Woman Says She's Unsure If She Should Assist Her ‘Rude' and ‘Toxic' Neighbor in a Time of Need: ‘Am I Awful Not to Help?'

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10 hours ago

A woman says that she has an 'exceptionally rude' elderly neighbor who is 'petty,' 'toxic' and 'manipulative'
The neighbor makes her feel 'anxious,' and she avoids her 'at all costs'
Now, the neighbor is having medical issues and may need some help around the house — but the woman is unsure if she should lend a handA woman has been asked to help an extremely unpleasant neighbor — and wonders what she should do.
The woman detailed her story in a forum on the U.K.-based community site Mumsnet. In her post, titled, 'Exceptionally rude neighbor needs help,' the woman explained that she lives below an 'elderly woman' who has 'no family' and 'no friends.'
'When I first met her, I thought she was so lovely but demanding, and [we would] talk for hours. I helped her carry her bags up a few times, etc.' the woman said.
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However, the original poster [OP] went on to explain that she and the neighbor had a 'disagreement about a year in,' at which point their dynamic shifted dramatically.
'She entirely switched from sweet, lonely old lady to nightmare,' the OP said, adding, 'She has been so rude, petty, gossipy [and] made racist remarks' and has 'tried to turn the whole building against me.'
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'I [once] walked past her on the stairs as she was hobbling up, and she called me an 'awful b----' for not helping with her bags, so I took her bag, ran it upstairs, then went inside my apartment,' the OP continued.
The OP went on to say that she now avoids the neighbor 'at all costs,' adding that being involved with such a 'toxic, manipulative person' has caused her 'so much anxiety.'
However, the woman said that the neighbor has recently fallen ill and is currently in the hospital. She said their mailman has stepped up to bring the neighbor some things from home and help with small tasks around the neighbor's apartment — and he asked the OP if she could assist.
The OP said that she refused, explaining to the mailman that the neighbor 'doesn't like' her.
'But I know at some point she will ask me for a favor, as she has no one else,' the OP said, adding, 'I feel I need to rehearse a response — and on the surface I look so awful.'
'Am I awful not to help? What can I say?' she asked at the end of her post.
Opinions were divided over how the OP should handle the situation. Some commenters said that they did not think the woman should feel obligated to help a person who has shown her open hostility.
'She's made her bed and now she has to lie in it. I think you just need to say, 'You've been so rude and nasty to me that I'm not prepared to help or be involved with you in any way. You'll have to find someone else,' ' one person said.
Another person suggested that the OP simply say, 'We both know you don't like me, so I think it's best if you ask someone else.'
However, several other commenters said that they thought the OP may want to consider taking the high road in this particular situation..
'I think I'd like to be the 'better person' and help her out,' one person said, adding, 'It must be really lonely without family and friends. Show her what a decent person is like.'
'It is your choice, and I know she's been awful, but I would probably help with heavy shopping and putting the bins out on a time-limited basis, if you feel at all able to. I completely understand and wouldn't blame you if you can't or won't, though. Hopefully she will be well enough to do it herself soon!' someone else added.
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