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Yahoo
4 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
13 Signs You're 'Parenting' Your Spouse And Why You Need To Stop
Feeling like your relationship's a little off-kilter? If your marriage feels more like a parent-child dynamic than a partnership, it might be time to reevaluate how you and your spouse interact. Parenting your partner is a sure-fire way to douse the flames of romance and tip the balance of respect and equality in your relationship. Let's explore why stepping out of this unintentional role can benefit both of you and help your marriage flourish. When you constantly step in to manage your spouse's life, you're not just taking on unnecessary stress; you're also stifling their growth. Imagine someone always brushing your hair for you. Sure, it's nice at first, but eventually, you'd want to take control of the brush. According to Dr. John Gottman, founder of the Gottman Institute, couples thrive when they support each other's independence and growth. Being in a relationship means being partners, not caretakers. If you're always reminding them of their appointments or sorting their laundry, you're subtly telling them they can't handle their responsibilities. This dynamic can breed resentment and dependency, neither of which is healthy. Encourage them to step up, even if it means a few missteps along the way. An unfortunate consequence of parenting your partner is the gradual erosion of their self-confidence. When you assume they can't handle tasks, you unknowingly suggest they're incompetent. It's a subtle yet powerful message that chips away at their sense of self. You're not a coach on the sidelines; you're a teammate, and teammates trust each other's abilities. Allow your spouse the space to make mistakes and learn from them. Confidence isn't built in a vacuum; it grows through experience and self-reliance. If you continuously intervene, you stunt their ability to believe in themselves. Trust them enough to get it right, their way. Parenting your spouse drastically alters the power dynamic within your relationship. It creates a hierarchy where none should exist. A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that perceived power imbalances can lead to dissatisfaction and increased conflict in relationships. No one wants to feel like they're in a perpetual state of adolescence, being managed rather than being loved. When you take charge of your partner's responsibilities, you also take away their agency. This can lead to a lack of motivation and an increase in dependency, neither of which is conducive to a healthy marriage. Relinquish control and allow your relationship to be a shared journey. Balance the scales by respecting each other's roles and contributions. Over time, taking on a parental role in your marriage can lead to significant resentment. You may start feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility, while your partner feels suffocated by your constant oversight. This mutual bitterness is a relationship poison that silently corrodes the bond. You can't expect a one-sided effort to sustain a partnership where both should be equally invested. Resentment is a slow burn that can end with explosive consequences. The pressure of unmet expectations and silent frustrations can lead to catastrophic fights. To avoid this, open a dialogue about your needs and expectations. Remember, you're a team, and teamwork requires communication and compromise. Emotional intimacy is often the first casualty when one partner starts adopting a parental role. The dynamic shifts from loving and equal to authoritative and dependent, which can be a real mood killer. Relationship therapist Dr. Laura Berman points out that intimacy thrives on equality and mutual respect. When these elements are missing, physical and emotional closeness tend to suffer. Couples need to feel like equals for intimacy to flourish. If you're always instructing or correcting your spouse, it's tough for them to see you as a romantic partner. Instead, they might start viewing you as a nagging figure, which is hardly alluring. Foster an environment of mutual respect and admiration to keep the passion alive. Spontaneity is the spice of life and an essential ingredient in a vibrant marriage. When you're too busy managing your partner's life, you leave little room for the unexpected joys. Everything becomes planned, predictable, and downright mundane. Life feels more like a checklist than an adventure. Allowing for spontaneity means letting go of the reins a little. It's about embracing unscheduled moments and seeing where they take you. By loosening up on the control, you create space for surprises and excitement. Remember, some of the best memories are made in unplanned moments. Taking on a parental role for your spouse can have significant repercussions on your mental health. A study from the University of California, Berkeley, found that increased responsibilities and stress are directly linked to anxiety and depression in caregivers. Constantly managing another adult's life is exhausting and can lead to feelings of burnout and frustration. You're not just a spouse but also an individual with your own needs and limits. When you prioritize your partner's responsibilities over your mental well-being, you're setting yourself up for emotional fatigue. Give yourself the grace to focus on self-care and establish healthy boundaries. A healthy marriage requires two healthy individuals. Effective conflict resolution relies on mutual respect and open communication. When you parent your spouse, you disrupt this balance. You might find yourself dictating terms rather than engaging in meaningful dialogue. As a result, issues remain unresolved, and tension simmers just below the surface. In a marriage, disagreements should serve as opportunities for growth and understanding. Adopting a parental tone can silence your partner, stifling their voice and invalidating their feelings. Encourage open and honest discussions by approaching conflicts from a place of equality. This way, solutions are collaborative and more likely to be accepted by both parties. If you have children, treating your spouse like a child can undermine their role as a parent. It projects a message to your kids that only one of you is capable of leadership and decision-making. This can create confusion and a lack of respect for your partner in the parental role. It's crucial for children to see both parents as equal authorities. Presenting a united front is vital in maintaining family harmony. Challenge yourself to respect your partner's decisions and parenting style, even if it differs from yours. This not only empowers them but also enriches the tapestry of family life. Remember, diverse approaches can lead to robust outcomes. When you parent your spouse, you limit the potential of what your relationship could become. You box your partner into a role that doesn't allow them to fully express themselves. The relationship stagnates, unable to grow into a more fulfilling, dynamic partnership. Growth should be a shared journey, not a solo mission. Limiting your spouse's potential is a disservice to both of you. Relationships thrive on shared experiences, learning, and evolution. By stepping back, you allow your partner to contribute their strengths and insights. Embrace the possibilities that come with a partnership of equals. One of the most damaging effects of parenting your spouse is fostering a sense of dependency. When you consistently take charge, your partner might come to rely on you for things they should handle themselves. This doesn't just burden you but also diminishes their autonomy. A strong relationship is built on mutual independence and self-sufficiency. Dependency can manifest in many insidious ways, from financial reliance to emotional neediness. Encourage your spouse to take initiative and make decisions. Celebrate their independence and the unique skills they bring to the table. A balanced relationship is one where both partners stand tall on their own two feet. Respect is the cornerstone of any successful marriage, and adopting a parental role can erode this vital component. Treating your spouse like a child can diminish their respect for you, and vice versa. When respect wanes, so does love and partnership. It's a slippery slope toward a breakdown in communication and connection. To maintain respect, view your spouse as an equal, capable of contributing to the relationship. Value their opinions, even when they differ from yours. Respect is a two-way street, and both partners need to actively cultivate it. Remember, respect begets respect. Ultimately, parenting your spouse undermines your own happiness. Constantly managing someone else's life is draining and leaves little time for personal fulfillment. You deserve a partner who meets you halfway, not someone who adds to your load. Happiness stems from balance, mutual support, and shared joy. Consider the long-term effects of this dynamic on your mental and emotional well-being. A relationship should be a source of happiness, not an energy drain. Reclaim your joy by encouraging autonomy and celebrating individuality. You'll find that a balanced partnership enriches both your lives in unexpected, beautiful ways.
UAE Moments
4 days ago
- Entertainment
- UAE Moments
Daily Affirmation for June 25, 2025 to Kickstart Your Vibe
✨ Today's Affirmation: 'I am allowed to take up space and speak my truth.' 💫 Vibe Check: Have you been shrinking yourself lately? Maybe biting your tongue when you really wanted to say something, or playing small to keep the peace? Today's energy is all about reclaiming your voice. You're not 'too much.' You're not 'too loud.' You're just right — and the world needs what you have to say. 🧘♀️ Why This Works: So many of us were taught to be agreeable, to avoid rocking the boat, or to be 'nice' even when it costs us our authenticity. But owning your truth is an act of self-respect. This affirmation gently reminds you that your presence matters — not just in the background, but front and center. You don't need permission to be yourself. You are the permission. 🌿 Your Mini Mission: Let yourself show up fully today. Here's how to start: – Say one thing out loud today that you usually keep to yourself. – Take up literal space: stretch, dance, wear something bold. – Whisper this when doubt creeps in: 'I don't need to shrink to be accepted.' 🎧 Big Voice Energy Playlist: When you need a confidence boost and a little strut in your step: 'Confident' – Demi Lovato 'Woman' – Kesha 'Roar' – Katy Perry 'Truth Hurts' – Lizzo 'I'm Coming Out' – Diana Ross 🔮 Bonus Energy Tip: Look in the mirror and hold your gaze for 30 seconds. Say your name like it matters. Because it does. Your story, your voice, your light — they belong here.
Entrepreneur
18-06-2025
- Business
- Entrepreneur
Learn From Top Nonfiction Books Without Reading Them All With This App
Disclosure: Our goal is to feature products and services that we think you'll find interesting and useful. If you purchase them, Entrepreneur may get a small share of the revenue from the sale from our commerce partners. Nearly 60% of entrepreneurs struggle to switch off from work at the end of the day, according to data from education and career platform Zipdo. That means they're likely not settling in with a good book, which is where Headway comes in. This app offers a convenient way to work on your self-growth, with access to summaries of some of the world's best nonfiction. Right now, you can take advantage of a lifetime subscription to Headway Premium for just $47.99 (reg. $299.95) with code READ20, the lowest price ever, through July 20. Join more than 15 million people learning in their free time With Headway Premium, you can learn something new in just 15 minutes, with bite-size summaries of nonfiction books that fit into even the busiest entrepreneur's schedule. You can choose to listen to a professionally narrated audio summary, whether on your commute, at the gym, or in line at the grocery store. Or, if you'd prefer to read, there are written summaries available as well. More than 1,500 summaries are already available, with more added each month. You'll never run out of content, with plenty to peruse in categories like personal development, business strategies, health, and wellness. Aside from providing a boost of knowledge when you have a few minutes, Headway keeps you invested with a game-like approach. You can earn achievements and master new skills as you use the app. Headway's summaries give you the key ideas and principles from nonfiction books, though they aren't a substitute for reading the full version. It's a great way to discover new interests, so you can potentially dig into the whole book or dive deeper into a topic. Take advantage of this lifetime subscription to Headway Premium, now just $47.99 (reg. $299.95) with code READ20, the lowest price ever, until July 20. StackSocial prices subject to change.
The Guardian
02-06-2025
- Entertainment
- The Guardian
Therapy isn't about life hacks. The best solutions are simpler
When people seek therapy – and I know this, because I too was once a person seeking therapy – we often want strategies, techniques and tools for our toolboxes. We want to be asked questions and to know the answers; we want to ask questions and to be given answers. We believe that these are the things we need to build a better life. Now that I am a patient in psychoanalysis, and I am a psychodynamic psychotherapist treating patients, I can see why my therapist needed to frustrate this desire, and offer me the opposite. What I wanted was to manage myself out of my emotions rather than feel them, to hack my life rather than live it – and that makes for a shallower existence, not a better one. Meaningful therapy has helped me to understand that what I wanted was not what I needed. That my search for the right answer, born out of my conviction that there is a right way to do life, could only ever keep me stuck. I see now that this powerful treatment can offer something far more valuable than strategies: a fertile environment in which a mind can grow, so that a new space can open up between sensing an emotional experience inside you and having to get rid of it immediately. In this space, you can develop the capacity to tolerate something that previously was experienced as unbearable – and this gives you time to feel, to think and to respond with agency, rather than remaining a slave to your reactions. This can be utterly transformative for our relationships, for our working lives, for our parenting and for our self-respect. It is not something we can try to do, it is not something someone can tell us how to do, it is not something we can read about in a newspaper article (even this one, I'm afraid). It is the outcome of a meaningful, sustained therapeutic relationship, and there is no shortcut. The fact is that strategies, techniques and tools are all out there for you to find if you want them. A quick internet search will serve up more studies than you could possibly wish to read showing that exercise is good for your mental health; that mindfulness can help to manage stress (and there are plenty of apps for that); and that if it makes you feel good, you can buy as many adult colouring books, gratitude journals and weighted blankets as you wish (before you feel so weighed down by all your stuff that it's time to de-clutter again). These things may or may not be helpful, but advice along these lines can also make a person feel worse, if what they really need is to address the underlying difficulties, anxieties, depressions and unconscious dynamics that rob them of the capacity to enjoy the good things in life. Because the thing about building a better life is that it is at the same time incredibly complex and incredibly simple. (One consequence of good psychotherapy – and parenthood – is developing the capacity to recognise and feel two opposing truths at the same time.) In a therapy session, an almost imperceptible movement or sigh from a patient might, when attention is directed towards it, open up a fascinating seam of memories and associations that reveal buried pain and love and heartbreaking assumptions about themselves, which developed in their mind in childhood out of compelling family dynamics and have continued to imprison them for their entire lives. And once these knotty, complex dynamics have been excavated and understood, and the feelings trapped within have been allowed expression, then the cell door can open, and as well as pain and anger and longing and other feelings, all sorts of beautifully simple things become possible. The blissful feeling of warm sunshine on your face. The colours in a David Hockney painting. The deliciousness of a chocolate Hobnob. The heart-swelling sound of a toddler laughing – yours or someone else's. The pleasure of exchanging a nod with a stranger who has also gone for a walk in the park. The joy of watching one of the greatest films of all time. Which brings me to my final point. We have to acknowledge that good therapy can be difficult to find (though there is plenty of information at And if you live in an area where psychotherapy is, outrageously, not available on the NHS, or about to be cut, then it can be expensive (though there are low-fee schemes available at the Institute of Psychoanalysis and the British Psychotherapy Foundation, and elsewhere too). It may also be that this kind of therapy might not be useful to you at this moment. And, as I have written previously, good therapy takes time, and there are periods in our lives when that time may not be available to us. Fortunately, there is something else that can help. Here is the one strategy, technique and tool I have found that really does work – the answer to almost any question. Watch Midnight Run. And if you have already watched this exquisite 80s comedy with Robert De Niro, Charles Grodin and Yaphet Kotto, then watch it again. And when you have watched it, find someone else who has watched it – it may be that the greatest value of the internet lies in its facility to connect people who have watched Midnight Run – and swap your favourite quotes and scenes with them. And then make a cup of tea and dunk a chocolate Hobnob in it and eat it. You're welcome. Moya Sarner is an NHS psychotherapist and the author of When I Grow Up – Conversations With Adults in Search of Adulthood Do you have an opinion on the issues raised in this article? If you would like to submit a response of up to 300 words by email to be considered for publication in our letters section, please click here.
Daily Mail
25-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
JoJo Siwa's ex Kath Ebbs reveals the lessons they've learnt following their much-talked-about split: 'Don't mistake attachment for love'
Kath Ebbs has taken to social media to reveal the five things they've learnt since their headlining breakup from JoJo Siwa. The LGBTQIA+ activist, 27, who publicly split from the Karma hitmaker in April, shared a video montage on Instagram on Sunday showing them enjoying time with friends and family. '5 lessons I've learnt over the past months,' Kath, who is non-binary and uses they/them pronouns, captioned the post, which has already garnered 130 comments. 'Friendship and community really are a life force. Allow those that see you and love you to hold you,' they began. They then went on to reflect on the pressures of social media, especially in the public eye. From A-list scandals and red carpet mishaps to exclusive pictures and viral moments, subscribe to the DailyMail's new showbiz newsletter to stay in the loop. 'Do not allow your sense of self to be dictated on an app like TikTok. People are just looking for entertainment here. Don't take it personally because you are just a porn in their story, not an actual human being,' they wrote. Kath went on: 'Feel it all but also remember to laugh and have fun with the chaos. It's not that deep. 'Continue to live by your values and integrity even when you feel misunderstood. Your life will always be much fuller in the long run if you stay true to who you are and what you believe in (I hope).' Kath's fifth lesson then broached the topic of love and seemingly made a dig at their former girlfriend. 'Don't mistake attachment for love. Love is a doing word rooted in care. Look to your friends as a blueprint' they wrote. The post, which was accompanied by Alex Warren's song Ordinary, also included a caption written on the clip. 'Move on,' it pointedly read. 'You're so g*d d**n loved by those that matter.' JoJo, 22, raised eyebrows during her stint on UK Celebrity Big Brother after forming a close bond with Love Island star Chris Hughes, 32, whilst still being in a relationship with Kath. While they repeatedly insisted their relationship was platonic, before and after JoJo broke up with Kath at the Big Brother wrap party, the duo have since 'confirmed' their relationship this week. The pair posted a slew of snaps taken after Chris flew to the US for JoJo's 22nd birthday. The photos showed JoJo cuddling up to the presenter and sharing some intimate embraces during a week which Chris described as 'the prettiest '. Just hours before the smitten post Kath, who was perhaps already in the know, took to their Instagram Stories with a one-word comment: 'LOL.'
