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Times
04-07-2025
- Lifestyle
- Times
After five years and £40,000 of IVF I'm having a baby on my own at 49
Most people would describe me as determined. I've always been headstrong and I've always found a way to make things happen. I bought my first flat in Notting Hill in London at 25, with no help from anyone else, and would do ten photoshoots on a shoestring budget while I was the beauty and style director at Marie Claire magazine, where I worked until recently. That same determination has shaped every chapter of my life. And now, at 49, it's brought me here: seven months pregnant with my second child after four rounds of IVF, parenting my eight-year-old daughter, and doing it solo, by choice. Did I plan it exactly this way? Not quite. I always hoped to meet someone. I even dated while I was going through IVF, and met kind, interesting men. Some stayed friends; others couldn't handle my journey. I'd love a man by my side — but he would have to be the right one. Some days I long for someone to hug me, tell me it's going to be OK and make me tea. Yes, I'm strong and independent but, like anyone, I crave comfort. • One child in every school class is an IVF baby, data shows But life rarely turns out according to plan, and if there's one thing I've learnt, it's this: don't wait for the perfect moment. You build the life you want with what you have. I consider myself to be a nurturing person. I've always had the instinct to care for something beyond myself, but that only deepened after becoming a mother at 40. I found myself longing to give my daughter a sibling; not just a playmate, but a lifelong companion. I grew up in Gloucestershire with two siblings and 11 cousins, all of whom I saw and played with on a weekly basis. Our house was full of noise, laughter — glorious, joyful chaos — and we all loved it. That sense of community shaped me. I always imagined creating something similar. My daughter's dad and I separated when she was a toddler and from that point I was navigating life as a single parent while working as a journalist — a job that doesn't exactly lend itself to downtime. It wasn't easy. But over the years we've made it work. He's a brilliant father and we co-parent our daughter in a way that's respectful, supportive and centred around her. My mum has been instrumental too. She has helped to raise my daughter with such steady, understated strength — doing the school runs, ferrying her to gymnastics, circus school, swimming. It's the kind of day-to-day care that builds a child's world. I know I will lean on her again in the early days with my second. She's happy to be there for us and I'm grateful beyond words. This, to me, is what a modern family looks like. It may not fit the old definitions — the traditional nuclear family — but it works. Family doesn't need to follow convention. It just needs to be rooted in love, intention and commitment. I had always imagined a bigger family — I used to say I wanted four children — and the longing for a second never faded. If anything, it grew stronger after having my daughter. I dated and I was honest. I told people what I wanted. But I never met someone who said, 'Yes, let's do this now.' I'm realistic and do understand that it's a big ask. But I also knew I couldn't keep waiting for some mythical Mr Right to appear. I was tired of putting my life on pause — and I was running out of time. So, at 44, I made the decision to go it alone — not because I had given up on love, but because I wasn't willing to give up on motherhood. IVF, as anyone who has gone through it knows, is rarely smooth sailing, and the statistics are brutal. According to the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority, success rates using your own eggs drop to 4.3 per cent after the age of 44, and to under 1 per cent beyond 45. • We're in a 'global fertility crisis'. Does this woman have a solution? I began the process with that warm glow of hope. But then the pandemic hit, stealing nearly two precious years as fertility clinics shut down or scaled back services. For women in their forties that wasn't just a delay; it was a seismic blow in which the hope of a family may well have been torn away. For me, it meant recalibrating and doubling down on what I knew I wanted. Cycle after cycle, setback after setback — through four egg collection rounds — I held on to an unshakeable belief that I would find a way. To date, it has cost me about £40,000 — each round bringing consultations, medications, scans and procedures. None of this is unusual in the fertility world, but it's still a significant physical, emotional and financial commitment. And it worked. At 49, I am now seven months pregnant. Sometimes I say those words out loud, just to feel their full weight. I stare at my bump in the mirror, still slightly in awe. Because even now, with this baby growing steadily inside me, it feels extraordinary to have done something so against the odds — but never against my will. The reactions have been incredible. My friends cried tears of joy when I told them — they have been with me through every setback and every fresh cycle, cheering me on. I couldn't have done this without them. My family has been incredibly supportive too. And my daughter— she is overwhelmed with happiness. She has been reading bedtime stories to the bump since the very start, and I've seen a new kind of confidence in her that I hadn't seen before. I worried that this might change the special bond we have, but it has only brought us closer. Now, my determination presents itself differently. I want to talk about my experience, to contribute to conversations with women who, like me, want families but are in more challenging situations. Women who have done the same have been invaluable, saving me from isolation and confusion during this experience through chats on social media and exchanges at school gates. I have discovered a sisterhood of those who are learning about the nuances of later motherhood, solo motherhood and IVF journeys. One of the most powerful things I've discovered is the strength of women supporting women, from all ages and stages. Danielle Fox-Thomas, a former beauty editor and one of my peers, co-founded the supplement brand OVA with Kat Lestage after their own difficult fertility journeys. Fox-Thomas went through IVF for ten years, while Lestage experienced recurrent miscarriages. Alongside the brand, they have built a thriving WhatsApp support group that has become a lifeline for so many of us. It's open to anyone navigating fertility, pregnancy or early motherhood. We share everything, from clinic recommendations to emotional support, throughout the rollercoaster of IVF. The stakes are high, the decisions life-altering, the costs significant. Having that collective wisdom and solidarity is an essential part of getting through it. Another difficult element: the fertility world is a commercial machine. Not every clinic puts your best interests first. At a couple of clinics I tried I didn't feel like the care was really there, and that can mean wasted time, money and precious opportunities. I was lucky not to be pushed into unnecessary treatments, but the lack of support was disheartening. It can feel like a minefield, so networks of shared experiences with other women are essential. • My sister died two weeks before my baby was born Conversations that used to be private are now shared more openly — about IVF, solo motherhood, and everything in between. Most importantly, they say: you're not alone. My previous job as a beauty and style director at one of the UK's leading glossy magazines meant that I was connected to an army of unbelievably supportive women, from colleagues to businesswomen. That said, publishing isn't always built to accommodate personal challenges — especially something as complex and consuming as IVF. I didn't tell anyone at work at the time. Not because people weren't kind, but because the structures just haven't caught up. Fertility journeys still aren't protected in the same way maternity is. There's no formal leave, no guaranteed flexibility, and speaking up can still feel risky — especially as a single woman over 40, without a second income to fall back on. We're told to avoid stress because it affects conception, but few workplaces are equipped to support this. Now I'm in my third trimester, some of the hurdles I've had to jump are starting to blur, but the emotional and financial stresses are still very real. When I first shared my plans, my dad and financial adviser went pale. Understandably so. Who expects a freelance single mother of two to shoulder this? But here I am, pulling off small fiscal miracles each month to keep us going. I'm launching a health and beauty YouTube channel before I give birth. If I can make it through IVF, I can build a life and business to support us — and I will. My mum always taught me that financial freedom means working for what you want. She worked in accounts — steady, honest work — and I saw how much pride she took in earning her own way. I hope the women who come after me will have it easier thanks to people like Anna Whitehouse (aka Mother Pukka on social media), whose campaigning helped to bring the Flexible Working Bill forward. It's a crucial step toward accessibility for working mothers. • Am I selfish for choosing to just have one child? Physically, I'm doing really well. I don't think about my age. My body feels unchanged. That said, early pregnancy brought debilitating sickness and exhaustion for about three months, and now I often need a 30-minute nap in the afternoon. Of course the recent heat has been especially draining. Thankfully, none of this really feels tied to my age — I feel strong and capable. Some studies suggest women who have their last child later in life tend to live longer, possibly because late fertility indicates slower biological ageing. For instance, a study of more than 1,200 US women found those who gave birth for the last time over 40 had noticeably longer leukocyte telomeres — a DNA marker of longevity — than women who finished childbearing earlier. Another review reported that women whose final child was born after the age of 33 had double the odds of living to 95, compared to those whose last birth occurred by age 29. That said, experts caution that this doesn't prove late motherhood causes longevity. It might simply reflect that women who remain fertile later may already be more biologically resilient. Risks rise, of course — gestational diabetes, pre-eclampsia — but with good care, healthy outcomes are possible. Emotionally, I bring more now: perspective, calm, gratitude. I'm not alone. Look at Cameron Diaz, Naomi Campbell — women redefining motherhood in their own time, having children well into midlife. I've always taken care of myself. I try to eat as healthily as I can, though I won't pretend rounds of buttered toast haven't become a daily staple. The hardest part, honestly, is rest. It's the one thing I haven't quite figured out. Between work, solo parenting and preparing for the baby, it often feels impossible to carve out proper downtime. But I do what I can: I go to bed early and make sleep a priority — I need eight to nine hours just to function. I take slow weekend walks through the woods, and I try to make space for some peace and quiet where I can, but rest is the one thing I'm still working on. I'll be fine; I always am. This baby, like my first, is loved beyond measure. I'm pregnant at 49 and I've never felt more ready. Lisa Oxenham is wearing Ma+Lin Daisy linen dress in white; Vintage Gharani Strok in red


Times
30-06-2025
- Business
- Times
‘I was in a dark place. Now I'm moving house to restart motherhood'
My divorce was turbulent. I was left in my thirties to bring up three children, with no financial contribution or involvement from their father. We split the equity from our marital home 50/50 and with that I took on a mortgage on my four-bedroom town house in St Albans, Hertfordshire, but only by maximising my mortgage loan and putting £10,000 on a credit card to secure the house. I didn't want to, but we needed a home, and I also knew that paying rent wasn't getting me anywhere [says Sabrina Ponte, 59]. It was quite simple: I had to work, and hard. I got a job at a publisher, HR Grapevine, selling online advertising. I had a base salary, but commission went up and down. My employer was supportive, but the responsibility was mine. After three years I started to get into trouble with the mortgage payments: it just became too much. The credit card loan had climbed from the original £10,000 that I borrowed to £40,000 after interest was applied. I was too proud to ask my parents or friends for help, so I just dealt with it myself. I sought the advice of a debt management adviser. They told me that I should stop paying it back and consolidated the debt for me. It took me six years in total to clear it. It was one of the darkest times of my life — we had little money to live on after I paid off the mortgage and loan. I tried to make Christmas and birthdays special, but there wasn't much else. I did up my daughters' bedrooms myself, stripped wallpaper and re-painted their wardrobes, putting new handles on. • Read more expert advice on property, interiors and home improvement My main thoughts were always to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table and them safe. Due to my full-time job, I was unable to attend many key moments such as school plays, concerts and some sports days. I do feel sad about that. In sales you need to put the hours in to get the deals so that's what I did. My children are now in their thirties, and by re-mortgaging I was able to help them get onto the property ladder. I have shown them that if you work hard, you can own a home and I'm proud that each of them has achieved that. When the last of my three moved out, I knew it was time to move on. I have put them first my whole life. I have a new partner and it's a second chance at love. My house has meant so much, but we want to be together. Since the house down the road took over a year to sell, I decided to try a new sales approach. I used Springbok; it takes cash offers with no chains. It sold in two months. The plan is to rent together close to the school gates, but so far we have found it hard to secure a property and I have had to extend the completion date on my house. Most letting agents appear to be unresponsive or slow at getting viewings — we were prepared to put down the deposit on one place without seeing it to speed up the process, but they had tenants that they couldn't shift. • 'To ease the pain of my divorce, I transformed my home' I will cry buckets when I close the door on this house, but I have achieved what I set out to. The house sold for £460,000 and I have a mortgage to clear of £100,000 so that's a great nest egg. My partner is a builder, and we dream of buying a plot of land after two years and building our own home. It does feel like a second chance at motherhood too. I love my children dearly, but at times it was tough and I had to be both mum and dad to them: do the hard bits, the discipline, the homework nagging, the picking them off from the floor when they had a bad time, you name it. This time round, it's more like being a grandparent — we have my partner's child 50 per cent of the time and I can do all the fun bits that I wasn't always able to do with my own. I also skip the real challenges — I don't have to go to parents' evening and when there is a need to be strict, I hand him back to his dad. I am excited to be mortgage-free even though it has been so important to me to have a property for most of my life — the difference is that this time all my children are grown up and I just get to nurture and have fun playing mum again but without the stresses first time around. New walls equal new chapters and I can't wait.


The Guardian
29-06-2025
- Entertainment
- The Guardian
A Woman Alone review – a stylised portrait of contemporary financial precarity
Agnieszka Holland's 1981 film A Woman Alone may be viewed as an indictment of communist Poland for its story of an impoverished single mother who is comprehensively failed by the state – and was banned in the country for many years as a result. The Polish-born film-maker, though, has maintained that it was not just a political critique but a universal portrait of lone, dispossessed motherhood. This stage adaptation, written by Natalia Fiedorczuk and directed by Anna Smolar, tests that thesis – and in some was proves it – by lifting the story out of its original sociopolitical context and transposing it to a modern-day Poland of online abuses, zero hours contracts and today's lone parenting culture. Irena (Anna Ilczuk) is failed by all around her, even those presuming to be on her side. She is desperately poor, and has to care for her nine-year-old son Boguś (Ryfa Ri) while they face eviction. Her world is filled with well-to-do parents who judge her at the school gates – one of whom is also her bullying landlady – and liberal leftie teachers who perform acts of charitable solidarity but condemn Irena's parenting style and problematise her son's behaviour. Boguś's estranged father is part of the story for his refusal to pay child support, as is Irena's abrasive mother, who grudgingly puts Irena up after she is evicted. Despite the potent subject matter, it all seems skimmed across, with a plethora of plotlines and an examination of motherhood that does not penetrate beyond familiar ideas of responsibility overload and the desire for escape. The expressive elements of the production create a languorousness at their best, but the tone flattens as it goes on, and emotion is subsumed by meta-theatrical tics that are better in idea than effect (such as one elaborate scene in which two mothers put on VR headsets to access an alternate reality that offers escape from the tyranny of parenting). Where Holland's film is arresting in its matter-of-fact horrors, the hardships here are spoken of, or rapped into mics, in laboured lyricism. Or perhaps something is lost in translation with the Polish-to-English surtitles? Originally staged at Teatr Powszechny in Warsaw, and co-produced by the Malta festival in Poznań, it is an example of post-dramatic theatre, which is intent on deconstructing theatrical convention. What seems refreshing at first spirals into artifice. An ensemble of actors initially gather in a semi-circle before emphatically constructing scenes. Irena narrates an endless shopping list of tasks, which is striking at first but begins to sound like a stylistic flourish. Irena's disabled lover Jacek (Oskar Stoczyński), who sits at the heart of the film, is tangential here, both in action and emotion. Perhaps this is to give Irena an even greater sense of aloneness, but it means the story is filled with incident yet devoid of an emotional core. Some scenes jar, such as the one involving a series of phone calls between Irena and an actor who changes roles numerous times while they sit next to each other on a sofa. It seems little more than a game for the actors, and leaves you confused as to who is whom. It all becomes confounding as the narrative travels between Boguś's absent father, figures from his school, and the rather purposeless presence of Jacek. All the while, Boguś expresses himself in a repetitive and mannered dance, occasionally rapping, although his interiority remains largely unknown. The drama seriously falters when Irena stages a Pulp Fiction-style hold-up, exploding into anger at figures from her son's school. What follows does not re-enact the shock of the film's ending but gives us a paler alternative. A stone boulder hangs over a corner of Anna Met's set design – to represent the Damoclean weight dangling above Irena, perhaps? Again, this feels like laboured symbolism. It is a shame because the production begins with such freshness. Jan Duszyński's sound design is exciting and there is power to the earlier scenes. But it spins in too many directions, ponderous and unwieldy in its portrait of a lone woman trapped in capitalist consumerism, which is no less blind to her suffering than Holland's original communist state.


Daily Mail
16-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Laura Anderson takes savage swipe at ex Gary Lucy as she spends Father's Day alone with their daughter Bonnie - after claiming 'co-parenting and financial support didn't exist'
has taken yet another savage swipe at ex Gary Lucy as she spent Father's Day alone with their daughter Bonnie on Sunday. The former Love Island star, 36, shares the 21-month-old with the former Hollyoaks actor, 43, who she split from during her pregnancy. After their daughter was born the pair briefly got back together before then parting for good. Laura, who has claimed 'co-parenting and financial support didn't exist', took to her Instagram Stories saying she felt 's***' for the tot on Father's Day. She captioned a clip of herself sarcastically giving a thumbs up she wrote: 'Cheers to the single mums that feel sh*t for their kids on Father's Day'. Laura also shared a post about sending love on Father's Day only to add in what appeared to be another swipe: 'And Great dads who show up and financially support their children. You're children love you'. From A-list scandals and red carpet mishaps to exclusive pictures and viral moments, subscribe to the DailyMail's new Showbiz newsletter to stay in the loop. MailOnline have contacted Gary Lucy's reps for comment. In January Laura looked back at the last year she said the past 12 months 'weren't easy' as she never imagined that she would become a single parent. She said that financially she wasn't supported with Bonnie and that she has been 'struggling everyday'. Laura did however include some positive highlights in her post including meeting her new footballer boyfriend Clark Robertson. Scottish TV star Laura took to her Instagram in July responding to a comment as she claimed Gar hadn't seen their daughter since early January. Responding to a troll who questioned whether Bonnie ever sees her father, Laura replied: 'Do you mean has her daddy seen her…. No he hasn't since 2nd January if you would like to direct those questions to him as I have no control over the actions of others x.' A representative for Gary declined to comment when contacted by MailOnline at the time. Then in September the actor, who also shares two sons and two daughters with ex-wife Natasha, broke his silence on the matter when a cruel troll commented on a sweet clip of Bonnie playing with her elder brother. 'When Theodore got to be the big Brother for the day …. If this doesn't melt your heart I don't know what will ,' he captioned. The post was flooded with touching comments, yet a negative one caught Gary's eye. 'Funny you keep posting videos but you never see her,' a person wrote - but the actor was quick to reply: 'Nope only you 'shaz' everyone else seemed to just enjoy a lovely video …. 'I'll block ya in a bit … then ya can set up a new email / insta profile so ya can keep a bitter twisted eye on my page.' He went on adding in another comment below: 'Course she does .. she's invested hours n hours on ppls 'instagram lives' that's gotta going for something right ….. oh wait.' One fan raced in his support, commenting: 'Sounds like the Gary police are out in force today, leave the man alone, if you don't like what he posts then don't look and unfollow, I'm sure he won't give a, its his profile, he can post what he likes. Rant over.' Earlier this month Laura hit back at trolls after suffering backlash for holidaying in the Maldives without her daughter. She jetted off with her boyfriend Clark and shared a series of sun-soaked snaps from her romantic getaway. While many gushed over the stunning snaps, one follower accused the reality star of abandoning her toddler. They wrote: 'Poor Bonnie ditched again… I just wouldn't choose to leave my child over and over again thousands of miles away. A wee night away though absolutely!' Laura wasted no time to hit back and replied: 'Over and over please explain,' with many of her fans rushing to defend her. They branded the critic a 'mum-shamer' as they praised Laura for taking some well deserved time for herself. Firing back once more, Laura commented: 'No one shames the dads.' However, the original commenter doubled down, saying: 'I will if it's a dad doing it. 'Shame on Bonnie's dad, shame on my dad, shame on any dad that treats their kids the way some do. Shame on any sex. 'And I didn't say shame on you. Just said you'd ditched the wee babe again. 'I ain't ringing the bells like a town crier, just saying bairns been left to someone else to look after while you jet off again!' Laura later clarified to fans that she had only been away for just four days and had many video calls with her daughter.

The Sun
13-06-2025
- Entertainment
- The Sun
I've given birth after my unique baby news left men stunned – I have no regrets
A MUM has told how giving birth is a doddle when you do it without the dad. Model Heather McCartney, 36, welcomed her second child last week after opting to use a sperm donor. 3 3 3 The single parent received stick from men who branded her desperate because she wouldn't entertain a new relationship. But Heather, who left Ayrshire for Australia, was ecstatic as she welcomed her daughter exactly a decade after she beat cancer. She said: 'I had a planned C-section and no partner there. "But my mum came all the way from Scotland to be with me, which made all the difference. 'Having a team of supportive women around, including the medical staff, felt really empowering and reassuring. 'I'm glad I did it that way—it felt right for me. "As for offers to be the dad, I've had a few messages. "But I'm just taking things as they come and enjoying this new chapter.' Heather decided to put on make-up and give herself a glam look so she could take some special selfies after giving birth. She received lots of compliments afterwards from folk who thought she looked incredible considering what she'd just endured. The blonde pin-up added: 'My C-section was calm and smooth. 'So I felt pretty relaxed afterward. People mentioned I was glowing, which was really kind. 'But honestly, I was just happy everything went well. 'Feeling sexy wasn't really on my mind yet—more like taking it one day at a time. 'People will always love a MILF, so I'm happy to embrace that with a smile.'