Latest news with #psychology
Daily Mail
11 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
EXCLUSIVE Ketamine stole our children: The £2 drug ravaged their insides, left them incontinent and destroyed their minds. Now these bereaved mothers say: 'If our stories can save one life, it'll be worth it'
Sophie Russell was a beautiful girl with a long, swinging ponytail and a gorgeous smile. She was a 'massive ball of energy' who worked hard and played hard, studied counselling and psychology at university and wanted to travel the world and work with children with learning disabilities.
The Guardian
21 hours ago
- General
- The Guardian
Why it's good to admit when you're wrong – and how to improve
You may be familiar with the feeling. Someone factchecks you mid-conversation or discredits your dishwasher-loading technique. Heat rises to your face; you might feel defensive, embarrassed or angry. Do you insist you're right or can you accept the correction? Admitting to being wrong can be difficult and uncomfortable. But the ability to admit to incorrect ideas or beliefs – what psychologists call 'intellectual humility' – is important. Research shows that people with higher intellectual humility think more critically, and are less biased and less prone to dogmatism. People high in intellectual humility 'are able to acknowledge the limits of their knowledge and beliefs', says Tenelle Porter, an assistant professor of psychology at Rowan University. They recognize that we all get things wrong and are willing to admit their own gaps in knowledge. Meanwhile, people low in intellectual humility tend to overconfidently cling to their beliefs, and are not swayed by opposing evidence. People who are more intellectually humble tend to have better relationships. Being unable to acknowledge other people's perspectives can damage the trust in a relationship, says therapist and author Nedra Glover Tawwab. Acknowledging that you're wrong, on the other hand, can be a great opportunity to deepen a relationship. Research suggests that couples who score higher in intellectual humility tend to have healthier conflict management, as well as higher relationship quality and satisfaction. On average, people prefer to befriend or date people who are more humble, says Daryl Van Tongeren, who studies psychology and social values at Hope College. People also tend to be more committed to and satisfied with relationships when they perceive their partners to be more humble, Van Tongeren adds, and having both individuals in a couple rank highly in humility is associated with a healthier, less stressful transition into parenthood. People with low intellectual humility will often react defensively when contradicted, says Leor Zmigrod, a political neuroscientist who recently wrote a book about rigid, ideological thinking. They might feel personally attacked or insulted, and arrogantly double down, she says. But recognizing such qualities in yourself can be easier said than done. When Van Tongeren published his book on humility, people would say things like: 'Humility – that's what my father-in-law needs.' 'No one starts off by saying: 'Oh, humility, that's what I need,'' he says. Our personalities can be flexible if we put in the work, says Tawwab. So how does someone get better at admitting they're wrong? Studies show that 'people are terrible at knowing whether they're very flexible or very rigid thinkers,' says Zmigrod. But a good way to start is to practice noticing how you respond to being contradicted. Be mindful of when your emotions and ego get in the way of a thoughtful response, she says – and over time you may be able to recognize your patterns. A person's intellectual humility is also linked with how flexible their thinking is in general, Zmigrod says. So if you notice defensiveness or anger when, say, a regular routine is disrupted, that could be a sign that your intellectual humility could use some work. If self-driven introspection is difficult, Van Tongeren recommends asking trusted people to assess how open they think you are to new perspectives, and whether they think you get defensive of your own ideas. 'Ask people from a variety of areas of your life,' he says, because 'you might be really humble at work, but not super humble at home, or vice versa.' You can glean information about your intellectual humility while also signaling to others that you're trying to work on yourself. Before attempting this, consider whether you're honestly ready to hear this kind of feedback. Learning to be more gracious when contradicted is an important skill, because an inability to recognize when you're wrong diminishes trust in relationships, says Tawwab. The first thing to do is 'reframe what being wrong means', says Tawwab. A lot of people internalize the idea that being wrong means they're stupid, ignorant or worth less as a person, she says. But if we lived in a world where no one was wrong or allowed to be wrong, 'we would live in a world that has never shifted', she says. Seeing it as associated with personal growth, curiosity and other positive values will make being wrong feel less fraught. Sign up to Well Actually Practical advice, expert insights and answers to your questions about how to live a good life after newsletter promotion There are science-backed ways to engender intellectual humility. One is quite simple: listen. People who can admit when they're wrong tend to be better listeners, says Van Tongeren. But more than that, when one person in a conversation is a good, deep listener, 'the act of listening actually cultivates and generates humility' for both parties. If you find yourself resisting admitting being wrong, Porter recommends casting your memory back to a time when you realized you had erred. Research suggests that when you remember your own fallibility, 'that can help recalibrate us and make us more open to listening to what we might be missing,' she says. If you want to encourage someone else in your life to work on their intellectual humility, they first need to feel like they're in an environment where it's safe to make mistakes, says Tawwab. And 'people tend to digest information best when they're seeking it out for themselves,' she says. So rather than lecture them on the importance of acknowledging their errors, it may be best to simply share articles, books or personality quizzes that can help them self-reflect and come to their own conclusions. You can also take the edge off by suggesting that you both work on this issue together, says Van Tongeren. Once you're able to recognize when you're wrong and admit it to yourself without an emotional or ego-driven reaction, being able to verbalize your mistakes will come much more easily. And when it comes to telling another person that you were wrong, Tawwab says you don't have to do it immediately. After a conversation, it might take you some time to process and accept this assessment. In that case, you can go back to the person a few days later. 'Even if you can't do it in the present moment, you can still recover that conversation and build that trust,' she says. Over time, hopefully you'll get better and faster at it, eventually being able to notice and address errors in the moment. And you'll probably deepen your relationships as a result, she says. There are many headwinds when it comes to intellectual humility, says Porter, especially in contemporary life. Social media creates echo chambers, people constantly express ever more polarized views, and false information proliferates online. All this pushes us away from being willing and able to change our minds or admit we're wrong. But remember that we as people value these traits, she says, regardless of how challenging it is to maintain them.
The Guardian
a day ago
- Entertainment
- The Guardian
Christina Knussen obituary
My friend Christina Knussen, who has died aged 69 of pancreatic cancer, was a lecturer who worked at universities in Scotland and England. In the 1980s, she was a full-time researcher at the Hester Adrian Research Centre at the University of Manchester, which undertook study into the lives and circumstances of people with learning disabilities. Then she became a lecturer and researcher in the psychology department at Glasgow Caledonian University, where she remained until ill health and caring for her husband and her parents led her to retire in her mid-50s. Born in Watford, Hertfordshire, to Emilie (nee Alexander) and Erik Knussen, a musician and administrator at the Royal Scottish National Orchestra, she grew up in Glasgow with her younger brother, Erik. After attending Bishopbriggs high school, where she was the dux (head girl), she studied psychology at Strathclyde University between 1974 and 1977 and, following a series of research contracts, received her PhD at Manchester University in 1993. In retirement she spent many hours savouring the views from her book-filled home in Kilcreggan, a picturesque village on the Rosneath peninsula in Argyll and Bute. She also joined the Women's Institute, was a moderator on her local Facebook group, and helped to run the village's community website. She enjoyed an astonishing range of music and literature. On one occasion, looking at family photos, she asked me: 'Is that a photo of your great-niece or just you in a flattering light?' , which perfectly captured her sense of fun. Christina relished talking about arriving at, and living, in middle age and beyond, but there were no topics off limits: grammar, dormant grievances, pets, celebrity culture, gardens, ancestral origins and countless life absurdities. After her 1978 marriage to Robin Somerville ended in divorce, Christina married Alan Tuohy, who was also an academic, in 1984. I benefited indirectly from her second marriage since she gave me a Kenwood food processor that had been a wedding gift in 1978 and had been surpassed with a superior version given to her at her second marriage. When mine finally gave up the ghost I enquired about the possibility of inserting an item on to the wedding list of a third marriage; her response was loud and very funny. In any case, the prospect of another marriage was remote because Christina and Alan were soulmates. Alan died in 2015. Christina is survived by a niece, Ana, and by Erik.
Forbes
a day ago
- General
- Forbes
3 Signs You're Not In Love; You're Just Attached, By A Psychologist
Are you staying out of love, or habit? It's easy to confuse emotional safety with emotional ... More connection. Here's how you can tell the difference. You know how they take their coffee, what rubs them the wrong way, which shows they'll fall asleep to tonight. The routine, the mundane. But the more important question is: Do you still like them? Or have you just grown used to them? This is a quiet turning point many long-term couples reach, but don't take conscious note of. The point where familiarity begins to feel like connection, even as real affection fades. When attachment keeps you tethered, simply because detangling your lives feels harder than staying. Understanding the difference between love and attachment is important because it's deeply personal. Staying in a relationship solely out of attachment can slowly chip away at your vitality, leading to quiet resentment, or misplaced longing. You may still be 'together,' but feel painfully alone. On the other hand, recognizing when you're genuinely in love, when there's still admiration and active emotional engagement, can help you nurture what's real and let go of the unnecessary doubt. Differentiating between the two gives you the power to make conscious choices: to reconnect, to realign or, if needed, to release. But how do you tell the difference between love and habit? Between connection and comfort? Here are three things that sets them apart, and what it might mean if you're no longer sure. 1. Liking Is Active, Attachment Is Passive Liking your partner, in simple terms, means you're actively engaged in the relationship. You notice their quirks, you appreciate their growth. You enjoy spending time with them. You choose them, every day, with presence and curiosity. But attachment doesn't always look like that. Sometimes, we stay in relationships because they feel familiar. This reflects 'passive attachment.' Meaning, you stay because leaving would be too hard, too lonely or create too much uncertainty. Passive attachment takes over when your bond becomes more about avoiding discomfort than enjoying connection. A large-scale study of over 1,000 couples in 2021 found that insecure forms of attachment such as avoidant and anxious patterns were strongly associated with lower relationship satisfaction and higher feelings of instability. People with avoidant tendencies often pull away emotionally, while those with anxious tendencies may cling out of fear. In both cases, partners may stay together, but the connection starts running on autopilot. You are attached, but not necessarily happy. In short, if your relationship feels more like a routine you can't step out of, rather than something you're excited to nurture, it might not be reflective of love or compatibility. It might just be passive attachment. It's the emotional equivalent of being stuck in a job you no longer enjoy but don't know how to leave. According to the study, addressing attachment insecurity is crucial in restoring the health of a relationship. Because while attachment keeps people together, it's love and liking that keeps them close. 2. Love Lives On Mutual Admiration, Attachment Leans On Shared History Romantic love can persist long after the honeymoon period ends. In fact, research shows that romantic love without the obsessive intensity of early infatuation is not only possible in long-term relationships, but strongly associated with marital satisfaction, well-being and self-esteem. In such a dynamic, what keeps that love alive isn't just time together; it's the admiration you share for each other, the investment you are willing to make together and the ability to celebrate your shared growth. Attachment, by contrast, doesn't always require that kind of ongoing engagement. It often draws its strength from familiarity. A separate line of research found that people with high attachment anxiety are more likely to stay committed to unsatisfying relationships out of a fear of change. That fear, along with a fear of being alone, can become a powerful emotional glue. This makes staying feel like a safer choice than leaving, which is seemingly disruptive. Love and attachment, therefore, can take very different paths. Love requires active engagement in the present. Attachment sometimes survives on the inertia of the past. One keeps the relationship alive. The other just keeps it intact. 3. In Love, You Miss Them; In Attachment, You Miss What You Had There's a difference between missing a person and missing a pattern. When you're in love, you long for your partner's presence. Not just for comfort, but for their perspective, their quirks, the way they light up a room or challenge your thinking. When you miss them, you miss the current version of them, and you're still emotionally engaged with who they're becoming. But in attachment without emotional intimacy, longing often turns backward. What you miss isn't your partner as they are, but how things used to feel. The version of your relationship that was once vibrant. The early connection, the shared laughter, the feeling of being seen. It's not the person you miss. It's the atmosphere you once shared. This backward pull can feel like nostalgia — comforting, but also quietly painful. It often signals that your bond has stopped growing. So, while love keeps you reaching for your partner in the now, attachment without closeness keeps you reaching for what was. And the more you hold on to the memory, the more distant the present can feel. What To Do If You're Realizing You're Just Attached This isn't about jumping ship at the first sign of doubt. Relationships wax and wane. But if you find yourself staying purely for comfort or obligation, it may be time for an honest conversation, with your partner and with yourself. Here are a few ways to move forward with intention. 1. Start small. Reintroduce shared joy. Do something new together. Plan one surprise. Laugh on purpose. Some relationships don't need to end at all. All they need is to be woken up with a jolt. 2. Name the gap. If you feel the emotional distance, say it. Not to blame, but to open the door. Often, the hardest part of disconnection is that no one talks about it. Naming the quiet can be the first act of reconnection. 3. Get curious, not critical. Instead of immediately diagnosing the relationship as broken, ask: 'When did things begin to shift?' 'Was it circumstantial, or was it emotional, with resentment or unmet needs driving a wedge between the two of you?' Understanding the root helps you decide what's needed next. Loving someone is very different from loving the idea you've formed in your head. If your relationship is healthy, the desire to stay will feel organic. There is no need to force it. Choosing your partner feels natural, and if it's right, you'll want to make that choice again and again. Still staying in your relationship for the sake of your past self? Your present might be asking for more. Take the Anxious Attachment Scale to find out what might be keeping you attached.
Yahoo
a day ago
- General
- Yahoo
15 Lies You Need to Stop Telling Yourself If You Want to Be Happy
It's tempting to cling to comforting illusions about ourselves and the world around us—narratives that soothe us in the moment but ultimately keep us stuck. We tell ourselves these lies to avoid the discomfort of change, to protect our egos, or simply because it's easier than confronting the truth. But if your goal is genuine happiness, these self-deceptions have to go. Here are 15 lies you need to stop telling yourself to clear the way for real joy. Ah, the elusive "when"—the cornerstone of future happiness. You might believe that a promotion, a relationship, or a new apartment will finally bring you contentment. But pinning your happiness on external milestones is a trap that postpones joy indefinitely. According to Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychology professor at UC Riverside, sustainable happiness comes from intentional activities, not circumstances, which account for only about 10% of our happiness levels. Real joy is rooted in the present, found not in things but in moments. When you place your happiness on something yet to come, you make it conditional. You build expectations that, when unmet, lead to disappointment. Instead, focus on the now and savor small, everyday victories—these are life's true treasures. The myth of the modern multitasker is alive and well, but it's not as glamorous as it seems. Telling yourself you can juggle everything without dropping a ball is a recipe for burnout. You might feel invincible right up until the stress mounts and things start unraveling. The key is recognizing your limits and prioritizing what truly matters. Saying no is not a sign of weakness; it's an assertion of self-care. You're not required to wear every hat or fulfill every role. Delegate, defer, and delete tasks that don't serve your core goals. In doing so, you'll find more space for what genuinely fulfills you. Settling for less than you deserve often stems from a deep-seated belief in your own inadequacy. It's easy to convince yourself that you're asking for too much when, in reality, you're just yearning for a life that aligns with your true value. According to Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, embracing your worthiness is crucial for living a fulfilled life. Acknowledging your right to more isn't about greed; it's about honoring your potential. When you stop selling yourself short, you open the door to opportunities that match your authentic self. It's not just about wanting more; it's about realizing that you are enough and worthy of all the good that life has to offer. The pursuit of perfection is a never-ending race on a treadmill of self-doubt. Perfectionism masquerades as a noble quest for excellence but often leads to paralysis by analysis. You may find yourself stuck in a loop, afraid to take action lest it be anything less than flawless. This constant pressure can erode your self-esteem over time. True excellence comes from progress, not perfection. Embrace the beauty of imperfections and the lessons they offer; they're often where the real magic happens. Allow yourself the grace to make mistakes and grow from them. Remember, it's the imperfections that make us human and relatable. Time is the ultimate scapegoat, the universal excuse for not pursuing passions or self-care. Yet, if you dig a little deeper, "I don't have time" often translates to "it's not a priority right now." Research from Laura Vanderkam, author and time management expert, suggests that we make time for what truly matters to us, revealing our true priorities. The key is to audit how you spend your hours and align them with your values. Prioritize tasks based on their importance and urgency rather than their immediacy. When you reclaim control over your time, you'll find it's a more abundant resource than you initially imagined. The illusion of social media perfection has us all fooled to some extent. Seeing curated snapshots of others' lives can create the false narrative that everyone else is nailing it while you're floundering. This perception—rooted in comparison—leaves you feeling inadequate and perpetually behind. In reality, everyone has struggles, doubts, and bad days. You're only seeing the highlight reel, not the struggles behind the scenes. Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your unique journey. Embrace your path and recognize that nobody truly has it all figured out. The desire to mold someone into a better version of themselves often stems from a place of love or a need for control. However, expecting someone to change for you is a fundamental misunderstanding of human nature. According to psychotherapist Esther Perel, lasting change happens from within, spurred by personal realization rather than external pressure. Investing energy in changing another person diverts focus from your own growth. Instead, work on being a supportive presence while understanding that real change must come from their own desire. In turn, this acceptance provides the freedom for true intimacy to flourish. Believing that your moment has passed is a self-imposed barrier to growth and happiness. This lie convinces you that the ship has sailed and that your dreams are now beyond reach. But history is rich with stories of late bloomers who defied age norms to achieve greatness. Your timeline is your own, not dictated by societal standards or external pressures. Embrace the notion that it's never too late to pursue what ignites your passion. Every day is a fresh opportunity to step toward the life you envision for yourself. The myth of "those people" creates an artificial barrier that separates you from opportunities or experiences. It's easy to label others as different or special, making their achievements seem unattainable. This mindset limits your potential, preventing you from exploring what's possible. Challenge this narrative by recognizing commonalities rather than differences. Understand that everyone starts somewhere, often filled with doubts and uncertainties. Your dreams are just as valid and reachable as anyone else's, and embracing this can open doors you never thought possible. The need for control can feel like a shield against chaos but often becomes the very thing that stifles happiness. When you cling too tightly to control, you leave little room for spontaneity, growth, or the unexpected joys of life. This rigidity can lead to stress and anxiety, creating a false sense of security. Embrace the chaos as an integral part of the human experience. Allow yourself to let go and trust in the process. By relinquishing the need for control, you open up to new possibilities and experiences that can enrich your life in unexpected ways. The two most overused words in the English language often serve as a band-aid over deeper issues. Convincing yourself that you're "fine" when you're not is an act of self-deception that stifles emotional growth. It's easier to gloss over our feelings than to confront the raw emotions lying beneath. Honesty with yourself is the first step toward healing and happiness. Acknowledge your feelings, even if they're uncomfortable or inconvenient. This vulnerability is not weakness; it's the courage to face your truths and to seek support when needed. Money is a tangible barrier, but it can also be an excuse that masks deeper fears or priorities. While legitimate financial constraints exist, often "I can't afford it" is shorthand for "I'm afraid to invest in myself." This mindset holds you back from opportunities that could lead to personal growth and fulfillment. Evaluate whether your limitations are financial or psychological. If the latter, consider reallocating resources to what truly matters to you. When you prioritize spending based on your values, you'll find that investing in yourself is the most rewarding expenditure of all. Busyness has become a badge of honor in modern society, but it often disguises a lack of fulfillment. Telling yourself you're too busy can be an excuse to avoid facing what really needs attention in your life. This mindset keeps you in perpetual motion, but not necessarily moving forward. Take a step back and evaluate where your time goes. Are you occupied with things that are meaningful or merely filling a schedule? Prioritize tasks that align with your goals and passions, and allow yourself the luxury of slowing down to savor life's simple pleasures. The need for approval can lead to a life lived for others rather than yourself. When your happiness is tied to others' perceptions, you sacrifice authenticity for acceptance. This people-pleasing tendency often leaves you feeling unfulfilled and disconnected from your true self. Authenticity is the cornerstone of a fulfilling life. It's impossible to please everyone, and that's a liberating realization. Focus on what feels right for you, and let go of the need for universal approval. True happiness comes from living in alignment with your values and desires. The insidious lie of not being "good enough" lurks in the shadows of self-doubt. It tells you that you're undeserving of love, success, or happiness. But this belief is not only false; it's destructive, eroding your confidence and potential. Challenge this narrative by focusing on your strengths and accomplishments. Surround yourself with positive influences that affirm your worth. Remember, you are inherently valuable, and recognizing this is the first step toward unleashing your true potential.
