5 guilt-free moves: what therapists say you should never apologise for

IOL News

04-07-2025

Mental health experts say it's time to stop apologising for normal, necessary behaviours that help protect our peace and mental well-being.
In today's hyper-paced , people-pleasing world, it can feel like we owe everyone an explanation for just … being human.
Ever caught yourself saying 'sorry' for needing a break, changing your mind, or simply not wanting to do something? If yes, you're not alone.
Let's get one thing straight: setting boundaries, needing alone time, outgrowing relationships, or expressing emotions aren't personality flaws. They're signs of emotional intelligence and self-awareness.
But mental health experts say it's time to stop apologising for normal, necessary behaviours that help protect our peace and mental wellbeing.
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Your boundaries, your solitude, your feelings, and your choices belong to you.
Here are five things you never need to apologise for and why embracing them could be the best act of self-care you'll ever commit to.
1. Saying 'no' is self-respect, not selfishness
You're allowed to say no. Full stop. No excuse. No apology is needed. Whether it's turning down a social invite, passing on a favour, or choosing not to explain your decision, 'no' is a full sentence.
For many of us, especially women, there's pressure to soften our refusal: 'I'm so sorry, I'm swamped right now, but maybe next time?'
Sound familiar?
In a post from vegoutmagazine, psychotherapist Nedra Glover Tawwab, bestselling author of "Set Boundaries, Find Peace", puts it simply: 'Healthy boundaries are not mean. They're a form of self-respect.'
And yet, many of us abandon our boundaries to avoid discomfort or guilt. But the more you overextend yourself to make others comfortable, the more you lose yourself. Start honouring your personal boundaries, time and energy, you're allowed to choose peace over pleasing.
2. Outgrowing relationships doesn't make you a bad person
Ever stayed in a friendship that felt more draining than joyful? We've all done it, out of habit, loyalty, or guilt. But here's the hard truth: not all relationships are meant to last forever.
As we grow, our values, interests and emotional needs evolve. Sometimes, people who once fit perfectly into our lives no longer do. And that's okay. Licensed therapist Vienna Pharaon, author of The Origins of You, says it best: 'You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.'
Holding on out of obligation can hold both people back. Outgrowing someone doesn't mean you don't care. It means you're choosing alignment over attachment, and that's a powerful form of growth.
3. Needing time alone is a human need, not a quirk
In our hyperconnected world, choosing solitude often gets misunderstood. People assume you're upset, distant, or antisocial. But taking time alone is a vital part of mental wellness, especially for introverts.
You don't need to apologise for saying, 'I need a night to myself' or 'I just want to be alone today.' This isn't a flaw; it's a coping tool.
A study published in "Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin" found that intentional solitude can lead to greater emotional clarity and reduced stress. So go ahead: take that walk by yourself, cancel the plans, or spend the weekend offline. Your nervous system will thank you.
4. Changing your mind means you're listening to yourself
We've all been there, committed to something, only to feel later that it doesn't sit right. Maybe you RSVP'd yes to a party, signed up for a course, or agreed to a project… and now, it's a no.
Changing your mind isn't flaky. It's a sign that you're in tune with your needs and limits. We evolve daily, and our choices should reflect that. Flexibility isn't a weakness; it's growth.
As you learn more about yourself, it makes sense that your
5. Expressing your emotions
Crying at your desk. Admitting you're anxious. Tell a friend you're hurt; these are human, not weak. We've been taught to hide tears or stuff down worries, but emotional expression is a vital form of self-care.
Emotional clarity, being able to name and understand your feelings, is linked with better coping and higher life satisfaction according to the National Library of Medicine.
Next time you feel the urge to apologise for your tears, remind yourself that sharing authentically builds connection and resilience.
Making self-care stick
These five behaviours aren't indulgences, they're cornerstones of mental wellness. To weave them into your life:
Practice one 'no' once a day. Start small: decline an email you don't need to answer.
Audit your circle.
Ask yourself: 'Who energises me? Who drains me?'
Schedule solitude. Block 15 minutes daily for uninterrupted reflection. Journal emotions. Name what you feel: anger, joy, sadness, to boost clarity.
Check in halfway. If something no longer serves you, permit yourself to change course.
By dropping the apologies, you're not becoming selfish; you're embracing self-care. Your boundaries, alone time, feelings, and choices are yours to own. And when you do, you'll find more energy, authenticity, and joy in every moment.