Latest news with #psychotherapist
The Guardian
3 days ago
- Health
- The Guardian
I'm delighted with my 45-minute erections – but why are my orgasms such a letdown?
I am a man in my 60s. When my wife and I have sex, I can keep it up (as it were) for 45 minutes, including about 20 minutes of coitus. All of which I enjoy very much. The problem in recent years is my orgasm. When it arrives, it is a bit of a letdown. It happens extremely quickly and feels like a premature ejaculation, even though it has taken a long time to get there. It makes no difference whether I am on top and in charge of the pace or whether my wife is. How can I make my orgasms more enjoyable? Certain medications – whether prescription or over-the-counter – can change the nature of one's orgasm, so consider whether the culprit could be in your medicine cabinet. If this is a possibility, you should consult with the prescribing physician to find out if there might be an alternative. Another element to investigate is whether your hormones might have something to do with it. For example, you might ask a doctor to look at your testosterone levels. Strong orgasms are fuelled partly by sex hormones such as testosterone, and an insufficiency could lead to the symptoms you are experiencing. Finally, I can tell that you are proud of your sexual prowess, but it might be a good idea to relax a bit on the expectations you set for yourself. A person usually has a better orgasm when they are able to let go of performance pressure. Try to focus simply on pleasure. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders. If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to (please don't send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions. Comments on this piece are premoderated to ensure discussion remains on topics raised by the writer. Please be aware there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.
CBC
3 days ago
- Health
- CBC
WATCH — Do you doom scroll? Here's why we do it and how to cut back
Hope scrolling can help counteract doom scrolling, says expert Have you ever spent hours and hours scrolling through negative news and social media content on your phone? Maybe it made you feel sad or scared, but you also found it hard to stop? That's called 'doom scrolling.' And there's science behind why so many of us are doing it. Thankfully, experts say there are ways to stop, but it may be up to us to break the habit. It's not your fault that you doom scroll Benslyne Avril, a psychotherapist based in Ottawa, Ontario, said that short-form content platforms like YouTube Shorts, TikTok and Instagram Reels are built to be addictive. She said their algorithms favour posts that make you feel anxious or scared, because those are the posts you're most likely to stop and watch until the very end. 'You want to stay informed, but then you fall into a cycle of seeing one upsetting story after another, and that can impact our mental health.' Avril said that doom scrolling can have a strong emotional and physical impact because our brains can't tell the difference between a real threat and a perceived one. 'Your brain releases cortisol [a stress hormone] and you might feel tense, feel your heart start racing, or feel a negative shift in your mood,' she said. If you notice there comes a point in your scrolling where you're not feeling good, or if you're having trouble sleeping at night, Avril said that's a clue that you might need a habit change. WATCH — Anxiety: We all experience it. Here's why Focus on 'hope scrolling' instead Social media platforms have been criticized for not doing enough to help their young users limit screen time. Apps like YouTube and Instagram don't give users the option to disable Shorts and Reels. Although parents can set limits for their kids on platforms like TikTok and Instagram, not everyone's parents will step in to do so. As a result, Avril said it might be up to you to set daily limits for yourself, which some apps allow you to do in their settings. 'If you're able to set your own limits for social media use, it's a great way to foster the type of independence you can carry into adulthood.' I tried disconnecting from devices for 1 week. Here's #HowItFelt She said 'hope scrolling' — which is intentionally seeking out feel-good content and swiping past negative content — can also be a huge help. 'It can retrain your algorithm to show you more positive content and help you feel more positive as a result,' said Avril. CBC Kids News recently hit the streets of Toronto, Ontario, to find out which kids and teens are doom scrolling and which are chasing positive content. Check out the video below to see what they had to say: Other tips to create boundaries with your tech If you suspect your phone might be making you feel bad, it might be time to create some separation. 'We make boundaries with our parents, friends, teachers, and yet we often don't have any boundaries with our devices,' said Aditi Nerurkar, a physician and leading expert in stress from Harvard University in the United States. Nerurkar said some things you can do to create healthier boundaries with your tech include: When you go to sleep, put your phone as far away from you as possible, ideally in another room. When you wake up, do some stretching, make breakfast or do some other activity before looking at your phone. Turn on greyscale mode on your phone, which will turn your screen black and white and eliminate some of the bright colours that make scrolling even more tempting. If you're wondering how much your brain relies on your phone and whether it might be an issue, Nerurkar recommends an experiment to help build some awareness. 'Try putting your phone in another room and staying away from it for as long as you can,' she told CBC Kids News. 'Every time you notice an urge to go check it, write a tally mark on a piece of paper. You might be surprised by how often you get the impulse.' If you quickly end up with a lot of marks on your paper, she said, it might be a good idea for you to rethink the way you use your tech.
BreakingNews.ie
5 days ago
- Health
- BreakingNews.ie
How to make friends in later life and how it impacts health and wellbeing
As International Friendship Day approaches, it serves as a reminder of the importance of friendships at all ages and stages of life. Naturally however, as time goes on it can be harder to make and maintain friendships due to being at different stages of life, lack of confidence or other factors. For the older generation, it can be an isolating time if friendships aren't maintained. However, we spoke with experts who explain the importance of friendships at all ages, the impact it can have on health and how to create long-lasting connections. Advertisement What impacts can friendship have on the older generation? Jenny Lippiatt, strategic programme manager in the health team at Age UK, says that friendship for all generations is of high importance. 'There's a lot of evidence to suggest that having social connections is really good for your mental and physical health.' Psychotherapist Kirsten Antoncich says the impacts of friendship are huge for the older generation. 'I think one of the first things is that friendships are incredibly protective against isolation and low mood,' she says. 'Being connected in a friendship and being listened to brings a wave of really positive chemicals to the brain. 'Friendship and connections can also bring a sense of purpose, which we know is essential for warding off low mood and depression in later life. We also know it improves cognitive health so the more friendships somebody has, it's linked to things like better cognitive performance and a slow cognitive decline.' Friendships can help with cognitive benefits Anton adds that friendships also reduce stress and enhance moods. 'They are also linked to increased physical activity and better memory,' she says. Advertisement Lippiatt says: 'For older people in particular, getting out of the house and moving around if you can is really beneficial for things like balance and mobility too. If you are unable to move around less, even having connections online or inside your own home have significant mental health benefits too.' What impacts can lack of friendships have? Lippiatt says that lack of friendships can lead to loneliness, and this is where you don't have good social connections, which can be a problem for mental and physical health. 'Lonely older people are 25 per cent more likely to develop dementia,' Lippiatt says. 'It can also contribute to psychological distress, loss of wellbeing, confidence and this can subsequently lead to depression, anxiety and increased stress. Physical health can also be affected because if we don't have the social connections or reasons to leave the house, it can impact our motivation to take care of ourselves and potentially lead to unhealthy behaviours.' Anton adds: 'We also know that a sense of social isolation can be linked to a loss of purpose which can then be linked to low mood which is incredibly prevalent in that group and population already.' Advertisement How can the older generation build and maintain friendships? 'There are significant moments at certain ages that mean it's quite easy to lose friendships,' Lippiatt says. 'For example, you might retire and often work is the space to meet people and socially interact, or bereavement occurs, which is part and parcel of the older age group. Therefore it is important to maintain friendships that you already have, whether that's online or in person. 'Finding hobbies that either you previously liked or are new to you is another really good way to meet new people. Perhaps you want to go with a friend to a physical activity class such as arts and craft, music or simply going for a walk. All of these hobbies can generate friendships and are a good way to maintain them too. 'There are also often spaces within different communities for older people, where there are lots of social activities around different hobbies or just spaces to go where you can have a chat and a coffee with someone. There are also chat and tea groups within the community, so it's really a good idea to have a look in your local community at what is going on,' says Lippiatt. 'If you're religious, there often is a really good way to meet people through the church. It can be hard when you're older and you may have lost some confidence to go out and try new things, but the people that run them are very kind, open and welcoming. If you are keen to do something, you might want to take a friend along or a family member to make you feel more confident or secure.' Advertisement Anton adds: 'Look around you and look at your neighbourhood too. Connect back with your neighbours as we have really lost a bit of a sense of that due to the pandemic. You are absolutely not alone and you're likely to meet somebody who's had a similar experience to you that's also looking for a friendship.' 'I also want to remind people to normalise loneliness. It's one of the most common conditions in the younger generation too. We're not so set up as a society anymore for friendships, and I want people who are maybe feeling lonely to not feel shame at that and to not feel frightened to reach out.'
Daily Mail
6 days ago
- Health
- Daily Mail
I'm a psychotherapist who treats A-list celebrities - can you guess the psychological problem they ALL suffer from?
Celebrities' mental health challenges are often caused by a troubled relationship with their parents, according to a psychotherapist who has a number of A-list clients. The condition they all have in common is known as attachment trauma, according to Dr Sarah Boss, a psychotherapist who runs luxury rehab retreats. This trauma—which is caused by an unhealthy relationship with a parent—can then lead to substance abuse, isolation and trust issues. Speaking to the MailOnline Dr Boss said: 'Attachment trauma is definitely something that we see over represented in celebrity clients. 'This is because they often come from highly successful families, so they are being looked after by people on payroll rather than their parents—it's not a good start in life. 'For first generation celebrities, they often have histories of harsh parenting, but this is not necessarily a healthy relationship. 'Out of this hardship can often breed creativity but it also presents challenges with forming long term relationships. 'To live a balanced life you need to be able to self regulate emotions but this can be hard with underlying attachment trauma—patients with this issue often feel pressured or abused by those around them and constantly question who their real friends are.' She explains that while 'normal' people often suffer from this it is heightened by the celebrity lifestyle. 'Life as a celebrity requires more self regulation than what working in an office will require,' says Dr Boss. 'It lacks structure and higher highs, like being on stage, but also the lows of isolation while touring for example.' The psychotherapist also says that her celebrity clients often struggle to form enduring relationships. 'For friends and partners of celebrities, it is hard to be part of someone's life when everything you do with them is photographed or written about,' says Dr Boss. 'For the celebrity, this leads to a reliance on superficial friends—over time this leads to a feeling of being used and mistrust of others. 'Part of the problem is that they have often lost their fundamental development years rising to fame, so they have not been able to build strong relationships that they are able to keep.' The combination of attachment trauma, pressure and isolation means that Dr Boss sees a number of celebrity clients who suffer from substance abuse. 'Substance abuse is a real issue for our clients, who are readily exposed to it, and are trying to self medicate the problems they are dealing with,' says Dr Boss. 'For younger clients we are seeing more now who are abusing drugs like ketamine, while for adult patients it is often an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.' The psychotherapist explains that she treated a 46-year-old Hollywood actor who had multiple mental health issues which led to serious substance abuse. She said: 'He had severe alcoholism and was abusing cocaine and sleep medication. He used to drink several bottles of wine a day. 'He would use cocaine to wake up, and sleep sedatives to go to bed. He was completely reliant on substances for survival. They were a coping strategy for underlying emotional issues.' The actor's substance abuse began to impact his work as an actor, said Dr Boss. 'He had terrible anxiety on film sets, and very bad social anxiety at big Hollywood parties. He was struggling with the constant judgment over social media and online,' she revealed. 'The pressure was too much. He started withdrawing more and more from the public world, and his social network. 'His wife left him, and his children eventually were the ones who insisted on treatment.' The American star was then treated at Dr Boss's luxury treatment clinic The Balance. 'He had unaddressed childhood trauma, and needed to learn how to regulate his nervous system without substances. 'After his detox, he had intensive psychotherapy, somatic experiencing, and engaged with mindfulness activities like yoga. 'He joined a relapse prevention group, he made amends with his loved ones, and gained closure so he could move forward with his life. He was in after-care for several months, and remains sober to this day.' She explains that broadly her celebrity clients suffer from the same issues no matter what sector they are in, however a couple face different challenges. 'For sports stars we often see that they have lost the ability to intuitively eat, which can lead to eating disorders or an unhealthy relationship with food,' says Dr Boss. 'While we often see young musicians and actors who struggle who feel they have lost a part of themselves with the fame that has come, this leads to frustration and other mental health challenges.' While the psychotherapist also revealed that she is now seeing stars as young as 13, with social media to blame according to Dr Boss. She is calling on people to be kinder online to celebrities. 'There is a real lack of empathy towards celebrities, and social media has given everyone a voice to contribute,' says Dr Boss.
The Sun
19-07-2025
- Health
- The Sun
Do you fall in love hard and fast? Three signs you're an emophiliac – & five ways to break the destructive lust cycle
FROM falling hard and fast to ignoring red flags, why emophilia could be your toxic dating trait. Have you ever been on a first date and felt like you've met your soulmate? 1 If this happens often, you may have emophilia, AKA a tendency to fall in love quickly and with just about anyone. And experts warn it can have a negative impact on mental health, leaving people vulnerable and trapped in toxic relationships, or see them darting from one relationship to the next, constantly chasing the thrill of early attraction or that feeling of falling in love. 'When you first fall for someone, you get that rush of the feel-good hormone, serotonin,' says Sarah Louise Ryan, dating and relationship expert, matchmaker and psychotherapist. 'This phase of romantic love is really the rose-tinted glasses phase. You are falling for the newness of these just-discovered feelings, just as much as you're falling for the actual person. This is because new and different people bring out different parts of us.' There's nothing wrong with these emotions, though they do simmer down as we build a relationship. 'In reality, when that spark fades, that is when the real relationship begins,' says Sarah. 'But those with emophilia don't ever want that feeling to fizzle out, which can lead them into a volatile position romantically. They either never fully commit and move on to the next partner, or they date multiple people to discover who they have the biggest spark with, all in search of the rush.' The emotional fallout from this pattern can be huge. The good news is it's possible to stop and change your thinking and actions. I'm a dating expert - the 5 key signs your partner is cheating on you & the Instagram feature that'll tell you all you need to know Love At First Sight? But whatever happened to 'love at first sight', you might wonder? Genuine love at first sight is an instant attraction to someone you might share common values with, find intriguing and are physically attracted to. It can be with someone who feels safe and calm. But emophilia is falling in love with the feeling of lust, attention, validation and connection, rather than the person. 'That need for attachment can be intoxicating, but it's important to get to know the person you've fallen for on a deeper level,' Sarah says. 'You will feel anxiety when you're not getting that serotonin burst, but if you follow these steps before becoming emotionally attached so quickly, you'll feel better.' When Emophilia Becomes a Problem At a time when the dating world feels dire and 'true love' is hard to find, is it really all that bad if someone is so open to connection? The issue is that when emophiliacs fall, they tend not to question the relationship's long-term goals, values or red flags. This can make them either more likely to jump ship or get stuck in a relationship that was doomed from the start. 'Falling for risky partners may seem appealing, but it can be dangerous when their aim is manipulation and destruction,' explains Sarah. 'People with emophilia can be attracted to narcissists, who may lovebomb a new partner by showing excessive amounts of affection and attention. This would be ideal for a person with emophilia. Because they think they're in love, emophiliacs are likely to overlook warnings or advice, even from trusted family and friends. However, when red flags aren't addressed, over time they can become more problematic.' Why Do you Fall so Hard? Though the exact cause of emophilia is unknown, there are several possible theories. 'It is thought that low serotonin levels in the brain may contribute,' says Sarah. Serotonin is also implicated in conditions including depression and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). 'Some people may also be hypersensitive to oxytocin,' adds Sarah. Also known as the love hormone, oxytocin creates feelings of trust and a desire to care. Falling in love quickly is also a shared experience of people with ADHD, which may be linked with the disorder's symptoms of impulsivity. But it may just be a personality trait. For some, there is excitement to be found in the chaos, and boredom in the monotony. FIVE WAYS TO BREAK UP WITH EMOPHILIA Overcoming the need to chase the rush of falling for someone isn't easy, as many of our relationship desires are ingrained. 'I would ask an emophiliac: 'Is it working for you?'", Sarah says. 'If the answer is yes, and you're happy flitting from one relationship to another, keep doing what you are doing. If the answer is no, I'd recommend these tips.' 1. Go Cold Turkey If you are a serial dater, go cold turkey – including no sex or romantic relations – to focus on yourself. Discover the qualities you like in yourself and note the ways in which you are capable without having a significant other. Then, pick up conscious dating when the time is right. 'When you find the confidence to make the right choices, you will no longer let your drive for a feeling choose for you,' says Sarah. 'It will be hard work, but worth it.' 2. Spot The Red Flags Some red flags are universal. For example, a lack of respect or signs of attempting to control another person. However, others will be more specific to you. For example, how do you feel about their financial situation, living arrangements, family set-up or beliefs? It's easy for a friend to say: 'That's a red flag', but ask yourself if it really is for you. Write down your deal-breakers, then ensure when connecting with someone that you ask the questions that will unveil these warning signs. 3. Note What Hasn't Worked Sit back and really think about the patterns you have fallen into with each romantic partner. What happened? Where did it go wrong? Self-awareness is important in the decision-making process. If necessary, write out an action plan for the next time someone catches your attention. 4. Listen To Friends You may get so caught up in the rush of a new partner that you forget the concerns of those closest to you. Take time to speak to a family member or friend who knows you well and has historically given you honest advice. Run through any worries or ask for feedback on new partners. Your friends don't have to love or even like your partner, but if they have concerns about them, it's worth hearing them. This can be a failing for people with emophilia, who can only see the positives of a new crush. 5. Consult A Therapist Therapists or counsellors can help you to understand and manage emophilia. 'Therapists help bring you into the here and now and find internal validation, rather than seeking external validation from others,' says Sarah. 'That means that those with emophilia can consciously connect with themselves and with others when dating.'
