Latest news with #selfishness
Forbes
2 days ago
- Business
- Forbes
How To Know You're Working For A Narcissist—And What To Do About It
Selfish man puts a crown on his head, he stands on a man in the form of a bridge over a precipice. ... More Concept of selfishness Great leaders inspire—narcissists control. If your boss demands loyalty, constant praise, and complete obedience—but offers none in return—you're not just in a toxic job. You're in psychological danger. And it's more common than you think. UC Berkeley's Professor Jennifer Chatman describes narcissistic leaders as 'grandiose, dishonest, blame-throwing, and credit-stealing.' They have a unique toxic ability to destroy trust, stifle collaboration and drive top performers out the door. Five Red Flags You're Working For A Narcissist It's all about them You've seen it before. A narcissistic boss will hijack meetings, embellish their importance, and rewrite the narrative by claiming the great ideas are theirs, often at your expense. Here are the tell-tale signs you should pay attention to: Praise is a trap They'll love-bomb you early, then pull back. This 'idealize-devalue-discard' cycle leaves you chasing approval you'll never consistently get. Feedback is dangerous Refusal to accept feedback is the top sign of a bad boss. Narcissistic leaders don't just ignore feedback—they retaliate against it. They divide to control They have favourites, and everyone knows it. They're shy about showing preference and very quick to punish when the mood changes. You will see the ongoing shifting of alliances, and they are masterful at pitting colleagues against one another. Confusion, chaos, and fear are their recipe for keeping those around them under control. They manage up, not down Image is everything for them. They perform for senior leaders while undermining the people they lead. Remember, narcissistic bosses aren't just demanding—they're destabilizing. When left unchecked, they become the perfect storm to infect corporate culture. What This Does To Your Mental Health When you're working for a narcissist, it can lead to significant mental health issues. Often, it triggers anxiety, burnout, and in extreme cases, symptoms of PTSD. The ongoing criticism, blaming, shifting landscape and emotional unpredictability can lead to chronic stress that impacts your mind and body. As your confidence wanes, you doubt your capacity and abilities, overwork yourself to gain approval, and withdraw from your support networks. Narcissistic leaders can cause intense self-doubt and emotional exhaustion, making even the most competent professionals question their worth. But here's the thing - you're not powerless. Five Strategies to Protect Yourself and Take Control Here's how you take back control and crush the toxic boss. 1. Set boundaries early and stick to them Narcissists test boundaries—constantly. Get clear on your non-negotiables for mental health: maybe you're not available 24/7, you won't accept disrespect, and you expect basic decency. Once you draw the line, hold it. Relentlessly. 2. Document everything Document, document, document. Keep a log of conversations, deliverables and any signs of manipulation or gaslighting. Ensure you note the time, date, who was there, what was said and how it impacted you. 3. Speak in facts, not emotion Skip emotional confrontations—you won't win. Stick to neutral, factual language: 'When we talked on Monday, you asked me to X. On Wednesday, you said Y. Now you're saying Z.' Let the inconsistency speak for itself. 4. Build horizontal alliances Trust your peers, not the hierarchy. Build your network inside and outside your organization, as these buffers counter the isolation narcissists create. 5. Know when to walk Sometimes the healthiest move is a strategic exit. If your mental health is being impacted and efforts to cope or confront fail, polish off your CV because it's time to leave. Final Word You're not too sensitive. You're observant. If your boss demands loyalty, shuts down feedback, and makes everything about themselves, you're not dealing with a difficult personality—you're dealing with a narcissist. It's not you—it's them. Protect your sanity. See the signs for what they are. And if your organization enables the abuse, walk away. Narcissists don't tend to change—and staying will cost you more than your job.
Yahoo
23-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
15 Signs Your Partner's Selfishness Is Killing Your Relationship
Love may be blind, but it shouldn't leave you feeling unseen. The subtle poison that is selfishness can quietly seep into your relationship, eroding trust, intimacy, and joy. If you find yourself constantly questioning your partner's motives or feeling like a supporting character in your own love story, it might be time to examine whether your partner's self-centeredness is driving a wedge between you. Here are 15 signs that your partner's selfishness could be slowly draining the life out of your relationship. When was the last time you decided what to watch on Netflix or chose a restaurant without compromise? It can be jarring to realize that every date night, every weekend getaway, and every decision seems to cater to your partner's preferences. You feel like a bystander in your own life, with little say in how you spend your quality time together. This imbalance can signal that your partner is more interested in their own satisfaction than in forging a mutual experience. Research by Dr. Sarah Vohs, a relationship psychologist, underscores how decisions that consistently favor one partner breed resentment and diminish emotional intimacy. If you're always the one adjusting your schedule, meeting at their convenience, or visiting their choice of friends and family, you're living in their world rather than co-creating one together. This isn't just inconsiderate; it's a red flag that your needs are not being valued. The consequence? A festering sense of neglect that's hard to shake off. Picture this: you express your worries about work or a spat with a friend, and their response is a dismissive shrug or, worse, a monologue about their own far graver problems. This emotional sidelining can leave you feeling invisible, as if your feelings are just not important enough to merit attention. The pattern builds over time—each unmet need, each disregarded feeling compounding into a heap of unresolved tensions. Your partner's refusal to acknowledge your emotions isn't just an act of insensitivity; it's an insidious way of keeping the focus squarely on them. It's not just that they don't listen; it's that they don't want to hear. This repeated dismissal reinforces a damaging narrative: your feelings are secondary to theirs, and that's an unhealthy dynamic. It's crucial to demand emotional reciprocity in your relationship, where validation doesn't feel like a rare commodity. Your partner's need for validation might be endless, a black hole demanding constant admiration. Everything from their work achievements to their new haircut requires your undivided, enthusiastic approval. This relentless quest for praise might leave you exhausted and feeling as though you're perpetually on an emotional treadmill, running hard just to stand still. According to Dr. Jean Twenge, a professor of psychology who studies narcissism, this constant need for affirmation is more about their insecurity than a quest for genuine connection. If you find yourself doling out compliments just to maintain peace, you're not being a partner; you're being a cheerleader in a one-sided game. Recognizing this dynamic can be the first step in recalibrating the balance, ensuring that both of you feel appreciated without the necessity for constant applause. Ever noticed how their bad day at work somehow makes it okay to take it out on you, or how their chronic lateness is shrugged off as 'just who they are'? This lack of consideration can be maddening, leaving you to deal with the emotional fallout of their actions. It's not just about forgetting to call or being late; it's about disregarding how their actions affect you. This pattern of behavior sets up a dangerous precedent where their mood dictates the climate of your relationship. You might find yourself constantly walking on eggshells, trying to preemptively soothe their inconveniences. There's a real danger to this level of inconsideration—it communicates a lack of respect and devalues your role in the relationship. Your feelings and time are worthy of acknowledgment and respect, and if your partner can't see this, it's a serious problem. Does your partner tally every favor, every compromise, like it's a game to be won? This scorekeeping mentality can transform your relationship into a transactional exchange rather than a partnership built on love and mutual support. It's exhausting to navigate a connection where emotional debts are always tallied, and repayment is expected at the first opportunity. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships highlights how keeping score can lead to a cycle of resentment and competition, which undermines the foundation of trust. This creates a toxic environment where generosity is replaced by obligation. If you feel pressured to constantly match their perceived contributions or feel guilty when you fall short, it's time to reassess the dynamics at play. A healthy relationship thrives on generosity without keeping tabs. If every disagreement ends with you feeling like the villain, you might be dealing with a master manipulator. Guilt-tripping is a subtle, insidious form of control that shifts the narrative and places you perpetually on the defensive. It's a tactic designed to undermine your confidence and coerce compliance, a far cry from the open dialogue necessary for a healthy partnership. This emotional blackmail might manifest as silent treatments, passive-aggressive comments, or exaggerated displays of upset. It's manipulative, and it's meant to make you question your own worth and decisions. Recognizing this pattern is crucial; it's emotional warfare disguised as relationship dynamics. To preserve your self-worth and relationship health, it's vital to call out this behavior and refuse to be swayed by guilt. While it's natural to share personal anecdotes in conversation, your partner always seems to have a more thrilling story, a tougher struggle, or a bigger success. You mention a small win at work, and they immediately counter with their monumental triumph. This constant one-upping can leave you feeling overshadowed, as though your experiences don't quite measure up. Dr. Nathaniel Lambert, a psychologist focused on relationship dynamics, suggests that this behavior often stems from a deep-seated need for superiority. It's not just about sharing; it's about dominating the narrative and ensuring they remain the focal point. Over time, this can erode your self-esteem and make you question if you'll ever be seen as an equal. A relationship should be a balance of voices, not an endless competition for the spotlight. Remember that time you wanted to try out a new restaurant, but ended up at their favorite place again? When compromise is a foreign concept, you might find yourself always yielding, never quite able to share the steering wheel. Their rigidity isn't just a preference; it's a control mechanism that highlights their comfort over the relationship's growth. A refusal to meet halfway on even the smallest issues signals an unwillingness to prioritize the relationship's needs over personal convenience. It's as if their way is the only way, leaving you feeling like a passenger on a journey you're supposed to be navigating together. In a thriving relationship, compromise is not a chore but a shared commitment to mutual satisfaction. Without it, you're left with one winner and one loser, an equation that doesn't equal love. An apology should be a bridge, not a barrier. Yet, your partner's apologies often come with excuses, or worse, they're nowhere to be found. This lack of genuine contrition can harden into a wall between you, each unresolved issue a brick in this growing divide. When apologies are absent or insincere, it suggests an inability to acknowledge fault or shoulder responsibility. Their ego becomes an insurmountable obstacle, leaving you to navigate the emotional fallout alone. A meaningful apology is an act of empathy and courage, a willingness to admit imperfection and move forward together. Without it, grievances fester, and the emotional gap widens. In an age of infinite distractions, being present is more valuable than ever. Yet, your partner seems perpetually absorbed in their phone, work, or myriad other diversions when you're together. This lack of presence can be incredibly isolating, as though you're competing with a world of distractions for a fraction of their attention. Their inability to be fully present isn't just frustrating; it's a passive dismissal of your shared moments. It communicates a lack of interest and devalues the time you spend together. Repeatedly feeling secondary to their screen or tasks can erode intimacy and foster a sense of loneliness. A relationship needs undivided attention to thrive, and if that's missing, it's a critical issue to address. When you achieve something meaningful, your partner's reaction should be one of support and celebration. However, if they downplay your successes or shift the focus back to themselves, it's a glaring sign of insecurity. This behavior can sap your joy and make you question the value of your accomplishments. Such minimization is a subtle form of control, an attempt to keep you from feeling too good about yourself. They may feel threatened by your achievements, fearing that your success somehow diminishes them. This mindset not only devalues your hard work but also erodes the foundation of mutual respect and support necessary for a healthy relationship. Don't let anyone steal your shine; your achievements deserve recognition. At the heart of any thriving relationship is the willingness to evolve and grow together. Yet, your partner seems stuck, resistant to change, and comfortable in their ways. This stagnation can be suffocating, especially when you're driven by a desire to explore new horizons and deepen your connection. Their refusal to embrace growth can leave you feeling anchored to the past, unable to move forward as a couple. Growth is about more than personal development; it's about creating shared experiences and memories that strengthen your bond. Without this commitment to growth, a relationship risks becoming a relic of what once was, rather than a living, breathing entity. It's essential to communicate the importance of shared growth and ensure both partners are on the same trajectory. Integrating into each other's social circles is a natural step in any relationship, yet your partner seems indifferent or resistant. This reluctance to engage with your friends or family feels like a roadblock, an unwillingness to fully merge lives. It's not just about meeting people; it's about sharing in the broader tapestry of your life. Their hesitance can signal a reluctance to commit fully, to acknowledge the depths of your connection. It can leave you feeling isolated, as though your worlds are meant to remain separate. Sharing your life means embracing all aspects of it, including the people who matter to you. If they're unwilling to step into your world, it might be time to question why. Affection should be a constant, not a bargaining chip. Yet, your partner withholds love and warmth when things don't go their way, using affection as a tool of manipulation. This withdrawal can leave you feeling vulnerable and confused, as though you must earn their love and approval. Such tactics can create a toxic cycle where affection is conditional, given or retracted based on your behavior. This emotional manipulation is a powerful form of control, one that undermines trust and security. A relationship thrives on unconditional love and support, not on conditional affection meted out as punishment. Recognize this behavior for what it is—a red flag—and demand the love you deserve. If your relationship constantly revolves around fulfilling their needs, it's time for a reality check. Prioritizing their desires over yours creates an unhealthy imbalance, where their satisfaction comes at the expense of your own. It's not just about selfish moments; it's about a pervasive mindset that places their needs above all else. This self-centeredness can leave you feeling undervalued, as though your needs are secondary or irrelevant. In a healthy relationship, both partners should feel seen, heard, and valued equally. Love isn't a hierarchy; it's a partnership where both parties are invested in each other's happiness. If your needs are consistently sidelined, it's time to reassess the balance and demand more.
The Sun
12-06-2025
- Health
- The Sun
Designer Karen Millen forced to issue an apology after sparking backlash by calling breastfeeding mothers ‘selfish'
KAREN Millen has been forced to issue an apology after causing backlash with her claim that breastfeeding makes mothers "selfish". The fashion designer was on Channel 5 show Vanessa on Tuesday when she made the controversial comments, as she weighed in on a viral story about a U.S. mum breastfeeding her three-year-old. 3 3 3 "There's no benefit, is there, for a child to be breastfed beyond six months, really," Karen said when asked for her opinion on the story. "I think it's quite a selfish thing on the mother's part." "Do you?" host Vanessa Feltz asked. "Why do you feel that?" "I do, actually, yeah," Karen continued. "I just think, you know, that's not good emotionally for that child." Influencer and mum-of-two Imogen was among those slamming Karen for the interview, as she said she "can't even bring myself to watch it" because she's "so angry and upset". Calling her a "woman bashing women", Imogen continued in her TikTok video: "Breastfeeding is incredible for your children. "The amount of antibodies, the goodness, everything that comes with that. "We can say how amazing something is without offending every single person in the world. "I just think comments like that should be kept to your own Whatsapp chat." Following the backlash surrounding the interview, Karen issued a statement to Vanessa, as she insisted it wasn't her "intention to upset a lot of your viewers". "The question was aimed at a three-year-old being breastfed, and my thoughts on that," she said. "And my answers reflected that, not the subject of breastfeeding. "I have three children, and I breastfed all three of them up until six, seven months, despite it being incredibly painful. "I got mastitis each time, and cracked and sore nipples. But I did it because I knew it was the best thing for them for at least six months. "So, you know, I think my issue was more on the fact that, you know, as a baby, breast milk is the best. What are the recommendations around breastfeeding? The NHS recommends breastfeeding your baby exclusively (feeding them breast milk only) for the first six months, but it's completely up to you to decide when you want to bring it to an end - and there's really no right or wrong way to do it. The NHS says weaning often happens gradually as your baby begins to eat more solid foods. They note that solid food shouldn't replace breast milk, as there is evidence to suggest breast milk helps a baby's digestive system when processing solid food for the first time. "Once they are eating solids, your baby will still need to have breast milk or formula as their main drink up to at least their first birthday," recommends the NHS. "Cows' milk isn't suitable as a main drink for babies under one, although it can be added to foods, such as mashed potatoes." You can also combine breastfeeding with formula, too and the NHS says "phasing out" of breastfeeding is often the easiest way. For example, dropping one feed in the day or at night time. After around a week, you can begin to think about dropping another. "If your baby is younger than one year, you'll need to replace the dropped breastfeed with a formula feed from a bottle or (if they are over six months) a cup or beaker, instead," they say. You can breastfeed for as long as you want, and while the NHS recommends breastfeeding your baby exclusively for the first six months, you shouldn't feel like you cannot continue for longer. The World Health Organization says: "Exclusive breastfeeding is recommended up to 6 months of age, with continued breastfeeding along with appropriate complementary foods up to two years of age or beyond." "And beyond being a baby, growing into a toddler, I just found it more difficult to come to terms with how that would benefit a three-year-old, a toddler. "So anyway, everyone has their own personal choice and decision in these things, and I respect that. "And as a woman, to women, I do respect your choices, and I do want to support you. "So my apologies once again - I hope you forgive me." But many people in the comments section were unwilling to accept the apology, with one writing: "This issue was that there was no balance and it was factually incorrect. "As a programme you should know better. Very disappointing. "Karen Millen came across as really smug and was quite rude, there was no compassion from her!" "We don't accept her apology. Cancel Karen Millen," another urged. "Well that's not an apology is it," a third sighed. As someone else called it the "most pathetic apology ever". "Karen Millen specifically mentioned breastfeeding past 6 months," they added. "She likened it to an addiction. She is completely uneducated and ignorant of the FACTS and recommendations by WHO (the World Health Organisation). "That is what she should apologise for. Not a half hearted back peddle. "She judges parents that breastfeed past 6 months - shameful." Vanessa concluded by saying: "The World Health Organisation recommends that children be breastfed exclusively for the first six months of their lives, and then up to the age of two and beyond that, if it suits the family." Others insisted that Karen is entitled to her own opinion, with some agreeing with her. "Apologise for your own opinion?? Why?" one questioned. "I don't see why she she should apologise," another added. "Karen is 100% right," a third insisted.
Globe and Mail
11-06-2025
- General
- Globe and Mail
Your daily horoscope: June 11, 2025
A birthday full moon means you have to become more of a multitasker. With practice you will find that focusing on two things at once is not only possible but can even be beneficial. When you get bored with one you can switch to the other. Do only what you want to do today and let those who are trying to push you in a new direction know you won't be playing ball. It's okay to be a bit selfish, especially when the moon is full, so only do what brings you personal advantage. The more you try to understand a situation that has little to do with you the more complicated it seems to get, so be smart and put it out of your mind completely. You did not cause it, you cannot change it and it is not your responsibility. As today's full moon takes place in your opposite sign you cannot expect others to agree with your plans and ideas. That could become a big deal if they actively try to modify them for you. Be smart, and tough, and refuse to change a single thing. Don't worry if you find it hard to get through to friends and loved ones today, because everyone will be having communication issues under the influence of the full moon. Give it a day or two and you will be on the same wavelength again. Sometimes you can be a bit too rigid in your thinking and that can cause problems when events don't work out the way you expected them to. If what you expected to happen today does not take place just give it a few more days. Full moons can be dangerous because they pull us in opposing directions and make it difficult to make sensible decisions. For the next 48 hours or so the best decision is probably no decision, so take a raincheck and come back to it later. Your confidence could take a bit of a dent today, especially if the full moon wrecks your travel plans. Take the hint and sit tight for a while but be ready to move again when the cosmic outlook changes toward the end of the week. There is so much confusion at the moment that you may be having a hard time working out which way is up and which way is down. Don't worry. Gravity will sort things out over the next 24 hours. Hopefully it won't be too hard a landing. It's not like you to believe you need to prove yourself but the full moon in your sign has brought a few doubts to the surface and now you are looking for ways to make an impression. But why? The people who matter know what you can do. Stop looking back at how things used to be and start looking forward at how you want them to be in the future. You have a lot more control over your destiny than you imagine, so focus your mind on your number one desire and make it happen. A minor setback could easily develop in your mind into a major catastrophe, so you need to remind yourself that in the greater scheme of things all events have their essential place. Whatever your current problem may be, it's really no big deal. Today's full moon will encourage you to put the worst possible interpretation on what is taking place in your life. Stand back from both your family life and your career and take a look at the bigger picture. It's actually rather pretty. Discover more about yourself at
Forbes
26-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Forbes
Moral Ambition By Rutger Bregman — Review
Greed and selfishness are failing humanity: can 'moral ambition' save the day – and us? Helping hand. getty Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?Tell me, what is it you plan to dowith your one wild and precious life? – The Summer Day by Mary Oliver I have eagerly followed Dutch historian Rutger Bregman's career online ever since I saw a video clip on twitter of him speaking truth to power at the Davos CEO Greedfest Conference. In this video, Mr Bregman admits to the audience that he was bewildered by the economic scolds at Davos who talked about participation, justice, equality and transparency, but 'nobody raises the issue of tax avoidance and the rich not paying their share. It is like going to a firefighters' conference and not talking about water.' After I had been won over by that charming introduction to his moral philosophy, I simply had to know more. I'm most pleased to tell you that, a few years later, I finally managed to get a review copy of his hot-off-the-presses book, Moral Ambition: Stop Wasting Your Talent and Start Making a Difference (Little, Brown and Company, 2025). This impassioned book is incredibly readable – I read it in one go. It uses crisp, energetic prose and interesting examples to argue that it is possible for all of us to live meaningful lives. Additionally, reading the opening credits in this book that quote numerous book reviews already published, I felt like I was in an online book club with some of my favorite famous people, from Trevor Noah and Timothy Snyder to Stephen Fry, and I was determined to read this book that they all were talking about, so I could be part of the conversation, and an active participant in this social movement, too. Mr Bregman opens Moral Ambition by discussing how most people waste their talents on bullshit jobs, when they could instead focus their talents, energy and time on how to live a meaningful life that is useful to society. We learn how our conventional definitions of success harm us, animals and the planet, and Mr Bregman uses numerous examples to demonstrate how we can shift our focus from personal gain to societal benefit. This, in a nutshell, is moral ambition; the willingness to devote one's life to solving the world's biggest problems – globally pressing threats like climate change, pandemics, or the energy crisis. In his book, Mr Bregman describes the four categories of people as he sees them. First are people who are neither ambitious nor idealistic. This category includes those who work at meaningless 'bullshit jobs' and those people who only seek to retire. Second are people who are ambitious, but not idealistic. This group includes consultants, bankers, many tech employees (and I'd suppose, most politicians.) Third are people who are idealistic, but not ambitious. Most protesters and activists fall into this group. Fourth are those incredibly rare people who are both ambitious and idealistic. Mr Bregman moves on to discuss his concept of 'zeroes', 'ones', and 'twos'. Zeroes are those rare people who start things, the trailblazers – or troublemakers, if you prefer. Ones are the people who help the zeros in their crusades. Twos are those who join in and follow after things have gotten started. According to Mr Bregman, regardless of whether you are a zero, a one or a two, the ultimate goal is doing something that's useful for humanity. As an example, he points to how the young law student, Ralph Nader, got his start back in the day, by successfully suing General Motors for making unsafe cars. Nader's actions led to LBJ signing the Highway Safety Act and Traffic Safety Act. Following on that success, Nader then started the 'Radical Nerds', a group of talented and idealistic law students who were recruited by Nader specifically to focus on solving societal problems. Mr Bregman discusses the idea of the 'Noble Loser' – someone with ethical intentions but unable to make a difference. This is often because Noble Losers don't know how to make a difference. According to Mr Bregman, one way to overcome this deficit is to join a group centered around moral ambition, that relies on a cult-like mentality to identify and accomplish their goals. (I disagree with the author here because a cult can so easily go wrong, as we've seen far too often.) Some of Mr Bregman's examples include the Against Malaria Foundation, the Abolition of Slavery movement and even 'ordinary people' hiding Jewish people in their homes during WW2. Using these examples and more, Mr Bregman discusses what is necessary to make a substantially positive social impact. He concludes that it really doesn't take much. For instance, many of those who hid Jews did so simply because they were asked to. And anyone who knows this can have similarly powerful social impacts. In the book's final chapter, Mr Bregman introduces three global challenges (in addition to climate change) that could serve as worthy, solvable threats for those with moral ambition who are seeking to improve society: nuclear war; artificial intelligence and biological warfare. Despite some of my reservations, I think Mr Bregman's argument to think carefully about the impact that your actions and life have on others is critically important. Taking deliberate actions to live a meaningful life, a life that is useful, and impactful, is the most fulfilling way to live your best life. An inspirational guide to finding that path for ourselves, Moral Ambition reminds us that the real measure of success lies not in what we accumulate, but in what we contribute, and it shows how we can build a lasting legacy that truly matters. Highly recommended for absolutely everyone from the ages of 15 to 115, I think this powerful, well-argued book would be an especially thoughtful and transformative graduation gift for your high school or university students. © Copyright by GrrlScientist | hosted by Forbes | Socials: Bluesky | CounterSocial | Gab | LinkedIn | Mastodon Science | Spoutible | SubStack | Threads | Tribel | Tumblr | Twitter
