Richard Osman and Ingrid Oliver: ‘I had an inkling we'd get together'
I'd spent years in therapy dealing with food addiction, feeling too tall, feeling like I couldn't see anything and feeling shame that in Brian Wilson's words, 'I wasn't made for these times.' I got to a point where I was happy in myself and my work but my therapist said, 'You won't finish your journey until you're in a relationship.' He was right. I've always wanted to be part of a team.
I was aware of Ingrid from social media and thought she was very funny, but beyond a single tweet we'd never communicated. I asked our mutual friend, the comedian Lou Sanders, to check if Ingrid was available. She wasn't. Twelve months later, in 2021, Ingrid was a guest on my quiz show House of Games. This time Lou told me Ingrid was available, so I spent a long day in front of the cameras desperately trying not to flirt. I made eye contact less with her than any other guest ever.
Unlike most couples, though, I do have a record of the first thing I ever said to my soulmate: 'I'm looking for two rhyming answers. A musical instrument filled with rice played by shaking, and the capital of Venezuela.'
Ingrid buzzed in. 'Maracas and Caracas.' I was instantly smitten. She was beautiful, funny and clever. I got her phone number that night and we've been in each other's pockets ever since. I was writing my third novel then, The Bullet That Missed, and I dedicated it to Ingrid with the words 'I was waiting for you'.
My dad walked out when I was nine, and Ingrid has a complex family history. I felt as though we'd both been through the mire and earned the right to be happy. We're both very sensitive people who grew up without a sense of emotional stability, which is why we're perfect for each other. People talk about compatibility and chemistry but it's also important to need the same thing and understand each other's foibles. You like someone because of their strengths but you fall in love with them because of their weaknesses, and if you can help with each other's, you've got it made.
Ingrid moved in with me a few months after we met and we got married the following year. It was the best day of my life. I knew that the bride walking down the aisle is traditionally the big moment but I thought, that's wasting a bit of bang for your buck, so I walked in first with my children to Lose Yourself by Eminem: 'You only get one shot; do not miss your chance to blow.' Ingrid followed to the Beatles' Long and Winding Road and everyone was in floods of tears. (Ingrid and I are regularly in tears ourselves, whether it's over West Side Story, Top Gun: Maverick or Interior Design Masters.)
• Richard Osman: 'I'm genuinely, proudly middlebrow'
It's been joyous to see how our families have blended. Ingrid had some really bad examples of what step-parents can be and has been wary. My daughter and her boyfriend joined us in Italy recently with Ingrid's brother and they all get along really well, and now I've got incredible nieces and nephews too.
My supercool brother, Mat, is the bass guitarist from Suede and the real talent of the family; they had all those No 1s in the Nineties. The Thursday Murder Club is the first thing I've created that has topped the charts, and I'm really proud of that.
Ingrid has totally nailed the character of Joanna in the film of the book. I'm in awe of her acting ability. And her quizzing skills, her writing prowess and her ability to speak other languages. I've lived most of my life on the back foot but because of Ingrid I no longer have to.
My parents got married eight times in total between them — including once to each other — so like Richard I experienced a lot of uncertainty growing up.
I'd seen marriages not working, so I never wanted to make that commitment unless I knew for sure. When Richard first asked Lou if I was single, I was. I was aware of him from Twitter and the telly, and I thought he was a lovely, kind, clever man, but I'd decided to try IVF and thought, I can't do this if I'm dating.
But even then — and I don't want to sound stalkerish — I had an inkling we'd get together later. I tried IVF three times (it was brutal) before accepting defeat. When Richard got back in touch, I'd made my peace with that process and was ready to move on.
I love House of Games, so I was excited to appear on the show. We knew we liked each other by that point so it was sort of, 'Oh my God, this is actually happening.' I remember feeling slightly sick and trying not to flirt; no one wants to see that. I was trying to impress him with my quizzing, and because he's such a pro I couldn't tell if he was making eyes at me or not, but we swapped numbers after the show. I just knew immediately. We were both beyond game-playing, and simply started a conversation that has never stopped.
Our wedding was amazing. His son did a quiz, and what's happened with our families since has been wonderful. Before we met, I'd discussed not being able to have children with my therapist; they said, 'Families can come in many forms.' Now I feel so lucky. There are moments when our families are together I could weep.
I love Richard's height, his humour and that we can talk about anything. He's incredibly relaxed, whereas I'm a catastrophiser and still think, this won't last — maybe he'll get hit by a car or I'll get cancer. I'm trying to manage it and he's helping me with it, bless him.
• Richard Osman and his pop star brother: Mum is finally proud
Working on The Thursday Murder Club film was surreal. He had no idea I'd been cast — there was certainly no phone call to get me the part. It's been such fun and when I got home after filming with Chris Columbus, who wrote the screenplay for one of my favourite movies of all time, The Goonies, I just cried.
I came up with the title The Bullet That Missed but otherwise Richard gets on with his writing. Often he wakes up at 5am with ideas whirring round his head.
I wake up thinking, he's still here. Not that I'm worried he'll leave, I'm just genuinely excited to see him every morning — I know that's so lame.
I've always been very independent and happy to eat out or holiday alone, but my life is 100 per cent more fulfilling now with Richard. I've no idea what the future holds. We're always looking at Rightmove — maybe we'll move to Italy in the middle of nowhere. It doesn't matter what happens as long as we're together.The Thursday Murder Club is out on August 22. Oliver is a judge of the Comedy Women in Print prize (comedywomeninprint.co.uk)
Richard on IngridHer go-to karaoke song, Rock Me Amadeus, in full German, is an absolute barnstormer
Ingrid on RichardBecause of his eye condition, nystagmus, I drive. I use the satnav but he'll spend the whole journey checking the route on his phone
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