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Forbes
05-07-2025
- General
- Forbes
A Psychologist Reveals 2 Extremes In Love And What They Mean
Some of us are driven by desperation in love. For others, the fear of love is so great, they refuse ... More to act upon it at all. Love comes in many shapes, sizes and spectrums. There are some who are driven to madness by love and there are others who feel scared to love at all. While the former, a type of love style called love mania, is marked by intense passion and fear of loss, the other is philophobia. It is a deep, often debilitating fear of love, which can prevent people from seeking and building true connections. Both represent extreme ends of the emotional spectrum. Here's what these intense forms of love reveal about us. 1. Love Mania Imagine being a young adult in love. For some, they may love their partner's company to the extent that not being with them makes them feel lost. In a classic study published in the Journal of Personality Assessment, a 19-year-old male undergraduate spoke of the time spent with his girlfriend as being in 'paradise.' But he also acknowledged that 'There has to be some sort of middle ground between being in paradise and being very anxious about things, feeling as if I have no home. With me a lot of relationships tend to feel as if they are very strong, or else they don't really exist too much.' This is an example of desperate love, also called mania or obsessive love, where one gets extremely possessive, goes through emotional highs and lows and constantly fears abandonment. Psychologists identify it as one of the six classic love styles in John Lee's Colors of Love theory. The six love styles are Eros, Ludus, Storge, Mania, Agape and Pragma. Eros is marked by passionate, romantic love focused on physical attraction and intense emotion. Ludus refers to playful, game-like love that values fun and avoids deep commitment. Storge is a slow-growing, friendship-based love rooted in trust and shared values. Mania is rooted in obsession; intense love marked by jealousy, dependency and emotional highs and lows. Agape is a form of selfless, altruistic love that puts one's partner's needs above one's own. Pragma refers to practical, logical love that looks for compatibility and long-term suitability. In his classic study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, John Lee says, 'The typical manic lover shows the same intensity and preoccupation as the erotic lover, yet the same desire to hold back feelings and manipulate the relationship, as the ludic lover.' He suggests that though the mania lover may not have a specific type of partner they are attracted to, their very first feeling towards a mate may be one of dislike. 'The manic lover is obsessively preoccupied with the beloved, imagines all manner of rivals and disasters, and ignores any warning signs of difficulty in the relationship until too late. Yet he knows all along,' the author notes. They crave validation, often feel insecure and may oscillate between extreme euphoria and devastating jealousy. Such love is rarely sustainable; there may be clear red flags and instability in the relationship. Interestingly, a person exhibiting this type of love is likely aware of that. Yet, they willfully submit to their senses and feelings. 2. Philophobia For many, the idea of an intimate relationship gets them spiraling. This is exactly the opposite of mania love, where you urgently want to escape from being too close to someone. It could potentially stem from a fear of love. This is known as philophobia, the persistent, irrational fear of falling in love or forming emotional attachments. Unlike typical hesitations in relationships, philophobia is marked by intense anxiety at the prospect of emotional vulnerability, often rooted in past trauma, rejection or abandonment. Individuals with philophobia may sabotage potential relationships, avoid intimacy or experience physical symptoms like rapid heartbeat or panic when confronted with romantic possibilities. In her 2014 study on why we are scared to love, Romina Tavormina suggests that romantic love has become 'liquid love' due to the idea of disposability in a consumerist culture. People are driven by the idea that they have choices outside of the person they're with, and they're willing to walk away when circumstances are unfavorable. She also suggests that many people struggle to maintain long-lasting relationships as a result of philophobia. The origins of this fear appear to lie in early childhood relationships with their parents, where they may have experienced a lack of love. They find themselves reproducing the same dynamic in their adult relationships. So, Philophobia can act as a defense mechanism to protect the individual from perceived emotional harm and prevent them from forming healthy emotional connections. Both these extremes tell us more about ourselves than the other person. While manic love exposes our fears of abandonment and hunger for security, philophobia reveals a different kind of vulnerability. It reflects our fear of losing control or finally experiencing feelings of safety in love. We fight against intimacy and try to stay as far away from opening up to others as possible, even when we crave connection. However, anytime we get vulnerable, we come close to experiencing true joy. But that comes with the risk of potential pain. So high is the fear of losing one's partner, that many either rush in right away, or refuse to let them in at all. It might be true that the more we have, the more we have to lose. But this shouldn't stop us from finding love and intimacy that can last. Because what can break us, can also make us. Do you keep pushing emotional intimacy away? Take this science-backed test to find out: Fear Of Intimacy Scale
Yahoo
04-07-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
I had the most common symptom of colon cancer in my early 30s. Here's why I got a (pricey) colonoscopy over a stool test.
I had rectal bleeding, the most common symptom of colon cancer in people under 45. I also had a family history of colon cancer, which pushed me to get a colonoscopy at 33. My out-of-pocket colonoscopy cost is more than $1,000 so far, but I'm still glad I did it. I paused, and then I clicked "cancel appointment." The blood in my stool, the most common sign of colon cancer in young people, was going away. I chalked up my concerns to my job: I was interviewing colon cancer patients. Naturally, the symptoms were on my mind a lot. But a year later, the bleeding kept coming back, and more prominently than before. Sometimes, I also had other colon cancer symptoms, such as inconsistent bowel movements. From writing more about colon cancer, I heard more stories of healthy young patients having barely any warning signs, only to be diagnosed at stage 4. And then, my grandfather was diagnosed with stage 1 colon cancer in late 2024. I still had reservations about getting a colonoscopy. It seemed expensive and intense for just one symptom. At the same time, that symptom seemed to be getting worse after a year, and I now had a family history of colon cancer. In the end, I got a colonoscopy and am so glad I did — even if I'm still navigating the financial side of it. I booked a GI appointment after reading about stool tests, which can detect cancer via stool samples. It seemed minimally invasive while still taking some sort of action. At my appointment, I'd hoped my age, lifestyle, and lack of more severe symptoms such as abdominal pain would sway my doctor to recommend the stool test over the colonoscopy. But as a representative of Cologuard later told me, stool tests aren't recommended for screening people who have any symptoms. The representative also said they're meant for people ages 45 and older who are considered at average risk. This is because stool tests can detect only cancer itself. It was possible that I had precancerous polyps, for example, which wouldn't show up in a stool test but could be safely removed and biopsied in a colonoscopy. Plus, colonoscopies can identify other issues, such as hemorrhoids or inflammatory bowel disease, with symptoms similar to those of colon cancer. My GI performed a quick rectal exam and didn't find anything. She said that given my age, the bleeding was probably caused by internal hemorrhoids or polyps, not cancer. She recommended I get a colonoscopy and some blood work to test my iron levels, which could also point to colon cancer. I booked a colonoscopy for three weeks later. When my blood work came back normal, I wondered whether I was overreacting. Did I really need a colonoscopy? For one, it was expensive. The procedure would cost $2,000 total without insurance. My GI explained that because my test was diagnostic and being done to examine colon cancer symptoms (as opposed to a standard colon cancer screening), it applied to my deductible. She also said the cost could vary based on my insurance plan, how far into the deductible I was, and where the colonoscopy was being done. Because I did mine at a free-standing endoscopy center instead of a hospital, it cut down on costs. The estimate I got from my insurance company was about $813. That didn't include other potential fees such as biopsies. This is still lower than the national average cost for a colonoscopy, which starts at $1,250, and some of my coworkers under 45 were quoted closer to $2,000. The idea of the procedure itself felt intense, too. I'd need to fast and take about $40 of laxatives and Gatorade the night before, undergo anesthesia, and have my husband pick me up. There were also very rare risks, such as tears to my colon. A few times a week, I'd approach my husband forlornly, asking him whether he thought I was overreacting and should skip the procedure. Sadly, I learned the hard truth: No one could make this decision but me. Postponing would be complicated, given our future plans to have kids: I can't get a colonoscopy once I'm pregnant because of risks to the fetus. I realized I was fortunate: I had time to pre-plan and budget my colonoscopy, I could easily take a sick day from work, and my husband could take a few hours off from his job to pick me up. If I was going to do it, now was absolutely the best time. Let's start with the bad news: Months after the procedure, I'm still dealing with insurance costs. I made sure that my FSA funds, the pre-tax money I elected to set aside for medical costs, would cover at least most of the procedure and any extra fees. But because my receipt was missing information, the reimbursement for $813 was denied. When I asked for a complete receipt, I was told I'd need to wait 30 to 60 days for my insurance to process my itemized statement. While I was waiting, I was mailed two more bills: $124.08 for a physician's processing fee and $125.40 for the anesthesia. I'm holding on to them until I get reimbursed for the $813. Otherwise, I'd be paying more than $1,000 out of pocket, with no clarity on when I'll actually get the money back, if at all. The good news: The colonoscopy itself went smoothly. Sure, induced bowel cleansing wasn't my idea of a riveting Wednesday night. But from speaking to people who've had colonoscopies, it sounds like it wasn't as unpleasant as chugging Golytely, a common colonoscopy prep medication. The actual procedure took about 20 minutes, all of which I was out for. Shortly after, my GI popped in to explain my results. It was a huge relief to have answers. Like she suspected, internal hemorrhoids, swollen veins in the anus and lower rectum, were causing the bleeding. Hemorrhoids are fairly common in young people, and activities such as lifting heavy weights can cause them. Looking back, the bleeding began around when I started strength training, and my GI confirmed that it could exacerbate the hemorrhoids. I can manage them by drinking more water, eating more fiber, and using hydrocortisone cream. She also found and removed two polyps, one of which could have been precancerous because of its size. A few weeks later, a biopsy confirmed that the polyp was benign, and I don't have to get another colonoscopy until I'm 45 — the recommended starting age for colon cancer screenings. As the rate of colorectal cancer rises among young people, there is a push for people to get their colon cancer symptoms checked out. But I can understand why anyone under the recommended screening age would skip a colonoscopy. Beyond the financial obstacle, it's not a quick procedure, and it requires a support system. It's easy to feel like spending time and money on what could be a benign result isn't worth the peace of mind. Still, so many early signs of colon cancer are mild. Stories from colon cancer patients — the ones who only got diagnosed in late stages and had to navigate much more invasive treatments with lower chances of success — ultimately taught me that it's never worth taking a chance. It's a steep price to pay, but I'm glad I did. July 2, 2025: This story was updated with information about the Cologuard stool test. It's usually recommended to people over 45 who have no symptoms and are considered at average risk for colon cancer. Read the original article on Business Insider
The Sun
03-07-2025
- Health
- The Sun
Over three-quarters of Brits cut back on boozing with one in three pub trips being alcohol-free
WE have become a nation of sensible drinkers — with more than three-quarters cutting back on the amount of boozing we do. Some 76 per cent of over 18s, the equivalent of nearly 40million adults, admitted they were careful about how much alcohol they knocked back, a survey found. 2 And more than a third (34 per cent) alternate between low and no-alcohol drinks and alcoholic tipples when they go out, a trend known as zebra striping. That was up from 28 per cent a year ago. And 36 per cent said they thought it was less acceptable for their pals to get drunk on a night out. One in three pub visits are now totally booze-free, with a quarter of those surveyed choosing to finish off the night with a soft drink. The trend is a far cry from the traditional image of beer-swilling booze hounds sinking as many pints as possible before last orders. More than eight in ten (82 per cent) cited their health as the main reason for being more responsible around alcohol — rising to 90 per cent among under 35s. Four in ten drinks consumed on a night out are now low or no-alcohol, with zero or reduced booze beer the second most popular choice — up from seventh place last year. Almost two in five, some 37 per cent, admitted they went home early in a huff over the lack of low-alcohol options down the pub. More than three in ten (35 per cent) expect pubs to offer alcohol-free beer on draught. And three in five people (59 per cent) said there was less stigma attached to choosing alcohol-free beverages than there used to be. The survey was carried out by hospitality industry researchers at KAM and zero beer brand Lucky Saint. Dua Lipa 'splits the G' in popular Dublin pub Pub trade newspaper the Morning Advertiser, which published the findings, said: 'More than three-quarters of UK adults are moderating their alcohol consumption, according to new research. 'One in three pub visits are alcohol-free and a quarter of adults choose to make their final drink an alcohol-free one in order to stay out longer.'
Washington Post
03-07-2025
- Politics
- Washington Post
We're young and love America. Our peers should be patriotic, too.
Opinions asked readers and members of the History Made by Us Youth250 Bureau, a network of young adults working to increase civic participation, how they're feeling about the country. These are some of their answers. A year ago, I would not have said that I'm patriotic. I don't normally celebrate the Fourth of July, and I'm often critical of our government's actions and policies.
Daily Mail
30-06-2025
- Health
- Daily Mail
Surprising nutrient-packed drink is better for you than water
You may want to thank your parents for forcing you to drink a glass of milk with every meal. As it turns out, it could be nature's Gatorade, the unexpected gold standard of hydration. Water and sports drinks are lauded as hydrating powerhouses, while milk is associated with strong bones, but researchers in Scotland found whole-fat and skimmed milks can do both. The team found the two milks contain significantly higher concentrations of natural electrolytes like potassium, sodium, magnesium and calcium than water. These play an important role in regulating nerve signals, blood pressure, blood sugar and muscle contractions. The more liquids you drink, the faster they get absorbed into the bloodstream, where they dilute the body's own fluids and hydrate you. These fluids can pass quickly, however, and the sodium in milk acts like a sponge and holds onto water in the body, resulting less fluid loss during urination. Milk also has a higher osmolality, meaning it flows into the bloodstream easier than plain water molecules would. This leads to more effective hydration. So, by filling your Stanley Cup with milk instead of H2O, you're more likely to be hydrated faster and for longer. The study, published in 2019 in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, looked at 12 young adults who drank water, milk and other sugary beverages. They found milk permeate - a byproduct of milk filtration that consists of lactose and minerals - maintained a positive fluid balance for much longer and a higher beverage hydration index compared to water or other carbohydrate-based drinks like sports and energy drinks. Melissa Majumdar, a registered dietitian and spokeswoman for the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, who was not involved in the study, told CNN: 'This study tells us much of what we already knew: Electrolytes — like sodium and potassium — contribute to better hydration, while calories in beverages result in slower gastric emptying and therefore slower release of urination.' While exercising, the body sheds many essential nutrients like sodium and potassium to fuel the muscles and keep you sustained as you work out. Post-exercise hydration, therefore, is vital for your body to recover those lost nutrients. To avoid injury, milk supplies the body with about 330mg of calcium, which strengthens bones, decreasing the risk of a stress fracture, and maintains muscle movement and nerve signal transmission. It's also been shown to maintain a normal heartrate, which keeps the heart from working too hard during a workout. For athletes, milk could provide a healthier option than drinks like Gatorade or Powerade, which can contain added sugars and artificial dyes. These have been linked to behavioral problems, cancer, diabetes and obesity. Instead, milk contains no added sugar and won't cause a blood sugar spike - risk factors for diabetes. For those who are lactose-intolerant or vegan, non-dairy milks can also have larger water concentrations, though they have fewer nutrients like calcium than regular cows' milk.
