Opinion: Andy Byron's alleged Coldplay concert affair is a lesson in karma and poor choices
So let's break down what we know so far, and the decisions that led to well... this.
Byron, a Providence College graduate, was caught with his arms draped around his company's HR chief Kristin Cabot's chest. Cabot can be seen warmly embracing Byron back as the daring duo sways.
The incident was caught on Kiss Cam momentarily before the pair opted for the tried and tested duck and cover method. While it might have been useful during the Cold War, it proved utterly explosive for the CEO and HR exec.
Based on their response, Coldplay lead singer Chris Martin, as well as the rest of the audience, assumed something was awry.
'Oh look at these two,' remarked Martin, and look we did.
'Either they're having an affair or they're just very shy,' the singer continued, unaware that he had just outed the married Astronomer CEO's alleged affair mid-concert.
The clip was then circulated online, I assume with the caption 'Whose man is this?' and the pair was quickly identified. It was then that the barrage of top-quality memes began to surface and New Zealand awoke to #KissCamControversy.
While it feels like a lesson in instant karma - actions do have consequences, even when you're a multimillionaire white man - itis also a lesson in how not to handle a situation really, really badly.
Kiss Cam has long been a staple of sporting events and concerts, with Coldplay two years into their current tour, and 255 Kiss Cams in.
Concert goers are forewarned about the Kiss Cam, and as we can see from the clip, this handsy duo were not the first to feature at Boston's Gillette Stadium iteration.
In a highly unscientific bit of crime scene investigation, I note that given the location of their seats and the time it takes to get the Kiss Camera in operation, after the Kiss Camera announcement, the pair would have had 30-45 seconds to drop their alleged adulterous embrace and prepare.
If we were to then factor in that we see at least one Kiss Cam moment had already taken place, this gives us at least 10 more seconds during which both parties could have taken a tactical bathroom break to avoid the camera.
Thus drawing me to the conclusion that their getting caught is entirely their fault and their fault only.
But maybe we assume that the vibes in their section were simply too immaculate, they didn't see the camera or hear the announcement, and none of their shady pals dropped them an elbow nudge warning.
The reactions from their pals in the crowd appeared to say it all. Photo / X
If that were the case, they are still left with two options that would have never seen this end up on the internet and a journalist in New Zealand suggesting they are as quick as a glacier.
Option one: The pair could have chosen to continue the embrace, smile, laugh, and people would have assumed they were a couple and the clip never would have made it on to the internet. Sure, maybe one of their partners' pals would have been in the crowd and dobbed them in, but the entire world wouldn't have known about their alleged shortcomings in decency.
Option two: I like to call this one the 'silly dance' option. The second they noticed the camera was on them, they turn the embrace into a 'silly dance', grabbing their pal next to them and doing the silly dance with them too. Then, hey presto, they were just a group of people who like to do silly hug dances and probably clap when planes lands. Bosh.
Both options leave them looking 'silly' at worst, but ultimately not as indiscreet as Byron's glass hiding spot.
To quote the X account ___Colb___ 'Bro got caught cheating and just slowly ducked down. No situational awareness. No resourcefulness. Absolutely no DAWG in him.'
Byron's wife Megan Kerrigan Byron immediately dropped the Byron from her last name on her Facebook page and earned the respect of all women scorned.
Kerrigan, a teacher, will rightfully be furious over her partner's rumoured indiscretions. But she's probably most irate about his stupidity in how he got caught. If you are going to have an apparent affair and cheat on the mother of your children, at least do it well, or at a Jay-Z concert.
The internet has rightfully been rife with backlash directed at the CEO. But forever the feminist, I'd also like to take a moment to raise an equality-filled glass to Cabot.
Because Cabot is apparently married too, to a man named Kenneth C Thornby. So why only meme the rich white man? There's plenty of meme fodder in her LinkedIn posts alone.
Seven months ago, Cabot took to the business networking social platform to share her excitement about joining Astronomer.
'I have been energised in my conversations with Andy Byron and the Astronomer leadership team about the opportunities that exist here, including aiding our employees' career development.
'I prefer to think of my role as people strategy versus traditional human resources, as the real magic happens when you align the people strategy with the business strategy.'
If only Cabot had used an ounce of strategic thinking when having an alleged public affair and then ducking behind her drama-loving bestie after.
So what happens next? Well, the internet is going to do its thing. It'll be days of memes, and Hide the Pain Harold will emerge as the CEO and HR chief release their statements.
Cabot should tap into her 'magic' in people and strategy and suggest that the pair take full accountability for their actions. Add in a whopping donation to Coldplay's environmental and socially-conscious charities to boot, and we will forget who they are in a few news cycles.
Then, ultimately, he or she will be cast on the next season of Dancing with the Stars, where they will tearfully share the story about the day their life was destroyed, leaving out the bit where nobody else was to blame but them.
Jenni Mortimer is the NZ Herald's chief lifestyle and entertainment reporter. Jenni started at the Herald in 2017 and has previously worked as lifestyle, entertainment and travel editor.
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