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New York Times

Do I Need to Subscribe to My Friend's Substack Newsletter?

I have a good friend who is a known local artist, and I try to support my friend's work whenever possible. Usually this means attending events as a friend and cheerleader. Sometimes there's a nominal fee, but I'm typically happy to pay it — I'm the parent of small children, so it gets me out of the house, lets me connect with other adults and helps me engage with my city in new ways. The issue is that recently, my friend has begun two new endeavors: a paid Substack newsletter and a website where access to lectures and classes comes with a fee. My friend has made it clear that my support as a paid subscriber is expected. I don't work outside the home. While it's not an outright hardship to pay the $50 a month for both memberships, I'd rather spend that money elsewhere. Do I really have to become a paying patron just because I'm a friend? And is there a kind, nonconfrontational way to express that I deeply value my friend's work, but can't commit to showing my support with a $50 subscription? — Name Withheld From the Ethicist: It sounds as if supporting this person's art has long been a natural extension of your friendship — cheering from the front row, waving the proverbial foam finger and championing your friend's creative risks. You've shown up, applauded and perhaps even been roped into a postshow debrief or two. ('Was it too much when I read the poem in a Geordie accent?') That kind of commitment, of your time and your attention, is the purest currency of friendship. It's also a currency that can't be withdrawn from an A.T.M. or transferred via Venmo. But now, it seems, supporting your friend is supposed to mean entering a world of monthly memberships and paywalled content, where devotion is measured in dollars. If adult life is increasingly twined around subscriptions — streaming services, meal kits, meditation apps — must our relationships join the list? Surely there are some things too precious to be set to autopay. It's a problem too if your friend's creative endeavors are sustainable only through the dutiful subscriptions of an inner circle. When a 12-year-old sets up a lemonade stand, parents and neighbors can be expected to cough up 50 cents and pretend it's the best lemonade this side of Amalfi. But if an adult's venture requires the ongoing charity of friends, it's not ready for the world, or the world isn't ready for it. Either way, it's no failing of yours. You have already met and exceeded the demands of friendship, lending your presence and, on occasion, purchasing a ticket. But to be told, explicitly or by implication, that the relationship now requires a monthly outlay for online content is to muddle the boundary between support and subsidy. True friendship is best kept free of recurring charges. Want all of The Times? Subscribe.