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The Guardian
2 hours ago
- Health
- The Guardian
I'm delighted with my 45-minute erections – but why are my orgasms such a letdown?
I am a man in my 60s. When my wife and I have sex, I can keep it up (as it were) for 45 minutes, including about 20 minutes of coitus. All of which I enjoy very much. The problem in recent years is my orgasm. When it arrives, it is a bit of a letdown. It happens extremely quickly and feels like a premature ejaculation, even though it has taken a long time to get there. It makes no difference whether I am on top and in charge of the pace or whether my wife is. How can I make my orgasms more enjoyable? Certain medications – whether prescription or over-the-counter – can change the nature of one's orgasm, so consider whether the culprit could be in your medicine cabinet. If this is a possibility, you should consult with the prescribing physician to find out if there might be an alternative. Another element to investigate is whether your hormones might have something to do with it. For example, you might ask a doctor to look at your testosterone levels. Strong orgasms are fuelled partly by sex hormones such as testosterone, and an insufficiency could lead to the symptoms you are experiencing. Finally, I can tell that you are proud of your sexual prowess, but it might be a good idea to relax a bit on the expectations you set for yourself. A person usually has a better orgasm when they are able to let go of performance pressure. Try to focus simply on pleasure. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders. If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to (please don't send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions. Comments on this piece are premoderated to ensure discussion remains on topics raised by the writer. Please be aware there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.
The Guardian
8 hours ago
- General
- The Guardian
Houseplant clinic: why won't my wax plant bloom?
What's the problem? My Hoya carnosa cutting, taken from my father's treasured plant, bloomed once, in 2022, but has not flowered since. How can I encourage it? The Guardian's journalism is independent. We will earn a commission if you buy something through an affiliate link. Learn more. Diagnosis Hoyas, often known as wax plants, have a reputation for thriving on 'benign neglect'. They flower best when slightly stressed, as this triggers their reproductive mode. Regular watering and abundant nutrients will encourage leaf growth rather than blooms. Prescription Allow the soil to completely dry out between waterings – typically, every two to four weeks in autumn and winter, and more often in warmer months. Limit fertiliser applications, as hoyas flower better in nutrient-poor conditions. Ensure bright but indirect sunlight, as too much direct sunlight or a lack of darkness at night can disrupt their flowering cycle. Conversely, some people recommend 'sun-stressing' their hoyas. Also, consider a slight drop in temperature overnight. Prevention Maintain a balance between attentive care and minimal interference. Aim for indirect lighting, cooler night-time temperatures, and less frequent feeding and watering. The mild stress should boost flowering potential. Got a plant dilemma? Email saturday@ with 'Houseplant clinic' in the subject line
Yahoo
03-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
My ex-girlfriend used me for sex. How do I move on from the betrayal?
My last relationship felt like the best sexual relationship I'd ever had. After my marriage ended, exploring intimacy with a new partner with a well-matched libido felt liberating and life-affirming. After a brief split last summer, she reappeared and said she wanted to have sex again but not to resume as a couple. I declined, explaining that intimacy worked for me only in the context of a relationship. She then said she wanted to get back together, so our relationship briefly resumed. Two weeks later she said she wanted out again, leaving me feeling I had been duped and manipulated. The destruction of trust has eroded much of the confidence I had gained. I have found it impossible to consider starting a new relationship. How do I move on from this feeling and untangle the damage? No relationship is perfectly easy and uncomplicated. Most involve periods of uncertainly and confusion. You seem to have a pretty good idea about what you do and don't want, so act on that and take charge of your life. Avoid the pitfalls of viewing yourself as a victim. Remove the things that don't work for you, and never re-enter old problems. Refuse to allow the way you may have been treated in the past to stop you finding better relationships, better sexual experiences. You deserve to be happy; allow yourself to be so. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders. If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to (please don't send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
Yahoo
20-05-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
I click with my new man on every level – except he doesn't want to have sex
I started dating someone I really like about two months ago. We click on all levels and he adores me, but he has some complicated circumstances, which means we have no sex life. He has anxiety and takes SSRIs, which reduce his libido. He also takes blood thinners for a coronary issue, which I know precludes the use of erectile dysfunction products. He has also said that he never really felt a lot of lovingness from his previous partners. He says he's attracted to me and likes my body. He kisses me to show his interest and attraction but not in a heavy making-out way. I am a very sensual person. My former partner and I had the best sex I've ever had in my life – however, he could be very distant at times and had poor emotional intelligence and communication with me (unlike my current partner). I have never had this issue with anyone else, so although I understand his vulnerability, I'm unsure what else to do other than wait. For now, I am willing to be patient. I have never had this issue with anyone else so although I understand his vulnerability, I'm unsure other than my plan to wait. You are smart and empathic, and you are correct about the need to be patient and allow the circumstances and reasons to unfold. Not everyone would be so patient and understanding. At present, you seem to be balancing what your needs are against his, but it will be important to make sure his very specific requirements do not become all-consuming. Think about your caregiving qualities and consider whether they are healthy or not; if there is a compulsive aspect to them you may want to pull back. People who overgive – especially when they do it compulsively – often become burnt out, and end up being undervalued. And the recipients of overgiving can fall into a state of learned helplessness, which is not a healthy situation for either partner. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders. If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to (please don't send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
The Guardian
06-05-2025
- Lifestyle
- The Guardian
Houseplant clinic: why is my begonia growing lopsided?
What's the problem? I moved my spotted begonia from the kitchen windowsill to the bathroom. It's had a massive growth spurt, and one of the stems has grown really long. Does it need repotting, or is something else going on? Diagnosis It sounds like your begonia is responding to the increased humidity and lower light in the bathroom. While the boost in moisture has probably encouraged lush growth, the extra-long, leggy stem suggests that the plant is stretching in search of light – a process known as etiolation. This can cause the plant to lose its compact, bushy shape as it puts all its energy into reaching towards a brighter spot. skip past newsletter promotion Sign up to Inside Saturday The only way to get a look behind the scenes of the Saturday magazine. Sign up to get the inside story from our top writers as well as all the must-read articles and columns, delivered to your inbox every weekend. Privacy Notice: Newsletters may contain info about charities, online ads, and content funded by outside parties. For more information see our Privacy Policy. We use Google reCaptcha to protect our website and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply. after newsletter promotion Help! My rubber plant is droopy Prescription It may not need repotting, unless the roots are tightly packed or poking through the drainage holes. Try cutting back the leggy stem to encourage more balanced, bushier growth. You can even propagate the cutting in water or soil to create a new plant. Prevention To keep your begonia in good shape, rotate the pot regularly to encourage even growth. Put it in a spot with bright, indirect light and good humidity. Pruning occasionally will also help it stay full and bushy rather than tall and uneven. Got a plant dilemma? Email saturday@ with 'Houseplant clinic' in the subject line
