05-07-2025
Woman Says Husband Has 'Never' Given Her a Birthday or Holiday Gift in the 3 Years They've Been Married
A woman says her husband never makes "small thoughtful gestures" and it's starting to weigh on her
In a Reddit post, she writes that he supports her in "practical ways" but never acknowledges anniversaries or birthdays
"Last Christmas, for example, he wouldn't stop talking about getting gifts for his siblings. We went shopping together for them. And still, nothing for me," she writesA woman says her husband supports her in "big, practical ways" — but refuses to acknowledge holidays or birthdays.
In a post shared to Reddit, the anonymous 29-year-old writes that she and her husband have been married for three years and, during that time, he's helped her "a lot financially."
"He earns more than twice what I do, and with my low salary, most of what I make goes toward my share," she writes. "That means I often can't afford much for myself without compromising what I contribute. Even though he would probably help if I asked, I don't feel good about having to ask. I just wish sometimes he'd offer, or at least ask if I need or want something. A little thought would go a long way."
She continues: "What's really been upsetting me, though, is how little he cares about special dates or small thoughtful gestures."
The woman adds that she "grew up in a home where birthdays, anniversaries, even Easter were acknowledged with something small, just to show you care."
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"I've always done this for him. Even when I had very little, I still tried to get or make him something," she writes. "In all the years we've been together, he's never surprised me with anything for any special occasion."
While she says she's brought the issue up frequently and told him it would mean a lot if he even got her small, nothing has changed.
"Last Christmas, for example, he wouldn't stop talking about getting gifts for his siblings. We went shopping together for them. And still, nothing for me," she adds. "I didn't say anything at the time because I'd already mentioned that I didn't want to ask, I wanted him to want to do it."
She continues: "This year, he didn't even say happy birthday until I reminded him. He posted something on Instagram instead, even though I don't use Instagram and don't like that kind of attention. It felt like it was more for show than for me."
"For Valentine's Day or our anniversary (I don't even remember which anymore), I told him I'd love to try a specific chocolate from a local shop near our flat. He didn't get it. Meanwhile, I always make sure to do something for him on these dates. I'm not trying to make it transactional, but at this point it just feels one-sided," she adds.
Now, the woman says she is feeling "sad and unsupported, not just financially, but emotionally too ... He said he thinks he's done a good job in the relationship, and that the day-to-day practical stuff he does should matter more than special dates or gifts."
While she wants things to change, her husband feels "completely attacked" and underappreciated for "everything he does daily and everything he has done for me since the beginning."
"Now we're barely speaking. I feel guilty, because I know he has done a lot for me. But I also feel emotionally neglected. I've expressed how important this is to me for years, and nothing ever changes," she adds.
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Other Reddit users are weighing in, with some suggesting the man might just express his affection in a different way than his wife.
"Believe it or not a lot of people are wired this way, in fact that's how my longtime relationship works," writes one commenter. "Rather than wait for surprises we tell each other exactly what we expect and the other does it. It may not be sexy but both our needs are met and there's no risk for a gift or surprise we don't enjoy."
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