed the oldest dad in the playground!
I have moments when I wear that badge with pride and I have moments when my back hurts too much. Although the things I worried about, the clichés of not being able to play football or run around after my children, have proved to be nonsense. I'm still a much better footballer than my son and I'm faster and stronger. By the time I'm not, he'll be too old to want to play with me.
Perhaps the hardest thing about being an older father hit me last year, when a good friend who was four years younger than me died after a short illness, leaving behind two children. Although I've had friends die before, I had never experienced this during fatherhood. For about three months I found it impossible to look at my own young children without feeling a great sense of sadness and pain, wondering when I'd die, how old they would be, what I could do.
After that, I think I finally sacrificed the last bit of me and became determined to give them enough love, enough care and enough wisdom to be better able to deal with that loss when it comes. I resolved to make my presence felt so as to last them a lifetime. That is now my job. Every day I fear coming up short but that goes with the territory. And that is the deal.@christostolera_studio
