Latest news with #AzusaPacificUniversity
CNA
05-07-2025
- Entertainment
- CNA
Understanding 'the ick' in dating – can sudden turn-offs ruin a relationship?
He was charming. He spoke several languages. Things were going well until Ann Parker, a retired public relations consultant, noticed something strange about her date's driving style. 'Every now and then, he'd release the steering wheel and quickly lick his hands,' she said. The relationship did not last much longer. Parker was experiencing the immediate turnoff known to daters as 'the ick,' a sudden pang of aversion, usually prompted by someone's behavior, appearance or personality trait. Although the term isn't new – by some estimates, it was first used in the 1990s on the series Ally McBeal – 'the ick' often crops up in popular culture and gets frequent mention online. #Theick racked up nearly 225,000 TikTok posts in the past year, according to a representative for the company. The term even prompted psychology researchers from Azusa Pacific University to do a study, published in May, which found that over a quarter of surveyed singles who had experienced 'the ick' found it worrisome enough that they reported ending the relationship immediately. 'The Ick' may have a catchy name, but it captures something significant about the uncertainty of dating: The sneaking realisation that a person might not be right for you. It can be tricky to figure out how much weight to give an 'ick,' said Brian Collisson, a professor of psychology at Azusa Pacific University who coauthored the study. 'You could reject a really great person over a superficial trait, or you could be tapping into something that could be a problem later on,' he said. The New York Times asked readers to share instances where they've experienced 'the ick' and received nearly 500 wide-ranging responses. Leigh Mulready of Sunnyvale, California, was grossed out when a guy she was newly dating phoned her from the toilet. Kathleen McCue of Bethesda, Maryland, was turned off by the unprompted karate moves her date started doing after dinner. And Juan Pablo of Mexico City was repelled when he learned that someone he was interested in bought fake books to decorate her home: 'They were basically empty cardboard boxes with the cover printed on them,' he explained. But romantic attraction is subjective, said Isabelle Morley, a clinical psychologist and author of They're Not Gaslighting You, and what may turn off one person is appealing to another. 'Some people think it's disgusting to burp in public,' Dr Morley explained. 'Some people think that's hilarious.' THAT UNEASY FEELING Researchers don't really know what's happening in our brains when we get the 'ick.' But when we're turned off by something, it isn't an automatic sign that 'there's something wrong with us, or wrong with the other person,' said Kesia Constantine, an adjunct clinical supervisor in applied psychology at New York University. Not everyone is put off by someone awkwardly chasing an errant ping pong ball (an example from Dr Collisson's study) or 'playing nonstop Jimmy Buffett' (a reader's 'ick'). So, if you find yourself repulsed by some innocuous quirk, Dr Morley said, 'the ick' can be an invitation to get curious about your reaction. Martin Blagdurn of Douglas, Michigan, wrote that 'unkempt nose hair' turns him off. (Luxuriant ear hair was also mentioned by several readers). But nose hair can be trimmed, Dr Morley said. She encourages people to ask themselves why, specifically, they're bothered, and to reflect on their dating history. Do you have a tendency to bolt after the first sign of uneasiness? Does this 'ick' signal incompatibility, or is it just annoying? 'That will start to rule out whether you're getting in your own way or being too hard on people,' she said. If the person's appealing qualities outweigh the 'ick,' DrMorley added, consider talking to the person about your reaction. 'Because that's a lot of what relationships require – communication and flexibility and adjustments,' she said. When, for instance, a date pulls out a guitar and offers an unwanted serenade – which several readers mentioned as an 'ick' – 'it's okay to say, 'That was so sweet, but it makes me embarrassed to have someone sing to me,'' Dr Morley said. Dr Collisson suggested discussing concerns with your potential partner instead of your friends – as awkward as that conversation may be. Through his research he has learned that 'the vast majority of people are talking about their 'icks' to everybody except for the person eliciting the ick.' WHEN "ICKS" BECOME DEAL BREAKERS Things like road rage and being rude to a waiter were mentioned by several readers. And 'icks' like these 'could be a little snapshot of how this person handles potentially stressful situations,' Dr Collisson said. In those cases 'you can 100 per cent just trust your ick,' Dr Constantine said. 'Our instincts are powerful, and in those moments, the most powerful message is 'This does not feel right or good for me.'' Other situations, however, might not be as clear. Susannah Harris of Richmond, Virginia, said that she once dated someone who 'for some reason, really smelled like pleather – specifically, 90s pleather.' It's not a red flag, but some subjects are hard to broach, Dr Constantine said. And, if you don't feel comfortable (or simply don't care enough) to work through what you're feeling, it's okay to let the relationship go, she said. 'It feels insulting to say, 'I don't like the way you smell,'' she said. If he worked in a pleather factory, she added, you could suggest showering before dates. But if the smell is actually part of his natural scent, she said, 'then it might be the very primitive way of our system saying that this is not a match.' GETTING OVER IT Jennifer M of Syracuse, New York, who asked that we only use her last initial, was shocked when an otherwise-promising date kept wiping his tongue on his napkin while eating, she said. 'Yuck,' she remembers thinking. 'I really don't want to see that.' While it's helpful to know what you like or dislike, a relationship is more than the sum of its parts, said Samantha Joel, an associate professor of psychology at Western University, who studies how people make decisions in romantic relationships. You don't have to work through an 'ick,' but if you want to, she recommends putting the 'ick' in context, and reflecting on how you feel when you're with this person: Assessing whether you feel good about yourself or whether they're easy to talk to. And if a minor habit gives you the 'ick' in an otherwise healthy relationship, Dr Constantine added, consider whether you can build a tolerance for it. If a person you're into puts ketchup on their eggs, you can avert your eyes, she suggested. Because who among us, she asks, hasn't made someone else cringe? And even though some people in Dr Collisson's study of 'icks' bailed quickly, 32 per cent continued dating, he said. Jennifer M, who was alarmed when the man she was dating wiped his tongue on his napkin, said he still has the habit. She would know: They've been married for 35 years.
New York Times
23-06-2025
- Entertainment
- New York Times
You've Got ‘The Ick.' Is Your Relationship Doomed?
He was charming. He spoke several languages. Things were going well until Ann Parker, a retired public relations consultant, noticed something strange about her date's driving style. 'Every now and then, he'd release the steering wheel and quickly lick his hands,' she said. The relationship did not last much longer. Ms. Parker was experiencing the immediate turnoff known to daters as 'the ick,' a sudden pang of aversion, usually prompted by someone's behavior, appearance or personality trait. Although the term isn't new — by some estimates, it was first used in the 1990s on the series 'Ally McBeal' — 'the ick' often crops up in popular culture and gets frequent mention online. #Theick racked up nearly 225,000 TikTok posts in the past year, according to a representative for the company. The term even prompted psychology researchers from Azusa Pacific University to do a study, published in May, which found that over a quarter of surveyed singles who had experienced 'the ick' found it worrisome enough that they reported ending the relationship immediately. 'The Ick' may have a catchy name, but it captures something significant about the uncertainty of dating: the sneaking realization that a person might not be right for you. Want all of The Times? Subscribe.
Fast Company
04-06-2025
- Health
- Fast Company
Why you're catching the ‘ick' so easily, according to science
If you are frequently getting the ick from potential romantic partners, it might not be them. The problem might be you. A new study has found that if you possess certain personality traits, you might be more susceptible to the dreaded ick than others. Researchers Brian Collisson, Eliana Saunders, and Chloe Yin from Azusa Pacific University in Southern California found that those who are prone to disgust, hold others to high standards, or score higher in narcissism are most at risk. Even if you're unsure what we're talking about, you've likely experienced it. A now ubiquitous term in dating, the ick is used to describe the feeling of disgust that arises toward a love interest. They stumble on the side of the curb? Ick. There are remnants of red sauce around their mouth? Instant ick. Although the concept itself is not new (the ick was first coined in the 1990s TV show Ally McBeal), the term has more recently found a new lease on life online, with more than 120 million related posts on TikTok. 'Personally, I became interested in learning more about the ick when I heard that a friend of mine kept a running list on her phone notes app of every ick she'd ever experienced from a guy (it was several pages long),' Saunders, a graduate student at Azusa Pacific and the study's lead author, told Psypost. For the study, researchers asked 74 men and 51 women, ranging in age from 24 to 72, if they knew what getting the ick meant and whether they had ever experienced it. The study then measured the likelihood of participants experiencing the ick in response to specific behaviors. Participants also completed personality tests and answered questions about their dating lives. The findings are clear: Certain personality traits make participants more vulnerable to the ick. These include higher disgust sensitivity, which increases the intensity of reactions to triggers rather than the frequency of the ick occurring. Narcissism is also linked to the likelihood, though not the frequency, of experiencing the ick. Those who tend to place high expectations on others are triggered by a wider range of behaviors. Women are more likely than men to recognize the ick, though both men and women experience a similar average number of ick moments. For women, misogynistic behavior or annoying speech are immediate turnoffs. For men, it's vanity or 'overly trendy' behavior. While the ick often acts as a bucket of ice-cold water on a blossoming romance (about a quarter of participants reported ending a relationship immediately upon experiencing the ick), Saunders said people should look inward before making any hasty decisions. 'Before dumping a partner because their feet dangle when they sit in a chair, we should think critically about why we're feeling 'icked' out,' Saunders told Psypost
Telegraph
28-02-2025
- General
- Telegraph
‘His love letter was riddled with spelling mistakes': Your biggest ‘icks'
My friends and I have been compiling 'ick' lists for years. High up on mine: ordering vanilla ice cream or tomato pasta, having a green driver's licence, black bedsheets and – perhaps the ultimate deal-breaker – holding your nose when you jump in the pool. For Telegraph readers, their lists include Sir Keir Starmer, bad table manners and incorrect use of language. Reader Vicki Lester puts it bluntly: 'If I wrote up all the first dates where something totally horrified me and I bolted, it would be as big as the Encyclopaedia Britannica.' As Suzy Walker described on Thursday, the term 'ick' has been around for decades – first cropping up in Ally McBeal and Sex and the City, before Love Island contestants popularised it in 2017. It describes that sudden, unshakeable wave of revulsion towards a romantic interest, often triggered by something seemingly trivial. Now, science has caught up. New research from Azusa Pacific University in California suggests that having an ick isn't just about picky dating habits; it's an evolutionary tool. The study describes it as a 'rapid rejection mechanism' – our brain's way of instinctively weeding out unsuitable partners before things get serious. However, for Telegraph readers, none of this is new – they have been experiencing icks since at least the 1980s. From fashion faux pas to unforgivable dining habits, here are some of the exact moments you knew you could never see someone again. 'A love letter riddled with spelling mistakes' For many Telegraph readers, linguistic slip-ups aren't just minor annoyances – they send them running for the hills. Yvonne Twiss sets the tone: 'Urgh, bad grammar. If a man doesn't know the difference between 'they're', 'their' and 'there', it's an instant swipe left [rejection].' Aunty Vee has a full list of linguistic pet peeves: 'Anyone who says 'me and…', people who punctuate everything with 'like', those who answer a question by starting with 'So…', and anyone who calls people 'bro, bruh, dude'. All absolutely out of the question.' P Sutherland shares a family anecdote: 'My late mother once ditched a boyfriend after he sent her a love letter riddled with spelling mistakes. This was nearly 80 years ago.' Euphemisms are an absolute no-no for one anonymous reader: 'Using 'passed' instead of 'died'. Sorry, but it's 'died' or 'passed away' – nothing in between.' But for Ralph Davidson, it's inauthentic accents: 'Middle-class people who drop their Ts to sound 'street'.' Reader Michael Gates recalls hearing an unforgettable ick while at the pub: 'A friend of a friend met a chap at a disco while on holiday and took him back to her hotel. He couldn't find the 'Do not disturb' sign, so he wrote one himself: ' Do not disterb '. She promptly threw him out.' Emma Dixon can't stand vocal quirks: 'Anyone who speaks in ' upspeak ', where every sentence sounds like a question, makes me want to rip off my ears. I'm not an imbecile – I can understand you without the unnecessary inflection.' Meanwhile, Mr P has had enough of email small talk: ''I hope this email finds you well.' Well, as long as they've typed my address correctly, it won't have gone astray… or do they mean I need to be in good health to read the rest of it? Frankly, I feel I should charge an extra on my hourly rate for reading such nonsense.' 'I asked him if his parents hadn't taught him how to eat' For some, poor table manners – particularly a lack of cutlery training or eating with one's mouth open – are bigger red flags than a criminal record. Tracy Campbell doesn't mince her words: 'My personal off switch kicks in when people can't use a knife and fork properly. Cutting up food and then eating with a fork only? Appalling.' Robert Lee is equally unimpressed: 'Why do people think it's acceptable to hold a cutlery knife like a pencil?' Moirelyn Turner still shudders at the memory of one particularly chaotic diner: 'A boyfriend once shovelled food into his mouth with such force, I half expected it to come out the back of his head. 'To make matters worse, he spun his fork in a full circle before doing so – like some kind of cutlery gymnastics. He seemed amazed when I asked him if his parents hadn't taught him how to eat.' Reader Chris Bowen Jones had an equally horrifying experience recently: 'When a woman came to lunch the other day, she stabbed her meat with her fork and cut it with her knife, put the greasy knife down on the table, transferred her fork to her right hand and put the contents into her mouth. 'This was repeated continuously until her plate was empty. I didn't say a word, but if looks could kill, she won't be setting foot in my house again.' For Simon Horton, a lack of dining sophistication is unforgivable: 'Not knowing the difference between a demitasse spoon and a teaspoon.' However, for Sarah Kramer the ultimate sin is: 'When you cook someone a meal and they start eating before you've even sat down.' Few things kill the mood faster than a fussy eater – something Stuart Drummond learnt the hard way on a disastrous pub date: 'She decided there was absolutely nothing on the menu she could eat because it wouldn't be cooked exactly how her mother made it. I can't remember if she went entirely without or forced herself to eat a bag of crisps. 'Needless to say, I had a full steak-and-chips dinner. I never saw or spoke to her again after I dropped her home. Presumably, her mother has died now, and she's starved to death.' 'She walked with duck feet' However, for some readers, an ick isn't about a single habit or trait; it's simply who that person is. Robert Ireland has had it with oversized coffee cups: 'When she cradles her favourite mug in both hands, buries her face in it, and acts like a cute five-year-old warming up after a snowstorm. Grow up. Hold the handle with one hand and drink like an adult.' Lester Burnham's deal-breaker was all in the walk: 'Started chatting to a beautiful girl at a bar and all was going well until she went to the loo and I saw she walked with duck feet. Taxi for Lester.' Jo Walton has learnt to look away after nearly three decades of marriage: 'My husband does something that gives me the ick, but he's only started doing it relatively recently. After nearly 30 years, I just turn away when he uses his middle finger to type on his phone.' For Dee Bee, tattoos are an immediate turn-off: 'For things to even get as far as a first date, she'd have to pass the tattoo test. In other words – none. I can't understand why some women who are blessed with breathtaking natural beauty would want to vandalise themselves so. 'Obviously, this is purely a personal opinion, but permanent graffiti – even a teeny tiny one – on smooth and flawless skin would have me going straight for the eject handle.' Tom Morgan's sister had no appetite for her date's fashion faux pas: 'My sister lives in Virginia and was once taken on a date to a restaurant for New Year's Eve where every man, without exception, sported a baseball cap at the table. She felt unwell and left.' Tannith Rayment has an ever-growing list of icks: 'People who can only drive automatic – it just stinks of low goals and lack of faith in their own intelligence. Anyone not wearing socks with shoes, unless they are sandals. 'An ex failed to do this, and his trainers stank so badly we had to leave them in the porch. I can't contain the horror. Men with long, yellowed nails give me serial killer vibes. And anyone taking a 'comfort break' – it's such an irritating affectation.' For Emma Weisblatt's mother, one small moment was enough to end a relationship: 'I remember my mum telling me about the boyfriend she had before she met my dad. She had intended to marry him, but one evening he bent over to pick up something she had dropped, and something about his body posture instantly revolted her. And that was that.' Jo Random couldn't overlook one major hygiene issue: 'It was goodbye from me when the man I was dating left his sweaty running top out to dry (without washing it) so he could wear it the next day.' For Pip Macaulay, a long-time crush turned into instant regret: 'It was the mid-1980s. I'd had the hots for this young man all through sixth form, admiring him from a distance and blushing furiously every time he caught my eye. Finally, he asked me out on a date and arrived at my home in his cousin's green Ford Capri – wearing a stupid pork-pie hat. Ick.'
Telegraph
27-02-2025
- Entertainment
- Telegraph
‘I couldn't cope with her holding her fork like a toddler'. What's your ‘ick'?
It starts with promise – a great date, engaging conversation, a shared laugh. Then, in an instant, something shifts. He claps when the aircraft lands. He calls his mum 'Mummy'. He eats a Kit Kat without breaking the fingers apart. Suddenly, the attraction vanishes. This is the ick, and for women, it's apparently far more common than it is for men. Having been mentioned on programmes such as Ally McBeal and Sex and the City and popularised by Love Island contestants in 2017, the term describes a sudden wave of revulsion towards a romantic interest, often sparked by something trivial. Now, new research from Azusa Pacific University in California suggests that this gut reaction isn't just about picky dating habits – it's an evolutionary tool. The study, published in Personality and Individual Differences, found 75 per cent of female participants reporting instances of it compared with 57 per cent of men. Researchers argue that this is because women are biologically wired to assess potential mates for long-term compatibility more critically. The ick, they suggest, is a 'rapid rejection mechanism' – a way of instinctively weeding out unsuitable partners before things get serious. And what are the biggest ick triggers? Some are predictable: poor hygiene, misogynistic comments, awkward social behaviour. But others are surprisingly specific: licking a finger before turning a page, using a baby voice, running after a ping-pong ball, ordering the soup of the day, a personalised number plate. One woman recalled ending things after spotting a man's 'bum cleavage' when he bent over. For men, on the other hand, icks tend to focus more on physical appearance: too much make-up, bad fake tan, or certain fashion choices. But is the ick always justified? Psychologists say it's a mix of instinct, personal preference and societal conditioning. Some people grow out of it, while for others, once it strikes, there's no turning back. So, if you find yourself recoiling at your date's choice of ringtone or excessive emoji use, science says it's not just you being picky – it may be evolution doing its job. Here, people confess the exact moment they knew their relationship was doomed: The roll-neck deal breaker – Sarah, 33, journalist 'Met him at a press do – handsome, kind, intelligent, older and more grown up than I usually went for. He asked me out on a date, then he turned up in a roll-neck sweater. I can't explain it, but I immediately felt like I was dating an off-duty magician. I was out.' Baby talk gone wrong – Emma, 29, lawyer 'Third date, he puts on a baby voice and says, 'Do you weally, weally want it?' when the waiter asked if we wanted dessert. It was creepy mixed with a side of psychopath. I was so horrified I just blurted out, 'Actually, no, I don't,' and practically ran out of the restaurant.' The popcorn chewer – Becky, 31, marketing manager ' We went to the cinema, and he chewed popcorn one kernel at a time. Who does that? Ick!' Sockless and hopeless – Jessica, 28, personal trainer ' We'd been locking eyes at the gym for weeks and he finally asked me out and I looked down to see he wasn't wearing socks with his trainers. My mind went straight to filthy toenails and slimy, sweaty feet. I made my excuses. Instant ick.' The money mansplainer – Helen, 45, accountant 'We met on a dating app. He looked handsome in a 'Pierce Brosnan at a vineyard' kind of way. Then, over dinner, he leant in, twinkled condescendingly, and began explaining how I should get a Lifetime ISA and how, if I saved really hard, I too could one day afford a house like his. I own two houses and a holiday home in France. I let him finish his TED Talk on compound interest, smiled sweetly, and when the bill came, I paid in full – just so I could watch his face as I strolled out, never to return.' The 'Babe' overload – Ryan, 33, journalist 'She called me 'Babe' 47 times in one dinner. Yes I counted – and then left.' The beige chinos incident – Hannah, 27, artist 'He wore beige chinos on our first dinner date. That's it. That was the ick. Not even a rogue coffee stain or a playful cuff roll to save him – just crisp, unyielding beige. The kind that says, 'I have a favourite screwdriver,' and, 'Shall we pop to Homebase this weekend?' I saw my future flash before my eyes: Sunday afternoons discussing grout. I left before the mains arrived.' The Porsche key ring guy – Alice, 42, PR consultant 'He had a Porsche key ring even though he drove a Golf. Ick!' The drunk 'woo' girl – Ben, 51, doctor 'She 'wooed' at a waiter carrying a tray of cocktails, then again when a song she liked came on. The final straw? She 'wooed' at a street lamp because 'it looked lonely'.' The filthy bathroom – Rachel, 30, events planner ' After a few romantic dates, he invited me over to his place for dinner. He'd cooked an incredible meal, everything seemed perfect – until I used his downstairs loo. It hadn't been cleaned and there were, er, marks. I made my excuses and left. Some things you can't unsee.' The 'Careless Whisper' ringtone – Jess, 30, teacher 'He seemed completely normal, nice guy… and then his phone rang. Careless Whisper. Maybe it was ironic? Nope. He let it ring, closed his eyes, and whispered, 'Such a great song.' The ick hit me at the sax solo.' The cutlery clash – Chris, 27, lawyer 'She held her fork in a fist like a toddler and stabbed her food. I couldn't concentrate on the conversation.' The lip-reader – Tom, 33, IT consultant 'Her lips moved when she read her book. One night, I caught myself staring at her slow-moving lips and knew it was done.' The mummy's boy – Jane, 45, chiropodist 'He told me his mother still did his cleaning and ironing – every week. He was 46.'
