‘I couldn't cope with her holding her fork like a toddler'. What's your ‘ick'?

Telegraph

27-02-2025

It starts with promise – a great date, engaging conversation, a shared laugh. Then, in an instant, something shifts. He claps when the aircraft lands. He calls his mum 'Mummy'. He eats a Kit Kat without breaking the fingers apart. Suddenly, the attraction vanishes. This is the ick, and for women, it's apparently far more common than it is for men.
Having been mentioned on programmes such as Ally McBeal and Sex and the City and popularised by Love Island contestants in 2017, the term describes a sudden wave of revulsion towards a romantic interest, often sparked by something trivial. Now, new research from Azusa Pacific University in California suggests that this gut reaction isn't just about picky dating habits – it's an evolutionary tool.
The study, published in Personality and Individual Differences, found 75 per cent of female participants reporting instances of it compared with 57 per cent of men. Researchers argue that this is because women are biologically wired to assess potential mates for long-term compatibility more critically. The ick, they suggest, is a 'rapid rejection mechanism' – a way of instinctively weeding out unsuitable partners before things get serious.
And what are the biggest ick triggers? Some are predictable: poor hygiene, misogynistic comments, awkward social behaviour. But others are surprisingly specific: licking a finger before turning a page, using a baby voice, running after a ping-pong ball, ordering the soup of the day, a personalised number plate. One woman recalled ending things after spotting a man's 'bum cleavage' when he bent over.
For men, on the other hand, icks tend to focus more on physical appearance: too much make-up, bad fake tan, or certain fashion choices.
But is the ick always justified? Psychologists say it's a mix of instinct, personal preference and societal conditioning. Some people grow out of it, while for others, once it strikes, there's no turning back.
So, if you find yourself recoiling at your date's choice of ringtone or excessive emoji use, science says it's not just you being picky – it may be evolution doing its job.
Here, people confess the exact moment they knew their relationship was doomed:
The roll-neck deal breaker – Sarah, 33, journalist
'Met him at a press do – handsome, kind, intelligent, older and more grown up than I usually went for. He asked me out on a date, then he turned up in a roll-neck sweater. I can't explain it, but I immediately felt like I was dating an off-duty magician. I was out.'
Baby talk gone wrong – Emma, 29, lawyer
'Third date, he puts on a baby voice and says, 'Do you weally, weally want it?' when the waiter asked if we wanted dessert. It was creepy mixed with a side of psychopath. I was so horrified I just blurted out, 'Actually, no, I don't,' and practically ran out of the restaurant.'
The popcorn chewer – Becky, 31, marketing manager
' We went to the cinema, and he chewed popcorn one kernel at a time. Who does that? Ick!'
Sockless and hopeless – Jessica, 28, personal trainer
' We'd been locking eyes at the gym for weeks and he finally asked me out and I looked down to see he wasn't wearing socks with his trainers. My mind went straight to filthy toenails and slimy, sweaty feet. I made my excuses. Instant ick.'
The money mansplainer – Helen, 45, accountant
'We met on a dating app. He looked handsome in a 'Pierce Brosnan at a vineyard' kind of way. Then, over dinner, he leant in, twinkled condescendingly, and began explaining how I should get a Lifetime ISA and how, if I saved really hard, I too could one day afford a house like his. I own two houses and a holiday home in France. I let him finish his TED Talk on compound interest, smiled sweetly, and when the bill came, I paid in full – just so I could watch his face as I strolled out, never to return.'
The 'Babe' overload – Ryan, 33, journalist
'She called me 'Babe' 47 times in one dinner. Yes I counted – and then left.'
The beige chinos incident – Hannah, 27, artist
'He wore beige chinos on our first dinner date. That's it. That was the ick. Not even a rogue coffee stain or a playful cuff roll to save him – just crisp, unyielding beige. The kind that says, 'I have a favourite screwdriver,' and, 'Shall we pop to Homebase this weekend?' I saw my future flash before my eyes: Sunday afternoons discussing grout. I left before the mains arrived.'
The Porsche key ring guy – Alice, 42, PR consultant
'He had a Porsche key ring even though he drove a Golf. Ick!'
The drunk 'woo' girl – Ben, 51, doctor
'She 'wooed' at a waiter carrying a tray of cocktails, then again when a song she liked came on. The final straw? She 'wooed' at a street lamp because 'it looked lonely'.'
The filthy bathroom – Rachel, 30, events planner
' After a few romantic dates, he invited me over to his place for dinner. He'd cooked an incredible meal, everything seemed perfect – until I used his downstairs loo. It hadn't been cleaned and there were, er, marks. I made my excuses and left. Some things you can't unsee.'
The 'Careless Whisper' ringtone – Jess, 30, teacher
'He seemed completely normal, nice guy… and then his phone rang. Careless Whisper. Maybe it was ironic? Nope. He let it ring, closed his eyes, and whispered, 'Such a great song.' The ick hit me at the sax solo.'
The cutlery clash – Chris, 27, lawyer
'She held her fork in a fist like a toddler and stabbed her food. I couldn't concentrate on the conversation.'
The lip-reader – Tom, 33, IT consultant
'Her lips moved when she read her book. One night, I caught myself staring at her slow-moving lips and knew it was done.'
The mummy's boy – Jane, 45, chiropodist
'He told me his mother still did his cleaning and ironing – every week. He was 46.'