Latest news with #singlehood
Yahoo
10-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
I'm single by choice at 42. For some women, prioritizing yourself can be 'beautiful, joyful and full' without a partner
I'm 42 — and have been single for most of my life. I've always loved travelling solo, diving into hobbies and genuinely enjoying my own company. But for a long time, that fact felt more shameful than empowering. I wondered if it meant I had somehow fallen behind in life, or worse, that something was wrong with me for choosing a life on my own. But that shame has shifted. Now, more than ever, women in their 40s and beyond are embracing singlehood — not as a default or failure, but as a conscious, fulfilling choice. In fact, according to Statistics Canada, the number of people aged 35 to 44 living alone has doubled from just five per cent in 1981 to 10 per cent in 2021. While the divorce rate continues to hover around 40 per cent, what's also rising is the number of women who have never been married. Back in 1981, only 10.5 per cent of women aged 30 to 34 and 6.3 per cent of women aged 55 to 59 had never tied the knot. By 2011, those numbers had grown significantly, reaching 43.4 per cent and 11.2 per cent, respectively. Singlehood, it turns out, isn't about lacking love — it can be about choosing yourself. As Arlene Dickinson, host of Arlene is Alone, puts it: 'I haven't chosen to be single as a rejection of love. I've chosen it as an act of self-respect and discovery. ... This stage of my life is about something else. It's about choosing myself. It's about recognizing that I don't need to be defined by partnership to live fully and feel deeply. Single, to me, means sovereign. It means whole. It means living with clarity and conviction about who I am and how I want to move through the world.' So, what's behind this shift? According to psychiatrist and couples therapist Dr. Kathryn Ford, several cultural and personal factors are at play for those over 50: 'Many things have changed that contribute to this. Among them are women's increasing financial independence, the increased acceptability of divorce and both genders thinking more about what they want in the second half of life, especially after the kids leave.' Ford notes that for many people over 50, embracing singlehood isn't necessarily about opting out of love — it's about moving toward something healthier. 'No one really 'considers singledom' at age 50 and beyond separate from the decision to end a relationship,' she says. 'Rather, they open themselves to singledom as a better way forward. They may be hiding from or avoiding doing the hard work of building and/or repairing a relationship. This includes having the courage and humility to look at themselves and the learning they need to do.' For some women, that path toward singlehood becomes less about what they're leaving behind and more about what they're gaining. It's a message echoed by 'Thrive Solo' podcast host Lucy Meggeson. 'Like most other women, I assumed I'd end up getting married and having kids. But the truth is that over the last seven years of being single, it's dawned on me more and more that I prefer both myself and my life when I'm single,' the author notes. 'I seem to be a better version of me when I'm alone, more focused on my own achievements and far more interested in actively following my dreams.' For Meggeson, there's independence, peace and an opportunity for both personal growth and development that comes with remaining single: 'There are just so many underrated benefits that never get acknowledged or celebrated, but they absolutely should.' When it comes to what she enjoys most about being single at this stage in life, Dickinson's thoughts are similar. 'There's a freedom in it that's hard to explain unless you've lived it,' she says. 'A freedom to think, to create, to stretch into new spaces without shrinking yourself. For years, I prioritized partnership, family, caregiving — all of which I'm proud of. But now, I get to prioritize myself. ... There's a power in discovering that your life can be beautiful, joyful and full without needing someone else to complete the picture.' That's not to say singlehood is without its challenges, especially when it comes to being alone. But Ford emphasizes that this phase of life can offer profound rewards: 'Embrace being single as a time with very different opportunities than you have when in a couple.' She encourages taking the necessary time to heal and reflect after a major relationship ends, and allowing what comes next to unfold naturally. 'When loneliness is painful, know that it, like everything, is a passing phenomenon,' Ford says. 'Comfort yourself and also remember to stay connected to friends.' She also reminds people that while others may be curious about your relationship status, 'you don't have to become someone's project. Share what you want to, and protect what you don't.' Dickinson adds that when those feelings of loneliness creep up, they are not something to fear. In fact, it can be an enriching time of self-discovery: 'Loneliness is a hunger for connection. Being alone is a state of independence. I've felt much lonelier in some relationships I've been in than I ever have in solitude. Being alone, when you choose it and own it, can be a source of deep clarity. It creates space for your own voice to rise. And for women especially, whose lives are often built around others, that can be transformational.' For Meggeson, being single in midlife has led to a new fulfilling life and career helping other women embrace their own single status. 'What I love most about being single now is that I truly know who I am, and I finally understand that happiness was never about a partner or a baby, it was always about me,' she says. 'If I'm single forever, I know I'll still be happy, because I've learned how to cultivate joy from within.' Her advice? Look inward and work on your personal views toward being single. 'Life is life. Whether you're single or married, neither path shields you from joy or sorrow. It's not about relationship status. It's about what's going on between your ears.' And for those who might judge, Meggeson advises owning your story with confidence: 'If we shrink down and apologize for being single, we perpetuate the idea that it means being 'less than.' But if we take responsibility for building a fabulous life, people will think twice about their judgments. So when someone asks, 'Why are you still single?' try responding with, 'Did you know that single, childless women are the happiest demographic in society?' That usually shuts them up.'
Yahoo
09-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
I'm single by choice at 42. For some women, prioritizing yourself can be 'beautiful, joyful and full' without a partner
I'm 42 — and have been single for most of my life. I've always loved travelling solo, diving into hobbies and genuinely enjoying my own company. But for a long time, that fact felt more shameful than empowering. I wondered if it meant I had somehow fallen behind in life, or worse, that something was wrong with me for choosing a life on my own. But that shame has shifted. Now, more than ever, women in their 40s and beyond are embracing singlehood — not as a default or failure, but as a conscious, fulfilling choice. In fact, according to Statistics Canada, the number of people aged 35 to 44 living alone has doubled from just five per cent in 1981 to 10 per cent in 2021. While the divorce rate continues to hover around 40 per cent, what's also rising is the number of women who have never been married. Back in 1981, only 10.5 per cent of women aged 30 to 34 and 6.3 per cent of women aged 55 to 59 had never tied the knot. By 2011, those numbers had grown significantly, reaching 43.4 per cent and 11.2 per cent, respectively. Singlehood, it turns out, isn't about lacking love — it can be about choosing yourself. As Arlene Dickinson, host of Arlene is Alone, puts it: 'I haven't chosen to be single as a rejection of love. I've chosen it as an act of self-respect and discovery. ... This stage of my life is about something else. It's about choosing myself. It's about recognizing that I don't need to be defined by partnership to live fully and feel deeply. Single, to me, means sovereign. It means whole. It means living with clarity and conviction about who I am and how I want to move through the world.' So, what's behind this shift? According to psychiatrist and couples therapist Dr. Kathryn Ford, several cultural and personal factors are at play for those over 50: 'Many things have changed that contribute to this. Among them are women's increasing financial independence, the increased acceptability of divorce and both genders thinking more about what they want in the second half of life, especially after the kids leave.' Ford notes that for many people over 50, embracing singlehood isn't necessarily about opting out of love — it's about moving toward something healthier. 'No one really 'considers singledom' at age 50 and beyond separate from the decision to end a relationship,' she says. 'Rather, they open themselves to singledom as a better way forward. They may be hiding from or avoiding doing the hard work of building and/or repairing a relationship. This includes having the courage and humility to look at themselves and the learning they need to do.' Both singledom and being in a major relationship are hard. The difficulties are just different on the two Kathryn Ford For some women, that path toward singlehood becomes less about what they're leaving behind and more about what they're gaining. It's a message echoed by 'Thrive Solo' podcast host Lucy Meggeson. 'Like most other women, I assumed I'd end up getting married and having kids. But the truth is that over the last seven years of being single, it's dawned on me more and more that I prefer both myself and my life when I'm single,' the author notes. 'I seem to be a better version of me when I'm alone, more focused on my own achievements and far more interested in actively following my dreams.' For Meggeson, there's independence, peace and an opportunity for both personal growth and development that comes with remaining single: 'There are just so many underrated benefits that never get acknowledged or celebrated, but they absolutely should.' When it comes to what she enjoys most about being single at this stage in life, Dickinson's thoughts are similar. 'There's a freedom in it that's hard to explain unless you've lived it,' she says. 'A freedom to think, to create, to stretch into new spaces without shrinking yourself. For years, I prioritized partnership, family, caregiving — all of which I'm proud of. But now, I get to prioritize myself. ... There's a power in discovering that your life can be beautiful, joyful and full without needing someone else to complete the picture.' That's not to say singlehood is without its challenges, especially when it comes to being alone. But Ford emphasizes that this phase of life can offer profound rewards: 'Embrace being single as a time with very different opportunities than you have when in a couple.' She encourages taking the necessary time to heal and reflect after a major relationship ends, and allowing what comes next to unfold naturally. 'When loneliness is painful, know that it, like everything, is a passing phenomenon,' Ford says. 'Comfort yourself and also remember to stay connected to friends.' She also reminds people that while others may be curious about your relationship status, 'you don't have to become someone's project. Share what you want to, and protect what you don't.' Dickinson adds that when those feelings of loneliness creep up, they are not something to fear. In fact, it can be an enriching time of self-discovery: 'Loneliness is a hunger for connection. Being alone is a state of independence. I've felt much lonelier in some relationships I've been in than I ever have in solitude. Being alone, when you choose it and own it, can be a source of deep clarity. It creates space for your own voice to rise. And for women especially, whose lives are often built around others, that can be transformational.' For Meggeson, being single in midlife has led to a new fulfilling life and career helping other women embrace their own single status. 'What I love most about being single now is that I truly know who I am, and I finally understand that happiness was never about a partner or a baby, it was always about me,' she says. 'If I'm single forever, I know I'll still be happy, because I've learned how to cultivate joy from within.' If you believe being single sucks, it will. But if you embrace all that's fabulous about it, it can be Meggeson Her advice? Look inward and work on your personal views toward being single. 'Life is life. Whether you're single or married, neither path shields you from joy or sorrow. It's not about relationship status. It's about what's going on between your ears.' And for those who might judge, Meggeson advises owning your story with confidence: 'If we shrink down and apologize for being single, we perpetuate the idea that it means being 'less than.' But if we take responsibility for building a fabulous life, people will think twice about their judgments. So when someone asks, 'Why are you still single?' try responding with, 'Did you know that single, childless women are the happiest demographic in society?' That usually shuts them up.'
Forbes
18-06-2025
- General
- Forbes
3 Signs That You Thrive When You're Single, By A Psychologist
Singlehood isn't all good or all bad. It's a complex experience in a society that puts romantic ... More relationships on a pedestal. Despite this, here's how some people thrive in it. Are you good at being single? While singlehood has its ups and downs for everyone, some people find it more difficult than the rest, while others find it a lot easier than being in a relationship. So, what determines this relationship with singlehood? A new study published this June in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships offers us some answers. Researchers echo the sentiment that singlehood can be a complex experience, with both benefits and challenges, depending on your own perspective and social environment. Researchers interviewed 11 single adults of diverse ages and ethnic backgrounds about these complexities, and gained three primary insights into how it impacts them. Here are three signs that you find singlehood beneficial, more often than not, based on the study. One belief that often impacts how we feel about singlehood is around the 'appropriate age' to be single. Driven by societal expectations, many people believe that there's a 'right' time to be single — when you're young and chasing ambitious career goals or self-development, but not when you're older. When you're older, it's suddenly cause for concern. 'Especially in the cultural background I come from, I would definitely say as soon as you finish what you think is education, so it could be a bachelor's or a master's, and then the second you go into a full-time job, then all of a sudden there's a switch…then you should be actively looking to end your singlehood,' explains Diya, a 23 year old participant from the study. Our personal experiences and tendencies can fuel these feelings of inadequacy around singlehood. Recent research shows that about 78% of single adults tend to have an insecure attachment style, which is often characterized by either a strong need for reassurance or hyper-independence and a fear of vulnerability, abandonment and rejection. This type of attachment style can shape one's self-esteem and ideas around worthiness and love. For many such individuals, singlehood appears to confirm their deepest fears of being unlovable or unwanted, even though that's not the case. This can be especially difficult for singles who seek a romantic partner, but haven't yet found one. 'I would definitely not be happy if I'm single and 50. At that point you should have some kids and (be) in a healthy relationship,' says Theo, a 28 year old participant from the June study. The researchers found that as we get older, there's a tipping point that many people experience, where they either decide to wholly invest in their identity as a single person or focus on 'settling down' with someone. This can be an ongoing process through various life stages. 'I don't prefer being single, but if I have no choice then I'll be single and I'll be happy,' says Evelyn, a 43 year old participant from the study. So, it appears that those who are aware of their worthiness of companionship, but tend to not impose timelines on themselves for when it's appropriate to find a partner, likely fare better at being single. 'Our findings highlight that singles could reduce the incongruency between single status and age expectations by viewing singlehood as a legitimate lifestyle choice that requires investment (e.g., investing in friendships or hobbies) and rebuff beliefs that romantic relationships are a necessary first step for certain life goals,' the researchers explain. Researchers found that single participants often felt that a romantic connection happens at the expense of one's individual autonomy, and many struggled with balancing the need for both in their lives. 'Starting a relationship it's like 'hey I have limited time' because obviously I have work, I have family time, I have professional goals. I want to go to grad school. I love reading. I love doing my own thing,' mentions Carlos, a 24 year old participant from the study. Many single people feel torn between retaining the autonomy they believe singlehood offers them and wanting the deep sense of connection they believe only a romantic partner can bring them. 'I feel like in a relationship (with a) partner it's much more close together (than) with friends and family. (A romantic) someone that you could turn to and talk to – that is deeper and more intimate than just friends and family,' says Sean, another 24 year old participant from the study. However, research shows that relationships actually thrive when both partners experience autonomy in their connection, and singlehood does not have to mean a lack of deep connection either. In fact, many single people have deeply fulfilling platonic relationships, and this love and support is invaluable. A 2021 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that single people who experience greater satisfaction in their friendships also experience greater satisfaction with singlehood. For many, singlehood offers the opportunity to invest more time and energy into sustaining these relationships, which is, in turn, beneficial to their own well-being. So, a strong support system and fulfilling connections play a crucial role in finding joy in singlehood. Many single people struggle with the societal pressure to find a partner. To find solace in singlehood, researchers suggest that they must consciously and unconsciously reject these norms. Many participants reported being reminded of their singlehood indirectly, due to their social environments. 'In group (chats) it's all about (people) in marriages or they're pregnant or they bought a house with their partner. I think that for me at least (it) emphasizes my singlehood,' says Nicole, a 32 year old participant from the study. Other participants recalled how people around them made direct comments about their singlehood, treating it as a phase that must end, rather than a completely natural and acceptable path of life. Martin, a 56 year old participant who was divorced, highlighted how this played out in his social circles. '(Work colleagues) once in a while get into the subject 'well you want me to introduce (you) to my friend?' … there is a little bit of maybe we should help him,' he explains. 'My mother in the beginning was saying 'well you should remarry you shouldn't be alone,' but as (the) years passed she kind of stopped asking. Once in a while she asks am I still alone, (and) yes I am still alone, (and) once in a while she would kind of say something — 'well this isn't good you should find someone,' Martin adds. Being single in a society that glamorizes romantic love is no easy feat, but it can be deeply liberating and fulfilling to many, especially those who break free of the confines of social expectations around relationships. There is nothing deficient, unnatural or pitiful about being single, as we're often led to believe. In fact, a healthy relationship with singlehood indicates a deeply healthy relationship with yourself. And whether you're single or partnered, the knowledge that a romantic relationship isn't the be-all and end-all of your life can truly set you free. Does a fear of being single ever keep you up at night? Take this science-backed test to find out how you're faring: Fear Of Being Single Scale
