Latest news with #vows
Yahoo
03-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
My husband and I stuck to traditional vows on our wedding day. 3 years later, I still regret that decision.
My husband and I opted for a small, intimate wedding in 2022. I had always wanted to write my own vows, but family advised against it and I didn't push the issue. Three years later, I still wish I had stood up for what I wanted. My husband and I said our "I dos" during the pandemic. For us, it was a great excuse to keep the event on the smaller side, though our families wanted us to invite every extended family member. We would have wanted our wedding to be intimate, regardless of the safety concerns at the time. My husband proposed in July 2021, and we were married six months later. As the planning process progressed, I found that we were making more and more concessions — mostly to our families — instead of sticking to what we wanted for our big day. Looking back, I wish I had stuck to my guns on some of them. I didn't have a strict blueprint for my wedding. I had a handful of things I wanted, such as my son walking me down the aisle since I was a single mom when I met my husband. But most of all I wanted the wedding to be as much my husband's as it was mine. Basically, I wanted everything to be agreed upon by both of us. It seemed the more relaxed we were about the wedding, the more our respective parents worried about some other aspect we hadn't even thought of. But it wasn't just our family. Nearly everyone that learned we were getting married asked if we had done this or that "yet." We just wanted to have a simple party with our closest friends and family, but everyone we talked to pointed something else out that we had been blissfully unaware of. I had always wanted to write my own vows, but as the wedding loomed closer, my husband seemed stressed out about writing his. His father, who was a minister and was going to be the one to marry us, wanted us to stick to the usual script. I was tired of battling everyone's expectations and wanted to ease my soon-to-be husband's stress, so I gave in and simply said, "fine." My husband seemed relieved, and at the end of the day, I thought what really mattered was that we would be married. Looking back, I can see how stressed out I was during the planning process all the way through our wedding, which was far more stressful than I had thought it would be. I know now that my judgement was clouded. There were a lot of things I didn't love about how our wedding played out, but my biggest regret is not committing to writing our own vows. I've even asked my husband if he'd consider remarrying just to recite vows that we've each written, but the moment has come and gone. Part of why my husband was having trouble with his vows was because they would be said in front of everyone we knew, not just the two of us. But if I could go back in time, I would have talked it out with him. Mostly, I know my husband would have stuck to our vows if I had let him know how important it was to me. Compromising is an important part of a relationship, but for our marriage to be successful, I think it's important that neither of us are making too many concessions, especially when it's something that really matters. I worried so much about everyone else, including my husband, that I let go of one of the few things that mattered to me. I think worrying more about everyone else, in different ways, was a mistake we both made. The upside is that we can learn from worrying overly about everyone else but ourselves and work at taking care of each other within our marriage. I catch myself thinking about what I would have said at the altar so much that it's become a fantasy. It's usually when I realize how much I love him or how lucky I feel to be with him. While I can't go back in time, I can write and share my fantasy vows with my husband for the rest of our lives. When I think of it that way, it's a lot more romantic than just telling him once on our big day. Read the original article on Business Insider
Yahoo
02-07-2025
- Business
- Yahoo
14 Barriers That Make Leaving Your Miserable Marriage Feel Impossible
Navigating the labyrinth of a troubled marriage can often feel like an insurmountable challenge. The push and pull of emotions, memories, and societal pressure can leave you feeling shackled to a situation that no longer serves your happiness. As you ponder the implications of leaving, you might find yourself entangled in a web of reasons and excuses. These 14 factors might just be the invisible chains holding you back from your pursuit of liberation. Leaving a marriage often means stepping into financial uncertainty, a prospect that can be downright terrifying. The comfortable dual-income lifestyle morphs into a single-income struggle, and suddenly, you're calculating rent, utilities, and groceries on your own. You might cling to the illusion of security that your marriage provides, even if it feels like a gilded cage. A study by the American Psychological Association highlights financial stress as a significant barrier, with many fearing the unknown of financial independence. The societal expectation that you need a partner for financial stability can be a heavy burden. You might doubt your ability to thrive financially on your own, even if you've been the primary breadwinner. This fear can be so paralyzing that staying in a loveless marriage feels like the lesser evil. But remember, financial independence can often be a source of empowerment, a fact often overlooked when consumed by fear. Marriage is a vow, a solemn promise etched into your memory and, perhaps, your soul. Walking away feels like breaking a sacred bond, a betrayal not just of your partner but of your own ideals. This guilt can be all-consuming, whispering incessantly that you have failed in some fundamental way. Yet, promises made in a different emotional climate shouldn't be chains that bind you when circumstances have shifted dramatically. Society often glorifies the institution of marriage, elevating it to a status that seems almost unassailable. This makes the breaking of marital vows feel like a personal and public failing. The pressure to maintain appearances and the fear of judgment can be stifling. However, acknowledging that people change and promises evolve can be liberating, allowing you to redefine what integrity means in the context of your happiness. The time you've invested in your marriage can feel like a sunk cost, one that keeps you tethered to a relationship that no longer fulfills you. The years spent building a life together can seem wasted if you walk away, a concept that behavioral economists refer to as the "sunk cost fallacy." Dr. Dan Ariely, a renowned behavioral psychologist, explains that this fallacy keeps people in situations that don't serve them, simply because of the time already invested. This illusion convinces you that leaving would render all those years meaningless. The fear of starting over, of having to rebuild a life from scratch, exacerbates this feeling. But the reality is, clinging to a loveless marriage doesn't honor the time you've spent; it diminishes it. By recognizing this fallacy, you can free yourself from the chains of past investments and focus on the potential of future happiness. The thought of leaving your marriage brings with it the chilling prospect of loneliness. Despite the unhappiness, there's a comfort in the known, a predictability that makes staying seem like a safer bet. The fear of lonely nights and empty weekends can cast a long shadow, making the leap into the unknown feel like a dive into a cold, dark abyss. Yet, it's crucial to remember that loneliness within a marriage can be far more isolating than solitude chosen freely. Ironically, the fear of loneliness can prevent you from finding genuine connection elsewhere. In staying, you might be denying yourself the chance to develop deeper, more meaningful relationships. The societal stigma around being single can further amplify this fear, painting a picture of solitude as failure. However, embracing solitude can be an empowering step towards self-discovery and fulfillment. Children are often at the heart of the decision to stay or leave, their well-being weighing heavily on your conscience. The fear of tearing apart their world, of being the cause of their pain, is overwhelming. According to Dr. E. Mark Cummings, a professor of psychology, children can sense parental conflict and this can be damaging. The desire to shield them from the harsh realities of divorce often keeps parents in unhappy marriages. However, the environment you create for your children by staying can be just as impactful. A home filled with tension and resentment can be more harmful than a peaceful, separate co-parenting arrangement. Children often adapt and can thrive in homes where love and happiness are prioritized. The courage to model self-respect and the pursuit of joy can be the most valuable lesson you offer them. Divorce carries with it a social stigma that can be hard to shake. The fear of whispers and judgment from friends, family, and even strangers can be a formidable barrier. Society often portrays divorce as a personal failing rather than a brave step towards self-fulfillment. This perception can chain you to a marriage that no longer serves its purpose, all in the name of maintaining appearances. The reality is, staying in a loveless marriage for the sake of avoiding judgment can be soul-crushing. The energy spent on curating an illusion of happiness could be better invested in actualizing your own contentment. In today's world, where personal fulfillment is increasingly valued, the stigma around divorce is gradually dissipating. Embracing your truth, despite societal expectations, can be the key to unlocking genuine happiness. The fear of the unknown can be a formidable adversary, keeping you tethered to the familiar, even if it's miserable. The uncertainty of life post-divorce can be paralyzing, as you grapple with questions about where you'll live, how you'll cope, and what your future will look like. A study led by Dr. Lisa Neff at the University of Texas suggests that fear of uncertainty can significantly impact decision-making, often resulting in prolonged dissatisfaction. This fear can cloud your judgment, making the known misery of a bad marriage seem preferable to the potential for new beginnings. Yet, embracing uncertainty can be a powerful step towards self-discovery and growth. The potential for happiness and fulfillment often lies beyond the confines of the known. By confronting the fear of the unknown, you open yourself to a world of possibilities that might just lead you to the life you've always desired. An emotional dependence on your partner can serve as a shackle, binding you to an unfulfilling marriage. The idea of facing emotional challenges without the person you once leaned on can be daunting. This dependence can blur the lines between love and attachment, making it hard to discern your true feelings. Breaking free from this reliance requires introspection and the courage to stand alone. When you're emotionally dependent, the prospect of solitude can feel like an emotional desert. However, this dependence can stifle personal growth and prevent you from realizing your full potential. Learning to be emotionally self-reliant can be a transformative experience, allowing you to build healthier relationships in the future. By cultivating inner strength, you empower yourself to step into a life defined by your own happiness. Familiarity offers a sense of comfort, even in the midst of a miserable marriage. The routines and shared memories create an illusion of security that can be hard to relinquish. There's a certain ease in the known, in the predictability of a life you've grown accustomed to, even if it breeds discontent. However, this allure can trap you in a cycle of unhappiness, preventing you from exploring new horizons. The seductive nature of familiarity can mask the potential for growth and happiness elsewhere. Stepping away from the known feels like uncharted territory, filled with risks and uncertainties. Yet, embracing change can lead to newfound passions and opportunities that you hadn't considered possible. By recognizing the limitations of familiarity, you open the door to a more fulfilling future, unencumbered by the past. The idea of staying in a marriage for the sake of the children is a narrative deeply woven into the societal fabric. It suggests that a united front, no matter how fractured behind the scenes, is preferable for the child's well-being. However, this myth can be more damaging than the truth of a loving, separated family. Children are perceptive, often more aware of discord than parents realize, and they can be affected by the emotional climate of their home. By clinging to this myth, you might be modeling unhealthy relationship dynamics to your children. They learn about partnership and love by observing their parents, and staying in a toxic environment can skew their understanding. Instead, consider the value of demonstrating self-respect and the pursuit of happiness. Choosing to create a healthy, nurturing environment, whether together or apart, can be the greatest gift you offer your children. The fear of future regret can be a powerful deterrent in leaving a miserable marriage. The haunting "what ifs" can loom large, casting doubt on your decision-making. You might worry that you'll look back and wish you'd tried harder, or that you'll miss the life you once had. This fear can freeze you in place, making any movement feel perilous. However, living in fear of regret can be a self-imposed prison, stifling your ability to live authentically. Regret often stems from actions not taken, from opportunities missed, rather than from bold steps towards change. By reframing this fear, you can see it as a motivator to pursue what genuinely makes you happy. Trusting in your ability to make choices that align with your values can help mitigate the fear of future regret. Cultural and religious expectations can exert a profound influence on the decision to stay in a marriage. These beliefs often cast marriage as a sacrosanct institution, not to be disrupted at any cost. The pressure to conform to these expectations can be immense, especially when they're deeply ingrained in your identity. Breaking away from them can feel like a betrayal of your heritage or faith. Yet, adhering to beliefs that compromise your happiness can lead to a life of quiet desperation. It's important to differentiate between traditions that enrich your life and those that confine you. Navigating this delicate balance requires introspection and the courage to prioritize your well-being. By creating your own narrative, you honor not just your roots but your future, crafting a path that resonates with who you truly are. Routine often acts as a double-edged sword, providing stability while simultaneously fostering complacency. The daily patterns you've established within your marriage can feel like an unyielding force, difficult to disrupt. The idea of forging new routines alone can be daunting, filled with the weight of unfamiliarity. Yet, clinging to routine can keep you ensnared in a cycle of dissatisfaction. While routine offers a semblance of control, it can also prevent you from experiencing the richness of a life lived fully. Breaking free from routine requires embracing spontaneity and the unknown. By challenging the status quo, you create space for growth and transformation. Recognizing the limitations of routine can empower you to forge a new path, one that aligns with your aspirations and desires. The popular narrative that love conquers all can keep you ensnared in a marriage that's beyond repair. This myth suggests that love is a panacea, capable of overcoming any obstacle if you just try hard enough. However, this notion can blind you to the realities of incompatibility, abuse, or fundamental disconnect. Love alone cannot sustain a relationship that lacks respect, trust, or shared values. Holding onto this myth can prevent you from acknowledging the need for change. It can keep you stuck, trying to fix something irreparable, rather than seeking fulfillment elsewhere. By dispelling this myth, you can embrace the truth that love is a vital component, but not the sole foundation of a healthy relationship. Recognizing the multifaceted nature of love can liberate you to seek a partnership that truly enriches your life.
Fox News
27-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Fox News
Brad Pitt's Los Angeles Home Burglarized
Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez prepare to take their vows. Brad Pitt's Los Angeles home was burglarized. Plus, Bryan Kohberger's murder trial heats up. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit FOX News Radio
Yahoo
06-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Bride Struggles to 'Survive' Wedding After Groom's 'Hurtful' Secret Is Revealed
In a submission to Slate's advice column "Dear Prudence," a recent bride asked for help on how to get over her husband's wedding lie, which was revealed during the best man's toast at their reception The bride feels "extremely hurt" that the groom used ChatGPT to write his wedding vows instead of doing so by himself like he promised her In response, Slate's editor-in-chief told the bride she was "overthinking" the issue and advised her to accept her husband's apology because "his heart was in the right place"A recent bride is afraid she might never get over her husband's wedding lie. In an anonymous submission to Slate's advice column "Dear Prudence," a bride detailed how the groom's major secret was revealed at their wedding reception, and now she doesn't know if she can ever trust him again. "My husband is still apologizing, and while part of me wants to move on, another part of me can't stop thinking about his dishonesty," the bride wrote. "I've asked him whether he ever planned on telling me or if he would have taken that secret to the grave, and all he can tell me is that he 'doesn't know.' " "I worry about what other things he might keep from me in the future," she added. After getting engaged, the couple of five years spent two years of "extensive wedding planning and preparation." At the time, they both "agreed" they'd write their own vows because it would be "more meaningful than using traditional ones." "As a self-admitted perfectionist and English major, I spent an immense amount of time thinking about and writing mine, and while I wouldn't hold my husband to impossible standards, I was really looking forward to hearing what he wrote," the bride explained. When the wedding ceremony came, the groom's "beautiful" vows emotionally moved the bride — so much so that it made her "tear up." But at the reception her tears of joy would turn into tears of sorrow. The "slightly drunk" best man accidentally let it slip in his wedding toast that the groom used ChatGPT to write his vows "at the last minute." "My husband was laughing nervously, and I was taken aback," the bride said. "As soon as the toasts were over, I ran to the restroom and cried, feeling extremely hurt that not only did he use AI to write something so intimate, but mostly that he presumably would not have told me had this not been revealed during the toast." The groom followed his wife to the bathroom and apologized, explaining that he felt "too overwhelmed" to write the vows himself and didn't want to "disappoint" her. "I told him that I didn't want an apology from him but just wanted to survive the rest of the reception, which we did, although the entire time I was distracted and hurt by this situation," the bride said. Later that night, the couple continued to "fight" about the vows. The advice-seeker said she was more upset about her husband's "hurtful" dishonesty than the fact that he used AI-generated vows. "I told him that I wish he had just been honest with me and that his lying was far more hurtful to me than not writing his own vows," she said, noting that she was also upset with his friends for being "comfortable lying on his behalf." The woman's husband is "still apologizing" to her, and while she wants to "move on" she just doesn't "know how." "Am I overthinking this?" she asked. "I feel like I have every right to be upset, and I worry about what other things he might keep from me." is now available in the Apple App Store! Download it now for the most binge-worthy celeb content, exclusive video clips, astrology updates and more! In response to the submission, Slate's editor-in-chief, Hillary Frey, told the bride that she was "WAY overthinking this." She reminded the advice-seeker that "weddings are totally overwhelming," and that her husband is "not an English major or perfectionist" like her and probably just "needed some help writing something that articulated his feelings better than he felt he could." "Based on his best man's actions, I wouldn't have gone to him for help, either!" Frey wrote. "So, there is our fraught companion, ChatGPT, offering its services. His heart was in the right place. Even more, he apologized; a lesser man would have been defensive and somehow made this your fault, I promise." She advised the bride to let go of this "unsavory memory" because married life will eventually "throw much tougher moments" her way. "I am glad that it sounds like you have a thoughtful partner who holds you in such high regard that he enlisted help, even if it was from a robot. These are the times we live in!" Frey said. "So accept his apology, delete the photos of the best man giving his toast, and pick the one picture from your wedding you like the best and make it your home screen. The more you see you and your partner looking happy on your wedding day, the more the stupid best man speech will recede from memory." Read the original article on People
