Latest news with #safesex
News24
18-07-2025
- Health
- News24
6 rules to maintain safe sex this winter
Safe sex education is often assumed to be reserved for teens and young adults. Young women already know everything they need to know about their bodies, sexual health and reproduction, right? The reality, however, is very different. 'You'd be surprised at how little knowledge women have about their sexual health,' says Pamela Makhetha, a health practitioner who works at a sexual health clinic in Johannesburg. 'I deal with women, daily, who don't fully understand that they have the right to make decisions that affect their sexual health. It is probably one of the last social taboos; nobody is talking about it but everybody who is sexually active is affected by it,' she says. Let's all agree on one thing: the person who is responsible for your sexual health, is you. READ MORE | From fake orgasms to anal - women and men share their sex dealbreakers Couples counsellor Sizakele Zondi says, 'Women often give up power when it comes to their sexuality and health. I want every woman to understand that you cannot trust anyone with your sexual health, even if he's your husband and a man of God. So you must always think of yourself and your well-being first, and make decisions based on that.' The rules To help you make the best decisions for your sexual health, we compiled basic safe sex rules to observe: 1. Insist on mandatory testing Mandatory means that it's not negotiable, even when you've been dating for a while, and he doesn't want to use condoms anymore. It's not enough for your partner, however lovely he or she is, to assure you their sexual health is in order. Get tested together, so your relationship is transparent and you both get information from a professional. Make sure the tests include screening for STIs. 'The operative word is 'before' you engage in unprotected sex. The moment you succumb to passion or pressure and have unprotected sex with someone you haven't tested with, you've definitely put your health at risk,' Makhetha says. 2. Take a stand on pregnancy Falling pregnant 'by mistake' is one of society's most common life mistakes. Young people, in particular, often believe 'it won't happen to me'. The good news is that it doesn't have to. 'Falling pregnant and keeping the baby is one of the biggest decisions you'll make in your life. So, make sure it's a decision and not a fate that's thrust on you by poor decision-making,' Makhetha warns. 'If you don't want to be pregnant, make sure you've made a plan for that. Whether that means using condoms every single time or being on contraception and having sex with a partner you've tested with, you have to make a decision. 'I often deal with women that have unplanned pregnancies and surprise STIs at the same time. It is stressful and completely unnecessary, and you have the power to avoid that,' she adds. Keep in mind that the pull-out method is not a smart plan for staying on the right side of your goals; it's a roll of the dice and if it really worked, at least a third of the population wouldn't exist. 3. Own your reproductive health If you are having sex, a visit to a gynaecologist needs to be a priority. 'Sexual health isn't just about the actual act of sex, it's also about making sure you are in good health,' Makhetha says. Annual gynae visits can help detect cancer, inflammation and infection of your reproductive organs — some conditions and complications are not easy to detect. 'Your doctor will do a pap smear but also help you with any other complications or conditions you might have,' Makhetha adds. If anything feels 'off' down there, get an expert to check it out – the sooner, the better. 4. Don't add any extras It's not uncommon for women to swap sexual tips on pleasing their partners. That's not a bad thing, in itself, but sometimes some of the advice is just plain dodgy. 'Do not put things into your vagina in an effort to better please your partner,' Makhetha advises. 'Women put things like snuff, tree bark, herbs and other weird objects into their vaginas, all in an effort to be 'mnandi'. Your vagina already has everything it needs to make sex pleasurable. No amount of eating cinnamon and yoghurt is going to change how you feel to your partner. So stop trying so hard. 'If he complains, there is a big chance that he's the problem, and you need to move on to a partner who'll appreciate you,' she says. 5. Be mentally and emotionally ready As much as sex is seen as a physical act, there are many other aspects at play in our sexual relationships. 'When you have sex that you are not ready for, you make a decision against yourself, because you're trying to please someone else. I strongly advise against it. 'Your feelings around your sexual relationships are important and, again, the onus is on you to make sure you are taken care of. That can lead to uncomfortable conversations, but that's better than compromising yourself. Sex is meant to be pleasurable. And that state includes your mind, body and soul, so always ensure that you don't take that part of your health for granted,' Zondi says. 6. Screen your lovers No one has the right to tell you how to pick your lovers. The responsibility is yours alone and it is one you have to take seriously. 'The person you choose to have sexual interactions with has to be picked with a lot of consideration. These are people you are vulnerable with and should your contraception fail, that's someone who might be in your life for good,' Zondi says. She concludes: 'Lovers can also wreak havoc with your self-esteem, so make sure you choose partners that affirm who you are, and not those who cause harm. I often tell my clients that being fussy is good when it comes to this. 'If you are choosing decent partners, sex will be healthy for your mental health but when you choose the wrong ones, the damage to your mental and emotional state can be very harmful.'
Sky News
09-05-2025
- Sky News
School kids asking for advice on strangulation during sex - as abuse victim issues warning
Schoolchildren are asking teachers how to strangle a partner during sex safely, a charity says, while official figures show an alarming rise in the crime related to domestic abuse cases. Warning: This article contains references to strangulation, domestic abuse and distressing images. It comes as a woman whose former partner almost strangled her to death in a rage has advised anyone in an abusive relationship to seek help and leave. Bernie Ryan, chief executive of the Institute for Addressing Strangulation, has been running the charity since its inception in 2022 after non-fatal strangulation became a standalone offence. "It's the ultimate form of control," she says. She says perpetrators and victims are getting younger, while the reason is unclear, but strangulation has seeped into popular culture and social media. "We hear lots of sex education providers, teachers saying that they're hearing it in schools. "We know teachers have been asked, 'how do I teach somebody to strangle safely?' "Our message is there is no safe way to strangle - the anatomy is the anatomy. Reduction in oxygen to the brain or blood flow will result in the same medical consequences, regardless of context." A recent review by Conservative peer Baroness Gabby Bertin recommended banning "degrading, violent and misogynistic content" online. Violent pornography showing women being choked during sex she found was "rife on mainstream platforms". Ms Ryan says she "wants to make sure that young people don't have access to activities that demonstrate that this is normal behaviour". Strangulation is a violent act that is often committed in abusive relationships. It is the second most common method used by men to kill women, the first is stabbing. According to statistics shared by the Crown Prosecution Service, in 2024 there was an almost 50% rise in incidents of non-fatal strangulation and suffocation - compared to the year before. Domestic abuse victim Kerry Allan has a message for anyone who is in an abusive relationship. Kerry met Michael Cosgrove in September 2022. While she said "at the beginning it was really good", within months he became physically abusive. In August last year her friends found his profile on a dating app. "I confronted him and he denied it. I knew we were going to get into a big argument and I couldn't face it, so I said I was going to my mum's for a few days and take myself away from the situation. "I came back a few days later and stupidly I agreed we could try again and everything escalated from that." In the early hours of 25 August the pair had come in from a night out at a concert and got into an argument. "He was having a go at me, accusing me of flirting with other people, and I was angry. I told him he had a nerve after what he'd done to me in the week and how he humiliated me. "I told him that I wanted to leave, that we were done and that I wanted to go to my mum's and that's when it got bad. "He pinned me to the bed and that's when he first strangled me." Kerry says this was the first time she'd ever been violently assaulted. Cosgrove was eerily silent as he eventually let go and Kerry gasped for air. "I remember trying to get my breath back, I was crying and hyperventilating... I was sick on the bedroom floor and I was asking him to go." Cosgrove strangled her for a second time before letting go again. "He was saying I wasn't getting out of this bedroom alive. I was dead tonight, he hoped that I knew that. Just kept saying how I'd ruined his life." "I remember feeling a sort of shock thinking at this point, I'm not going to get out of this bedroom, he's actually going to kill me." Kerry began screaming and shouting for help as loud as she could. Her neighbours heard the commotion and called the police. While they were en route, Kerry was once again being assaulted. "I ran over to the bedroom window and tried to jump out, he grabbed me as I went to open the window, and we struggled. And then I was back in the same position, he was on top of me on the bed, and his hands were round the throat again. But this time it didn't stop. "I remember trying to struggle and trying to kick out and hit him and I just kept thinking that I definitely was going to die, because at this point, it wasn't stopping." The next memory Kerry has is opening her eyes to see police and paramedics in the bedroom. Cosgrove had heard the sirens, jumped out of the bedroom window and went to hide in Kerry's car. Kerry remembers opening her eyes to paramedics caring for her: "I remember thinking, I'm alive. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that I was alive and I wasn't dead. My last memory is him being on top of me with his hands on my throat." She gives this advice to anyone who is in an abusive relationship: "Please speak to somebody, whether it's friends, family, a work colleague, whether it's somebody online, whether it's a charity that you're directed to, any sort of abuse is not okay. "Whether it starts off emotional, they often start off that way, and they escalate, and they can escalate badly. "Take what happened to me as a huge warning sign, because I wouldn't want anyone else to be in the position I've been in the last eight months." Cosgrove was found guilty of attempting to murder Kerry and intentional strangulation. He will be sentenced in July.
Sky News
09-05-2025
- Sky News
School kids asking for advice on strangulation during sex - as abuse victim recounts violent assault
Schoolchildren are asking teachers how to strangle a partner during sex safely, a charity says, while official figures show an alarming rise in the crime related to domestic abuse cases. Warning: This article contains references to strangulation, domestic abuse and distressing images. It comes as a woman whose former partner almost strangled her to death in a rage has advised anyone in an abusive relationship to seek help and leave. Bernie Ryan, chief executive of the Institute for Addressing Strangulation, has been running the charity since its inception in 2022 after non-fatal strangulation became a standalone offence. "It's the ultimate form of control," she says. She says perpetrators and victims are getting younger, while the reason is unclear, but strangulation has seeped into popular culture and social media. "We hear lots of sex education providers, teachers saying that they're hearing it in schools. "We know teachers have been asked, 'how do I teach somebody to strangle safely?' "Our message is there is no safe way to strangle - the anatomy is the anatomy. Reduction in oxygen to the brain or blood flow will result in the same medical consequences, regardless of context." A recent review by Conservative peer Baroness Gabby Bertin recommended banning "degrading, violent and misogynistic content" online. Violent pornography showing women being choked during sex she found was "rife on mainstream platforms". Ms Ryan says she "wants to make sure that young people don't have access to activities that demonstrate that this is normal behaviour". Strangulation is a violent act that is often committed in abusive relationships. It is the second most common method used by men to kill women, the first is stabbing. According to statistics shared by the Crown Prosecution Service, in 2024 there was an almost 50% rise in incidents of non-fatal strangulation and suffocation - compared to the year before. Domestic abuse victim Kerry Allan has a message for anyone who is in an abusive relationship. Kerry met Michael Cosgrove in September 2022. While she said "at the beginning it was really good", within months he became physically abusive. In August last year her friends found his profile on a dating app. "I confronted him and he denied it. I knew we were going to get into a big argument and I couldn't face it, so I said I was going to my mum's for a few days and take myself away from the situation. "I came back a few days later and stupidly I agreed we could try again and everything escalated from that." In the early hours of 25 August the pair had come in from a night out at a concert and got into an argument. "He was having a go at me, accusing me of flirting with other people, and I was angry. I told him he had a nerve after what he'd done to me in the week and how he humiliated me. "I told him that I wanted to leave, that we were done and that I wanted to go to my mum's and that's when it got bad. "He pinned me to the bed and that's when he first strangled me." Kerry says this was the first time she'd ever been violently assaulted. Cosgrove was eerily silent as he eventually let go and Kerry gasped for air. "I remember trying to get my breath back, I was crying and hyperventilating and I was sick on the bedroom floor and I was asking him to go." Cosgrove strangled her for a second time before letting go again. "He was saying I wasn't getting out of this bedroom alive. I was dead tonight, he hoped that I knew that. Just kept saying how I'd ruined his life." "I remember feeling a sort of shock thinking at this point, I'm not going to get out of this bedroom, he's actually going to kill me." Kerry began screaming and shouting for help as loud as she could. Her neighbours heard the commotion and called the police. While they were en route, Kerry was once again being assaulted. "I ran over to the bedroom window and tried to jump out, he grabbed me as I went to open the window, and we struggled. And then I was back in the same position, he was on top of me on the bed, and his hands were round the throat again. But this time it didn't stop. "I remember trying to struggle and trying to kick out and hit him and I just kept thinking that I definitely was going to die, because at this point, it wasn't stopping." The next memory Kerry has is opening her eyes to see police and paramedics in the bedroom. Cosgrove had heard the sirens, jumped out of the bedroom window and went to hide in Kerry's car. Kerry remembers opening her eyes to paramedics caring for her: "I remember thinking, I'm alive. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that I was alive and I wasn't dead. My last memory is him being on top of me with his hands on my throat." She gives this advice to anyone who is in an abusive relationship: "Please speak to somebody, whether it's friends, family, a work colleague, whether it's somebody online, whether it's a charity that you're directed to, any sort of abuse is not okay. "Whether it starts off emotional, they often start off that way, and they escalate, and they can escalate badly. "Take what happened to me as a huge warning sign, because I wouldn't want anyone else to be in the position I've been in the last eight months." Cosgrove was found guilty of attempting to murder Kerry and intentional strangulation. He will be sentenced in July.
Sky News
09-05-2025
- Sky News
Schoolchildren asking for 'advice on strangulation during sex'
Why you can trust Sky News Schoolchildren are asking teachers how to strangle a partner during sex safely, a charity says, while official figures show an alarming rise in the crime related to domestic abuse cases. Warning: This article contains references to strangulation, domestic abuse and distressing images. It comes as a woman whose former partner almost strangled her to death in a rage has advised anyone in an abusive relationships to seek help and leave. Bernie Ryan, chief executive of the Institute for Addressing Strangulation, has been running the charity since its inception in 2022 after non-fatal strangulation became a standalone offence. "It's the ultimate form of control," she says. She says perpetrators and victims are getting younger, while the reason is unclear, but strangulation has seeped into popular culture and social media. "We hear lots of sex education providers, teachers saying that they're hearing it in schools. "We know teachers have been asked, 'how do I teach somebody to strangle safely?' "Our message is there is no safe way to strangle - the anatomy is the anatomy. Reduction in oxygen to the brain or blood flow will result in the same medical consequences, regardless of context." A recent review by Conservative peer Baroness Gabby Bertin recommended banning "degrading, violent and misogynistic content" online. Violent pornography showing women being choked during sex she found was "rife on mainstream platforms". Ms Ryan says she "wants to make sure that young people don't have access to activities that demonstrate that this is normal behaviour". Strangulation is a violent act that is often committed in abusive relationships. It is the second most common method used by men to kill women, the first is stabbing. According to statistics shared by the Crown Prosecution Service, in 2024 there was an almost 50% rise in incidents of non-fatal strangulation and suffocation - compared to the year before. Domestic abuse victim Kerry Allan has a message for anyone who is in an abusive relationship. Kerry met Michael Cosgrove in September 2022. While she said "at the beginning it was really good", within months he became physically abusive. In August last year her friends found his profile on a dating app. "I confronted him and he denied it. I knew we were going to get into a big argument and I couldn't face it, so I said I was going to my mum's for a few days and take myself away from the situation. "I came back a few days later and stupidly I agreed we could try again and everything escalated from that." In the early hours of 25 August the pair had come in from a night out at a concert and got into an argument. "He was having a go at me, accusing me of flirting with other people, and I was angry. I told him he had a nerve after what he'd done to me in the week and how he humiliated me. "I told him that I wanted to leave, that we were done and that I wanted to go to my mum's and that's when it got bad. "He pinned me to the bed and that's when he first strangled me." Kerry says this was the first time she'd ever been violently assaulted. Cosgrove was eerily silent as he eventually let go and Kerry gasped for air. "I remember trying to get my breath back, I was crying and hyperventilating and I was sick on the bedroom floor and I was asking him to go." Cosgrove strangled her for a second time before letting go again. "He was saying I wasn't getting out of this bedroom alive. I was dead tonight, he hoped that I knew that. Just kept saying how I'd ruined his life." "I remember feeling a sort of shock thinking at this point, I'm not going to get out of this bedroom, he's actually going to kill me." Kerry began screaming and shouting for help as loud as she could. Her neighbours heard the commotion and called the police. While they were en route Kerry was once again being assaulted. "I ran over to the bedroom window and tried to jump out, he grabbed me as I went to open the window, and we struggled. And then I was back in the same position, he was on top of me on the bed, and his hands were round the throat again. But this time it didn't stop. "I remember trying to struggle and trying to kick out and hit him and I just kept thinking that I definitely was going to die, because at this point, it wasn't stopping." The next memory Kerry has is opening her eyes to see police and paramedics in the bedroom. Cosgrove had heard the sirens, jumped out of the bedroom window and went to hide in Kerry's car. Kerry remembers opening her eyes to paramedics caring for her: "I remember thinking, I'm alive. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that I was alive and I wasn't dead. My last memory is him being on top of me with his hands on my throat." She gives this advice to anyone who is in an abusive relationship: "Please speak to somebody, whether it's friends, family, a work colleague, whether it's somebody online, whether, it's a charity that you're directed to, any sort of abuse is not okay. "Whether it starts off emotional, they often start off that way, and they escalate, and they can escalate badly. "Take what happened to me is a huge warning sign, because I wouldn't want anyone else to be in the position I've been in the last eight months." Cosgrove was found guilty of attempting to murder Kerry and intentional strangulation. He will be sentenced in July.
