Latest news with #son
Yahoo
35 minutes ago
- Health
- Yahoo
Dear Abby: My son wants to marry a woman I hate
DEAR ABBY: My son is 20 and a senior in college. He's a baseball player and is about to ask the girl he's been dating for a year and a half to marry him. My wife and I don't get along with her at all. She has a myriad of health problems and takes eight prescriptions a day. Because of her conditions, she rarely has the energy to do anything but lie around when she comes to our house. She used to have a job packing groceries at a market, and she would frequently log 10 to 12 miles a day walking. She quit that job for a job at an ice cream shop where she does little walking. We had a get-together at my other son's house, and she said she couldn't come because she was too tired. My wife sent my son a message saying, 'Really? From scooping ice cream?' The girlfriend needed to use my son's phone and saw the message. Her feelings were hurt, and now she will have nothing to do with us. (They still expect us to pay for their wedding, and for gas and maintenance on his car to visit her parents almost daily.) We want to support our son, but we are over it with her. There is so much more I could tell you. Please help. — DAD WHO'S OVER IT DEAR DAD: If your son's fiancee is taking eight medications a day, she has real health problems. Her fatigue is likely part of it. It's a shame she can't perform up to your expectations. Under the circumstances, I can understand why she would be hurt by your wife's comment. If you want to support your son, apologize to her. I should also point out that if your son is not self-supporting, he is not yet financially prepared for the responsibilities that marriage brings with it. His fiancee may be willing to help, but her income is limited right now and could diminish to nothing if she becomes sicker. Given the current situation, it might be better if the wedding were postponed. DEAR ABBY: My brother and his wife have three adult children. When his youngest daughter got married several years ago, my sisters and I were not invited to the bridal shower. We were told it was because it was too costly, but it still caused hurt feelings on our side. I know her other aunts were invited. Should I say anything to my brother? I'm only asking because now his eldest daughter is engaged. I assume my sisters and I will again be excluded. I just keep wondering if they don't like us or what happened. I don't remember doing anything to them growing up or speaking ill of them or their mother. Must I just let it go and move on? — UNINVITED IN PENNSYLVANIA DEAR UNINVITED: Rather than wait and wonder, call your brother and congratulate him on his daughter's engagement. When you do, tell him you and your sisters would love to come to the shower. His response will tell you what you need to know. If it doesn't, follow up that question with another about whether you may have done anything to cause a rift in the family. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. Solve the daily Crossword
Washington Post
8 hours ago
- General
- Washington Post
Asking Eric: Parent of disabled son is tired of well-meaning advice
Dear Eric: My 30-year-old son is severely physically disabled due to a debilitating muscle disease. He requires 100 percent assistance with all life functions. He does not have any cognitive disabilities, is very intelligent and earned a bachelor's degree. My husband retired a couple of years ago and is his main caregiver. People who are likely well-intentioned, ask how he is doing and when we respond that he is doing well despite the progression of his disease and that he handles his very challenging situation with grace and little complaint, they then follow up with questions about what he is doing, does he have plans to work and then oftentimes even start suggesting jobs that he could consider. These people have no idea the challenges that he faces every day, and my husband and I feel that, as long as he is happy and satisfied, that is all that matters. We try to explain that having a job would create a lot of stress for him and would require my husband to be with him to assist at all times. Additionally, one item that we do not feel the need to share is that if he earned basically any more than minimum wage, he would lose his benefits. We don't think that we owe anyone an explanation and despite trying to briefly and kindly respond to their questions, they inevitably continue to press on about the topic. We appreciate people asking about him but would also appreciate it if they would accept our response and move on to other topics of conversation. How can we reply to these insensitive interrogations without coming across as defensive or angry? — Done Explaining Explaining: One option is to offer less in the way of an update. A simple 'he's doing well, thank you,' gives the well-intentioned inquisitor fewer avenues for offering suggestions. Another option is to kindly but firmly remind people that they don't know what they're talking about. 'Oh, we've thought through all of that and more. Trust me, this is exactly where we need to be. We've had 30 years of practice navigating this, so we've become experts. It would take 30 years to catch you up, and I don't want to bore you.' You're correct that you don't owe anyone an explanation. So, whichever path you choose, also know that it's perfectly fine — and not at all defensive — to interrupt a suggestion you never asked for and change the subject. Dear Eric: My mother and her caretaker came to visit for two days. My mother has some form of dementia, even though we all feel that at times she plays it up. My mother never missed an opportunity to hit or slap me as a child and once even broke a wooden fanny wacker over my head, which really enraged her. I think you get the picture. Anyway, we went to dinner, and she looked at me and said, 'Oh look, a stray hair,' and pulled it out of my head! She did not try to move it or let me move it over. It was especially upsetting for me because I have been trying to grow my hair out after I lost it all to chemotherapy. I have made it clear to her caregiver that I will not be coming to visit her anymore. I feel that she has overstepped my physical integrity, and I get the willies whenever she tries to touch me. During my last visit with her, there were times that she did not know who I was, and I did not feel safe with her. Am I wrong after this incident to not want to see her again. Despite everything, I have always been a dutiful daughter, but I just feel that she crossed a line this time that I can't deal with anymore. — Hurt Daughter Daughter: Your mother's abuse in the past is inexcusable. You don't have to subject yourself to it in the present. You can and should prioritize keeping yourself emotionally and physically safe. Figure out what boundary feels right. That might mean no more physical contact, only phone calls and video visits. This is not cruel abandonment — she has a caretaker and, from your telling, her past behavior and her present capacity may make in-person meetings dangerous for both of you. Talk to her caretaker about the boundary you're setting and get the caretaker's help to continue to support your mother in whatever way feels safe without compromising your own well-being. I know that this phase of life takes a lot of time and mental energy, but when you do find space, please talk to a therapist, counselor or trusted friend about what you experienced. What happened to you wasn't right and you didn't deserve it. You deserve the space and time to process it. (Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@ or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at 2025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
Yahoo
18 hours ago
- General
- Yahoo
My high-school senior moved in with my 77-year-old mom. The unconventional arrangement has benefited all of us.
When my son was a senior in high school, he chose to move in with my 77-year-old mom. He doesn't have to worry about paying rent in our expensive city, and he's gained independence. My mom likes having help with chores, and his moving out has been good for him and our relationship. When I got divorced, my two children and I moved back to the house I owned before I was married, which we'd kept as a rental property. At 800 square feet, the two-bedroom cottage is ideal for two people, but it's a tight squeeze for three. My 13-year-old son got the smaller bedroom, while my 9-year-old daughter and I shared the larger one. By the time my son was in high school and my daughter in middle school, they both desperately wanted their own space and more independence. However, we live in Denver, one of the most expensive cities in the US. Upgrading to a bigger home wasn't an option — and my son couldn't afford his car and rent for his own place on the income from his part-time lifeguarding job. So, he chose to move in with my 77-year-old mother during his senior year of high school. Now, he's got more independence without the burden of rent At my mom's house, my son has a spacious bedroom with a full bath in her finished basement, which includes a laundry, gym, and living room. By living with his grandmother, he's able to avoid paying rent (and save money) while still having the independence that comes with having his own space. When he moved in, my mom laid out clear rules and expectations of what he needed to help with around the house. So far, he's been making dinner for her a few nights a week and helping with cleaning and other items on her to-do list. It's been a great lesson in independence for him, and it's been nice for my mom to have extra help around the house. The move has also been beneficial to my relationship with my son. We set intentional boundaries that could bridge living at home and being 100% independent. He doesn't have to coordinate all of his plans with me anymore, but he's also responsible for knowing what needs to be done with his schoolwork and housework and making it happen. Now, he manages his schedule so he sees his friends plenty — and I'm no longer stressing about nagging him about homework and chores. My son has also matured in a way that's really surprised me After a couple of months of this living arrangement, a new confidence emerged in my son's personality and attitude. As he got closer to graduation, he hit his stride with finishing school, working, saving money, and managing his household responsibilities. Over several weeks, we were also able to have a lot of mature conversations about what he thought his future would look like. Through high school, my son was unsure about attending college — he'd simply say he didn't know what he'd major in and didn't want to take out loans for tuition. After a few months of his newfound independence, though, he was able to share his anxieties about college with me with more clarity and detail and less apathy. Ultimately, he's decided to attend an affordable local community college in the fall and transfer to a university next year. I'm pleasantly surprised by how he was able to make such an important, mature choice on his own. All in all, this unconventional living situation has been great Even though this living arrangement is unconventional, it's been a game changer for all of us. My son has gained so much independence. We've also improved our relationship, taking space as needed and coming together for meaningful conversations about his future. And, of course, it's been helpful for my mom on a practical level. Based on this experience, I'd encourage parents to think outside the box when it comes to living arrangements that an older teen might benefit from. My son has been thriving after having a taste of what it means to live on his own as an adult — and, at my house, my daughter is thrilled to finally have her own space to decorate. Read the original article on Business Insider Solve the daily Crossword
Washington Post
a day ago
- General
- Washington Post
My son texted me in a panic after he overheard his dad having sex
Dear Meghan: My teenager was at his father's house last night, and he texted me: 'OMG, they are doing it! She is so loud. It is only 7 p.m.!' What is the right answer? We've been divorced since my son was 5 years old. His father is now remarried, and my son grew up with two families.
Telegraph
a day ago
- General
- Telegraph
‘We helped our son buy his home, but his ex-wife kept it'
Do you have a legal question to put to Gary? Email askalawyer@ or use the form at the bottom of the page. Dear Gary, I am enquiring about my son's recent acrimonious divorce. After three years of legal wrangling, it was finalised, but not in my view in a way that is fair. My son felt worn down by the process and pressured to accept a settlement very much in favour of his ex-wife. He did this so he can move on with his life and to preserve his mental wellbeing. My husband and I have supported our son through his marriage and aftermath both emotionally and financially. We contributed significantly to his first home and, later, gave a further substantial sum via a deed of variation on my late mother's will to help purchase the former matrimonial property. Despite this, the settlement agreed has given 70pc of the equity in the home to his ex-wife. She made no financial contribution and did not do so during the marriage. My son is paying the full mortgage despite not living in the house. He also attends to repairs and maintenance. The property is up for sale but is attracting little interest. My son wishes to lower the asking price to the figure named in the divorce settlement. However, his ex-wife refuses. Can she block this? And indeed, with everything that's happened, is there anything my son can do to challenge the unfair divorce agreement? He's also paying spousal maintenance and child costs. He's emotionally drained and, frankly, low. We're worried for his well-being and the apparent injustice of it all. – Ruth, by email Dear Ruth, I am sorry to hear about your son's experience. Clearly divorce is difficult for the couple at the centre of it. But it is often overlooked how distressing it can be for interested onlookers like parents. And you having made a financial contribution to the marriage pot is also tricky for you when that pot is divided up in a manner beyond your control. In England and Wales, financial settlements made in divorce proceedings are intended to be final. Once agreed by the parties (usually through their lawyers), they go to court for approval by a judge and become legally binding. That means your son cannot revisit the entire agreement simply because it now seems unfair, unless he can demonstrate one of a very limited number of legal grounds. With respect to you, I must also say that a settlement which appears one-sided, or which was accepted under emotional strain, is not necessarily invalid. Courts expect both parties to have received legal advice and to weigh the risks of settlement. If your son had legal representation and signed willingly – even if reluctantly – the chances of undoing the agreement are slim. Indeed, the rationale you give that he signed 'to move on with his life' is a valid one, which in no way undermines the validity of the decision. Despite film and TV dramas portraying otherwise, a common outcome of litigation – and especially divorce cases – are not one party celebrating victory over the other, but rather two disappointed parties having to learn to live with a changed situation. To appeal the financial settlement, your son must show that either there was fraud or misrepresentation, or there was material non-disclosure (for example, one party hiding assets), or there has been a supervening event (a so-called 'Barder event') that fundamentally undermines the basis of the settlement. A Barder event (named after the 1987 case Barder v Barder) refers to a significant and unforeseen change of circumstances occurring shortly after a settlement is made that invalidates the assumptions upon which the court's decision was based. Classic examples include a party dying or a dramatic financial collapse. Sadly, the courts apply this doctrine narrowly and mental distress or regret do not meet the threshold. That said, if your son's ex-wife is deliberately obstructing the house sale and thereby undermining the financial basis of the settlement, this may amount to grounds for a variation or enforcement application. Not a full appeal, but a possible course of action. If the divorce settlement includes an agreement that the house should be sold, and sets a minimum price or mechanism for marketing the property, then both parties must act in good faith to achieve that sale. If your son's ex-wife is unreasonably refusing to agree to a realistic market price, she may be in breach of the order. In that case, your son could apply to the family court for an order to enforce the original court order. Or he could ask for the court to appoint a trustee to take over the sale. The practical difficulty, of course, is that further legal action means further cost – both financial and emotional. But if the situation becomes untenable, it may be necessary, and just threatening this to his ex-wife may force her hand. The sums you and your husband gave as gifts, including the money passed from your late mother's estate via a deed of variation, were significant. However, in English law, such contributions are generally treated as part of the matrimonial pot unless clearly ring-fenced or loaned with formal documentation. It is deeply frustrating for generous parents to see their support swallowed up in a financial settlement. But courts often prioritise needs – in this case, the needs of young children to have a home – over tracing the origin of funds. Had the gifts been structured as loans or protected by a declaration of trust, they might have been treated differently. It's scant consolation now, but worth bearing in mind for others in similar positions. The impact of ongoing financial obligations – mortgage, maintenance, and child support – is clearly weighing heavily on your son. If he is struggling with mental health, he could contact organisations such as Both Parents Matter, which support separated families. In some circumstances, it may be possible to apply for a variation of spousal maintenance, particularly if your son's financial circumstances have deteriorated. This again would require a court application, but it's worth discussing with a solicitor if things become unsustainable. Above all, encourage your son to look after his own wellbeing – and yours. He is lucky to have you in his corner, but sometimes moving on is a better route than fighting on.
