Latest news with #theick
CNA
4 days ago
- Entertainment
- CNA
CNA938 Rewind - The Wellness Hour - What the ick?
From sudden cringe to complete turnoff - why do we get 'the ick' in relationships, and is it a red flag or just a passing phase? Cheryl Goh speaks with Theresa Pong, Counselling Director of The Relationship Room, to unpack what this gut feeling reveals about attraction, dealbreakers, and emotional maturity.
CNA
05-07-2025
- Entertainment
- CNA
Understanding 'the ick' in dating – can sudden turn-offs ruin a relationship?
He was charming. He spoke several languages. Things were going well until Ann Parker, a retired public relations consultant, noticed something strange about her date's driving style. 'Every now and then, he'd release the steering wheel and quickly lick his hands,' she said. The relationship did not last much longer. Parker was experiencing the immediate turnoff known to daters as 'the ick,' a sudden pang of aversion, usually prompted by someone's behavior, appearance or personality trait. Although the term isn't new – by some estimates, it was first used in the 1990s on the series Ally McBeal – 'the ick' often crops up in popular culture and gets frequent mention online. #Theick racked up nearly 225,000 TikTok posts in the past year, according to a representative for the company. The term even prompted psychology researchers from Azusa Pacific University to do a study, published in May, which found that over a quarter of surveyed singles who had experienced 'the ick' found it worrisome enough that they reported ending the relationship immediately. 'The Ick' may have a catchy name, but it captures something significant about the uncertainty of dating: The sneaking realisation that a person might not be right for you. It can be tricky to figure out how much weight to give an 'ick,' said Brian Collisson, a professor of psychology at Azusa Pacific University who coauthored the study. 'You could reject a really great person over a superficial trait, or you could be tapping into something that could be a problem later on,' he said. The New York Times asked readers to share instances where they've experienced 'the ick' and received nearly 500 wide-ranging responses. Leigh Mulready of Sunnyvale, California, was grossed out when a guy she was newly dating phoned her from the toilet. Kathleen McCue of Bethesda, Maryland, was turned off by the unprompted karate moves her date started doing after dinner. And Juan Pablo of Mexico City was repelled when he learned that someone he was interested in bought fake books to decorate her home: 'They were basically empty cardboard boxes with the cover printed on them,' he explained. But romantic attraction is subjective, said Isabelle Morley, a clinical psychologist and author of They're Not Gaslighting You, and what may turn off one person is appealing to another. 'Some people think it's disgusting to burp in public,' Dr Morley explained. 'Some people think that's hilarious.' THAT UNEASY FEELING Researchers don't really know what's happening in our brains when we get the 'ick.' But when we're turned off by something, it isn't an automatic sign that 'there's something wrong with us, or wrong with the other person,' said Kesia Constantine, an adjunct clinical supervisor in applied psychology at New York University. Not everyone is put off by someone awkwardly chasing an errant ping pong ball (an example from Dr Collisson's study) or 'playing nonstop Jimmy Buffett' (a reader's 'ick'). So, if you find yourself repulsed by some innocuous quirk, Dr Morley said, 'the ick' can be an invitation to get curious about your reaction. Martin Blagdurn of Douglas, Michigan, wrote that 'unkempt nose hair' turns him off. (Luxuriant ear hair was also mentioned by several readers). But nose hair can be trimmed, Dr Morley said. She encourages people to ask themselves why, specifically, they're bothered, and to reflect on their dating history. Do you have a tendency to bolt after the first sign of uneasiness? Does this 'ick' signal incompatibility, or is it just annoying? 'That will start to rule out whether you're getting in your own way or being too hard on people,' she said. If the person's appealing qualities outweigh the 'ick,' DrMorley added, consider talking to the person about your reaction. 'Because that's a lot of what relationships require – communication and flexibility and adjustments,' she said. When, for instance, a date pulls out a guitar and offers an unwanted serenade – which several readers mentioned as an 'ick' – 'it's okay to say, 'That was so sweet, but it makes me embarrassed to have someone sing to me,'' Dr Morley said. Dr Collisson suggested discussing concerns with your potential partner instead of your friends – as awkward as that conversation may be. Through his research he has learned that 'the vast majority of people are talking about their 'icks' to everybody except for the person eliciting the ick.' WHEN "ICKS" BECOME DEAL BREAKERS Things like road rage and being rude to a waiter were mentioned by several readers. And 'icks' like these 'could be a little snapshot of how this person handles potentially stressful situations,' Dr Collisson said. In those cases 'you can 100 per cent just trust your ick,' Dr Constantine said. 'Our instincts are powerful, and in those moments, the most powerful message is 'This does not feel right or good for me.'' Other situations, however, might not be as clear. Susannah Harris of Richmond, Virginia, said that she once dated someone who 'for some reason, really smelled like pleather – specifically, 90s pleather.' It's not a red flag, but some subjects are hard to broach, Dr Constantine said. And, if you don't feel comfortable (or simply don't care enough) to work through what you're feeling, it's okay to let the relationship go, she said. 'It feels insulting to say, 'I don't like the way you smell,'' she said. If he worked in a pleather factory, she added, you could suggest showering before dates. But if the smell is actually part of his natural scent, she said, 'then it might be the very primitive way of our system saying that this is not a match.' GETTING OVER IT Jennifer M of Syracuse, New York, who asked that we only use her last initial, was shocked when an otherwise-promising date kept wiping his tongue on his napkin while eating, she said. 'Yuck,' she remembers thinking. 'I really don't want to see that.' While it's helpful to know what you like or dislike, a relationship is more than the sum of its parts, said Samantha Joel, an associate professor of psychology at Western University, who studies how people make decisions in romantic relationships. You don't have to work through an 'ick,' but if you want to, she recommends putting the 'ick' in context, and reflecting on how you feel when you're with this person: Assessing whether you feel good about yourself or whether they're easy to talk to. And if a minor habit gives you the 'ick' in an otherwise healthy relationship, Dr Constantine added, consider whether you can build a tolerance for it. If a person you're into puts ketchup on their eggs, you can avert your eyes, she suggested. Because who among us, she asks, hasn't made someone else cringe? And even though some people in Dr Collisson's study of 'icks' bailed quickly, 32 per cent continued dating, he said. Jennifer M, who was alarmed when the man she was dating wiped his tongue on his napkin, said he still has the habit. She would know: They've been married for 35 years.
New York Times
23-06-2025
- Entertainment
- New York Times
You've Got ‘The Ick.' Is Your Relationship Doomed?
He was charming. He spoke several languages. Things were going well until Ann Parker, a retired public relations consultant, noticed something strange about her date's driving style. 'Every now and then, he'd release the steering wheel and quickly lick his hands,' she said. The relationship did not last much longer. Ms. Parker was experiencing the immediate turnoff known to daters as 'the ick,' a sudden pang of aversion, usually prompted by someone's behavior, appearance or personality trait. Although the term isn't new — by some estimates, it was first used in the 1990s on the series 'Ally McBeal' — 'the ick' often crops up in popular culture and gets frequent mention online. #Theick racked up nearly 225,000 TikTok posts in the past year, according to a representative for the company. The term even prompted psychology researchers from Azusa Pacific University to do a study, published in May, which found that over a quarter of surveyed singles who had experienced 'the ick' found it worrisome enough that they reported ending the relationship immediately. 'The Ick' may have a catchy name, but it captures something significant about the uncertainty of dating: the sneaking realization that a person might not be right for you. Want all of The Times? Subscribe.
Fast Company
04-06-2025
- Health
- Fast Company
Why you're catching the ‘ick' so easily, according to science
If you are frequently getting the ick from potential romantic partners, it might not be them. The problem might be you. A new study has found that if you possess certain personality traits, you might be more susceptible to the dreaded ick than others. Researchers Brian Collisson, Eliana Saunders, and Chloe Yin from Azusa Pacific University in Southern California found that those who are prone to disgust, hold others to high standards, or score higher in narcissism are most at risk. Even if you're unsure what we're talking about, you've likely experienced it. A now ubiquitous term in dating, the ick is used to describe the feeling of disgust that arises toward a love interest. They stumble on the side of the curb? Ick. There are remnants of red sauce around their mouth? Instant ick. Although the concept itself is not new (the ick was first coined in the 1990s TV show Ally McBeal), the term has more recently found a new lease on life online, with more than 120 million related posts on TikTok. 'Personally, I became interested in learning more about the ick when I heard that a friend of mine kept a running list on her phone notes app of every ick she'd ever experienced from a guy (it was several pages long),' Saunders, a graduate student at Azusa Pacific and the study's lead author, told Psypost. For the study, researchers asked 74 men and 51 women, ranging in age from 24 to 72, if they knew what getting the ick meant and whether they had ever experienced it. The study then measured the likelihood of participants experiencing the ick in response to specific behaviors. Participants also completed personality tests and answered questions about their dating lives. The findings are clear: Certain personality traits make participants more vulnerable to the ick. These include higher disgust sensitivity, which increases the intensity of reactions to triggers rather than the frequency of the ick occurring. Narcissism is also linked to the likelihood, though not the frequency, of experiencing the ick. Those who tend to place high expectations on others are triggered by a wider range of behaviors. Women are more likely than men to recognize the ick, though both men and women experience a similar average number of ick moments. For women, misogynistic behavior or annoying speech are immediate turnoffs. For men, it's vanity or 'overly trendy' behavior. While the ick often acts as a bucket of ice-cold water on a blossoming romance (about a quarter of participants reported ending a relationship immediately upon experiencing the ick), Saunders said people should look inward before making any hasty decisions. 'Before dumping a partner because their feet dangle when they sit in a chair, we should think critically about why we're feeling 'icked' out,' Saunders told Psypost
Daily Mail
07-05-2025
- Science
- Daily Mail
Have YOU experienced the 'ick'? It could mean you're a narcissist, according to a new study
It's a sudden repulsion that comes out of the blue. You can be dating someone for weeks and then – without warning – something they do puts you off. It can be as benign as the way they tie their shoelaces, or if they send two texts in a row in quick succession. This phenomenon, called 'getting the ick', refers to a sudden, visceral feeling of disgust towards someone you're romantically interested in. Now, scientists have revealed that experiencing the 'ick' could mean you have certain personality traits. They discovered people who hold others to high standards, who are more prone to disgust or who score higher in narcissism are more likely to experience the phenomenon. To start their study, the team conducted an analysis of the first 100 TikTok videos with the hashtag #theick. This revealed ick 'triggers' such as wearing awkward clothing, saying annoying phrases or being socially embarrassing. From this, they then recruited 125 single adults – a mix of men and women aged between 24 and 72. Participants were asked to rate the likelihood of experiencing the ick in response to these specific triggers, as well as to complete personality assessments and answer questions about their dating history. Analysis revealed that 64 per cent – nearly two-thirds – of people had experienced the ick at some point. Women were significantly more likely than men to know the term and to have felt it themselves. For a quarter of people, the ick was enough for them to stop dating a partner immediately. Meanwhile 42 per cent said it was significant enough for them to end the relationship later on. While most people shared their feelings with friends or family, only a minority told the person who had caused the ick about it. Eliana Saunders, a graduate student at Azusa Pacific University, carried out the study. EXAMPLES OF THE ICK FROM POPULAR TV: Love Island: Contestants report experiencing the ick in response to overly-bright smiles or awkward hand-holding Friends (Season 1, Episode 22): Monica becomes repulsed by her boyfriend after discovering he is younger than he looks Seinfeld (Season 6, Episode 2): Jerry is disgusted by his date's 'manly hands' Sex and the City (Season 6, Episode 2): Carrie is revolted by a lover after learning he wrote her a love song 'I thought it was surprising that about a quarter of participants reported ending a relationship immediately upon experiencing the ick,' she told the website PsyPost. 'As the ick increases in popularity, I'm curious if this number will rise or fall.' Analysis showed that women were more likely to be turned off by annoying speech or misogynistic behaviour. However, men were more likely to get the ick from vanity or 'overly trendy' behaviour. The team found that narcissism was linked to the likelihood of experiencing the ick. Those who scored higher in grandiose narcissism – characterised by an exaggerated sense of self-importance and a constant need for admiration – were more likely to react negatively to a perceived ick. People who imposed high standards on others were also more likely to report being put off by a wide range of behaviours. 'I think one of the most important lessons a reader can take from our findings is that it's important to take each 'ick' with a grain of salt,' Ms Saunders said. 'While this feeling of disgust could be a valid marker of mate incompatibility, it could also be a symptom of high sensitivity to disgust, narcissism or other-oriented perfectionism. 'Before dumping a partner because their feet dangle when they sit in a chair, we should think critically about why we're feeling 'icked' out. 'Ask yourself: Is this something I truly can't deal with, or am I being overly critical? Is this 'ick' their fault, or is it mine?' Writing in the journal Personality and Individual Differences the team added: 'Findings suggest that while the ick may help people identify potential mate incompatibilities, it may also lead to overly rigid rejection standards.' EXAMPLES OF THE ICK, ACCORDING TO SOCIAL MEDIA - Wearing lycra - Wearing shoes with no socks - Running after a ping pong ball - Riding an electric scooter - Putting their hand out for a taxi and it driving past - Calling wine 'vino' - Licking their fingers before turning a page - Posting polls to an Instagram story - Trying too hard to fit in - Chewing with their mouth open - Taking selfies - Using pet names too early in a relationship
