Latest news with #sons
The Guardian
a day ago
- Entertainment
- The Guardian
Don't feel guilty about letting your kids game during the summer break
We're a week into the school summer holidays here in England, and I wonder how many parents who started out determined to keep their children completely away from screens are now beginning to feel the strain. When my sons were much younger, I often had these idyllic images in my head of day trips to the seaside, back garden treasure hunts, paddling in the river, visiting relatives … an endless series of character forming experiences which I imagined in grainy Kodachrome colours. Then I'd be faced with the reality of having a job, and also the, let's say, limited attention span of my sons. Those boys could rocket through a host of formative activities in a few hours leaving a trail of muddy boots, half-finished crafting projects and tired grandparents in their wake. Sheepishly, we'd end up allowing some Fortnite time to catch our breath. There is so much pressure and guilt around children and gaming, especially during long school breaks, and I think we need to seriously redress our outlook as a society. I harbour many lovely memories of gaming with my sons during hot August days; drowsily loafing about building ridiculous mansions in Minecraft or laughing ourselves stupid in Goat Simulator. We would always take the Switch on holiday with us, so that in the evenings, when we went out for meals, there would be an hour or so where my wife and I could linger over a glass of wine, while the boys silently played Super Mario together. We still managed to build sand castles, go swimming and explore unfamiliar towns, but games provided a way to wind down and enjoy something familiar. When they stayed with their grandparents during holidays, they took games along too. My mum had a Nintendo Wii, which she claimed was exclusively for entertaining her grandchildren when she got tired; it was nice to watch my sons sit and patiently explain Kirby's Epic Yarn to her. I expect it reminds her of when I was young, playing Commodore 64 games on our computer desk in the kitchen – trying to recruit my dad into sessions of footie game Kick Off or the golf sim Leaderboard while he was supposed to be cooking a chicken. It's good for children to be able to share their expertise and enthusiasm, whether that's about playing a guitar (which my kids did, after learning about the instrument via Rock Band and Guitar Hero) or capturing a Jigglypuff in Pokémon Go. It's a cliche to say 'all things in moderation', but it also happens to be true. There is too much talk of screen time as some sort of all-pervading, homogeneous evil, when really we should be thinking about the quality of that screen time. When children grow up playing video games and they're comfortable in that world, over the summer is a good time to think about what they're playing, what they get out of it and who they're playing with. Is it bad that they spend an hour or two every night in Fortnite? Or are they meeting friends, having a laugh and even building stuff in the Creative mode? Games are also wonderfully adaptable to different situations. You might not want them playing video games on the beach, but in those interstitial moments – a long journey, a rainy afternoon – they can be invaluable – and parents shouldn't feel bad about that. For a lot of gen Z and gen alpha, games are a part of the texture of their lives now – they fit in, like reading a comic or listening to an album on a Walkman did when I was their age. Earlier this week, I took one of my sons, now 17, to London. I met a friend while he went off and explored the city by himself. On the coach on the way home to Somerset, we were a bit too knackered to chat, but instead we played Mario Kart World together. We stood the console on the little seat tray in front of me, but it kept juddering and moving as the coach drove along, usually to my advantage. It was funny; we laughed and compared tactics and occasionally looked up as the evening sun made the fields outside glow. I think I will remember that hour and a half I spent with him on the bus longer than anything else I did that day. There may have been a screen between us, but we were together. Car battle games were wildly popular in the mid-1990s when titles such as Twisted Metal, Carmageddon and Destruction Derby encouraged players to smash their cars into other cars, repeatedly, often while also firing rocket launchers. Newcomer Fumes is looking to bring those heady days back – it's an open-world single-player vehicle blast-'em-up where you explore a vast Mad Max landscape in an upgradeable muscle car destroying enemies. The slightly retro visuals and wailing guitar music hark back to the original PlayStation era and the arcade-style handling is loose and reckless. It's in early access on Steam with a free demo available. Available on: PC Estimated playtime: 10 hours-plus As reported in IGN as well as other sources, Sony is suing the Chinese game publisher Tencent for copyright and trademark infringement. The allegation is that Tencent's forthcoming game Light of Motiram, in which a young girl battles giant robot dinosaurs in a vast open world, bears more than a passing resemblance to Sony's hugely successful Horizon series, in which a young girl battles giant robot dinosaurs in a vast open world. Tencent has not yet commented on the allegations. Variety has revealed that a Wolfenstein TV series is in development at Amazon MGM Studios. Patrick Somerville (known for Station Eleven and Maniac) is set to write, while Jerk Gustafsson from game developer MachineGames will be an executive producer. The Nazi-slaughtering shooter is the latest video game, following the likes of The Last of Us and Fallout, to catch the interest of streaming TV platforms and film studios, looking to capture the attention of younger audiences who are tired of superheroes. Developers at Falmouth University are working with local teenagers to create a video game that helps young people deal with adverse childhood experiences. Entitled Ace of Hearts, it deals with subjects such as bereavement and poverty, and is designed to get players to talk about their experiences. Read more on the BBC news site. Sign up to Pushing Buttons Keza MacDonald's weekly look at the world of gaming after newsletter promotion Why did thousands of adult titles just disappear from the biggest PC gaming marketplaces? Meet the new James Bond: how 007 First Light earned its licence to thrill Tales of the Shire: A Lord of the Rings Game – too cosy for comfort | ★★★☆☆ An evergreen question from Andy via email: 'In Sir Gareth Southgate's Richard Dimbleby lecture, he said he fears that young men are spending too much time gaming, gambling and watching pornography. I feel he is oversimplifying gaming. Time spent on 'good gaming' can be a good thing. I think about this a lot, and I'm very interested in how you think gaming might actually be helping young people find and cultivate a healthy pride, identity and culture for themselves?' Although there are huge problems with toxic communities within gaming, thankfully there is also a multitude of positive examples. I've experienced a lot of kindness and acceptance in communities focused on particular games, especially space exploration sims Deep Rock Galactic and No Man's Sky, and in creative games such as Minecraft, where players praise each other's construction skills. Minecraft has also fostered strong accessibility communities – for example the wonderful Autcraft, which runs servers for neurodivergent players, allowing players to build friendships in a way that wouldn't otherwise have been possible. Plenty of Twitch and YouTube streamers such as Aimsey, SpringSims and xChocoBars also create communities that give fans a sense of identity and belonging. And I love that certain games foster communities in which creativity and inclusivity expand beyond the games themselves – whether it's League of Legends cosplay gatherings or Life Is Strange fan-fiction groups. Video games, like music and movies, provide channels though which fandoms are able to express themselves and explore their identities. For many young people, I genuinely think the modern world would be almost impossible to navigate without these spaces. If you've got a question for Question Block – or anything else to say about the newsletter – hit reply or email us on pushingbuttons@
Washington Post
6 days ago
- Lifestyle
- Washington Post
Asking Eric: Mom wants relationship with sons, fears being overbearing
Dear Eric: I have two sons in their early 30s. Recently, my older son became engaged to a wonderful woman the same age, who I love as a daughter. While our relationships are good, I have found that my desire for close family bonds has gotten stronger as I get older, especially in the past several years when I've been living several hours' travel away from my blood family. I really want to keep an active interchange going with all three. At the same time, I don't want to seem like Mama hanging over them.
Washington Post
16-07-2025
- General
- Washington Post
My ex destroyed his relationship with our kids. Should I help fix it?
Dear Meghan: I have two teen sons, 16 and 14. Two years ago, their father moved out after deciding to pursue a relationship with another woman; the boys stayed with me by mutual agreement between all four of us. The kids were devastated by their dad's decision, and the months following his departure were awful. When they had planned time with their dad, he often changed plans, arrived late to see them, left early, spent the whole time on his phone and just generally made them feel like they were not a priority. My older son, then the younger one, eventually cut their dad out of their lives except for occasional text messages. Right now, both kids aren't interested in a relationship with their dad, and he doesn't seem very interested in a relationship with them, either. Although he professes to want a relationship, he has not done anything to try to repair things between them, instead insisting the boys need to 'grow up,' 'accept the way things are' and 'stop being so angry.' For now, things between them are at an impasse. I am struggling with my role. I am trying to balance their growing autonomy and their right (I believe) to set boundaries with their dad with the worry that eventually they will be sad they missed this time together. I have suggested to their dad that he make the overtures necessary to fix things between them, but he is not interested in my perspective. Fair enough. In my opinion, it would be best if their dad would apologize, make an effort to reconnect with the kids and work on showing them how much he loves them. I encourage the kids to keep an open mind toward their dad, and I require that they keep the lines of communication open. I think he has to be able to contact them, in case he does wake up one day and decide to try to repair things. I'm unsure of what my job is here. Am I more in a role of listening and supporting them through their complicated feelings or of actively encouraging/pushing them to reconnect with their dad despite his recent shortcomings? He was a really great dad to the boys while they were growing up, and I think his abrupt 'about face' in this regard is part of what has made the kids so hurt and angry. — What Next? What Next?: Thanks for writing in. I sighed deeply reading this; I hate to see the unnecessary pain parents cause their children when they disappear from their lives. The boys' father first hurt them by leaving (rightly or wrongly), but the continuous pain of not showing up is where the real damage lies. Many children can move forward — even through something hard like a parent leaving for another adult — if both parents are committed to staying connected to the children. But when one parent checks out, it re-wounds the children and places extra pressure on the connected parent. Your children's father has taken absolutely no responsibility for his choices, decisions or the pain caused. And worst of all? He is doubling down on his immaturity by blaming his sons for the rift! He has given his sons absolutely no reason to trust him, so my question to you is: Why would you push your sons to discard the evidence and not trust their intuition? Of course, it is awful that your ex was once a present and loving father, and we hope that he can see the light one day. That day is not today. By encouraging your sons to 'keep the lines of communication open,' you are essentially saying: 'Hey guys, don't trust your instincts, push aside your feelings and stay vulnerable to someone who has hurt you. Badly.' Oof. You are confused about what your 'role' is here, but it's pretty clear. Your sons are now old enough to know their own minds. What they think and feel and experience is valid; your role is never to talk them out of that. Here's the good news and the bad news: You don't need to do a lot to fulfill your role. You actually put it perfectly: 'I am trying to balance their growing autonomy and their right (I believe) to set boundaries with their dad … .' Boom, that's it. You are worried about them missing time with their dad, but the bad news is that it isn't your problem to solve. The worse news is that you will have to watch your sons be hurt and disappointed by their father, and there may not be anything you can do about it. But by subtly or overtly pressuring your sons to stay open to their father, you are encouraging them to mistrust themselves. That's not fair. Children (even teens) are not meant to 'be better' than their parents; it is always the parents responsibility to show up for their children. If their father wants to be in connection with them, he knows how to find them. When you ask if you should just be listening and supportive, the answer is yes. If your sons ask, 'Should we talk to Dad if he reaches out?' your only responsibility is to use curiosity and thoughtfulness. 'I don't know buddy, what would need to happen for you to want to talk to him?' By asking thoughtful questions, you promote reflection and responsiveness rather than anger and reactivity in your sons. Is this frustrating for you? You bet it is! There are no easy answers or solutions here, so follow your children's lead. Good luck.
Yahoo
13-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
I moved to a big city at 51 to be closer to my 2 sons. I almost instantly regretted it and left a year later.
I missed being a part of my sons' daily lives, so when they were 23 and 24, I moved to be nearby. Starting over at 51 in a big city was difficult, and I became more needy than I was back home. I wasn't myself, and it wasn't working out for anyone. I moved back after one year. It hit me on the seven-hour drive. The punch to the gut, the weight of the wrongness of it all. I was on my way to a new apartment in a new city to be closer to two of my four sons, where I'd be just a 10-minute drive away from both. The new place had everything I thought I wanted: a dishwasher, garbage chute, high ceilings, fast wifi, a little balcony and dining nook, and an app where I could press a button and summon a person if the washer or dryer broke. I wasn't moving for the apartment, though. The lease in my hometown was coming to an end, so the time felt right for a move. However, the only reason I chose to leave my small town of 20,000 for Ottawa, Ontario, with 1 million people, was to be closer to my sons, who were 23 and 24 at the time. My kids have always been my choice over dating, a career, and a marriage that left our little family hobbled but closer in the end. Why would they not be my choice now? My friends back home were fine, I told myself, but they weren't my sons, whom I raised to be my best friends. I also thought they might need me since they were still at a young enough age where having a mom close by could help. Really, though, I just wanted to be the kind of mom who could have a pot roast dinner with them on a Sunday and be part of their daily lives. I missed being part of their daily lives. I told myself this move was the smart thing to do, the right thing. Scary? Sure. Trying to make a new life at 51 — when you're too old to make the young parent friends, but too young to make retirement-age friends — is intimidating. I knew in my bones that it wouldn't work, but I tried anyway. I went to swing dancing classes in a church basement on Friday nights. I joined a gym, a women's dinner club, a regular yoga class. I played pickleball in the park. I taught writing classes at the local university. I shopped, and shopped, and shopped, an old thumb-sucker habit of mine when I'm feeling stuck. I spoke to people all the time, and I listened to their stories, but I felt like none of us were ever having a conversation. We just volleyed questions back and forth. It was the same with my two sons, who were grown men now. They made time for me and helped around the house, like hanging pictures and putting my bed together. However, then they'd go back to their own homes to their own lives, and I would be alone again. Sometimes, I'd drop by unexpectedly for a visit, for a chat, for company, because I wasn't finding my own life here. I knew, though, that I was just adding myself onto their lives, not integrating seamlessly. I wasn't myself here — I knew that, and so did they. Back home, I was the mom who had friends, went for hikes, and knew everyone at the farmer's market. I felt like this new mom was too needy for us all, especially me. We all agreed that I had tried my best, but it just wasn't the right fit. This time, driving back in my Nissan Versa, everything felt exactly right. Later, we planned a trip for that summer. We got the entire family together for a week at the beach, where everything felt natural and balanced. We could all just be adults together, swimming and eating, and playing cards. I felt glad for our time together, grateful for who we've become. Read the original article on Business Insider
Yahoo
10-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
My family of 4 moved to Germany for my husband's job. We've become closer, but miss our relatives back home.
My family has always lived within driving distance of our extended family. We moved abroad when my husband's job offered him a multi-year assignment in Germany. The move allowed our family to get closer, but it's hard to be so far away from our US relatives. I was lucky to grow up in Maryland, within 45 minutes of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. This guaranteed near-monthly family birthday parties and plenty of 'just because' events to gather. After I married my husband, we moved to nearby Virginia and added two sons, now 10 and 6, to the family fun. Four years ago, we announced that we would be accepting a three-and-a-half year assignment to Germany for my husband's job. We received mixed reactions. Loved ones trusted our decision making, but were sad to see us go. I, too, was torn. Of course, I worried about missing time with my extended family. But I knew that I would gain the opportunity to take a leave of absence from my job allowing me to be more present with my kids without a commute, office drama, or other paid job stresses. I knew I had a privileged childhood and was grateful for it; therefore I had always wanted to replicate that by not working a paid job when I became a mom someday. The overseas assignment finally gave me that luxury. My mom worked part time during my school years. That flexibility allowed her to chaperone school field trips, volunteer in our classrooms, and just be there. All of my classmates knew her by name, and now my kids' classmates say "Hi, S' mom!" or "Hi, L's mom!" anytime they see me. I can easily do fun things (like attend the fourth grade class party in the middle of the day) and less fun things (like responding quickly to summonses from the school nurse). On a recent trip to Norway, my kindergartner colored in his blank comic book while my fourth grader, husband, and I tasted reindeer and whale. We debated which dishes we liked and which ones we would say "no thank you" to, also discussing after dinner plans and what activities to prioritize later in our trip. A week before Christmas, this was simultaneously cozy, ordinary, and memorable. These are things that we might not experience in America, and I am grateful to expose my children to different cultures, people, and, values. During parent-teacher conferences a few months ago, my older son's German teacher said he is so open-minded and a testament to us at home. What better compliment is there for a parent? Despite enjoying such a moment of utter content that night in Norway, I felt guilty, as I have so often since moving. That guilt was more pronounced many times: when my grandmother's health declined and I wasn't there, when my second nephew was born, and when I missed myriad family functions (including said nephew's first birthday party). I treasure the current bubble with my immediate family. But I miss my extended family, who gave me the security and confidence to try new things, like travel the world. Friends have envied the close relationship between my mom and me, and when she probably needs me the most, I'm 4,000 miles away, trying to be the mom she was in my childhood. The irony isn't lost on me. I feel guilty that we've temporarily separated my immediate family from my extended family. My parents have been able to come visit a few times, but it's not the same as being able to visit for a last minute weekend or celebrate birthdays and holidays together. When they visit, we do have a longer continuous stretch than in the U.S. (when we live a 1.5 hour drive apart). But it also means that when the inevitable "See you later" comes, we know the distance won't be just a car ride. My family has always been a safety net, and it's hard having them a nine-hour plane ride away. Despite texted pictures, phone calls, and periodic video chats, my immediate family is not enmeshed with my extended family like I experienced in childhood. The love and desire for connection remain. I know that when this overseas experience is over, my family will embrace us with open arms. Read the original article on Business Insider
