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Daily Mail
21-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Abbie Chatfield celebrates her 30th birthday 'somewhere in Greece' with partner Adam Hyde - as he freestyles her a sweet celebration song
Abbie Chatfield broke her social media embargo this week to celebrate her 30th birthday. The influencer announced last week that she was taking a month off all online platforms after a year of incessant trolling. But Abbie was back on Instagram on Friday to reflect on her 30 years on the planet. She shared an expansive carousel of throwback images from her past, augmented with 20 things that she wished she knew at 20. Captioning the post, Abbie revealed that she and boyfriend Adam Hyde were living it up 'somewhere in Greece.' From A-list scandals and red carpet mishaps to exclusive pictures and viral moments, subscribe to the DailyMail's new showbiz newsletter to stay in the loop. 'I'm excited to be 30,' she wrote. 'I've never been scared of ageing. Every day I learn and grow, so what's there to be scared of? 'I'm proud of myself for the woman I am, and I am excited to meet the woman I will become. She continued: 'I'm happy that I made it this far. Here's what I wish I knew at 20 as I enter my 30s. Abbie then went on to impart several pearls of wisdom that she has picked up along the way, including the ability to 'feel your feelings'. 'Don't over-intellectualise,' she wrote over an image that showed her engrossed in a book. 'Don't numb yourself with your favourite vice. It takes practise to process emotions. The more you do it, the more you learn. That is true resilience.' She also emphasised the importance of keeping a daily journal as a way of making sense of the world. 'UNFORTUNATELY, journaling every day helps,' she imparted. 'It can be painful and daunting, but it is much like massaging a knot in the muscles. Abbie then went on to impart several pearls of wisdom that she had picked up along the way including the ability to 'feel your feelings' 'At first it hurts and you will want to stop but you must persist until you feel the tension ease. Write freely without restriction or expectation. She also reiterated the importance of telling people close about feelings, adding: 'Tell people how you feel as often as possible! It will free you and save you pain! And the outcome could be better than worst case. Better than you imagine' She also waxed lyrical about the importance of keeping fit, but only up to a point. 'DO NOT exercise to punish yourself. Don't exercise out of pure vanity. Move to feel good. Dance, run, walk, stretch, do a star jump Whatever!' she exclaimed 'Exercise changes your life for the better, but only if you're listening to your body and enjoying it! Another life lesson Abbie imparted was the importance of recognising the transient nature of life. She wrote: 'Very few things in life are permanent, least of all your emotional state. When it's hard, don't panic, because change is coming. When it's easy, be grateful, because change is coming.' She also had some sage words for people in relationships too, adding: Relationships SHOULD NOT be hard! They are "work" yes, but hard is not the word. 'When there is natural love and respect, issues do not linger or fester. The person you are with should make you lighter.' Abbie's wise words were augmented by a catchy clip of boyfriend Adam Hyde celebrating his ladylove with an impromptu song. 'Birthday baby, it's the birthday queen,' Adam began singing over a simple beat while a bikini-clad Abbie danced seductively in the background. Adam's romantic tribute was full of swoonworthy lines guaranteed to make anyone's knees buckle. 'She's the best looking woman on top of the entire world, she sings for the men and she sings for the girls,' he sang. He continued: 'Every time I see her, I just want to weep, because she's more pretty than my favourite poems. '30 years young with wisdom on her tongue, you know she is my favourite, she's the world's favourite song.' Abbie also showed off her musical talent in the video, singing back up vocals of 'It's my birthday', as Adam continued his serenade. Adam's post was met with a flurry of comments from fans - with more than a few suggesting a full studio release. 'Bro, this is sooo catchy, I'm vibing,' one follower quipped while another jumped in with a similar: 'Release this NOW! Omg happy 30th bday Abbbbbbz.'
Forbes
16-05-2025
- General
- Forbes
2 Compliments That Are Conditions In Disguise — By A Psychologist
Not all compliments are what they seem. Some are genuine reflections of who you are. Others are ... More subtle contracts offered with a smile, but laced with expectation. Compliments can be disarming. They make us feel chosen and understood in ways words rarely do. But sometimes, the praise that feels the most flattering is also the praise that teaches us to edit ourselves. In certain relationships, compliments don't just affirm, they also secretly instruct. They reward the parts of you that are most convenient, most regulated or least disruptive. And without realizing it, you begin to shape yourself around someone else's comfort. Over time, what felt like love starts to feel like performance. This isn't always intentional or malicious, in fact, these compliments are usually subtle and subconscious. But repeated reinforcement of selective traits such as composure, availability or selflessness, can lead to a gradual erosion of authenticity. Here are two compliments that seem generous on the surface, but may carry unspoken terms that could be conditioning you to stay small in order to stay loved. This is praise that can be used to reward emotional silence, not emotional strength. At first, it may sound like a genuine compliment, painting you as emotionally mature, unshakeable and the kind of person who rises above conflict. For those who've spent years being the peacekeeper — especially in families marked by volatility — this can feel like long-awaited recognition. However, there are moments where someone praising your calmness is less about your inner resilience and more about their own comfort. They may not be celebrating your emotional health. Instead, they might just have been relieved you didn't have an emotional reaction, even if it was warranted in the scenario. Your stillness doesn't challenge, confront or disrupt anything, and you were rewarded for it. And so, consciously or not, you may feel implicitly incentivized to perform that calmness even when you're hurting. Because now, being 'the calm one' feels like your relational value. This kind of compliment may reinforce a deeper pattern rooted in childhood or adolescent socialization, especially for women and girls. A 2008 qualitative research project by Cheryl van Daalen-Smith illustrates this phenomenon by offering a window into young girls' lives through the eyes of a school nurse. The findings confirm what we might already know about the female journey when it comes to authentic emotional expression: 'Experiences of disrespect, dismissal, denied agency, and a denial of the right to verbalize anger eventually led to self-silencing and an eventual disconnect from this important emotion.' Rather than learning to regulate their emotions, many girls learn to erase them — developing a sort of ultra-adaptive strategy, much like a chameleon adapting to its environment, in Daalen-Smith's own words. Their calmness is not necessarily a reflection of peace, but of their survival instinct. When such emotional suppression is later praised in adult relationships, it reinforces the message that your worth lies in being agreeable and low maintenance. You may begin to perform calmness, even in moments of deep hurt, because that role has been rewarded. But when calmness is no longer a choice, it can become a form of self-abandonment. So ask yourself: 'Is my calmness authentic, or is it a mask I've learned to wear to keep others regulated and myself accepted?' Remember, true emotional strength doesn't mean the absence of emotion. It means the freedom to feel and express your full emotional range, without fear of losing connection. This is a compliment that pedestalizes your empathy while quietly making you responsible for someone else's emotional regulation. At first, this may feel like the highest form of trust. You're the chosen one — the person they finally feel safe enough to open up to. But beneath the surface, this statement may be less about connection and more about emotional dependency. A 2014 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, conducted on 'emotionships,' characterized by emotion-specific support relationships, reveals that people experience better mental health when they turn to different individuals for different emotional needs. One friend may be the person you vent to when you're angry. Another may know just how to calm your anxiety. This diversity in emotional support leads to greater well-being, because no single relationship is overloaded with the task of holding it all. When someone declares that you are the only person they can talk to, it disrupts that healthy balance. It places you at the center of their emotional regulation system, creating an unspoken pressure to be endlessly available, attuned and responsive. What starts as flattery can quickly turn into emotional obligation. This kind of dynamic might be used to target individuals with people-pleasing tendencies or a history of caretaking. You feel needed, perhaps even indispensable. But over time, that sense of being essential can erode your boundaries and drain your emotional reserves. You stop asking yourself what you need — because someone else's feelings always seem more urgent. Instead of creating true intimacy, this type of compliment can breed emotional enmeshment; a blurring of responsibility where your support becomes their lifeline. So before you absorb the praise, pause and ask: 'Am I being appreciated for who I am, or are they just making sure that I'm perennially available for their emotional needs?' Real closeness doesn't mean being someone's only safe space. It means being one part of a healthy, interdependent emotional landscape. When someone praises you, it's natural to feel good. But not all compliments come without strings. Sometimes, praise isn't about seeing you, it's about shaping you. Here's how to tell when a compliment is quietly conditioning you rather than celebrating your wholeness: 1. Pay attention to what part of you is being celebrated. Are you praised for being 'so calm,' 'always there' or 'never complaining'? Those might sound positive, but they often highlight traits that make life easier for others, not necessarily fuller for you. If you're rarely praised for your honesty or your boundaries, you might be getting approval, not acceptance. You can also try making a list of the compliments you get most often. Then next to each, write down what it costs you to keep being that way. If you are constantly giving more than you receive, then the praise coming your way might be bait, disguised as a gift. 2. Look for the invisible rule. Some praise comes with hidden expectations: If it feels like you have to keep showing up in that exact way to stay loved, it's not a compliment — it's a contract. So, ask yourself: What if you stopped being this way? Would their affection still be the same or would something significant shift? 3. Notice how you feel after the praise. Do you feel seen, or do you feel boxed in? If you find yourself constantly editing what you say, hiding your needs or performing a personality trait to keep someone comfortable, the compliment has become a cage. Check in with yourself after a compliment: 'Do I feel freer or more restricted?', 'Can I be myself without having to be someone's full time emotional manager?' 4. Investigate which parts of you don't feel safe to bring up. In healthy dynamics, the praise doesn't just land on your productivity, patience or perfection. It makes space for your fatigue, your limits, your changes — your humanness. Try to complete the sentence for yourself: 'Around this person, I don't feel like I can ___.' The answer will tell you whether you're being celebrated or simply tolerated. Remember, the most dangerous red flags aren't always loud or aggressive. Sometimes, they're wrapped in kindness. They sound like admiration but teach you to stay small. You deserve relationships where your growth isn't threatening and where your changing needs don't cost you your value or desirability — where being yourself doesn't feel like a performance review. Because the right people won't just compliment you for being good at disappearing. They'll respect you for showing up fully, messily and honestly. Can you bring your authentic self to your relationships? Take the science-backed Authenticity In Relationships Scale to find out.
